I often ask myself, could life be any harder than this? The day I left home four years ago felt like I was leaving pieces of my broken heart as a trail for me to follow, if I did decide to come back. With each piece, I would pick it up and put it to where it fitted perfectly and then do the same with the others, carefully and surely. However, if I'd reach the last piece to make my heart whole, it would all come crumbling down, having me to start all over again.
That was what I felt the moment the plane touched down Colorado soil.
Mike had this crazy idea that I should bring him along and pose as my boyfriend. I thought he was crazy, but when I thought about it, it would make things easier for me when I'll come face-to-face with Dalton.
I wasn't exactly looking forward to this reunion. We hadn't spoken a single word, not even an e-mail or a phone call since I left for L.A., and I had no idea how this idea of mine would turn out.
Would he smile when he sees me?
Would he welcome me with open arms?
Would he slap me across the face and say every deplorable name he could think of just for being a cold-hearted bitch and for leaving without saying a word?
I'd find that out later.
"I should have kicked the kid in the shins when I had the chance," Mike muttered hotly as he dragged his suitcase alongside me, heading for the arrival area. "He was so annoying - kicking the back of my seat and saying I was a retard!"
I giggled. "Come on," I said, trying to alleviate his anger. "He's just a kid."
He scrunched up his face. "I can't help it. He kept kicking and kicking and if not for his mom, I could have strangled his neck."
I gave him a disbelieving look. Yeah, typical Mike. When he saw that the mom was hot, he let it slide and played the cool guy. "Yeah, I thought so," I said, shaking my head. "With her double D's and blond hair, you immediately forgive her kid and turn your flirt face on."
He chuckled, low and deep. "She's a hot mom, and besides," he paused and gave me his trademark snaring smirk, "she was ogling my goodies."
I rolled my eyes. "She's a cougar."
"A hot cougar," he corrected.
Rolling my eyes, I slapped Mike's arm hard and told him to hail a cab for us. We were already outside the arrival area and there were a lot of cabs lining up, waiting to be taken. When he finally got one, he took all our luggage, jammed it all in the trunk, got inside the cab and I told the driver where to go.
"1456 Boulder Road," I said to the driver.
The driver nodded and peeled out of the airport.
Here we go...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Thirty minutes rolled by and I felt like telling the driver to turn around and go back to the airport. I was a nervous wreck: my hands were clammy, my stomach had birds flapping widely instead of butterflies and my heart was thumping erratically like a bunny on red bull. Right now, I'd rather crawl under a metamorphic rock and go die.
I felt a warm hand squeeze my shoulder reassuringly. I knew it was Mike - he had been asking me if I was alright, but I couldn't say anything. I was too engrossed in my own thoughts, running different scenarios and possibilities with my unannounced arrival. Mom would be pissed for sure, since she was such an organized freak, and Caroline? The girl would possibly rant my head off, and dad... What would he say? We were close and when I left home without a word, he was really, and I mean really mad at me.
Oh, god...
"We're here," the driver announced, breaking me out of my thoughts.
I paid the driver, thanked him and we got out of the cab. Mike went around to get our suitcases and when everything was done, the cab drove off, leaving dust particles in its wake.
"Nice house," Mike appraised with a smile.
I smiled. "Thanks," I said.
It wasn't a mansion, but it was home sweet home. It was a two story beige colored house and the front yard was trimmed and immaculately well kept, thanks to my mom. She was into gardening and she took pride in taking care of her flowers, and what was even freaky, she actually talked to them - seriously - and it freaked me out.
I averted my gaze to the light greenhouse next to mine. I tried to smile as I saw it. I really did, but seeing that used-to-be comfortable heaven brought only bittersweet memories, assaulting my mind viciously.
It was so damn hard.
"Charlie bear," Mike said to me and I tore my eyes away from the house. "Are you ready?"
Am I ready?
Could I really do this?
Mike slid his big hand on mine, squeezed it lightly and let go. "I'm here, don't worry."
"Thanks Mike," I said.
