I climbed up to the bed at ramdam na ramdam ko sa aking likod ang mabibigat na tingin ni Elijah. Ngayon pa lang ay nagdadalawang isip na ako kung tama pa bang sumang-ayon ako sa project na ito. Hindi ako manhid. I can feel it. But just like him I’m trying to cool it down. It’s fucking obvious, his every gaze feels like he’s stripping me with his eyes. At imbes na pagalitan ko ang aking sarili ay para bang mas gusto ko pa ang pakiramdam na hatid nito sa akin. Hindi ko maiwasang hindi humanga sa aking sarili knowing I could bring effects like this to Eli. I feel so proud of myself. Humarap akong muli sa kanya and I found him standing behind the camera. And my breath almost hitched in my throat as soon as I met the heaviness of his gaze as he fixed the camera to get the perfect angle. “Wait,” sabi niya. I watched him walk towards the small table in the corner. He took out his phone and started to scribble down something. “Fuck, deadbatt. Can I borrow your phone?” he asked, turnin
Three days..Three days after that steamy makeout back in Elijah's studio, everything went back to normal. Hindi ko malilimutan kung paano ako inulan ng tukso ni Kairus nang makita niya ang purple marks sa aking leeg nang pumasok ako kinabukasan sa trabaho.Elijah and I made a decent talk after that makeout session. We cleared out the thick air between us the moment we sat back in his car that night. Nilinaw namin ang sitwasyon. Ofcourse nandoon na yung pag-aalala niya na baka nabastos niya ako dahil hindi siya nakapagpigil ng sarili. But I made it clear to him that, I let that happen because I want it to happen. We both wanted it that time. No hard feelings. And that's what I really liked about Elijah. How we can talk about certain matters like a real adult. How we solved every issues together, how we can sit and talk about the problem and deal with it like the adults that we were. —-----Today is December 23. My fucking birthday. It was already 6 pm when I arrived at Elijah's
With big and curious eyes, I watched Elijah stand up from his seat and walk into the corner. He pulled out his phone from his pocket and scribbled something on it with his brows slightly furrowed. Seconds after, a soft melodic sound started playing in the entire place. Constant by Jesse Barrera and Jeremy Passion played in the background. Agad kumalabog ang dibdib ko sa hindi maipaliwanag na dahilan habang pinapanood si Elijah na lumuhod sa harapan ko para hingiin ang aking kamay. “Can I have this dance?” he asked while smiling softly. I watched how the fairy lights shone and reflected through his doe eyes as he stared at me so fondly.I gave my hand as I stood up from my seat. We walked to the center part of the set-up. He placed his other hand at my back tightly pulling my body towards him. My right hand was placed on his shoulder. His other hand was perfectly tangled with my other hand. And we both danced in silence. Tanging ang malamyos lamang na musika ang naririnig sa pali
My lips keep on twitching as I keep shifting on my seat every now and then. Elijah and I were both silent ever since we started eating lunch.Deep sighs were also heard between me and him. Alam kong pareho kaming may malalim na iniisip ngunit tila hindi kami pareho ng iniisip. Obviously, I am in deep discomfort while Elijah seems to be happy and relaxed. Nanatiling nakababa ang ulo ko at tahimik na nagfofocus sa tanghalian na niluto niya. I can’t seem to have the courage to look back at him despite the stares thrown at me by none other than Elijah himself. Hanggang ngayon ramdam ko pa din ang pag-iinit ng mukha ko at naiinis na din ako dahil tila ayaw humupa sa pamumula ang aking pisngi. I’m gulping hard down the food para lamang matapos na ako kaagad sa pagkain at makaalis na sa harapan ni Elijah. But then mukhang hindi pa siya tapos sa pang-aasar sa akin. I heard the clinking sound of his spoon against his plate followed by his loud huff. “Hey, stop ignoring me.” he demanded. A
