How would life without Blake be like? Splendid! I can tell you this confidently because it has only been a week without him and everything is going well. No guilt, no temptation, no lust, everything is going accordingly. The best part of it all is the bond that Jack and I have. It's so crazy how within a week a person can know so much about another person. It really feels as if I've known Jack for a lifetime. Even though work comes in the way sometimes, we are always together when we have free time, like now."No, if you put the marshmallows on top now they will melt and probably ruin everything but we can place them on later after taking the cake out." Jack says to Mirella and Calvin.Both of them agree only because they see this as an opportunity to eat some now. Their smiles remind me of how this beautiful Saturday morning has been and baking as the four of us is calming. Mirella and Calvin have been getting along great but Mirella is acting up towards Jack here and there. The f
Cold. That is how I feel right now. My head is throbbing in intensive excruciating pain, my fingers are digging into my skin as it is turning pale on its own. I have never seen a corpse nor touched one but I am certain that I look and feel like one.Blake's words just keep on ringing and ringing in my head without any signs of stopping. I can see that he is trapping me but I cannot find it within me to move or push him away. I'm in my head contradicting his words.I am still not married to Blake!I AM still not married to Blake!!I AM STILL not married to Blake!!!I AM STILL NOT married to Blake!!!!I AM STILL NOT MARRIED to Blake!!!!!I AM STILL NOT MARRIED TO Blake!!!!!!I AM STILL NOT MARRIED TO BLAKE!!!!!!!But the harder I try to tell myself the more his words ring louder and louder and louder and louder. The more they get bigger and bigger and bigger until I cannot help but scream. Good thing about that is that Blake moves away."This is a lie!" I pace around the room with my ha
A lot can happen in a day. A woman can move from being single to being married with a blink of an eye.When I woke up my mind was hazy from all the crying that I had forgotten about my fate. It was when I went to the bathroom to look at myself that everything came crashing down like a major asteroid. It has probably been over 30minutes yet I'm still staring at the mirror. I am questioning all my life decisions and trying to figure out when did everything seriously go wrong with me. It's even hard to say who Aria is right now. I've hidden from everyone even myself how I've been struggling with my identity ever since my divorce.Sex before marriage has been one thing I never compromised. Daily I told myself that I wouldn't want my soul to be attached to just anyone because after all half of me will become one with half of his, same to me. However, I didn't sit down and let it drown in until the divorce and I had no choice but to try and forget about Blake. This became a struggle because
"Aria." He finally starts and goodness I wish he didn't start with my name.The way he says my name makes me want to forget everything. It's the way he says my name that made me fall so deeply in love with it. Even after the divorce, my name never lost its value on his tongue. Stupid good tongue."Blake." I utter his name with venom, I am not here to make him feel special."How do you feel?""You're kidding right?" I stand from the ground laughing, "that is your first question, how do I feel? Well, since you asked let me be a decent human being and answer. Blake I feel the way I look, a mess. I feel like the world has turned its back from me and all of this is a nightmare. I feel like I'm suffocating without any chance of survival. That is how I feel." I bite my lower lip keeping the tears away from rolling down my cheeks. "And it's all because of you.""Aria-""Stop saying my name! Stop saying it the way you do. Say it with hate, or maybe anger. Just don't say it the way you're sayin
"I think we need to buy me a new wedding ring." I sit up straight on the bed, twisting the ring on my finger."Why? I love that one.""But it's the one Steven handpicked. Wearing it always makes me feel terrible.""If it makes you feel any better," Blake places his laptop aside and hugs me from behind, "I actually am the one that did all that.""What do you mean?" I turn to look at him and he has that smile he always has on whenever he has done something cute but feels stupid for it."I actually am the one that chose the ring and got it designed to be written as that.""Blake if this is your way of-""It's not...okay? Aria which is your name means song or melody in Italian. So, to describe the crazy feelings I had that time without letting you know, I wrote my heart beats to your name. But even if we forget the whole Aria meaning thing, my heart still was beating to your name in general." He looks down on his wedding band and starts playing with it. "Steven asked me why I had done some
I am back to the one place I never wanted to set foot on, The Parkers' mansion. I walk into the house first and stare at everything and just like a film, I see myself five years ago stepping down the stairs with Blake hugging me from behind. My feet lead me to the kitchen were I still see myself baking and Blake still not wanting to let me go. My hand grips on tight to my pyjama shirt as I close my eyes, hoping to forget everything.Turning around I'm faced with Blake, standing not so far from me."We need to talk.""Fine." I drop my luggage on the door and take a sit as Blake switches on the coffee maker."What was that?" He asks calmly but the tight grip on the table is screaming not so calm.My eyes move from his hands to him, "that was me having something special with someone that isn't you. I don't think it's a crime.""It is if you are married.""Technically you and I are married but separated. In fact, I don't even know whether we are truly married or not.""Are you even listen
Ever been disappointed that something didn't happen yet glad that it didn't? It's been more than 4hours and I am still thinking, "why didn't he kiss or touch me?" The first two hours before the 4hours my mind wasn't occupied with Blake because I was having a lovely conversation with Madam Claire but unfortunately she had to leave, one of her son's wife gave birth. But as soon as her and Blake departed the house I kept wondering, isn't he supposed to be executing his seduction plan? So why didn't he use the perfect opportunity to do so?"Mom!" Mirella jumps on me, not only snapping me out of my thoughts but also giving me a mirror."Do I look beautiful?" I ask smiling."Look at yourself." She claps her hands, surely proud of her work."Okay." I take the mirror and oh my I want to laugh at myself.I not only look like a clown but also with a mixture of people of a ghost and a woman that got dumped and hasn't stop crying for a week straight."What do you think?""Uhm, darling you did an u
James 1:19-20 "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. We are warned again in James to be slow to anger."Lately I've been very fast to anger. With the whole marriage thing I've found myself neglecting some of the teachings I gathered as a Christian. I always tell myself that I should learn to accept God's will and I don't know if this is His will or not but I've been rejecting it, because of my own reasons. I might be married to Blake but I'm not in love with him and this doesn't mean I have to fall in love with him. It's just a minor setback that will be resolved tomorrow. Closing my bible, I take a deep breath and I do feel like I'm ready to confront Blake. And no, I am not angry...confrontation does not mean quick to anger, or maybe it does but not with me right now.Immediately, the front door opens and I sprint out of my bedroom and into the hallway."Someone