"If punishment is based on potential, privileged people will be given lighter sentences." - Chanel Miller, Know My Name
Chapter 17
I avoided places where I might find Fifth after that night. Nakatulong rin na umalis ng bansa si Coleen para mag-bakasyon. Nabawasan ang mga interaksyon namin dahil naging abala rin ako sa trabaho.
"Papunta na ako," I told Zyline over the phone. Kasalukuyan akong nagdadrive patungo sa isang restaurant para i-meet si Mr. Henson.
"Update me, kung para saan ang private dinner Nicaseane."
Tumango ako at pinatay na ang tawag. Apparently, Mr. Henson called me last night and invited me for dinner today. Noong una, inakala kong meeting i
"Your voice is a place I want to take shelter in, a place that makes me feel safe and soft." - Zaeema J. Hussain, The Sky Is PurpleTinalikuran ako ni Fifth pagkatapos ng sinabi ko at hindi ko makakalimutan ang pinaghalong galit at pagkakadismaya sa kaniyang mukha. Wala akong nagawa nang iniwan niya ako doon mag-isa, kundi ang umiyak sa takot at sakit, sakit dahil hindi ko kayang ipaglaban ang sarili.I realized I am very weak. Gaano ko man pinilit ang sarili na maging matapang, alam kong hindi ko pa rin kayang panindigan. I will still cry in times like this, because I am very very weak.Nakatulugan ko nalang ang pag-iyak. Nang nagising kinaumagahan ay ganoon pa rin ang ayos ng kwarto. Mr. Henson's blood is still on th
"Love tames the benumbed beast. A man is put to use regarding a woman's physical safety, but a woman is put to use regarding a man's mental safety." - Criss Jami, Killosophy Ibinaba niya ako sa couch sa sala. Lumihis ang manggas ng t-shirt na suot ko at saka pa lamang ako tinamaan ng hiya nang napagtantong sa kaniya iyon, the one he lend me back in their mansion. Inayos niya ang manggas sa aking balikat. Wala siyang ibang sinabi tungkol sa damit pero nagtagal ang titig niya doon. At kung hindi lang ako suminok dahil sa pag-iyak ay hindi siya mag-aangat ng tingin. His eyes are dark, I can sense his anger but at the same time, they are soft too, when they landed on me.
"Is love this misguided need to have you beside me most of the time? Is love this safety I feel in our silences? Is it this belonging, this completeness?" - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Half of a Yellow Sun Hindi kami maaring umasa sa mga pulis. Mr. Henson has connections, who knows what he can do. Fifth can be the witness but with the recent issue between us, kahit pa napagtakpan na iyon ni Zyline ay hindi iyon sapat. People can insinuate na pinagtulungan lang namin si Mr. Henson. Kung mangyayari iyon ay ayaw kong madamay si Fifth. What we need right now, is to find who's behind the installed camera inside the teddy bear. That way, we can use the whole footage of the scene that night as a proof. "What are your plans
"She wasnt exactly sure when it happened. Or even when it started. All she knew for sure was that right here and now, she was falling hard and she could only pray that he was feeling the same way." - Nicholas Sparks, Safe HavenAlas dos nang nakarating kami sa mansyon. Sinalubong kami agad ni Lola Nelia kasama ang isang lalaki na ngayon ko palang nakita."Magandang araw sa inyong dalawa. Kumain naba kayo?"Ngumiti ako at tumango, "Opo, kumain na po kami sa bayan.""Mabuti naman kung ganoon. Siya nga pala, si Jackson hija, apo ko." Pagpapakilala nito sa lalaking palagay ko ay kaedad ko lang.Ngumiti ako rito at tumang
"I spend most nights at home falling in love with the idea of you." - Michael FaudetWarning: A little SPGIsang linggo yatang ganoon ang setup namin ni Fifth. Tinatapos niya ang trabaho para sa nalalapit na branch opening sa Angeles ng alas syete ng gabi para makapag-usap kami. We talk until nine or ten, bago siya maghahanda para naman pumunta sa Fiasco.We don't have specific topics, madalas lang naming pag-usapan ang tungkol sa buhay ko. And I've never been open to anyone about my life until him. Somehow, I was comfortable telling him things about me. Except for my dark past of course.Alam kong da
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." - Martin Luther King Jr. Warning: SPG "I know. I'm in Pampanga now. I will visit there this week." Nakatuon ang mga mata niya sa akin habang may kausap sa phone. He's on a black shorts and he's topless, habang suot ko naman ang parehong bathing suit kanina. Naghahanda na kami sa pagpunta sa pool nang may tumawag sa kaniya kaya naupo muna ako habang pinapanood siya. "I'm busy Karina, I will call you later." Pagkatapos ay ibinaba niya na iyon at naglakad na palapit sa akin.
