1. Darkness

Callista

What am I looking for?

Why am I here?

Where am I?

All I can see is the darkness. Pitch black and cold seeping into my very bones, threatening to take away my free will. Keeping it hidden away, whatever I am searching for. Sometimes the darkness toys with me, giving me glimpses, and I run at them like a madwoman. But then it’s yanked away from me, leaving me lost once again.

Where is it? Show it to me, please, I need to know.

Where is it?

What is it?

Where am I?

Who am I?!

I sit up in bed with a start, clammy with sweat, my heart running a mile a minute.

‘What was that?!’ I question myself, ‘Some kind of nightmare?’

It's early morning when I look out the window. Outside, I could see distant rays of dawn peaking under the dark curtain of the night. I check my bedside clock and learn that it’s 06:00 am. Then my eyes fall on the date, and memories resurface.

Oh, right. It’s my birthday today.

I had a love-hate relationship with birthdays. On one hand, they were birthdays. They had to be happy affairs, that's the way of the world. On the other hand, it was one whole day to remind you ‘Congratulations, you were born, now deal with it.’ If you’re lucky, people will have a little sympathy and wish you a Happy Birthday. While my home life was going to garbage every waking morning, I still had friends. They made the whole affair bearable.

My adoptive parents didn’t care for any celebration on my account. A waste of money that was. I am certain that they had cake and a party when I was young, but since I’ve been old enough to remember things, I’ve been deemed too big for parties. My adoptive sister Ruelle had one each year, so good for her, I guess. Goddess knows she’s nasty enough already I didn’t want to live in this house with her if she didn’t get her way for once.

Anyway, birthdays were not my thing. But this year, it was different.

Today is a day of celebration in our pack for members who have or are just turning eighteen - it’s our coming-of-age ceremony. While I couldn’t care less about whatever changes are going to happen with our social status in the pack after the ceremony, I look forward to finding my wolf, the other half of my soul.

Also, to find out who my mate is. There is one candidate in my heart, one that I love. Everyone knows that the person you fall in love with is bound to be your mate. That's one of the only solaces I have. 

Sleep is but a distant memory. With a grumble and a huff from the unwanted effort, I start to get ready for the day. Brushing my long dark blonde hair into a high ponytail so it won’t bother me while working, I dab some mascara to halo my eyes. Once, a boy who had a crush on me said they reminded him of emeralds, which was a nice compliment I suppose. Personally, I just see them as pale green, vibrant only under the sunlight.

Makeup isn’t my strong suit, not that I need it. As a werewolf is, I am blessed with clear skin and a sharp bone structure, with plump rosy lips and straight, white teeth that looked sharp. These are only routine rituals that I do every morning, but they manage to calm my nerves. Somewhat. I know I’m going to be on high alert all day waiting for any sign from my wolf - something to show that I’ve reached this critical milestone of my life.

But for now, I need to get to school.

***

“Oh, look who'd decided to grace us with her presence?” Ruelle snarks as soon as she sees me. "Hello, your Highness, had a good night's rest?" 

"Hello. Ruelle." I greet her, simply. "And yes, thanks for asking." 

Ah, Ruelle, never change. It’s always the same greeting every time I dare to enter a space she has already inhabited, and I know that siblings talk to each other this way. But I don’t think other siblings have injected them with as much condensation and dislike as Ruelle can do.

My sister is wearing a peach pink sweater paired with a mini-denim skirt and high boots, with her raven hair a cascade of small braids flowing down her back and her brown eyes hidden by pink contacts. We looked nothing alike, her with her impeccable get-up and me in my ratty old clothes. She was beautiful, and she knew it, using it in time to get whatever she wanted. The pride and joy of my adoptive parents. She’s their queen, their biological daughter. Me? I’m the purchase that did not meet the standard and had been fourth-wheeling their family unit ever since.

I make a beeline to get some food, passing the breakfast table where my dad reads the paper, not bothering with a reply. My mother swabs on her makeup furiously. Upon my arrival, they glance up, bored.

“Callista,” My mother raises her voice as I rummage through the refrigerator. Her name is Lenora, and she never tried to hide her dislike for me. Once upon a time, she might’ve loved me. That was before I proved to be a disappointment, their words, not mine. “The ceremony is tonight, isn’t it?”

Huh, they noticed.

“Yes, mother,” I reply, glancing at her, waiting. There’s always a catch.

“The whole pack will be in attendance.”

That is generally how these things go, yes.

“They will be, mother.” Sometimes I wonder how long it will take for my brain to finally give up and bleed out of my ears from the strain of dealing with them.

“So, please put on some effort to look nice,” Finally her haughty, sarcastic voice says, “I know you think it’s beneath you, but you have a duty to this family to represent us in a respectable light. Wouldn’t want you looking like a scarecrow in front of the Alpha, although it’s your nature.”

There it is. By now, I think it really would kill my mother to not insult me in some way after laying her eyes on her. It didn’t use to be this bad. But as I grew up, so did her dislike. Honestly, I still wonder why they had not carted me back to the system yet so they didn’t have to deal with me.

As usual, my father reads the paper. While Mother finds every opportunity to torment me, he ignores me. But hey, he rarely talks with his own daughter too, so the hurt is minimal. We all know that he’d always wanted a boy. A strong Beta boy to carry out the family name, but all he got were two girls, one not even his own.

The man had been bummed ever since. He only speaks with us when it’s absolutely necessary.

“I will, Mother,” I spit through gritted teeth. Anger is getting more and more difficult to contain these days. I’m just so tired of dealing with everything.

At least I have my friends. And him.

I know not everyone thinks the way she does. I know that there are people who like me for who I am, even love me for it. But this is the woman who raised me and even after all these years, it still hurts to hear her cruel words cutting through my soul.

“Oh, and Callista?” My mother calls.

“Yes.”

“Do us proud, won’t you? You know how our family doesn’t tolerate disappointments.” She states. “The only good thing going on for you is that boyfriend of yours. If he does not turn out to be your mate, I would be very unhappy.”

My mother had never been particularly motherly towards me. I mean, outside the house when we were at functions and stuff, she was the model mother, attentive, loving, caring and protective. After all, she had a reputation to maintain. Because of this, the whole pack was under the notion that my home life was the same. Farris Leighwen, my boyfriend, and my best friend, Esther, were the only ones who knew at least a bit of what really went on. But even with them, I was careful not to badmouth my parents too hard, because I knew it would come to bite me on the back inevitably.

I was given the bare minimum by my family, just enough for me to survive and not look neglected so someone grew suspicious of my home life. And of course, I needed to look good enough to hold the family reputation. So, I was fed, educated, given enough clothing, makeup and everything else I’d need, even an allowance. However, my birthday was never celebrated. When I was a toddler, it might’ve been, but as I grew older I was told that birthdays were only for children, so there was no point of celebrating me one. However, the same logic did not apply to Ruelle. She had as many parties and get-togethers with her friends as she wanted.

Every time I won something in life, be it good grades, a sports event, even a spelling bee or a singing competition, I was berated. I could never do well in my mother’s eyes, I was always falling short. They never saw what I accomplished, rather, it was always what I lacked they pointed out over and over again. There was no love or warmth in our interactions. Ruelle mocked me for one thing or the other, mother did the same but indirectly, always making me feel like something was wrong with me for being like that. I could not remember the last time I was hugged by my family. I do not remember them ever telling me they loved me. I had been miserable with my home life since I could remember, and I didn’t see it changing soon unless I took action.

Considering all of this, it was a good thing indeed that my boyfriend was no one ordinary. After all, how can they find a fault in the Leighwen pack Alpha?