Chapter 4

Chapter 4 | Visit

Kabado ako sa pag-uwi na tila ba ako pa ang may maling ginawa sa araw na ito.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang aking sasabihin kung magtanong man sina mama at papa tungkol sa aking araw.

Hapon nang naka-uwi ako sa aming tahanan. Dire-diretso ang aking lakad patungo sa aking kwarto na kahit si Aphro ay hindi ako napigilan.

Tahimik ang bahay, tiyak kong na sa labas si mama at si papa naman ay umalis. Kumuha ako agad ng damit na pangbahay upang makapaglinis na ng sarili.

Pumasok si Aphro sa aming kwarto habang nagtatanggal ako ng aking earrings.

"Ang aga mo ate?" she started.

"Oo, nabagot ako," I answered.

"Hindi mo gusto?" tanong niya sa akin.

Binaba ko ang aking earrings at tinitigan saglit ang sarili sa salamin. I looked calm but deep down I knew I wasn't. I still hadn't got over on what happened.

I escaped from someone who did me wrong. What I did was right but I still couldn't accept that I let him touch me.

Ang bobo ko.

"Hindi. Ayaw ko sa kanya," seryoso kong sagot.

Aphro nodded and said, "Alam niya na bang ayaw mo sa kanya, ate?"

"No... sa Monday ko na sasabihin," sagot ko na hindi ko rin sigurado.

Para pa ngang hindi ko na kayang kausapin muli ang dimonyong iyon. Pinulot ko na ang aking mga damit at pumunta na sa aming banyo.

Binuksan ko ang shower at dahan-dahang umagos ang pinaghalong init ng aking katawan at lamig ng tubig.

Hindi nakatakas sa aking isipan ang senaryo kanina sa sinehan. Patuloy kong inisip kung tama bang tigilan ko na ang pakikipagkita kay Jacob dahil sa kanyang pinakitang ugali kanina.

I really thought that he was kind and different from my previous boyfriend. Tunay ngang hindi mo makikilala ang isang tao base lamang sa kanyang mga salita at sa kanyang hitsura.

I didn't want to judge Jacob on our first meeting but he made me conclude that he was also like the rest of them.

Kurt's words replayed on my mind like some kind of reminder. Hindi ko maitatangging tama muli ang aking kaibigan ngayon.

I kind of hated the fact that he was always right and the things I tried to do turned wrong... or maybe I just really hated myself for making bad decisions... and I didn't like to admit it.

I needed to set my standards higher than this. Stupid me, nagpadala na naman sa nararamdaman.

Natagalan ako sa aking pagligo dahil sa ka-iisip ng sasabihin kay Jacob sa mga susunod na araw. Should I not pick up his calls or reply on his texts? Or should I just go with the flow and later on, tell him that I don't want him to continue anymore?

I know both of my ideas were stupid yet I couldn't think anything any more.

Natapos ako sa aking pagligo at dumiretso muli sa amin kuwarto. Nanahimik lamang si Aphro sa isang sulok at hindi na ako pinansin.

We shared one same small room with one double deck bed. Ako ang sa baba at si Aphro sa itaas. Our room had one window at mayroon maliit na sofa sa tabi nito. Naramdaman siguro ni Aphro na wala ako sa sariling makipag-usap.

"Kumain ka na?" I asked my sister to lessen my anger.

"Hindi pa, maya-maya pa. Ikaw, kakain ka pa, ate?" she asked back.

"Nawalan ako ng gana," I said as I sat down meters away from her.

"What happened?" she innocently asked me.

I hesitated to tell my sister the truth. I went on my bed and didn't answer her.

"I'll call Kurt to tell him what happened, makinig ka na lang," I said instead.

Aphro shrugged and looked away. I sighed and dialed Kurt's number. I hoped he wasn't busy to listen on my story.

I had other friends but they weren't like Kurt. Kurt had been with me since day one of high school na hanggang ngayong college kami ay nanatili pa rin. We knew each other that much and I trusted him more than my longest ex-boyfriend, Arist.

"Oh, kumusta?" sagot ni Kurt sa aking tawag.

Pinindot ko ang loud speaker option upang marinig din ni Aphro si Kurt.

"Tangina," panimula ko.

"Oh, ano? Tama na naman ako?" he guessed perfectly.

"Walang bahid ng kamalian," I answered.

"Anong ginawa ng bayotang iyon sa 'yo? Bakit ka na-turn off?" Kurt asked.

I sighed.

"Una, he bought us seats na malayo sa ibang mga manonood. Duda na ako roon pa lang, e-"

"Ay, tangina nga," Kurt commented.

"I know... but I let it slip away dahil late ko ng nalaman na kami lang pala ang malayo!" I continued ranting.