On the way to the mall, Eli hadn’t stopped and kept on teasing me about this-so-called “our thing”. At ako naman ay hindi pa rin humuhupa ang kahihiyan sa nangyari. He told me there’s nothing to worry about after I told him that I’m quite worried. However, even after he told me it was him who should worry, I kept on thinking that it might affect our friendship sooner. I kept on telling myself that it was an accident and we never meant it to end up that way. But Elijah told me that it was bound to happen anyway whether we’re drunk or not. Remembering what happened way back on the Boudoir photoshoot, there’s no doubt that we’d actually cross lines last night regardless of our friendship. Elijah wasn’t really trying hard to hide his body’s obvious lust calling and my attraction towards him did a great push as well to make everything happen. I know I shouldn’t be surprised about it but still, it worries me. I’d like to think that the lack of sexual action of the both of us from
Elijah is standing there with Amber. Buhat buhat niya ang isang box habang ang isang kamay naman ni Amber ay nakapatong sa braso niya. Para bang galing sila sa masayang pag-uusap ngunit nahinto dahil dumating ako. “Babe,” alanganing tawag ni Eli sa akin. Ang mga mata niya ay gulat na nakatitig sa akin. Hindi naman nakatakas sa paningin ko ang mumunting ngisi sa labi ni Amber. So, kailan pa sila okay? Mabilis na bumitaw si Amber sa braso ni Elijah at humarap sa akin. “Hi, Anjie!” bati niya. Hindi ako timang para hindi mapansin ang peke at nakakalokong ngisi ni Amber sa akin. She’s too obvious. Since when did she become friendly to me? Tsk. Pero imbes na ipakita ang inis ko ay peke ko din siyang nginitian. “Hello, Amber.” bati ko pabalik saka mabilis na lumipat ang tingin ko kay Eli na ngayon ay papalit palit ang tingin sa amin ni Amber. Mabilis naman siyang kumilos para ipagpatuloy ang paglipat ng mga box papunta sa trunk ng pulang sasakyan ni Amber. I eyed the boxes left in
I rushed out of the car as soon as we got to his home. My mind was clouded by anger and hurt. "Anjie!" tawag niya at narinig ko din ang malakas na bagsak ng pinto ng sasakyan niya. But I refused to look back at him, I refused to look at him! I was mad, ashamed, and deeply hurt to the point that I can't even look him in the eyes! "Damn it! Anjie!" he yelled again, and I heard his heavy footsteps as I entered his unit. He slammed the door at dire-diretso ako sa kwarto ko para mag impake ng mga gamit at damit ko, buong lakas kong binuhat ang maleta ko at ipinatong ko sa kama ko. I rummage through my closet at walang pakialam ko nalang na inilagay ang mga nakahanger at nakatiklop kong damit. My tears were in the brim of my eyes as I put all my clothes into my luggage."Fuck! Open this damn door, Antoinette!" he yelled again from the outside because I locked my room door, not wanting to see him."Leave me alone!" I yelled back as my chest keeps on rising and falling dahil
Sunod sunod na katok ang nagpagising sa akin. Lumakad ako papuntang pinto habang kusot kusot ang aking mata. Shit, hindi ko namalayang nakatulog ako ah.Pagbukas ko ng pinto ay bumungad sa akin si Elijah. Pinasadahan niya pa muna ako ng tingin mula ulo hanggang paa. “So, I won’t ask you if you did sleep ‘cause it’s obvious.” he chuckled and pushed himself inside the room. Sumimangot naman ako habang hawak pa din ang door knob. Nang lingunin ko siya ay nakahilata na din siya sa aking kama. “Well.. you told me to take a rest,” “And I’m glad you did,” nakangisi niyang sabi.Inirapan ko lang ang sagot niyang iyon. Instead na isara ang pinto ay hinayaang ko lang na nakabukas iyon. I don’t want Tita Elena to think differently knowing her loving son is here with me inside this room. I walked towards the vanity mirror to check myself. My puffy eyes says that I slept really well. “The dinner is ready.” maya maya ay sambit niya.Sasagot na sana ako ngunit nagulat ako nang bigla ay h
