Alone with Orion

As I watched Eliza walking out I kind of felt uncomfortable.  Bring on the social awkwardness.  No matter how old I am, I will always be this. “Do you want desert” Orion asked.  “Um, no thank you” I responded.  I looked at the table and most of the food was gone.  I really wanted to have desert, but I do not know what or how act with Orion sitting right in front of me. My whole body is tight.  I had to tell myself, just treat him as if he was Eliza. Or any other friend that I have. Ok, I don’t have many friends.  Honestly, I’d rather be here by myself than to sit across Orion.  “Ok, well do you mind sitting with me while I have desert” he stated.  My right eyebrow lifted.  He noticed it and smiled.  “We can catch up more. There wasn’t much of an opportunity to get to know each other back then, but now, why not” he said.  I had to take a beat and think about it.  Ok, I am 38 years old. My experiences have never given me life long close friends.  Not that I’m complaining about it.  I’m just cautious. Especially since I have always opened my heart and welcomed friendship, but for some reason, I was always left behind or not included at all.  It’s totally true when they say adolescent to young adult experiences never leave the person.  And if there is pain included in that experience, that person can never forget.  I wish I could have amnesia sometimes.  Not remembering would be quite nice.  I better never say that out loud or else it might really happen. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. If you want to leave that’s ok too.  I’ll pay for the meal” he said. “Actually, I already told Eliza I was going to pay for it” I said.  “No, I will pay” he argued. I put a smile on my face, “Eliza and I had already discussed it before hand and she already knows I was paying for tonight” I tried to enforce my place.  I really didn’t want to owe him anything moving forward.  “No, I will pay” he said.  His voice was cold, and his face reflected how he sounded.  I was confused.  What did I do?  “I don’t understand, it’s not a problem. This was what I was going to do anyways.  Eliza knows that” I said with a low voice.  I wasn’t scared, I just didn’t know why he got mad.  “Look, Eliza and I are friends.  We don’t normally hang out, but when we do, I never let her pay.  Since she already knew that I was coming, she already understood that I would be paying for tonight.  So, I know for a fact that she did not still expect you to pay” he said forcefully. Ok, did I just get tingles.  This was interesting. I had no idea how to respond. Normally, I would lash out at anyone who spoke to me like that, but I was leashed. Why? “I didn’t know that you and she had previous understanding when hanging out. And it’s rare for anyone else to pay for me” I finally said. “Look, I want to get to know you more.  And I want you to get to know me more. And since I invited myself I’ll pay. Plus, this is how I am with Eliza, so why can’t it be extended to you to” he said.  I am having a really difficult time with this.  I don’t know why. I remember once upon a time I would have agreed straight away, but the person I have become today does not want to owe anyone in the future. “Please let me pay the bill.  You won’t owe me anything.  Think of it as a welcome back to Fort Lauderdale gift” he said with a smile.  I bowed my head a bit and said, “Ok, thank you.”  “Now that is settled, do you want desert” he asked.  “Thank you but no desert for me” I answer. With that answer, Orion asked for the bill, paid, left a tip and he walked me out to my car.  I unlocked my 2010 white Lexus 350.  I love this car.  It’s a midsize SUV to be exact.  He opened the driver’s side door, and I was about to get in, but he stopped me by saying, “about Nate, why don’t you want him to know that you are here.”  I sighed as I continued to dump my handbag on the driver’s seat.  I thought about it, if Nate ever found out that I was back in the state he would look for me.  He is the only one that I know would literally look for me.  Even after all these years.  “Do you still talk with him” he asked me with a frown on his face when I hadn’t said anything yet.  “No, it’s been a long while since he and I have had any communication” I responded.  He looked at me and I was afraid that he would ask more questions. “Can we not talk about him” I asked as I leaned my back against the back driver side door.  He kept looking at me, his frown still on his face.  Orion finally asked in a whisper, “did you use to love him, and do you still love him?” I closed my eyes; this was a difficult question.  “And don’t lie about it.  I really want to get to know you.  Your past can’t be changed.  My past can’t be changed.  I would like for us to at least keep an open mind with each other.  We might end up being just friends, or we might like each other” he continued in his whispered voice.  I saw sincerity in his eyes.  “Can I not answer that question” I asked him while my eyes were watching my feet toe a pebble on the ground. He was silent for a while. But the silence was drawn out for too long, so I looked up at him.  It seemed like he came closer to me.  “Alright.  Where’s your phone” he asked me.  I reached into my bag and pulled out my phone. “Text my phone now, so I have your number.  More importantly you have my number, and when you want you can call or text” he stated.  I was a bit surprised when he said that my mind couldn’t catch up. “Hop in I’ll close your door” he continued talking and I just followed whatever it was he was saying.  I turned around, got in, started the car, then rolled my window down.  He leaned into the open window and said “Drive safe” then he leaned further and kissed me on my cheek.  I gave him a tight-lipped smile then drove off.  It didn’t take me long to get home.  I parked in the garage and went into the house.  The house was quiet.  It’s just me now.  I’ll get used to it eventually, though I have to admit that I feel lonely.  But I am not going to dwell on it.  This feeling is just temporary.  At least, I hope.  Shaking that thought out of my head, I went to take a shower.  When I was finished, I sat on my bed thinking about this point in my life.  My job starts tomorrow night, so I’ll stay awake just a little longer to slowly adjust working the graveyard shift.  Looking at the time, it’s only 10pm, so I looked for something to watch on one of those streaming networks.  No matter how many streaming services or channels I have, there is always nothing good to watch.  So, my thoughts drifted to Orion.  Orion was 6 feet 1inches tall with a well-muscled body.  He wasn’t disgustingly muscled, but just buff enough to be awesomely proportioned to his height.  His face features was sharp and chiseled, but friendly. His eyes, oh my goodness, when those eyes looks your way, you are held captivated. The voice that comes out of his mouth is deep and rolls over your body like a tangible touch. He was the whole package. So, basically, I was intimidated.  It will never happen between the two of us, I thought. Then, went back to reading another romance novel.