"When emerging from humble beginnings, those around you tend to underestimate your authenticity because they knew you before you were 'somebody'." - Criss Jami, Killosophy Like what Fifth said, he stayed in the mansion with me. It has been three days and it's the weekend. Ang sabi niya sa akin kagabi ay bibisita siya sa branch sa Angeles ngayon para tignan pa kung anong kailangan ayusin bago ang opening next weekend. And he's been bugging me since last night to come with him. Nakahiga kami pareho sa kama mula pa kanina pagkagising. It's now ten in the morning, hindi pa kami bumabangon para mag-almusal. "I'm hungry.." I said.
"Life keeps throwing me stones.And I keep finding the diamonds." - Ana Claudia Antunes Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. Kung si Ryan ang nasa likod ng ideya ng teddy bear, hindi malabong matunton siya ng mga tauhan ni Fifth. At sa oras na makilala siya ni Fifth, I'm sure he'll know how he's related to me. I can't let that happen. Hindi ko alam kung kailan ang tamang panahon para malaman niya ang tungkol sa rape case ko pero alam kong hindi pa ngayon, hindi pa ako handa, hindi ko pa kayang sabihin sa kaniya. So I should act now. Kailangan ko siyang maunahan kay Ryan. I'm pretty sure he's the one behind the idea of that teddy bear, but what should I do once I find out about it?
"You're not worth just a million, but millions, and billions, and trillions, and all that I have." - Fifth MontgomeryEpilogueHindi pa rin ako kumbinsido kahit nang patungo na kami sa Fiasco para sa celebration.Hindi ako sigurado sa nararamdaman, I'm shocked, I'm happy but I'm worried too. Sinong hindi magugulat sa ginawa ni Fifth? 10 million is not an easy money. Pakiramdam ko matatanggap ko pa ang isang milyon pero ang sampung milyon?I'm happy at the thought, yes, who wouldn't? His mere reason for buying it is because he 'has' to have it, not want but he has to. Ang rason niya lang ang pumipigil sa aking magalit.But I'm worried. He ca
Instead of saying, "I'm damaged, I'm broken, I have trust issues" say "I'm healing, I'm rediscovering myself, I'm starting over. - Horacio JonesEnd the culture of silence.To the eyes of the law, rape is a crime. Anyone who is proven to have committed this crime should face a corresponding consequence. The law ends with that.But to the women who are victims of sexual abuse and exploitation, rape is not just a crime that happened, it's a whole different thing that shattered their life to pieces. And justice won't be enough to seal the wounds of a victim, for it will haunt them for as long as they live, for it will immobilize them and prevent them from
Everything started falling back to places.The hearing started a week ago. Si Papa ay nakalabas na ng ospital at kasalukuyang nagpapahinga na sa mansyon, with Tita Trisha taking care of him. I don't know how they are coping up with Alorica being in jail but I will try my best to help them both.Noong huling bisita ko last weekend ay mukhang maayos naman sila. Papa is in maintenance of his medicines, his brothers are handling the company. His relatives apologized to me too, noong naabutan nila ako doon. I accepted all their apologies wholeheartedly.I'm planning to visit again this weekend, tutal ay hindi naman ako abala at literal akong tumatambay lang sa condo habang naghihintay ng graduation.
