3.

The next morning I woke up, and the room was ice cold, I remembered Mitch giving me a ride home and my mother trying to hear me out as I drank with her while all I felt was sadness over how again she let me down. I remembered I was free for the first time in years, I had all the freedom I could want right now, all the freedom I never thought I'd ever had again since I was locked up in juvie.

I came downstairs and my mother was watching a crime documentary, she loved to watch those and so did I.

“Good morning honey, how was your first night as a free woman?” My mother wanted to know while her boyfriend read the paper next to her.

“Good” I lied and continued watching.

“Don't you need to eat something?” My mother continued talking.

“Why? I'm not hungry.” She knew I was never hungry, I never cared much about my weight, I just didn't have the sensation of hunger very often. I was fine with eating something small twice a week, that's why my mother and I would have many discussions.

“Honey, you're never hungry, you look as pale as a ghost, and honestly I'm concerned, I'm going to plan a doctor's visit for Monday,” she said, she was always annoyed with her comments about my eating habits.

“I'm fine,” I said as I rolled my eyes, “I'm going to take a warm bath.” I walked up the stairs back to my room where I laid out some clean clothes and unpacked everything I had with me quickly while the bathtub was filling in my bathroom. It was weird to be here again after so long, it didn't feel like my house, I doubted if any place could ever feel like home.

It didn't take me more than twenty minutes to give everything a place. Two of the bags were clothes, one box was filled with just books, spread over the two boxes since the weight would have been too heavy for one box, one half of a box was makeup and everything needed to take care of myself and one half was letters I had received in juvie. The last bag was only CDs.

Once it was time for me to let myself slide in the hot water smelling like lavender and rosemary I felt like I could finally relax. I had for once in my life no planning I had to go by, no plans or things to do or any expectations and I felt relaxed to have nothing to do but read a book in a hot bath.

Once I was done taking a bath and a quarter of my book further I decided it was time to rinse myself off, I started to get hungry, which my mother would love, and figured it should be about time to maybe go downtown, get myself some new clothes and new books from the money I had saved and was still in the envelope I was given along with my train ticket.

I counted the money, it was birthday money from the past two and a half years, whatever money I didn't need, and the money I had gotten in my surprise when I had successfully ended a ten-mile run. Sixhundredfifthy dollars. Plenty for a while honestly, I figured. At least plenty to get me a few books for now and maybe some new clothes as I wanted.

Once I got home from my shopping trip I found my mother in the living room, drinking again. I poured myself a drink and sat next to her, It was strange for me to be home again, this house didn't feel like my home. I wondered if any place even would feel like a real home to me, but for the years I had to count down until I was eighteen I knew no place would feel like home.