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Chapter 25
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2021-10-04 18:44:43"Ashton. Love we are home. "
I opened my eyes to see we were parked in my driveway.
"I'm sorry I fell asleep on you."
"It's fine. Are you still tired?"
"No, just car rides make me sleep. You coming in? I could make us something to eat."
"That sounds good. I can help."
A small smile tugs at my lips. It's sweet of him, but I know he has no idea what he is doing in the kitchen unless it involves a microwave or noodles.
"Okay."
We climb out of his truck and head in.
"Hey Z, thank you for this morning. It has been a lo
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It's 9:00pm and I hear Zain pull up in the driveway. I shoot him a text."Come in, I'm almost ready. Make us a drink before we go.""Cool."I hear the front door open and close again and Z's booted steps in the kitchen.I finish flat ironing my dark hair trying to tame it best I can. I begin putting on makeup when Zain steps in with two glasses."I made you rum punch." He says as he hands me my glass."Perfect. So, where are we going?""To a bar in town."I roll my eyes and go back to my mirror.
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"Did I tell you how great you look tonight?" Zain rumbles in my ear.My back is pressed up against him as we dance to one of the few slow songs playing."No, Sir.""What was that?""I said no Sir.""Hmm, how do you feel about that?""I like it.""Good.""How did you feel about it.""I find that I don't mind it." Zain answers and leans down and softly kisses my neck."Let's get out of here. I have a few things in mind for when we get back to your place if that is okay.""Sounds good to me." I saw with a small smile playing on my lips."You okay to drive, I have had a few more than you tonight.""I can drive, I only had the one. I don't know how we drank so much of that shit when we were younger.""Because we drank what we could get our hands on.""That is true."We head out to the parking lot and Zain unlocks the drivers door for me. I am climbing in when his hand reaches a
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We sat across from each other in heavy silence. My mind off in another place. A dark place full of despair. I wasn’t sure why I picked this place to retreat to, why I had picked his company. Zain had joined the band a year ago and while we were all friends-ish, he hadn’t been super close with any of us. But his was the name that popped in my head when I didn’t want to be around anyone, yet, didn’t want to be alone.His brown eyes flicked up to me from time to time. Never landing for long. The loss of his drummer was weighing heavy on his heart as well, although he has not once let his grief pour over onto me. For that I am grateful. My grief was already too much. Ryan’s death was too much for my heart. I thought I would shatter at any moment. I have loved him since I was 17. Friends and on and off again lovers for 20 years. My mind drags up images of his beautiful smile and of the way his energy shifted when he played. The man was a hell of
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“Yo!” I shout as I enter the house and spot all of Zain’s roommates gathered in the kitchen. This place is seemed to always have something going on. Various “what’s ups” greet me as I walk in.“What’s happening tonight?” I ask as I set my bag of goodies on the counter. Vodka, punch and pineapple juice where tonight’s choice of poison. It was a dangerous mix because you could not taste the alcohol which is why I like it. It is a fast fun drunk to keep my mind in a happy place.“Karaoke in the living room!” replies Sarah as she walks over to give me a hug. “You went pink!” I say as I notice her once blonde hair is now streaked through with hot pink. “It really pops against that white dress!” She giggles as she embraces me. She has the best hugs. Probably because her chest is huge so it’s a soft, comforting squeeze. “I’m going to find Z.” I tell her befo
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“So, Hannah is coming over?”I roll my eyes. The woman has never done anything to me, but I do not like her. It’s not because her and Z have some thing going on, it’s her. She doesn’t seem to have a personality. I have tried to hold a conversation with her, but if it isn’t about makeup or food, she has nothing to add to the conversation. She is the local music scene groupie and it gets on my last nerve.“Okay.”“Do you want me to tell her not to come?”I wanted to tell him to tell her not to come. That isn’t fair of me. Why do I care? He isn’t mine. We are friends. A little voice in my head tells me that I should tell him to make some reason for her not to come, but I don’t. I don’t have that right.“If you want her to come, let her come.”Hell, she would show up anyways and say she is there to visit one of the other roommates. Any reason to be ar