I gazed at Aphro to see if she was listening. I saw her fuming eyes as she processed my story.

"Tanginang manyakol, 'di niyan deserve magka-titi," Kurt ranted too.

I laughed because Kurt's savageness was all I ever needed.

"True, mama! Tapos nang nag-start na ang film, tsumansing na ang gago," kuwento ko muli.

"Tinanong pa ako kung nilalamig ba ako, wala naman siyang jacket or anything to cover me up. Tamang akbay lang sa akin nang nagtanong ang puta," I harshly said.

"Gaga ka, nagpahawak ka?" Kurt asked me.

"Natakot ako, sis!" I exclaimed, "I expected something might happen but I didn't prepare myself for it."

"Ang hirap i-explain, Kurt, basta't natakot akong magreklamo dahil baka mas lumala pa," I shared.

Kurt groaned in frustration, siguro kung magkaharap lamang kami ngayon ay sinabunutan na ako nito.

"Saan ka hinawakan?" Kurt asked.

I gulped hard before I answered, "He gently poked my butt."

"Shit," I heard Aphro cussed.

"Putangina?" Kurt cussed too.

"I didn't know what to do. Nanginig ang katawan ko sa takot dahil kahit simpleng hawak lang iyon ay nakat-trauma na. Call me a drama queen or exaggerating but that's what I feel," I shared, my lips were trembling.

"I won't blame you, Ian, for acting weak and all. You're the victim of his selfishness and you deserve to be heard rather than be judged," Kurt said that eased me.

"Kuya Kurt is right, ate. Buti pa ang gay, may disiplina. Boys like Jacob the Ass isn't worth it," Aphro commented.

I felt relieved knowing they understood my situation.

"Layuan mo na iyang Jacob, tutulungan kita," Kurt said.

"Thank you, bitch," was all I afforded to say.

"Iwas muna tayo sa lalaki ngayon, bitch! Huwag magpa-uhaw!" he shouted at me.

I smiled at his remark.

"Kung nauuhaw, uminom ng tubig at huwag humanap ng lalaki, okay?" Kurt reminded me.

I laughed.

"Opo, I'll stay hydrated, mama," I jokingly said.

"Tawa-tawa ka riyan, seryoso ako! Ikaw, Aphro, huwag kang gagaya sa ate mong tanga pumili ng lalaki," Kurt attacked my sister.

"Don't worry, kuya Kurt, I am not fragile," Aphro said back.

"Buti pa ang kapatid mo, Ian! Ako, nas-stress na naman kay Roah," Kurt ranted.

Roah was his younger sibling. Last year, Roah got pregnant accidentally by someone from her job. Apparently, Roah's job was illegal. She was part of a prostitution who were paid to satisfy different men every night.

Roah exited from the job when she got pregnant. At first, she planned to abort the baby... I knew it was a sinful decision but somehow, her reasons had a point.

Their family wasn't rich and they struggled to survive everyday unlike me. Roah wanted to abort the baby dahil alam niyang mahihirapan siyang palakihin itong mag-isa at maaaring dumagdag lamang ang bata sa gastusin, hindi naman niya rin ito hiniling.

The plan itself was selfish but I wouldn't deny that it had a point. Kung lalaki ang bata sa maling panahon at sa mga maling taong nakapaligid sa kanya, ito rin mismo ang mahihirapan. Dagdag populasyon pa at pasakit gayong hindi rin magiging maganda ang buhay.

Hindi magiging maganda ang buhay-bakit kapag galing ka sa ibaba ay ito agad ang isipan ng mga tao?

Bakit kapag nanggaling ka sa hirap ay tingin nila'y wala ka ng pag-asang tumaas o magbago?

Was it really the government who made the people poor or was it the people's mind set that pulled them down?

Their parents agreed on the abortion but Kurt didn't. It was hard but in the end, he convinced Roah to let the baby live.

"Bakit, anong nangyari?" I asked Kurt.

"She's being a slut again, nakakabwisit. Nalaman kong nagpapatira na naman," Kurt answered.

I sighed.

"Ang sabi ko, mag-aral siya at hindi bumalik sa trabaho niyang malaswa," Kurt ranted.

"Naka-usap mo na ba?" I asked Kurt.

"Hindi pa, gabi-gabing wala. Sa umaga naman ay nagpapahinga kaya hindi ko madistorbo. Busy din ako sa pag-alaga kay Nemo," Kurt answered.

Nemo was Roah's baby.

"Wala naman akong problema kung pokpok talaga ang kapatid ko pero kasi, ang pinapasukan niya ay illegal. May mga legal prostitution naman na at ayos lang sa akin kung doon siya papasok-"

"Marami kasing requirements sa legal saka isa pa, mayroon na ba no'n dito sa Pilipinas?" I asked confusingly, "sa ibang bansa lang ang alam ko."

