101. Night with West— One Year Ago—— Before Summer Break—- Natalie -.I come back home and fall into my bed, feeling drained. West wasn’t at school again. He hasn’t answered my calls. I want to visit him, to see if he is ok. But he has forbidden me from visiting him unless he tells me so.I am feeling so anxious. It's been a few days since I saw him.My phone vibrates next to me. I pick it up and I take a breath of relief to see it’s him.Finally!West: ‘I need you Nat.. Come here by 7. West: ‘Stay for the night.’I was worried sick about him. He is fine. I don’t know why I assume worse when he is unreachable. I will ask him why he didn’t come to school for the last few days.I almost called CPS on him. Thank Goodness I didn’t. He wouldn’t have forgiven me.“Child Protective services are bullshit!” He had told me last time. ”They don’t give a damn about kids like me… Let me tell you! I am too old for them… And a boy! Boys don’t need saving…” He had told me bitterly.Looks like h
— One Year Ago— — Before Summer Break— - Natalie - . “Show them to me!” I demand the phone from him. “Why?” He teases me with the phone up my head. I try to get up to grab it but he holds me down in his lap. Then he brushes his nose against my neck from behind and I shrink away with a tickle. Click! I look at phone in surprise. Click! I cover my breasts with my arms. “Don’t! Delete that one! My boobs were showing.” Click! “Is this better?” “Nooo” I scowl… “It’s obvious we aren’t wearing anything.” “But nothing is showing here right?” “Delete it!!” “Nope!” “Delete the indecent ones Please…” He chuckles and says, “Sure…” And leans in for a kiss. I bring my face closer to him. Click! I push the phone away and kiss him back. . 102. Chaos — Present Day— - Natalie - . I sit in the middle of the presentation hall looking at the very pictures West took that morning. Tears simmer in my eyes as each and every detail of my last night with West replay in front of me.
103. Privacy- Natalie -.I snap at him and cut the call.God knows how many insults he would have thrown my way if I kept listening. A mirage has finally broken and I feel sucker punched.My breathing is shallow, and a lump in my throat is teasing me. My mouth is dry and a heavy boulder is pressing on my chest.I don’t need to look around to know the presentation has ended and students are passing behind me. I stay in my spot, frozen, with my back towards them. Despite so many people around, I feel like I am standing all alone in the middle of a desert.“Ms. Natalie!” A girl calls me out. Her voice sounds familiar. I turn and she looks at me in shock. It’s the same girl giving the presentation.“Oh! Ar-are you ok?” she asks, and I realized tears are still streaming down my face.I wipe my tears quickly and say, “Yeah…. it’s just something… Nothing big...”My heart just splintered into a million pieces. That’s all. More tears come down my face.Fucking great!“Let me show you the wa
104. Ride back home- Natalie -.I fall asleep on the bus, with my legs folded against my chest and head leaning to the window. I open my eyes after probably an hour and see the bus flying through the highway. I glance up to see the clear blue sky through the glass roof. “Nice sleep?” I jerk away at the voice, then sigh. He is sitting at the opposite window, looking at me.I nod.My eyes are not hurting anymore. My head is a little better. But if West sits and stares at me like this, my headache might return anytime soon.“What are you doing here?” I ask and look around, trying to spot Riley. Top deck of this bus is almost empty.“She is on the lower deck...”I feel a twist in my stomach.Will she call me a whore too? For sleeping with her boyfriend.“I wanted you to know that I didn’t do this.”I know.... It is kind of obvious.He was here and why would he do this if it could damage his relationship with Riley?“I thought you guys came by car,” I say to change the subject.“She did
105. Promise- Jacob -I skip school the next day… and the day after. If it was in my control, I would have skipped the whole week or something. With no mattress and furniture to lie on, my back is sore. Sleeping on the floor isn’t exactly comfortable. But I guess that’s what I needed. A bit of discomfort, to distract me. It worked mostly well. I visited some of my old friends. Went to see Hanna.After taking a bath, I pack my stuff and clean the room.I will go home after school today and eat some decent food. I barely ate anything here.I am kind of starving now.…As I drive towards school, I cannot help but wonder how everything and our breakup will affect Natalie.How is she doing?Will she isolate herself again? Or will she hang out with West now?I hold the steering wheel tight as I feel a pang of jealousy. I don’t want her alone and isolated. But I don’t want her with West either.I know it’s stupid to think like this. I shouldn’t think about her at all. Fuck! This is going
106. Hopelessness- Jacob -.Almost a month has already passed and my feelings about Natalie have changed from anger to confusion to utter disappointment and finally I am creeping towards anguish. With each day passing, my hope is fading away.I probably hurt her way too much. This is why she didn’t contact me.I am confused, If I should give up too?…..That day when I realized I had made a mistake, I went to see her.“She doesn’t want to see you,” her father had told me.I didn’t believe him for a second. I knew she must be angry, because I remembered how I had lashed out at her. I felt guilty and ashamed. I ended up doing exactly what Ira had warned me against. I didn’t trust her and used harsh words.“Let me talk to her once. There is some misunderstanding….” I plead.He shaked his head and tried to close the door on my face.I blocked the door and called her out in desperation, “Natalie!”I knew her father never liked me, but in that moment I saw how much he hated me. He pushed
107. Over - Jacob -.When I pull over in Ira’s building’s parking lot, I don’t call her. I plan to trespass because I must see her today. I am tired of trying with no results. After waiting barely a few minutes, I see some kids entering and I tag along with them.That was easy..I just hope she is at home. I rush to her apartment and knock on her door. “Great! I cannot even fight in peace!” her voice bellows behind the door and I stiffen.Someone is not in a good mood. I am not sure how she will react to me entering her building like this.“Well, how about you don’t fight me at all?” A guy retorts as Ira opens the door.She squints her angry eyes at me and says, “You don’t understand when someone is avoiding you, right?”“I guess not!” I say and walk inside as she gives me passage into her apartment.“Liam!” I nod at him.“Jacob!” He nods back and says, “I will go out now. It’s useless to talk to her.”“Well, I think it’s useless to talk to you!” Ira snaps back at him as he leaves t
108. Don’t hate me- Natalie -.Coach is throwing a lunch party today. He asked me to wear something nice, which was odd, but I wore a dress anyway.Nobody knows, it’s my birthday, and I am feeling a little odd. I cannot help but think about Jacob’s birthday, which is after a week.“Wow, I am older than you.” I grinned when he told me.“A week!” he grumbled, “that doesn’t even count!”I still miss him, but I don’t dare to check his profile anymore. Last time I checked his profile, he was with Riley at some party. His arm around her shoulder. I don’t want to know if they are really dating or if it was just a random outing.It shouldn’t matter to me. Still, I cannot help but feel a strange bitterness towards Riley.I pull out my phone and call my teammates again. First Ashley, then Nikki. None of them pick up. I lock my room and walk towards theirs to see them. But their room is locked.Damn, they left already.“Natalie!” I turn and see Lucas walking towards me.“You are late!” He says