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I stood at the window watching. A part of me glad that she would be gone soon. Not that I could comprehend for the life of me why it mattered. I told myself it was because she wasn’t good for him. She had nothing to offer him, no personality and she was possessive over him when she had no right to be. Hannah didn’t know Zain. She knew the energetic party guy that everyone else knew. She didn’t know are care, as far as I could tell, about the gentle, kind man with a dark past he kept hidden away. She wasn’t worried about his mental wellbeing. She needed to go home and leave my friend alone. She was constantly showing up everywhere he was. Which meant everywhere I was because we do almost everything together. Really only spending time apart when we have work. Nights and weekends are ours. It never fails, within 30 minutes of him posting from our location she shows up. It almost always leads to her needing to talk to him in private. Dragging him off from our fun. Finally, her f
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“Want another one?” The cute bartender asks me while holding up my empty bottle. I smile at her and nod and she bounces off to the bar for me. I like Sam. She is bubbly and sweet. Her dark hair is in two buns on the top of her head and her ever present spiked goggles sit on top of her head like a headband. She completes her look with tight red pants and a black T with fishnets sleeves. We got close when the band was still a thing. She was dating the then guitarist, so we spent a lot of time hanging out together.“So where is Zain?”“Oh, I am sure he will be here. He was pregaming at the house with everyone before coming. We are kind of doing our own thing tonight.”“Cool.”I prop my feet up in the empty stool next to me as I chat with her. These damn boots are sexy as hell, but so uncomfortable.“Tell me how you are really doing.”Sam doesn’t pry, but she has been a constant s
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I sink lower into the warm bath. Letting the water and the music try to do their job to relax me. Work sucked today. Nothing crazy, I have just had enough for the day. The heat of the water turns my pale skin pink. My toes peek out over the bubbles and I inspect them for any chips in the dark polish. I am terrible about keeping up with them. Hell, half the time they are covered up so does it even matter.If I am being real with myself, I don’t have much care to give anything anymore really. When Ryan died the only emotion left inside of me was grief. Man, I did not know that that level of grief was even possible. I couldn’t eat and barley slept in the beginning. The first week the grief stole 15 lbs from me. My parents were worried sick. They were always hovering and checking on me. It meant a lot considering I could not seem to make any decisions about anything. We were never super close, but they stepped up and we grew closer. Dad was extra protective of me duri
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"Did I tell you how great you look tonight?" Zain rumbles in my ear.My back is pressed up against him as we dance to one of the few slow songs playing."No, Sir.""What was that?""I said no Sir.""Hmm, how do you feel about that?""I like it.""Good.""How did you feel about it.""I find that I don't mind it." Zain answers and leans down and softly kisses my neck."Let's get out of here. I have a few things in mind for when we get back to your place if that is okay.""Sounds good to me." I saw with a small smile playing on my lips."You okay to drive, I have had a few more than you tonight.""I can drive, I only had the one. I don't know how we drank so much of that shit when we were younger.""Because we drank what we could get our hands on.""That is true."We head out to the parking lot and Zain unlocks the drivers door for me. I am climbing in when his hand reaches a
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It's 9:00pm and I hear Zain pull up in the driveway. I shoot him a text."Come in, I'm almost ready. Make us a drink before we go.""Cool."I hear the front door open and close again and Z's booted steps in the kitchen.I finish flat ironing my dark hair trying to tame it best I can. I begin putting on makeup when Zain steps in with two glasses."I made you rum punch." He says as he hands me my glass."Perfect. So, where are we going?""To a bar in town."I roll my eyes and go back to my mirror.
Love After Chapter 25
"Ashton. Love we are home. "I opened my eyes to see we were parked in my driveway."I'm sorry I fell asleep on you.""It's fine. Are you still tired?""No, just car rides make me sleep. You coming in? I could make us something to eat.""That sounds good. I can help."A small smile tugs at my lips. It's sweet of him, but I know he has no idea what he is doing in the kitchen unless it involves a microwave or noodles."Okay."We climb out of his truck and head in."Hey Z, thank you for this morning. It has been a lo
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I laid in bed wrapped in Zain’s arms trying my hardest not to think. The sun has yet to make his full appearance , My brain has other plans apparentlyand I wanted to go back to sleep. Apparently, my brain has other plans . This was okay.. I did not do anything wrong. Ryan wanted nothing but the best for me, always. I know he would want me to do more than survive. I just can’t help this guilt that lays so heavy on my heart. “Stop.” Zain’s voice rumbles. “What?”
