CHAPTER THIRTEEN

RILEY

I did it.

After I had coming back from vomiting nothing for the last time, I did the unthinkable.

The midwife had finished cleaning up the pup, and had its still form edged on her left arm as she used other hand to wipe out dried blood from the bed. The mother of the pup was nowhere in sight so I guess the other women had taken her to go clean up.

On sighting me, the midwife’s expression lights up with what I later realized is the weirdest ideas.

She took the little distance separating us, walked towards me and…

Handed the pup

Over

To

Me.

I had hesitated. But I did it.

I took that little male creature into my shaky arms and held him close to my chest.

Those tiny hands, the calming scent, those brown eyes.

I loved the feeling.

Now I am heading towards the living hall to go tell my husband about. I can’t wait to relay to him how my day one of overcoming my fears went. I’ll definitely skip the details of my vomiting spree.

Ill focus on the good. How ecstatic I felt while holding the pup, and how sluggish I was in giving him back to his mother when she returned.

During the painful part of the delivery, q million and one questions had been playing like a song in my head. I wondered why a man that claimed to love his mate with his whole being will intentionally render her to such extreme suffering. Why a reasonable woman who had all the chance in the world to choose what she wants for herself would let herself go through such.

My mind had travelled to the story of my own existence. I had no Ma because she had agreed to do this. I hit a tree branch there, as I remembered that the me, who was having these thought, wouldn’t have been existing if she didn’t.

Well, Pa had in many occasions told me that his love would have still been with me if they hadn’t decided to have me.

That had hurt.

And that had molded my mind towards childbirth.

Risky.

But the look I saw in the new mother’s face as she took the pup into her arms, spoke volumes. She looked fulfilled, all traces of pain gone.

As I had held the pup today, just one thought was registered in my mind.

I want this.

But I won’t tell this to Jude. I’ll just give him the details of my experiences, and maybe be will read meanings from my words.

I smile, arranging my words in my head as I march enthusiastically towards the living hall. Towards my husband.

It is already dark and I had expected him to be in his room, but after my multiple knocks on his door that was met by silence had drawn Theresa’s attention, she stepped out of her room and sluggishly informed me of where he is.

Yes, she has a room.

Getting to the large black wooden door that serves as the entrance to the inbuilt hall, I raise my folded fist to knock.

Then a familiar voice, which I haven’t heard in a while, stops me on my tracks.

“…might seem complicated now, but time takes care of things.” This is definitely the Beta’s voice.

Beta Stephen.

Where has he been all this while?

“Don’t stand there and teach me on time!” A loud voice replies, harshly.

I don’t see the owner of a voice, but it is voice I can recognize even in my sleep. A boice I dream about every night.

That is Jude. And he sounds angry.

“Jude, let’s stay…”

“Jude? I am Alpha and you will call me that. Do you understand me?”

Silence.

“Yes, Alpha.” Beta Stephen’s voice comes out strained.

“Good. Now there is no point in my complaints where I informed about my lack of knowledge on Time, how it fixes things, and blah blah. Yes. I am aware of Time and all it does. But the issue on ground is that the girl you brought to me as Luna and my mate gives me no pull.”

My heart stops.

“Ju…Alpha, the….”

“Do not interrupt me, Stephen.”

Jude sounds pissed. Very.

“I’m sorry.” Beta Stephen gives out a low apology.

“Yes, you should apologize more, because this is all on you. I admit I approached you behind my father to help me find my mate as Father was so stubborn and insistent on me finding a Luna before becoming Alpha. I did that.” A pause. I hear him sigh. “But I didn’t tell you to go pick one tiny omega that acts coy and knows nothing about the activities that should go on in the bedroom. I’ve been pathetic these few months.”

I do nothing.

I forget how to breathe.

I feel nothing.

I just listen.

“Alpha, I didn’t search for her. She was chosen for you by the Moon Goddess. For you.”

“This has to be a joke. Like it’s sad enough that I have stayed twenty seven years in existence without finding my mate, the love of my life. Now I have to put up with that…girl, all because she was chosen by the Moon Goddess? For me?”

I can’t remember letting out that breath. But I still hold it in.

That…girl?

He calls me his Luna when we are alone.

Stephen says nothing, so Jude, in his rage, continues. “I have watched my father live with my mother before she passed. They were so in love, the feeling was evident to all. Their pull kept them joint by the hip. My father followed her everywhere, and vice versa. He even lost his drive and everything became worthless when she died. Now Stephen, THAT, is how mates are when they find each other.” I can picture him pointing his fingers at Stephen.

He does that to emphasize things.

Jude’s mother is dead? No wonder there was no mention of a recent Luna at the meeting with the women wing.

Is that why Jude’s Pa stepped down as Alpha? Did he become passionless just like Pa?

I feel a pinch in my heart on remembering Pa. This situation and the words I’m hearing through this large door intensifies that pinch.

Slowly, it becomes an ache.

“With that girl, I feel nothing.” I hear Jude say.

My eyes, on its own goes shut, then I focus on taking my breaths slowly.

In. Out.

I had thought…

That girl? Again? Does he even remember my name?

“No. I actually feel something.”

Like that, hope springs forth in me like weed in winter, as my eyes fly open and I hold my breath. I press my face to the hard wood, willing ti hear his next words clearly.

“I feel absolute disgust whenever she’s around. From the way she looks at me, I know she likes me. No, she actually loves me. So I took pity on her and made the hard decision of permitting her to sleep in my bed for some nights, but it was not just working. And I have tried, Stephen. I have tried. But I feel zero feelings for her. I don’t know if she is some kind of punishment sent to me by the Moon Goddess, but I think I have endured enough. I need solutions.”

I

Feel

Numb.

My feet turn and my legs start moving. It is like my brain has stopped functioning and the rest of my body have taken the hint and have decided to make decisions for themselves.

I feel something wet on my face.

Tears?

See, my body is working without my consent. I never cry.

I quickly wipe off the pathetic liquid. And walk off to my space, the kitchen, with a fresh feeling of determination.