Our three day vacation at Elijah's family's house comes to an end. Akala ko ay hindi na magiging masaya ang mga huling sandali namin sa kanilang pamamahay matapos ang nakakagulat na anunsyo ni Tito Elias, but I think everyone in their little family already saw it coming, naghihintay na lang siguro sila ng panahon kung kailan ito mangyayari. Sa huli ay sinulit namin ang natitirang oras bago kami bumalik sa Maynila. Ako, Tim, Elijah and Tita Elena, the four of us went on a small escapade, we went shopping and ate in various restaurants downtown. I'm glad that Elijah managed to make his little family happy by spending time with them. At masaya ako na nasasaksihan ko ito. It's his small wins na alam kong hindi niya pinagtutuunan ng pansin dahil para sa kanya parte ito ng obligasyon niya, pero para sa akin na isang outsider sa kanilang pamilya, proud na proud akong makita kung gaano siya karesponsableng anak. "I'm still surprised that you decided to bring along home
Nakailang ikot na ako sa aking kama ngunit hindi talaga ako dinadalaw ng antok. I checked the time on my phone and saw that it's nearly 2am now. I kept on tapping my arm as I shifted from side to side. Until I decided to stare at the ceiling. I blew out a frustrated sigh as I recalled the scenario in the kitchen earlier. I admit, the unexpected scene which happened tonight really bothers me. Ganun ba kamahal ni Tito Elias si Victoria para tuluyan niyang iwan ang kanyang pamilya dito sa Pilipinas? My heart is really breaking for my best friend. He doesn't deserve this pain. Naiisip ko pa lang ang paghihirap ng kalooban ni Eli sa bagong balitang iyon ay nadudurog na ang puso ko para sa kanya. Alam ko namang wala ng pag-asa pa na magkabalikan muli ang kanyang magulang. Si Tita Elena na mismo ang nagpasya na wakasan ang pagsasama nilang mag-asawa ngunit hindi ko maitanggi na sa puso ko.. meron pa eh. May konti pa. May pag-asa pa akong nakikita. Nararamdaman kong mahal pa nila ang isa't
Kinabukasan ay maaga kaming gumayak ni Eli papuntang Supermarket. Kami ang naatasan mamili ng mga kakailanganin para mamaya sa birthday dinner ni Tita Elena. Kahit antok na antok pa nga ay hindi na ako tumanggi dahil bukod sa nakakahiya ay chance ko na din ito para makapaglibot libot sa lugar. Sa biyahe ay hindi pa din maalis alis ang kakulitan ni Elijah, ayaw niyang tumigil sa pang-aasar sa akin. “Akala yata ni Mama di kita inaalagaan sa bahay,” nakanguso niyang sabi habang nagmamaneho.“Nagsumbong kasi ako sa kanya na kinakawawa mo ‘ko.” pang-aasar ko naman. Tinapunan niya ako ng tingin at saka tumawa.“I know I fuck you too hard pero never kitang kinawawa, Anj.” My mouth formed an “o” shape after that bold answer, malaki din ang mata ko habang di makapaniwalang binalingan siya ng tingin. Mabilis lumipad ang kamay ko sa braso niya para paghahampasin siya pero natatawa niya lang na tinanggap iyon habang nagmamaneho.“Napakabastos mo!” Kahit kailan talaga yung bunganga
Sunod sunod na katok ang nagpagising sa akin. Lumakad ako papuntang pinto habang kusot kusot ang aking mata. Shit, hindi ko namalayang nakatulog ako ah.Pagbukas ko ng pinto ay bumungad sa akin si Elijah. Pinasadahan niya pa muna ako ng tingin mula ulo hanggang paa. “So, I won’t ask you if you did sleep ‘cause it’s obvious.” he chuckled and pushed himself inside the room. Sumimangot naman ako habang hawak pa din ang door knob. Nang lingunin ko siya ay nakahilata na din siya sa aking kama. “Well.. you told me to take a rest,” “And I’m glad you did,” nakangisi niyang sabi.Inirapan ko lang ang sagot niyang iyon. Instead na isara ang pinto ay hinayaang ko lang na nakabukas iyon. I don’t want Tita Elena to think differently knowing her loving son is here with me inside this room. I walked towards the vanity mirror to check myself. My puffy eyes says that I slept really well. “The dinner is ready.” maya maya ay sambit niya.Sasagot na sana ako ngunit nagulat ako nang bigla ay h
I rushed out of the car as soon as we got to his home. My mind was clouded by anger and hurt. "Anjie!" tawag niya at narinig ko din ang malakas na bagsak ng pinto ng sasakyan niya. But I refused to look back at him, I refused to look at him! I was mad, ashamed, and deeply hurt to the point that I can't even look him in the eyes! "Damn it! Anjie!" he yelled again, and I heard his heavy footsteps as I entered his unit. He slammed the door at dire-diretso ako sa kwarto ko para mag impake ng mga gamit at damit ko, buong lakas kong binuhat ang maleta ko at ipinatong ko sa kama ko. I rummage through my closet at walang pakialam ko nalang na inilagay ang mga nakahanger at nakatiklop kong damit. My tears were in the brim of my eyes as I put all my clothes into my luggage."Fuck! Open this damn door, Antoinette!" he yelled again from the outside because I locked my room door, not wanting to see him."Leave me alone!" I yelled back as my chest keeps on rising and falling dahil