With a sigh, I marched towards the front door with my suitcase in tow. Mike was right behind me and every step I took felt like lead, but I had to go on and get this over with. I was already here, and if I chicken out now, it is already too late to back out. By the time we reached the front door, I dug out my spare key which I managed to keep up until now, unlocked the door and flung it open.
Let the show begin.
"I'm home!" I sang out loud as I scanned inside for inhabitants. "Guys?"
A loud thump was heard, followed by muffled hissing sounds and shuffling. 'Good, someone's home then,' I thought bemusedly. I stood there as I waited and a few minutes later, a grown up, stunning looking Caroline emerged out of the living room, and when she saw me, she stopped walking and gaped like a fish out of oxygen.
"Hi, Caroline," I said. "How are you?"
Her blond hair was still wavy, but it went past her shoulders now. Her crystal blue eyes seemed brighter and her facial features were now matured and striking.
She grew up to be a lovely woman.
"Ch-Charlotte?" she stuttered, still standing there like a moron. "You're here..."
I rolled my eyes. "Of course I'm here," I said as I tried to remain calm and collected. "I'm here for your wedding, silly."
"Baby, who's that?" a deep, familiar voice asked loudly and my body went rigid as a stick.
He's here? In my house?
"You won't believe who it is," Caroline said back loudly.
In a matter of seconds, the guy who still managed to make me breathless came out of the living room.
Dalton.
I had to stay strong and focused. I couldn't afford to look weak in front of them.
Not now.
When his eyes landed on me, he froze on the spot and in a matter of seconds, his eyes went wide as an owl.
Dalton was still a sight for sore eyes. Back in high school he was buff, but now he was buff yet not enough to make him look gross. His hair was still styled the same way - spiked up and disheveled - and his facial features no longer held that teenage youthfulness. He looked mature, and I admit, he looked even hotter.
He wasn't a boy anymore.
He was a man now.
As I peered into his forest green eyes, they were swimming with conflicting emotions as it clashed, grappling for a definite one, but from my standpoint, he was still trying to figure out what to feel.
If we stand here all day, then, this would take us forever.
Grunting, I motioned for Mike to follow me as I went past a stunned-looking Charlotte and Dalton.
"Living room, right now," I ordered without looking at them. "And have mom and dad come if they are here," I added quickly.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
If this was a courtroom, I would be the judge.
All the guilty parties (excluding Dalton, of course) were now seated in front of me, in the living room's four-seater couch, waiting to be told off. As for Mike, he was seated next to me, looking impassive and expressionless while I tried my hardest to remain rational and calm.
But I couldn't help but feel the resentment building inside of me.
Was it so wrong to be bitter towards them?
"Charlie," Mom started, "why didn't you call us that you were on your way here?"
"Tell me why you couldn't make it to my graduation," I asked, ignoring her question while raising my eyebrow. "What was so important that you had to miss it, hmm?"
"We were busy planning Caroline's wedding," my mom responded firmly.
"I told Caroline a week before the ceremony," I said, gritting my teeth. "I kept calling and calling and all I got was the voicemail."
"I was panicking Charlie," Caroline reasoned, giving me her innocent doe eyed stare. "The wedding is two months away. I have to do a lot of planning, so I told mom and dad not to go. Besides," she paused, intensifying her stare, "I knew you'd understand."
I couldn't believe this. Caroline had made them miss my graduation because she was panicking and the goddamn wedding was two months away.
Unbelievable.
"Let me get this straight," I said as calmly as possible."You told mom and dad not to go because you are pressed for time, is that it, Caroline? You mean to say that my graduation is not that important compared to your wedding?!" I yelled out the last part, putting all my frustrated emotions into it.
"Don't yell at your sister that way, Charlie," Dalton defended as he stood up from the couch.
Oh, really now?
All rationality flew out of the window at this point. My rage took over and all the ugliest words I could think of were at the tip of my tongue, ready to be unleashed. How could Dalton side with them when they were in the wrong? He was, of all people, who knew right from wrong, but with him defending my family, he was poorly mistaken. Shaking in rage, I stood up and glared at him with so much animosity.
He had no right to interfere with this discussion.
"Sit your ass down, Dalton," I ordered, drilling holes into his hard green eyes. "You may be engaged to my sister, but that doesn't mean you are part of the family yet, so you have no say."
