CHAPTER FIVE

ELENA

I could feel Damian's gaze on me, heavy and intense, but I couldn’t meet it for long. I didn’t want to. There was so much confusion swirling in my chest, and I didn’t know how to express it. I wanted to be there for him. I did. But the weight of everything—the mafia, his father's death, the life he was now being forced into—it felt like a storm that was going to pull us both under.

I didn’t want to be part of that storm.

He needed me now, and that was what mattered. I could be with him tonight, stay close to him, offer him whatever comfort I could. But I had made up my mind. Once the dust settled, once the immediate chaos passed, I would leave. I couldn’t stay in this world. I couldn’t watch another man I loved fall victim to the dangers of it.

My father had died because of this world, and I had watched him slowly sink into it—until there was nothing left of the man I loved. I couldn’t go through that again. Not with Damian.

Damian’s voice broke through my thoughts, bringing me back to the present. He had finished speaking with Luca, the conversation about his father’s burial arrangements still hanging in the air between us. I could see the weight of the world on his shoulders, the look in his eyes a mixture of disbelief and anger. He hadn’t fully processed the loss yet. I could tell. But he needed to keep moving. He needed to step into the role his father had left behind.

When he finally turned to me, his expression softened just slightly, as though the exhaustion of everything was beginning to catch up to him. "I can take you to my room, if you want," he offered, his tone quieter, more controlled now. "You must be tired. It’s been a long night."

I nodded, wanting to be close to him but not sure what would happen once we were alone in his room. Would it feel like before? Would it feel like everything was normal again? Or would the weight of his father’s death and the new life he was about to embrace tear everything apart?

As we walked up the stairs, his hand brushed against mine, the contact warm but distant. We didn’t speak much on the way to his room. The house felt eerily quiet, the kind of silence that pressed on you, making everything feel hollow.

Damian led me into the room, closing the door softly behind us. He didn’t immediately sit down or do anything. He just stood there for a moment, running his hand through his hair, looking lost in thought. I could feel the distance between us already, even though he was right there in front of me.

I took a deep breath and broke the silence, unable to stand it any longer. "How are you feeling?" I asked, my voice tentative. "This… this is a lot, Damian. I don’t even know what to say. I just… I don’t know how to help."

He turned to face me, his eyes tired but intense. "It hasn’t really sunk in yet," he admitted, his voice rough around the edges. "I keep thinking I’m going to wake up from this nightmare, that it’s all just some sick dream. But it’s real, Elena. He’s really gone." He paused for a moment, looking at me with a depth of emotion that made my chest tighten. "But I need you. More than anything. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, but I need you here with me, right now."

I could see the vulnerability in his eyes, the same boy I had fallen for all those years ago, the boy who had promised me he would never get involved in the family business. And yet, here he was, standing on the edge of it, forced to take control of a world he had tried so hard to avoid.

I took a step closer to him, placing a hand gently on his arm. "Damian," I whispered, my voice trembling slightly. "I told you the moment you joined this world, I didn’t want any part of it."

His expression faltered for a second, the pain in his eyes deepening. "Elena, I never wanted this for you," he said quietly. "I never wanted to drag you into this world. But now… now, it’s all falling on me. And I can’t do this without you."

I felt my chest tighten, my heart aching for him. But I had to stay firm. I had to protect myself. I couldn’t get sucked into this world. Not again. "I love you, Damian. I always have. But I can’t do this. Not with you leading a life like this." My voice cracked, but I pushed forward. "I can’t watch you change into someone else. I can’t watch you risk your life every day. I won’t lose you, too. Not like this."

I saw the pain flicker across his face, and it broke my heart. He took a step closer to me, reaching for my hand, but I pulled away gently. I could see the desperation in his eyes, the way he was trying to hold on to something, anything that could keep him tethered to me.

"I’m not leaving you, Damian," I said softly, my voice filled with resolve. "I’m just not going to be part of this. I need to find my own way. I need to be safe. I can’t stand by and watch you drown in all of this."

His face darkened, a flicker of anger crossing his features, but I didn’t flinch. "You’re telling me to choose between you and this life," he said bitterly. "But I can’t just walk away from everything I’ve known. From my family. From my responsibility."

"I’m not asking you to walk away from it all," I replied, my voice steady despite the pain twisting in my chest. "But I can’t live in the shadows of it. I can’t love a man who belongs to a world that might destroy him. I can’t keep holding onto a hope that one day it’ll all get better when everything around you is falling apart. I can’t do it, Damian. I won’t."

He was quiet for a moment, his gaze dropping to the floor. "Then what do you want from me?" he asked softly, almost pleading.

"I want you to choose, Damian. I want you to choose who you want to be. Because I can’t make that choice for you. But I can’t be part of this life anymore."

He remained silent for a long time, the tension between us thick and suffocating. Then, he finally looked up, his eyes meeting mine. "I can’t promise you that, Elena. Not right now. But I can promise you this—I’ll fight for you. I’ll fight to keep you safe. Even if it means I have to walk away from everything."

I stared at him for a long moment, my heart aching at the words I knew would break both of us. But I couldn’t deny what I felt, what I had to do to protect myself and the love I had for him.

"Then fight, Damian. Fight for us. But just know, I won’t wait forever."