"Wala pa ngang legal sa Pilipinas kaya nga ayaw ko siyang nagt-trabaho ng gano'n. Kung ipagpapatuloy naman niya ang illegal job, sana ay huwag na siyang magbunga muli ng anak," Kurt said.

"Hindi ko sinasabing ayaw ko kay Nemo, ha, mahal ko 'tong batang 'to pero hindi kasi biro ang magpalaki," Kurt added.

"I understand. If Roah chooses to continue her job, she must be vigilant and careful not to get pregnant," I commented.

"Wala ba silang health related shits? Like pagpapaturok para hindi mabuntis or pills?" I asked.

"Sari-sarili sila, girl, kung paano umiwas," Kurt stressfully said.

"Well, that's fucked up," I commented.

"Aphro?" sigaw ni mama mula sa labas.

Aphro immediately stood to open the door for our mother.

"Nandito na si mama, kita na lang tayo sa Lunes," I said to Kurt.

"Sige, aayusin ko na rin si Nemo," pagpa-alam ni Kurt.

"Nandito na ang ate mo?" mom asked from the living room.

Our house wasn't big for me not to hear things from the outside.

"Nandito na ako, ma," I answered.

"Kumusta ang date?" mom asked me.

"Don't ask me, it's exhausting," I said instead.

"Bakit? Anong nangyari?" my mom asked again.

"Minanyak siya," Aphro answered, ni-hindi muna huminga.

"Nako," was my mother's only reaction.

"Layuan mo na 'yan, Ian," mom said to me with a deadly tone.

"Alam ko, ma," I said.

"Kanina, nainis din ang papa mo dahil sa biglang paghawak sa 'yo ng lalaki-"

"Madadapa na kasi ako no'n-"

"But your father misunderstood it," mom continued.

I sighed, sabi ko na, e.

"I-I'll just... explain to papa," I unsurely said.

Mom didn't add more in our topic instead, she diverted the talk into something else. I wasn't sure if it was a good sign or not. I grabbed my soft blue pillow and hugged it tightly. They got busy of other things while I remained sinking in my bed.

I plugged my earphones in my phone and decided to listen to some music to lessen the stress I'd felt.

Halos dalawang oras din akong nanatili sa aking puwesto nang napagdesisyunang tumayo na upang kumain ng gabihan.

"Oh, Ian," pansin sa akin ni papa nang lumabas ako.

"Pa," bati ko rin.

"Hindi ka pa kumain?" he asked worriedly.

"Hindi pa, ikaw?" I asked as I walked toward our small dining table near the living room.

"Katatapos lang, kanina ka pa namin tinatawag. Hindi ka sumagot kaya akala namin ay tulog ka na," papa answered.

"Naka-earphones lang," I said and prepared my own food.

I silently waited for my father to bring up the issue earlier yet naubos ko na lamang ang ulam kong kamatis at daing, hindi pa rin niya ni-mention.

I washed my plate and used utensils after eating. Dad was now sitting beside my mother, he was listening to the news while mom was reading something on her phone.

They often slept at our living room using a big comfortable foam since wala ng ibang kuwarto. Malaki naman ang sala kung kaya't kasya sila.

I was about to go inside our bathroom when someone knocked from outside. We were at the second floor of this house kung kaya't hinintay ko muli ang tawag sa baba upang siguraduhing mayroon talagang tao.

"Mercian, mag-usap tayo!" Arist shouted from outside.

Shit.

Anong oras na, ngayon pa niya ako ginambala. He didn't inform me of his sudden visit!

"Si Arist ba iyon?" my father asked.

"Oo, hindi ko alam na pupunta siya," I answered my father.

My parents stood up to check on the window. I unconsciously neared them too to see Arist from below.

"Tito, tita, kauusapin ko lang si Mercian," Arist told my parents.

Ang kapal ng mukha.

"Akala ko ba nagka-ayos na kayo nito?" my mother attacked me now.

"O-Oo nga, ewan ko kung anong trip niyan ngayon," I answered nervously.

"Babain mo muna, jusmiyo. Magigising ang lolo mo sa kagaguhan niyan," mom told me.

"Ayaw ko na siyang kausapin, mama!" I told her back.

"Babantayan ka namin, Mercian, sige na!" mom insisted.

I sighed and grabbed my slippers. I went down with a frowning face. Naabutan ko sa sala ng first floor ang aking iilang pinsan. They were all ready to sleep as they saw me.

I ignored their judgemental eyes and proceeded to go out.

"Mercian," puna ni Arist nang nakita ako.

"Putangina mo," salubong ko.