"But..."
"I said shut up and sit the hell down!" I growled and then turned my attention to my beloved mother, who was gaping at me. "And you, mom, why did you tolerate this?" and lastly, my heated gaze landed on my solemn looking father. "And you, dad, you are the most level headed person in this family. You're an attorney, a good one at that, but you couldn't decide what to do? You let Caroline decide everything for this family?"
My father didn't say anything. He just looked at me with those familiar light blue eyes which I inherited from him. He looked older now compared to the last time I saw him and his short dark brown hair had several strands of gray hair.
I looked up to this man like he was my idol, and right now, he had disappointed me.
I went on, "Is it too much to ask from you guys to get a flight to L.A. and stay there for a day or two?" I said, staring at them one by one. "Caroline's wedding is two months away; you have plenty of time to plan what needs to be done, but my graduation is important too. All you had to do was fly over there, book a hotel, attend my graduation and then go back home. It's so simple, and as parents, you should know how to weigh things."
"But my wedding is--"
"God, Caroline!" I interjected. "How can you be so selfish? Not everything revolves around you, not everything goes your way, and heck, you are not the only daughter in this family!"
Mom went to Caroline's defense. "Charlie, don't speak--"
"I said shut up!" I yelled and she looked taken aback from my outburst. "Just shut up, mom..."
For as long as I could remember, I was the considerate, understanding and lenient person in the family. I pushed aside favoritism, neglect and non-existent recognition all in the name of harmony. I was raised not to backchat at elders, but my morality was overlapped with pent-up anger from years of withholding myself not to show disrespect against them. If I were to choose between morals and common sense, I'd choose the latter.
I've had enough.
"Um, Charlie bear?"
I turned around and raised an eyebrow at Mike. "What?"
He gave me a small smile and stood up. "Care to introduce me to your family?"
Oh...
OH!
Clearing my throat, I turned around and gave them a strained smile. "By the way guys, this is my boyfriend, Mike Lombardi."
"Hello," Mike greeted politely.
As my gaze landed on Dalton, I noticed his jaw tightened as though he was grinding his teeth from the inside. His eyes, however, were slightly narrowed and had this hard glint that I couldn't point my finger at.
"Boyfriend, Charlie?" Dalton asked tersely. "I didn't know you had a boyfriend, and Charlie bear? Really?"
Jesus. What's with the hostility?
I rolled my eyes and grabbed Mike's hand. "We're jet-lagged, so if you'll excuse us, we need to rest," I said and dragged him roughly out of the living room.
"It's a pleasure to meet you all!" Mike yelled over his shoulder as I continued to drag him.
The moment I closed the door of my old bedroom, I went straight to my bed and plopped down on it heavily with a grunt."I can't believe I just did that..." I muttered as I stared up the ceiling of my old bedroom. My anger had somehow dwindled a bit, but it was still there, just like an adrenaline waiting to crash.Despite that, I felt better, now that I had let it all out in the open. Well, not everything when it came to Dalton, but the repressed feelings that I had against my family for so many years came tumbling out of my mouth like a waterfall. To be honest, it felt good, and it made me feel better about myself."Nice room," Mike said and l looked up. He was pursuing my room with such scrutiny in his eyes, I didn't know if he was being honest or just mocking me."Thanks, I guess..." I said, not really sure.He shrugged and put our suitcases down near the closet. He walked towards my bed and plopped next to me and on instinct, I scooted closer to him, laid my head on his chest as h
Annoyance.Three syllables, nine letters, one word, and yet, it held such intense definition.Such words pertained to different things, yet, I could only pin point to one specific thing or someone who was the exact definition of the word.Caroline, my little sister.Yes, she was the epitome of all things holier than thou. The woman knew her craft in the art of annoyance down to a tee, and as for me? I can only say this: can a woman take a break and sleep in complete silence?!But I guess, it was too much to ask for, since Caroline was doing my bedroom door a number."Charlie!" she called out, banging incessantly on my bedroom door.The sudden banging had me jolt upright, my vision groggy and disoriented. What on Earth was Caroline doing that she has to bang on my door that hard?"What the hell?..." I murmured as I scratched my head furiously. I took a glance at the clock on my nightstand, and when I did, my eyes went wide as a flipping owl when I saw the time.It's 8:00 o'clock in the