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I suddenly feel very nervous looking up to meet his whiskey eyes. My crystal blue ones must show everything I am feeling. I have never been very good at controlling my face.“Don’t be nervous, Love. I’ve got you. This only goes as far as you want it to. Tonight is not the night to try new things. I want you Ash. Do you want this too?”I nod my head in response unable to bring the words to my tongue.“Use your words, Ashton. I need to hear you say it.”“Yes.” I whisper to him.I duck my head trying to hide my blush and all of the emotions that must be running right across my face. Why does he have this affect on me? This is my friend. There is not much I have not shared with him. It isn’t like this simple act would mean that we were more than friends. He has not indicated in anyway that he wanted more. In fact, he was clear that this was to help me. It has been a long time since anyone other than
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He settles his arms around my waist and wrap mine around his neck as we begin to sway to the music. We have never danced like this before. It was strange to be wrapped in someone else’s arms. Instead of overthinking it, as I tend to do, I decided to just enjoy the moment.“Can I kiss you?”My stomach did a flip at his question. It’s not like he hasn’t before, but him asking me made things different. I suddenly feel like a nervous schoolgirl.“Yes.” I whisper into his chest.His hand reaches up and he tilts my chin up with two fingers. Our eyes meet for a brief moment before he bends down and places his lips on mine. It is a gentle meeting of the lips that lasts only a few seconds.“Your lips are so soft.” He whispers with his face inches from mine.“You already said that.” Remembering those exact words the first time he kissed me.“Well, they are.”
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We finished lunch and Zain brought me back to the office where I finished my work for the day. Things got a little hectic so there was no time to think about all the things we had talked about during lunch. Now that I was home my brain was spinning with all the information. Surprisingly, I am not closed to the idea of all of this. I used to have a very small view of the lifestyle and did not understand why someone would give control to another person. Why they would subject themselves to rules and punishments. The world is a strange place and people deal with it how they can. There is no shame in that. As long as they are not hurting anyone, it doesn’t matter what they do to cope. What happens between two consenting adults is private and no one else’s business. The question is if this is for me or not. If the answer is not an immediate no, then maybe it is something we can try. Like Zain said, I will actually be the one that holds all the power. If I try it and do not like i
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We were seated at a table tucked off by ourselves. The lunch crowd had already thinned out, so we had a small bit of privacy. The waitress was friendly and had already brought our drinks and taken our order. “How’s work?” I asked knowing he would give a generic answer. He never talks about work and is good at separating work and life. “It’s work, not bad.” He replies. His phone buzzes on the table and he glances at it quickly types out a response and sets his phone back down. I am used to him always chatting away with someone. “Is it important? Do you need to take a call or..” “No, it’s fine, Love. I apologies you will have my full attention from here out.” “Okay Zain, what’s up? Why lunch today?” “I wanted us to talk. Have you been doing your research?” “I have.” “Have I scared you off?” “No, it is a lot to process and I have about a million questions.” “Well, I am here to answer all of your que
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I spent the last week doing the research Zain had asked me to. There are things I can never unsee and are absolute no’s for me. I am still concerned about a few things. I don’t know how submissive I can be. If I know anything about myself it is that I am defiant as hell. In theory, giving control over to someone I trust sounds like heaven right now. Will I be able to though? I worked hard to get from under the thumb of people who claimed to have my best interest at heart. They used the word protective instead of controlling. It took a very long time to break that. To understand what was really going on and rebuild myself from their emotional abuse. I also know that Zain would never do those things to me. Yes, I would be giving him power over me, but it would be my choice. I set the boundaries and I could also walk away. This was not to feed his ego, but to help me. That would be the difference. This would be about me and not about him.“Are you free to have
