XVIII. The Last Time That Could Have Meant Everything

Pinilit kong pumasok kahit sobrang sama ng pakiramdam ko.  Dapat masaya ako kasi tumawag si kuya Zeck at sinabing isasama na niya kami sa Korea. Pero bakit wala akong maramdaman?

‘Di ko siya nakita sa school nang dumating ako kaya dumiretso nalang ako sa classroom.

Jedd, Kollin, Chalk, and Alvie came rushing to me. They all look worried. I inhaled all the possible strength I'm needing before smiling at them.

"Bakit ganyan mga mukha niyo? Luh, parang ewan."

"Okay ka lang ba, Sol?" Jedd asked.

Nginitian ko sila tsaka tumango. "Oo naman. Bakit naman ‘di ako magiging okay?"

"Anong nangyari sa inyo ng pinsan ko?" Inis na tanong ni Alvie.

"Di ko din alam. Sabi ko naman sa inyo. Mas gwapo si Suho ko. Bahala siya sa buhay niya. Teka nga,  bakit ba parang kayo yung nakipag-break? Haha. Tsaka wag niyo namang awayin yung tao. Baka may pinagdadaanan din. Tingin ko kasi mas okay din naman na naghiwalay kami, madami kasi akong iniisip. Feeling ko doon din naman mapupunta yun eh."

Ang sarap palakpakan ng sarili ko. Di ko alam kung saan ko nahuhugot yung mga pinagsasasabi ko. Siyempre di ako okay haha. Gusto ko ngang umiyak pero leche lang, pati luha ko iniwan ako.

Nagpaalam ako sa kanila na pupuntahan ko si Ronan dahil nakokonsensya akong iniwan ko siya nung foundation week kaya naiwan lahat sa kaniya yung trabaho.

Even Eunice is nowhere to be found. Narinig ko kanina sa mga estudyante na bumalik na siya sa Korea last week.

Balita na rin sa buong university na break na kami. Papunta palang ako sa office pero ako ang usapan ng bawat estudyanteng madadaanan ko kaya dumiretso nalang ako sa rooftop.

Pagbukas ko ng pinto, nakita ko siyang nakadungaw sa may railings. Gusto ko tuloy siyang itulak para mahulog nalang siya. Pero siyempre dahil mabait ako, di ko gagawin.

Aalis na sana ako nung lumingon siya kaya bigla akong nabato sa kinatatayuan ko.

The memories from the very first day I fell for him came rushing back to my mind.

We've started at "Hi, BTS stan, magagaling faves ko" and "Hello, EXO stan, mas magagaling faves ko" until we became the best of all buddies, magkasamang gumagawa ng cover, mang stalk, manood ng concerts at magspazz... but everything did not turned out so well when you spit words that changed everything upside down.

I thought we're destined but everything I thought didn't happen. Sa ganito nalang ba magtatapos yung kwento natin?

Gusto ko siyang yakapin pero pinangunahan ako ng galit. Pinilit ko paring ngumiti kahit nasasaktan ako.

"Sorry, akala ko walang tao. Mauna na ako." Sabi ko.

Sa huling pagkakataon hiniling ko na pigilan niya ako. Na sabihin niyang joke lang lahat yun. Na di talaga siya nakipaghiwalay sa akin. Na bigla siyang luluhod at sasabihing,

"Joke lang yun mahal. Di ko kayang mawala ka. Mahal na mahal kaya kita, bakit kita iiwan? Sabi ko naman kasi sayo wag ka ng magselos. Lika nga dito. Happy monthsary."

Pero siyempre imagination lang ng isang hamak na fangirl yun. Di yun nangyayare sa totoong buhay. Sabi na dapat ko ng tigilan kaka-w*****d at kdrama ko eh.

He stares blankly at me and then nods.

It feels like a million needles fissure my already broken heart. Bakit ang galing mong manakit, Glenn?

Bawat hakbang palayo, pabigat ng pabigat pakiramdam ko. Gusto ko nalang mawala. Sana panaginip nalang lahat. Sana di ko nalang siya nakilala. Baka sana okay pa din ako.

Akala ko kasi yung mga rumors at pamba-bash lang sa EXO yung magpapahirap sa aking huminga pero mas triple pa pala tong nararamdaman ko.

Nag-ring yung phone ko kaya agad kong sinagot, umaasang siya yung tumatawag.

"Hello?"

(Pack your things. I'm coming home.)

Lumingon ako sa rooftop for the last time. He's not leaning on the railings anymore.

Inipon ko lahat ng lakas ko para humakbang palayo. You'll regret what you did, Glenn. You'll surely do.

That day... I realized crying in front of the one you love won't do anything. That day, my parents decided to part lives. I was hoping that he'll be there, make me feel better... but end up breaking my already broken heart into tinier bits.

That day, I learned to cry in silence and to suffer alone because there'll be no one to stop me from crying. No one will save me from the mess I'm in. That day, I asked myself, if I cried in front of him, will that change the fact that he decided to leave me?

Since that day, I promised myself that if someone left me at my worst, they don't deserve me at my best.

After that day, he suddenly disappeared. I just heard from his cousin that he flew to Korea with Eunice.

After a week, Zeck fetches us to Korea and live with him. I didn't tell anyone that I'm leaving.

We already need to board the plane so I look around the airport for the last time. 

"Let's go?" Zeck asked,

I'm about to follow him when I heard people calling my name. When I look back, I found Kollin, Jedd, Chalk, and Alvie running to me.

"So, you're leaving without telling us?" Alvie cried.

I smiled at them and look at Zeck for support.

"We already need to go," Zeck said.

"I'm sorry, goodbye guys! So, take care, okay? I'll be back. I also need time to heal."

I hugged them for the last time and walk away without looking back. I bet I'll break down if I did so I wave them goodbye without looking at them.

I'm sorry, I'm weak. I don't know how to face everyone else since the day he decided to leave.

In just a blink of an eye, everything I have suddenly disappeared. I'm no good at goodbyes.  I never imagined my life to turn out like this.

All I ever wanted is to love and to be loved but the one I loved the most left me hanging.

Phoenix Glenn Yu is one and a half piece of a bastard. He disappeared like a bubble and leave no trace. I don't know what have I done for me to be left this easy.

Am I not enough?

I'm just one of those million fangirls who dreamt to get noticed by my idols. Our love story might be one of the kinds everyone would surely dream of.

Finding a fanboy who'll love her back and support her in everything she wants is a fantasy of a fangirl.

I, a fangirl of one of the best Korean boy groups in Korea, experienced all of that.

EXO noticed me and even helped my suitor to win my heart.

But the happiness I felt during those times vanished just because of the last words he said.

He left me and now I don't know what to do anymore. That fanboy stole my heart but soon broke it into millions of pieces.

When I thought I finally had a happy ending, that jerk ruined everything and wake me up from that fantasy.

Maybe it's the end of our story. In that silver ocean, we once shined but just like stars in heaven, our star died and disappeared.

For the last time, I waited for him to stop me and tell me he's sorry but reality slaps me hard.

He's now gone and forever will be.