There are different ways in showing discomfort.One would fidget with the hem of their shirt like it is the most interesting piece of wonder in the world. The other is when one would look around, avoiding eye contact with the person. Shifty eyes, if you must call it, or the wandering eye. The other is rocking the balls of their feet back and forth as though having trouble keeping still.These were common reactions of being nervous. However, mine is sort of... weird.Gross even. As I gaze upon Dalton's handsome face, I had this sudden urge to go happy poo poo. I know, I know! Very weird, but the nervousness I'm feeling made me want to bolt right out of there and head straight for the bathroom. Not an appropriate reaction, but this is me... dealing with such emotion. As we stood silent, rooted to the ground, it amazes me that after four long years, I am still standing upright even though on the inside I am ready to crumble in front of him. Dalton was my stre
It was just a kiss. Yes, I believe with all that is holier than thou that it was only done to show Dalton his place, but I couldn't help but wonder if it meant something... Unknowingly, my fingertips reached to touch my lips and I thought, 'Was it?' Was it really just a kiss to me? To my best friend, Mike? Mike and I spent four years of our lives not making any types of physical love. The only form of touch allowed was the offering and receiving perfunctory kisses and hugs. None of it means a thing; just good old familial affection. But how can one heady lip locking moment have my emotions in a turmoil, or - swallowing a huge lump lodge up on my throat here - have stupid butterflies flutter in my stomach? I'm seriously going to burn in fiery pits of hell for this. Minutes of silence followed as we walked, heading to the town's diner. Each step I took, I tried so hard not to dwell on it, but my mind was making it harder. 'Bra
DaltonSeeing Charlie again was like subjecting me to complete familiar heartbreak. I felt like I was transported back to being an eighteen-year-old, confronted with that excruciating pain of her rejection, knowing that she didn't feel the same way about me. I won't lie, it hurts like hell at how frosty she had regarded me. I was like an unwanted person that she wanted to expel out of her life like vomit. What was I expecting? That she would run into my arms and say she missed me like crazy? I would give anything in the world, even my arm and a leg just to hear her say that, but it was just wishful thinking. It would never happen again. A day after the confession, I was tempted to fight back and never give in to defeat. I'm a stubborn guy. I wanted to prove to Charlie that she would learn to love me and we could make it work if she would give me that sliver of a chance, that one single opportunity. But it was clear in her eyes that she only cared for me as a friend, so
Charlotte“Mrs. Parkerson?” I couldn't hide the surprise in my voice the moment I saw Dalton's mother. It’s been four years and her radiant beauty still took my breath away. She looked like she hadn’t aged a day. Tears welled in her eyes and without hesitation, she rushed towards me and gave me a tight hug. Ow, that’s going to leave a mark on my ribs. “Oh, honey...” she cooed and there was a slight crack in her voice. “I have missed you so much.” I smiled and let out a soft sigh. “Me too, Mrs. Parkerson. Me too.” Laughing softly, she let me go and laid her hands on both ends of my cheeks, squishing them together. “Look at you.” With her scrutinizing eyes, she roamed starting from my feet all the way to my head. “You look gorgeous, sweetheart, and you are so skinny! I am going to fatten you up, oh yes, I am going to. I'm going to bake you tons of your favorite goodies and shove them up your mouth. What were you eating in L.A.?!” “My
Charlotte“Dalton!” I called after him, as I got out of the car. “Dalton, will you wait a dang minute!” He wasn't listening to me. He just took quick, angry strides towards his house, his nostrils fuming from anger. I don't know what went down here when I was away, but now, with the stunt these brothers pulled in front of me, I had to know why they were acting like barbarians. “Dalton Tyler Parkerson!” I used his used full name, knowing he doesn't like it when I call him that. I guess I got a reaction from him in less than four seconds. He spun on his feet, strode towards me with eyes raging like wildfire, and growled. “What?! Unfazed by his anger, I let my own stand up to his, matching his level. “What's the matter with you?” I asked, my voice coming out like a growl. I pushed his chest as hard as I could, though my strength didn't do a thing to his strong build. “Why did you punch your brother like that?” This got him even madder. “
