Chapter 4

Alex and I had been playing for a couple of hours without much conversation. As he was killed yet again, I could hear a sigh through my headphones. It made me chuckle, and he spoke softly, apologizing for pushing me to talk. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I sniffed to control them.

"It's okay, I shouldn't have hung up on you like that. I just don't like discussing my dad," I admitted.

"And that's your right. But I want you to know that I'm here for you, if you ever want to talk," he reassured me.

I replied softly, uncertain if I actually wanted to open up. I groaned, feeling like he deserved to know at least a little. "He was shot," I said matter-of-factly.

"Fucking hell," Alex gasped. I nodded. "We were robbed at gunpoint, and he got shot," I explained, throwing my controller aside and closing my eyes.

"At your home?" he asked gently.

"No, at a gas station. It was just my dad and me. He had taken me to a gaming convention. I always feel like my mom..." I stopped talking, my voice breaking. I bit my bottom lip to steady myself.

"Your mom?" His voice remained soft, and I couldn't help but let out a little cry.

"Why do you live so far away?" I asked, annoyed.

"I know it's shit. I would literally pay a million pounds to give you a hug right now," he confessed. His words made me sob, longing for the touch I had never experienced before. It was a strange feeling. I coughed, trying to gather my composure, and sat up slightly.

"My mom blames me," I blurted out angrily. Alex took a sharp breath in response.

"How can she? That's impossible," he said.

"She does, I know she does. The guy who shot him had his gun pointed at my chest," I paused, taking a deep breath. I had never told anyone this story. "And my dad jumped in front of me." I swallowed hard, tears streaming down my face and soaking the blanket around me.

"Fuck," Alex cursed before speaking again. "But that's not your fault. You need to know that. Your dad did what any dad would do, what any parent would do," he emphasized. I nodded, knowing this is what my therapist had told me countless times. However, my mom had never said those words to me, which hurt the most.

"I don't think she does it on purpose, but I can see it in her eyes, and I have..." I trailed off, unable to continue. "You have survivor's guilt, it's a real thing. I understand," Alex consoled me. I let out another sob, covering my mouth with my hand. He got it, he truly understood. "Jess, baby, you're breaking my heart. I'm five seconds away from checking train times," he said, attempting to lighten the mood. I giggled at his words, feeling slightly calmer.

"I'll be okay," I assured him.

"But you don't have to be okay. Please, let me video call you," he pleaded.

"I look like a mess," I replied, wiping my tears.

"I don't care. I laughed at his bluntness and shook my head. "I'll be fine. Can we talk tomorrow?"

"Whatever you want. Just text me your address, okay?" I hesitated, my heart pounding.

"Why?" I asked cautiously.

"I'm not going to show up unannounced, I promise. I haven't even talked to my probation officer yet," he laughed. "I just want it for when I'm able to travel. We'll plan something soon, alright?"

"I inquired of him whether or not he had ever visited London," I said. While engaging with my controller, I pressed a few buttons; however, I was startled when I heard his voice once more.

"Yes, but I didn't have the opportunity to explore the city," he responded.

Perplexed, I asked, my tone already filled with joy, "What do you mean?"

He explained, with a serious demeanor, "I spent three years in prison, so technically I was situated in England."

Despite his seriousness, I found his statement to be amusing and burst into laughter, even closing my eyes as a result.

"Alright then, I'll visit you in Liverpool since I've never been there before," I declared.

He warned me, "Don't get your hopes up, it's not the best place to be."

In response, I remarked, "Well, neither is London." This time, it was Alex’s turn to laugh, and I couldn't help but chuckle along with him. Feeling slightly bashful, I whispered, "I'm sure it's beautiful just because you're there."

Alex’s entle words echoed, 'You're really draining yourself. Rest, you sound exhausted.'

With my heart pounding, I replied, 'Yeah, I will. Can we talk tomorrow?' Hoping I hadn't messed things up.

"Absolutely. Goodnight," he assured.

"Night," I whispered, powering down my Playstation. Exhaustion hit hard; I planned to check train times for Liverpool . Climbing the stairs, I wondered about the drive's duration. Googling it in bed, I was surprised it was only four hours. 'Wow,' I exclaimed, texting Alex.

J: 'Just checked, it's only a four-hour drive.' Giggling as his quick reply came.

A: 'What? Thought it was longer.

Alright, grab your calendar; we've got plans to make,' he texted, making me grin."

A: Send me you’re address

"Sending Alex my address with a sigh, I rolled my eyes, placing the phone on my bedside table. Hoping for sleep to come soon, I felt emotionally drained, knowing tomorrow would bring a new day."