CHAPTER 1.

My fingers reached out, gripping the hem of the sheets. My manicured fingers dug into the satin, squeezing the fabric until I could feel my palm go numb. My boyfriend, Shawn, had his head buried between my thighs. His tongue flicked the tip of my clit, and my lips parted with ecstasy.

I kept my eyes closed, feeling every touch, every motion.

“Keep going,” I whispered, moving my hand so I could place it on his head.

He went deeper, going faster, making me gasp loudly. This was always the moment he’d caution me to keep it down, reminding me to stay quiet because my mum was in the room right next to mine. But tonight, he said nothing, he let me moan out my desires.

His hands started to move away from my legs, past my belly button to my breast. I used my free hand to follow his, intertwining our fingers to keep us connected.

But then I felt something strange, something unusual. His hands were hairier, harder. His fingers were longer, sharper.

I pushed my eyes open in alarm, trying to remember if I could recall how this whole scene started in the first place.

He stopped, but didn’t move.

I took a deep breath before lifting my head slowly to get a better look at him. First, I saw black hair, just like Shawn’s.

“Shawn?” I called out softly, except my voice betrayed me, cracking as I spoke.

He grunted, but still made no attempt to look up.

“Babe?” I tried again.

“It’s your birthday,” he simply said.

I gasped, throwing his hands away from mine to move backwards. It wasn’t Shawn. It wasn’t his voice, but it wasn’t unrecognizable. It was the same voice that had haunted me since I was twelve.

“Who are you?” I asked the same question I always did whenever he was around. “Why are you here? Why can’t you leave me alone?”

A smile formed around his lips, his front hair blocking half his face from view. “If you really wanted me gone, I wouldn’t be here right now. Besides, you just turned eighteen. I’m here to celebrate.”

“Astra!”

My eyes snapped open. I blinked severally, trying to adjust to the darkness. I reached for the lamp on my side table and flicked it on. I was still unhinged, drenched in sweat and riling from the dream I had just woken up from.

“Ugh,” I sighed when I noticed there was no one else in the room with me. “Every fucking time.”

I dragged myself out of bed to my vanity dressing table and turned on the lights So I could see myself better. My skin was flawless, my hair was still wrapped in heatless curlers. Nothing looked out of place, so why was I still having that damn dream?

I’ve had it almost every night since I was twelve. Not in the same exact settings, but always about the same boy. A boy whose face I can never make out, and whose voice I never seemed to remember once I was awake.

It was driving me crazy.

I couldn’t do anything about it though. Couldn’t tell my mum, and most especially not my friends. What if they thought I had a problem? What if they thought I was going mad? Or I was hunted? God forbid anyone ever finds out I’m not perfect.

As the most popular girl in school, I had an image to protect.

“Astra?”

I paused. “Mum?”

“Astra.”

I groaned in frustration, then got to my feet to walk to the door. “Mum, it’s past one, you’re supposed to be asleep. I know it’s my birthday but you really should have just waited.”

I flung the door open, ready to scold her some more, but she wasn’t outside. The hallway was empty and quiet.

I shook my head in confusion, closing the door. “What’s wrong with me? I know I heard my name.” I returned to sit in front of the mirror and started to examine my face once more.

But the longer I stared into the mirror, the more it looked like my eyes had begun to change color. I squinted, leaning forward, using my fingers to feel around my eye bags.

“What the hell?” I gasped, panicking. My voice now sounding slightly higher and cracked. My blue eyes were now glowing a golden yellow. “What is this?”

“Astra!”

I let out a shriek, falling to the ground, my fingers sinking into the fluffy rug beneath me. “Who said that?”

“Don’t be afraid, Astra.” The voice said again. “I’m not going to harm you.”

Not convinced, I leapt to my feet as quickly as I could and grabbed a hairbrush from the table. “Show yourself.” I said firmly.

“Great choice of weapon, Astra.” The voice said sarcastically. “We can give our enemies a new hairdo.”

“What…..enemies? What are you talking about?

I frowned, releasing my grip on the brush and lowering it. For some reason, I didn’t feel threatened, plus it sounded like the voice was coming from within me. She was also just as sassy as I was.

“Why can’t I see you?” I asked softly, turning around to look into every corner in my room.

“Because I’m inside of you. We’re technically one.” She explained.

I let out a breath. “I don’t understand. Who are you really?”

 “I’m Lola. Your wolf.”

“My….my wolf?” I stuttered, even more confused. I shut my eyes and began to shake my head, whispering to myself. “This isn’t real, it’s just a figment of my imagination.”

“Astra—"

“I’m just dreaming, this isn’t really happening.” I kept chanting, cutting her off.

“Stop it, Astra.” Lola yelled, and I stopped whispering to myself. “You’re not dreaming, you’re not going mad. The moon goddess herself has assigned me to you.”

“Well, go back and tell this moon goddess person that I’m good. I don’t need a….wolf, and I sure as hell do not need to hear a voice in my head.”

“Do not disrespect the moon goddess, Astra. You should be happy I came early. Some get their wolves really late, while some never.”

“Can’t you decide to live in someone else’s head? Because this really isn’t working for me.” I let out, almost on the verge of tears.

“It doesn’t work that way. We’re bonded for life, and we have a lot to learn.” She replied.

“What do you mean?”

“Astra, you’re a werewolf. We should be part of a pack, we should have started training for this moment a long time ago. We need to find our bloodline, learn about our heritage.”

My forehead creased. She really wasn’t making any sense. What was it she said? I was a werewolf and she was my wolf? I laughed under my breath. I always knew something was wrong with me, always felt different. Strange.

But I never imagined I’d be making up things in my head. Lola wasn’t real, she was all in my head. And werewolves do not exist.