Chapter 4

I left the agency with my chest tight with pain, with love, with confusion. Thiago was being too kind to me, but I couldn't get what happened at noon out of my head. I walked along the endless road, arms crossed, holding onto my bag, and I arrived at James' house, an old friend I met in college.

— You showed up! - He exclaimed enthusiastically as he hugged me when I approached his door. I returned the hug; I needed it. I didn't let go, rested my chin on his shoulder, and started crying; the pregnancy was starting to affect my emotions, and that day had been filled with contradictions that were starting to take a toll on me. "What's wrong?" my friend asked, concerned. I couldn't utter a word, I moved away from him, and in silence, I made my way to the living room; immediately, he poured me some water, and his boyfriend Hugo handed me a tissue.

— Darling, why are you crying? — They asked as they sat in front of me.

— I fell in love — I told them, wiping my nose. It was impossible to stop my tears; the feeling of pain was overwhelming my self-control limits.

— You should be happy about that; falling in love is one of life's true wonders — Hugo commented, confused.

— With a married and wealthy man, and the worst part is that I'm pregnant.

— Damn it, Lisa! — Hugo exclaimed. "The worst of the worst; married and wealthy men looking for a decent young girl."

— Shut up, Hugo, don't be reckless! — James reprimanded him.

— I'm trying to protect her from those demonic creatures — Hugo justified.

— I had an IVF done by mistake — I explained, still crying like a child.

I told them how everything had happened; I needed to cleanse my soul and relieve some of the heavy burden.

— Are you willing to keep it? — They asked, even more astonished.

— Despite everything, something in me prevents me from getting rid of it. I haven't even had the courage to report the clinic. I feel like I'm forgotten in time; I don't know what to do. I'm alone, my friends, that's why I came here. This situation is terrible; only three days have passed, and I feel like it's an eternity. — I said, and I started crying again.

— If you want to keep it, you should attend prenatal check-ups.

— I hadn't thought about it. I'm foolish. Thiago paid me today for taking some photos; tomorrow I'll have to go to the clinic. I need to take care of myself.

— Forget about Thiago, Lisa. A child is a huge responsibility you can't ignore.

Those words were scorching; I felt like I was being thrown off a cliff. "It's just a utopia," I managed to say while crying. Just the thought of it made me feel like my life was ending, and I was in complete hell. On the one hand, the idea of being a mother encouraged me, but on the other hand, it limited my greatest desire. It wasn't that I wanted Thiago's money, or that it was the reason I was so intent on winning him over. No, I didn't care about the money. Him being a millionaire was the least of my concerns. I wanted his kind soul that I was beginning to know, his gentle gaze, his kindness, and his lips on mine. All I wanted was to make him happy, give him back the smile that his wife Esmeralda had stolen from him. That harpy who only played with him and his money, without caring about what he wanted.

The conversation with my friends went on until evening; they drank wine while I could only have a soda, convinced that I needed to take care of myself for the sake of my baby. I left there at nine in the evening. I didn't take a taxi but decided to walk aimlessly again. I didn't want to come home and face loneliness and my bed that only encouraged me to cry. I also realized that if I kept crying, it would affect the baby. So, I tried to be brave and let myself be guided by the faint streetlight, as I kept thinking about Thiago. I strolled by the agency, and his car wasn't parked, and the lights were off. I deduced from that that he hadn't spent the night there.

I continued walking until I stopped at one of the city's parks, where there wasn't much light. I didn't want anyone to see me; I just needed to sit there, find peace, and convince myself that the decision I was making was the right one. I saw children strolling peacefully, laughing, while others played on the swings. Everything was calm and joyful in that place, but inside, I felt terrible anguish, an uncontrollable turmoil of my emotions. I desired to have met Thiago at another time or simply understand what was beginning to happen between us. Those unexpected kisses and the way he looked at me seemed to make no sense. I wondered if we were both truly alone, seeking that refuge that showed us love, or if it was just me who was caught up in something so simple. What importance did those moments hold for Thiago? I couldn't find answers to my questions; everything was becoming more confusing.

— Do you intend to overwhelm me with your presence? — I heard a voice whisper in my ear. I quickly turned, and my heart raced a thousand beats per minute. It was him, with his flirtatious smile.

— More like, why are you in a place that's beneath you? — I asked, feigning composure but incredibly amazed.

— Running away from my society — he replied as he sat beside me. Seeing him there in such an inappropriate place for him, with his black coat and his shiny sneakers, made me laugh, but I didn't let my nerves betray me.

— What tricky coincidences the days offer us — I said to disguise.

— That or you're following me — he added with a mix of arrogance and laughter.

— Following you? I got here first — I said with pride. — Plus, I couldn't follow your Ferrari, walking.

Thiago laughed. — I decided to walk — he said, referring to my contradiction.

— That can't be true — I commented, too nervous to form longer thoughts.

— Why are you here and not at home? — He asked, full of concern, as if he genuinely cared about what I was doing or not, and avoiding what I had said earlier. — You're pregnant, and you need to take care of yourself — he added, showing more interest in my well-being. But mentioning my condition ruined the magic of the encounter.

— I'm pregnant, not sick — I expressed with annoyance.

— Don't say anything more — he whispered in my ear. — Let's contemplate the wonder the night offers us.

— It's ridiculous; there's just darkness — I replied, and then I regretted saying it that way.

— Yes, but it's better than our darkness — he said without showing annoyance.

— You live happily; you have no worries. You're a millionaire; that's enough to solve anything. My darkness is being pregnant by mistake, I'll be a single mother. I have no stable job, and to make matters worse, I'm in love with a man I can never have.

— I'll give you a stable job — he commented calmly, which made me more agitated, especially since he was evading everything else I had said, which was the most important.

— I don't even know why you're here. A man like you shouldn't be in this place — I said, also evading his response.

— Do you want to know the truth? — He asked, looking at me and raising his voice a bit.

— What are you talking about?

— The reason that brought me to this place you believe I don't deserve.

— Uh-huh — I muttered, intrigued and pretending indifference.

— While I was on my way home, I saw you crossing the street and heading here. So, I decided to follow you — he explained with a charming smile while still gazing at the stars. I wanted his words not to fill me with amazement or give me false hopes, but it was the man I loved who was speaking them, and it was impossible not to feel happy. However, I concealed my emotions to avoid having more doubts.

— And what's the motive behind that, Thiago?

— Haven't you realized it, Lisa?

— Realized what, Thiago?

— That you drive me crazy, silly.

— Don't call me silly.

— I love it when you contradict me, silly.

— You're lying, Thiago. You would never notice someone like me. Plus, I'm pregnant, and I don't even dress well; you said so this morning. That's because I'm just a salaried worker in your agency, barely owning a red motorcycle that I can't even use — I yelled, incredulous, feeling like he was mocking me.

— You have a beautiful soul and small eyes that look at me with tenderness — he said, looking at me, and I was left stunned, my heart almost bursting out of my chest. I wanted to cry or scream; due to the pregnancy, my emotions were unstable, but his words made me nervous