What I Want

“Look who is back!” Belinda yelled excitedly as she stepped into the living room. “Oh, you finally got off the floor,” Belinda said as she began to put out all she bought from the restaurant. 

Syrus left some minutes ago, but I still could not bring myself to stand up from my sitting position. First of all, I had not expect to see him today, much more have that conversation. I had no idea how he knew in the first place. The only persons that knew are Belinda and my family, so how the heck did Syrus come to know about my pregnancy?

Another thing that threw me off balance completely was the fact that Syrus’s actions took me by surprise. I had expected that he would flaunt millions of naira on my face and kiss us goodbye. Never did I imagine that I would sense that saw emotion in his eyes and voice as he talked about our babies, and also insisting on being a part of their lives.

Our babies.

It sounded surreal to me, and it would have been awesome to have us all as a family, but that would be wishful thinking on my part, because that boat had sailed already. It was gone forever, and nothing would ever bring me and Syrus back together again. In fact, I would be a fool to ever think of going back to him after all he and his mother put me through.

“I specifically asked that your food be less spicy, because I want my babies to feel comfortable after you have eaten,” Belinda rambled on as she set the table. 

The aroma of what she bought filled the entire room, but my mind was far from food. Usually, especially recently, I would have pounced on the food and devoured everything at a go, but right now, I could barely think or feel anything else. Before the doctor announced that I was pregnant with triplets, I turned into a foodie. Belinda had even teased about me being starved while living with Syrus, and that had to be the only logical explanation to why I was attacking food that way.

None of us ever guessed that it would be pregnancy hormones.

“And I got two extra plates for you. Now that we know that they are going to be triplets, you need all the food in your system that you can take in,” Belinda said cheerfully. Her energy was always infectious, but not right now. She stood and took a look at her arrangement on the table and nodded, impressed. 

Then it dawned on her that I hadn’t said a single word or made any sound since she got back.

Belinda turned to me and looked at me with concerned eyes. “Hey, what’s wrong?” She asked, but I kept mute.

My mind was still trying to get a hang of my current situation, and how in heavens Syrus and I were supposed to co-parent when we could barely stand each other in a room.

Belinda, more worried now about my silence, came closer to me and sat beside me. “Vivian, you look pale. What happened?” Belinda asked. Then when I wasn’t forthcoming with answers, she shook her head and said, “I knew I shouldn’t have left you all by yourself.”

“Look,” Belinda paused and continued, “You do not need to worry yourself about anything, because I have your back, Vivian. We are going to get through this together, alright?” Belinda said with warm assurance, but unknown to her, she was misunderstanding my mood.

“It’s not that, Bel,” I finally managed to get some words out. I knew that if I did not say something any time soon, Belinda was going to blow things out of proportion, and in no time, she would have my dad and brother fawning over me, and right now, that was the last thing I needed.

“Then what’s up, girl?” Belinda asked. Then as though something struck in her mind, she chuckled and asked, “Are you experiencing pregnancy mood swing? I heard it’s a thing with pregnant women.”

“Bel, Syrus was here,” I said in a low whisper as though I could not believe it myself. Actually, I was still struggling to believe it, and his presence just does something to my entire body system.

“I knew it had something to do with that jerk!” Belinda became instantly protective and annoyed. 

I wanted to tell her that calling the father of my babies names wasn’t cool, but she wasn’t wrong at all. Regardless of the fact that I was carrying Syrus’s babies, he was still a jerk. He had always been a jerk, and being my baby-daddy did not change that.

“When?” Belinda asked.

“A couple of minutes ago,” I answered.

“Did your folks see him?” She asked again and I shook my head. “So he came in here to confront you when you were alone? Did he plan for it? I hope you walked him out, though,” Belinda rambled on angrily.

“He knows I am pregnant, Belinda,” I told Belinda. Somebody had to share this knowledge with me.

Belinda’s eyes almost popped out of their socket in shock. “How the heck did that happen? Who told him?!” Belinda asked me.

“I don’t know, Belinda,” I said, and against my wish, tears gathered in my eyes and they almost instantly began to slide down my cheeks. 

“Oh no, please don’t cry,” Belinda said and came over to cradle me immediately. “What did he say? Did he threaten you?” Belinda asked as she consoled me, but I was too busy trying to stop the tears from falling that I did not respond to her questions.

“I knew his presence would be up to no good. He came here to threaten you about the babies, huh? Hope he did not ask you to take them out,” Belinda’s voice was a little raised in alarm.

“He wants to be a father to them,” I answered before Belinda would run wild with her imaginations, assumptions and conclusions. I mean, if I let her, she would be suing Syrus already.

“Oh wow, he said that?” Belinda was obviously surprised. I nodded my head, and Belinda asked again, “Is that what you want?” 

I shook my head slowly, sadly, “I don’t know, Belinda. I don’t know what I want.”