TerrenceI don't know why my life became messed up. Hell, I don't even know why I became the way I am today. At one point, I often asked myself, "why am I bothering with this shit?" The answer? All I could do was laugh like a moron, and get on with whatever I'm doing. Coming from an upstanding family, it was beyond appalling that the son of one of the most influential lawyers of Lakeside, Colorado, is a gang-banger, who had so much promise that he threw away a bright future just because of a love that can never be. The hurt. The strings of bullshit. The pain. All that emotional roller coaster, you name it, my heart got it. It was all in the name of this sickening, sappy shit called love. I hated it. My mom and dad never understood why I act the way I am. They mistook my quiet personality, and the lack of friendliness towards others for being different... their subtle way for the word
CharlotteI knew it was a mistake coming home. Oh, yes it was. Though I wasn't given a choice, I could have chosen not to, but I still did anyway, much to my chagrin. As Mike put it (as painful as it is to bear), I need to. For closure. Pfft! Closure my ass. The amount of drama unfolding in front of my very eyes astounds me. I don't even know half of what's going on. One thing's for sure, the two months needed to pass by fast. Heck, if there was a remote control that manipulates time, I'd jump at the chance to buy one. With the knowledge my sister was going to tie the knot with the man I loved was unbearable - it was my doing in the first place. I let him go for my sister, and the heartache that comes along was a price I would gladly pay. Ugh. I am too nice for my own good. "Charlie bear?" With a slight jolt, I shifted my position from the couch in our living room, and look over my shoulder to see Mike smiling
TerrenceI don't know which part of my reasoning I would blame the kiss for. Was it the lingering, painful love I have for Caroline? Or just plain old stupidity? Talk about me being a masochist. I don't know why I set myself up again with this kind of situation, knowing I wouldn't gain an ounce of affection from the woman I was kissing right now. Feeling her lips had made a tumultuous battle between my mind, and heart; the memories of those stolen kisses, and hard to be forgotten tender moments (for me anyway), mixing with my anger, and pain... They clashed back and forth like a hurricane. It was a bittersweet pain, a one-sided thing, since I was never given a chance no matter how hard I try. I give, and I give... in fact, I gave every last thing that was left of me. And then I remembered what this woman did to me, and imagined the strength and willpower just to be the bigger, sensible man despite what I have become. With tha
TerrenceI don't know why my life became messed up. Hell, I don't even know why I became the way I am today. At one point, I often asked myself, "why am I bothering with this shit?" The answer? All I could do was laugh like a moron, and get on with whatever I'm doing. Coming from an upstanding family, it was beyond appalling that the son of one of the most influential lawyers of Lakeside, Colorado, is a gang-banger, who had so much promise that he threw away a bright future just because of a love that can never be. The hurt. The strings of bullshit. The pain. All that emotional roller coaster, you name it, my heart got it. It was all in the name of this sickening, sappy shit called love. I hated it. My mom and dad never understood why I act the way I am. They mistook my quiet personality, and the lack of friendliness towards others for being different... their subtle way for the word
Charlotte“Dalton!” I called after him, as I got out of the car. “Dalton, will you wait a dang minute!” He wasn't listening to me. He just took quick, angry strides towards his house, his nostrils fuming from anger. I don't know what went down here when I was away, but now, with the stunt these brothers pulled in front of me, I had to know why they were acting like barbarians. “Dalton Tyler Parkerson!” I used his used full name, knowing he doesn't like it when I call him that. I guess I got a reaction from him in less than four seconds. He spun on his feet, strode towards me with eyes raging like wildfire, and growled. “What?! Unfazed by his anger, I let my own stand up to his, matching his level. “What's the matter with you?” I asked, my voice coming out like a growl. I pushed his chest as hard as I could, though my strength didn't do a thing to his strong build. “Why did you punch your brother like that?” This got him even madder. “