Elijah is standing there with Amber. Buhat buhat niya ang isang box habang ang isang kamay naman ni Amber ay nakapatong sa braso niya. Para bang galing sila sa masayang pag-uusap ngunit nahinto dahil dumating ako. “Babe,” alanganing tawag ni Eli sa akin. Ang mga mata niya ay gulat na nakatitig sa akin. Hindi naman nakatakas sa paningin ko ang mumunting ngisi sa labi ni Amber. So, kailan pa sila okay? Mabilis na bumitaw si Amber sa braso ni Elijah at humarap sa akin. “Hi, Anjie!” bati niya. Hindi ako timang para hindi mapansin ang peke at nakakalokong ngisi ni Amber sa akin. She’s too obvious. Since when did she become friendly to me? Tsk. Pero imbes na ipakita ang inis ko ay peke ko din siyang nginitian. “Hello, Amber.” bati ko pabalik saka mabilis na lumipat ang tingin ko kay Eli na ngayon ay papalit palit ang tingin sa amin ni Amber. Mabilis naman siyang kumilos para ipagpatuloy ang paglipat ng mga box papunta sa trunk ng pulang sasakyan ni Amber. I eyed the boxes left in
On the way to the mall, Eli hadn’t stopped and kept on teasing me about this-so-called “our thing”. At ako naman ay hindi pa rin humuhupa ang kahihiyan sa nangyari. He told me there’s nothing to worry about after I told him that I’m quite worried. However, even after he told me it was him who should worry, I kept on thinking that it might affect our friendship sooner. I kept on telling myself that it was an accident and we never meant it to end up that way. But Elijah told me that it was bound to happen anyway whether we’re drunk or not. Remembering what happened way back on the Boudoir photoshoot, there’s no doubt that we’d actually cross lines last night regardless of our friendship. Elijah wasn’t really trying hard to hide his body’s obvious lust calling and my attraction towards him did a great push as well to make everything happen. I know I shouldn’t be surprised about it but still, it worries me. I’d like to think that the lack of sexual action of the both of us from
My lips keep on twitching as I keep shifting on my seat every now and then. Elijah and I were both silent ever since we started eating lunch.Deep sighs were also heard between me and him. Alam kong pareho kaming may malalim na iniisip ngunit tila hindi kami pareho ng iniisip. Obviously, I am in deep discomfort while Elijah seems to be happy and relaxed. Nanatiling nakababa ang ulo ko at tahimik na nagfofocus sa tanghalian na niluto niya. I can’t seem to have the courage to look back at him despite the stares thrown at me by none other than Elijah himself. Hanggang ngayon ramdam ko pa din ang pag-iinit ng mukha ko at naiinis na din ako dahil tila ayaw humupa sa pamumula ang aking pisngi. I’m gulping hard down the food para lamang matapos na ako kaagad sa pagkain at makaalis na sa harapan ni Elijah. But then mukhang hindi pa siya tapos sa pang-aasar sa akin. I heard the clinking sound of his spoon against his plate followed by his loud huff. “Hey, stop ignoring me.” he demanded. A
With big and curious eyes, I watched Elijah stand up from his seat and walk into the corner. He pulled out his phone from his pocket and scribbled something on it with his brows slightly furrowed. Seconds after, a soft melodic sound started playing in the entire place. Constant by Jesse Barrera and Jeremy Passion played in the background. Agad kumalabog ang dibdib ko sa hindi maipaliwanag na dahilan habang pinapanood si Elijah na lumuhod sa harapan ko para hingiin ang aking kamay. “Can I have this dance?” he asked while smiling softly. I watched how the fairy lights shone and reflected through his doe eyes as he stared at me so fondly.I gave my hand as I stood up from my seat. We walked to the center part of the set-up. He placed his other hand at my back tightly pulling my body towards him. My right hand was placed on his shoulder. His other hand was perfectly tangled with my other hand. And we both danced in silence. Tanging ang malamyos lamang na musika ang naririnig sa pali