"Everyone heals in their own time and in their own way. The path isn't always a straight line, and you don't need to go it alone." - Zeke ThomasTulala ako kay Fifth habang ginagamot niya ang iilang sugat na nakuha ko nang bumagsak kami kanina. Ang mga luha ko ay natuyo na sa aking pisngi. I feel so exhausted. Sobrang haba ng araw na ito."It's done, you should rest now.." he murmured.Tumango ako ngunit hindi naman gumalaw. Nanatili rin siyang nakaluhod sa paanan ko at nanonood sa akin."What will happen now, Fifth?"Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at marahang p
"You are not the darkness you endured. You are the light that refused to surrender." - John Mark GreenI should have known from the very start that Alorica hates me to the pits of hell. Because my mother ruined her family. I should have known she can do everything to make me pay for it.Pero hindi ko inisip iyon. We are sisters, yes half, but we share the same father. At kung ako ang nasa kalagayan niya, siguro nga ay masasaktan ako, but I won't live in anger my whole life, I will eventually try to accept her as my sister.Pero siguro nga hindi pare-pareho ang pag-iisip ng tao. Just like how I held my grudge for my father, maybe that's how she held hers for me
"A woman in love with herself is magnetic." - Abiola Abrams, The Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-LoveRivers is very professional when it comes to nude artwork. A first timer like me didn't feel uncomfortable at all. He doesn't give off the kind of aura that makes a woman feel disrespected. All I saw is his focus and his connection to his work.Medyo nakakangawit ang pose ko dahil nakaangat ang isang kamay ko para matakpan ang kalahati ng aking mukha. My lips are parted a bit too giving a pale innocent look. Ang isang kamay ko ay nakatakip sa aking dibdib. I'm sitting sideways, magkadikit ang aking mga tuhod.Binalot ako ng mga pulang rosas na plastik. Their
"A woman determined to succeed in her life is unstoppable." - Luffina LourdurajGulat ako nang kinaumagahan ay naabutan ko si Coleen na nanonood ng TV sa sala. Buong akala ko ay kinuha siya ng kuya niya kagabi.Nilingon niya ako, "Good morning Ate!" Ngumisi ito.Napakurap ako bago tuluyang nakalapit. "You're still here?"She nodded in confusion, "Yes? Where will I be?""Your brother came here last night, akala ko iuuwi ka niya.." Naguguluhan ko ring sagot.Her forehead creased, "Pumunta siya dito?"
"She went around with a broken heart, and she wasn't sure who'd broken it. She thought it was herself, mostly." - Ann BrasharesAnd I thought I'm already prepared to see them together, but here I am feeling the betrayal and pain again.I bit my tongue so hard, para doon matuon ang sakit at hindi sa aking dibdib.I saw Fifth watching me, like he's waiting for my reaction, na parang gusto niyang ipamukha sa akin na pinalitan niya ako, na parang gusto niyang pagsisihan ko ang pagtataboy na ginawa ko sa kaniya.But instead of giving in to the pain, pinanatili ko ang matigas na ekspresyon sa aking mukha. I won't gi
"Your trauma is not your fault, but your healing is your responsibility.""I really can't make it, I'm sorry Coleen.." I sighed.She pouted even more. I shot her an apologetic look.It's her eighteenth birthday tomorrow and it will be grand of course. But I can't make it. Una, dahil sa OJT ko. Pangalawa, dahil ayaw ko talagang umuwi at makita si Fifth.I know it looks selfish, Coleen didn't stop convincing me since the preparation started. Alam niyang iniiwasan kong magtagpo kami ng kuya niya kaya naisip pa niyang huwag padaluhin sa celebration si Fifth, which I find ridiculous. Tinanggihan ko pa rin siya.