Charlotte“Mrs. Parkerson?” I couldn't hide the surprise in my voice the moment I saw Dalton's mother. It’s been four years and her radiant beauty still took my breath away. She looked like she hadn’t aged a day. Tears welled in her eyes and without hesitation, she rushed towards me and gave me a tight hug. Ow, that’s going to leave a mark on my ribs. “Oh, honey...” she cooed and there was a slight crack in her voice. “I have missed you so much.” I smiled and let out a soft sigh. “Me too, Mrs. Parkerson. Me too.” Laughing softly, she let me go and laid her hands on both ends of my cheeks, squishing them together. “Look at you.” With her scrutinizing eyes, she roamed starting from my feet all the way to my head. “You look gorgeous, sweetheart, and you are so skinny! I am going to fatten you up, oh yes, I am going to. I'm going to bake you tons of your favorite goodies and shove them up your mouth. What were you eating in L.A.?!” “My
DaltonSeeing Charlie again was like subjecting me to complete familiar heartbreak. I felt like I was transported back to being an eighteen-year-old, confronted with that excruciating pain of her rejection, knowing that she didn't feel the same way about me. I won't lie, it hurts like hell at how frosty she had regarded me. I was like an unwanted person that she wanted to expel out of her life like vomit. What was I expecting? That she would run into my arms and say she missed me like crazy? I would give anything in the world, even my arm and a leg just to hear her say that, but it was just wishful thinking. It would never happen again. A day after the confession, I was tempted to fight back and never give in to defeat. I'm a stubborn guy. I wanted to prove to Charlie that she would learn to love me and we could make it work if she would give me that sliver of a chance, that one single opportunity. But it was clear in her eyes that she only cared for me as a friend, so
It was just a kiss. Yes, I believe with all that is holier than thou that it was only done to show Dalton his place, but I couldn't help but wonder if it meant something... Unknowingly, my fingertips reached to touch my lips and I thought, 'Was it?' Was it really just a kiss to me? To my best friend, Mike? Mike and I spent four years of our lives not making any types of physical love. The only form of touch allowed was the offering and receiving perfunctory kisses and hugs. None of it means a thing; just good old familial affection. But how can one heady lip locking moment have my emotions in a turmoil, or - swallowing a huge lump lodge up on my throat here - have stupid butterflies flutter in my stomach? I'm seriously going to burn in fiery pits of hell for this. Minutes of silence followed as we walked, heading to the town's diner. Each step I took, I tried so hard not to dwell on it, but my mind was making it harder. 'Bra
There are different ways in showing discomfort.One would fidget with the hem of their shirt like it is the most interesting piece of wonder in the world. The other is when one would look around, avoiding eye contact with the person. Shifty eyes, if you must call it, or the wandering eye. The other is rocking the balls of their feet back and forth as though having trouble keeping still.These were common reactions of being nervous. However, mine is sort of... weird.Gross even. As I gaze upon Dalton's handsome face, I had this sudden urge to go happy poo poo. I know, I know! Very weird, but the nervousness I'm feeling made me want to bolt right out of there and head straight for the bathroom. Not an appropriate reaction, but this is me... dealing with such emotion. As we stood silent, rooted to the ground, it amazes me that after four long years, I am still standing upright even though on the inside I am ready to crumble in front of him. Dalton was my stre
Annoyance.Three syllables, nine letters, one word, and yet, it held such intense definition.Such words pertained to different things, yet, I could only pin point to one specific thing or someone who was the exact definition of the word.Caroline, my little sister.Yes, she was the epitome of all things holier than thou. The woman knew her craft in the art of annoyance down to a tee, and as for me? I can only say this: can a woman take a break and sleep in complete silence?!But I guess, it was too much to ask for, since Caroline was doing my bedroom door a number."Charlie!" she called out, banging incessantly on my bedroom door.The sudden banging had me jolt upright, my vision groggy and disoriented. What on Earth was Caroline doing that she has to bang on my door that hard?"What the hell?..." I murmured as I scratched my head furiously. I took a glance at the clock on my nightstand, and when I did, my eyes went wide as a flipping owl when I saw the time.It's 8:00 o'clock in the