Happy and safe place

“You can’t be serious,” I mumbled when I saw a yacht in front of me. I couldn’t hurt him by rejecting to go out with him, and I also wanted to do something else instead of thinking about what happened the previous night.

“Yes, I am.” He said. “I planned to take you on it last night.”

“You don’t have to do this…”

“This is the least I can do for you.” He looked so serious. “I am not a guy, who can plan surprises. So, I chose to give you something that I’m sure you’ll love it.”

“That was a casual conversation and you remembered it.” It surprised me. I didn’t expect it from him. As I kept looking at him, he said “I came here escaping from many people. Don’t waste my time.”

I scoffed. He surely had no idea how to act like a soft guy.

As I was surrounded by the sea while we were traveling by yacht, I felt I was having a beautiful dream. And, in that beautiful dream, Eric was not there, Mira was not there, no one except us. I and the person whom I thought would never be close to me.

Every day and every moment we spent together was special; either it could be the day when I first quarreled with him or the day when he tried to let his true emotions out in front of me. And, a part of me always knew that Hayden was the reason I couldn’t imagine myself with Eric. I could not clearly say I have feelings for Hayden but I always wanted to stay with him. I didn’t know when it happened, might be when he tried to stand for my dignity, might be at an amusement park, or might be when he helped my friend and made sure I safely reached my home. In a few days, he became so close to me. I could not say the exact name of our relationship but one thing was sure; Hayden – My happy and safe place.

“Do you like it?” he asked, standing beside me.

I nodded. “Thank you, Hayden.”

“It would have been nice if we came last night. You would’ve gotten the chance to see the fireworks. Everything looks beautiful at night…”

“Hayden!” I interrupted him. “Why didn’t you come to the party? I waited for you.”

“I did.”

His reply shocked me. “You did?”

He kept his gaze on the sea and spoke as if he was reading something that was written on water “The house was glittering with party lights. Everyone was jumping in joy and every face was brightened with a smile. Among everyone, you stood like an angel in a white dress.” Then he looked at me and said “You looked so beautiful.”

As he became silent, I felt everything around me fall silent, and only his eyes seemed to be trying to say something.

“Then why?” I asked in a low whisper.

“I don’t belong to places like that; joyful and lovely. And…” he paused for a minute before he said, “I couldn’t dare grow attachments to people.”

“People? As in ‘Serena’?” I raised my eyebrows. I held his hand and said “But we are here. You and me. Attachments, emotions, friendship… we cannot control them. Hayden, I don’t know why you are restricting yourself from doing certain things or what you have been going through but everything is going to be fine. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

He looked at me making a serious face, leaned towards me to match my height, and said, smirking “Does anyone ever say you talk so much?”

“Hey!” I pushed him angrily and I noticed him smiling. “You are such a jerk, does anyone ever told you this?”

“No one dares to tell that.” He made a proud face. Then he asked “Do you want some wine?” he poured us glasses of wine and we celebrated my belated birthday with wine and arguments.

____

“I still cannot believe it.” Mira put the flowers in the vase, frustrated.

“You are denying the truth more than me,” I said, shaking my head.

She kept silent and I noticed her face turning pale. There was guilt in her eyes, which confused me. She stopped working, held my hands, and looked at me apologetically.

“Mira?”

“Serena! I’m sorry. One way or another, it was me, who raised the expectations by always telling you he has feelings for you. I thought he loves you.”

“No!” I cupped her cheeks. “It’s not your fault. You wanted my happiness and I’ll be forever grateful for it.”

She gave me a small smile and asked, holding my hands “You are fine, right?”

I quickly nodded my head. I didn’t want her to feel bad. Moreover, I was not sad or anything like that. I was angry and frustrated, which almost faded after spending time with Hayden.

“Are you sure?” she asked again.

“Of course. What’s more, it made me realize my true feelings. So chill.”

“Still…”

“Now, go to work.”

It was as if I were consoling someone, who had a breakup recently. As I continued to do my work, suddenly everyone started to look at me and then they shifted their gaze. After following their gaze, I realized Eric entered the shop. I saw Mira clenching her jaw and I held her hand, stopping her from speaking anything.

“You wouldn’t lift my calls. So, I came here.” He said.

“Eric, I’m busy now. Can we please talk later?”

“Serena…”

“Please?”

He walked away without arguing. After he left, we continued to focus on our work. In the evening, as I walked to my home after my shift ended, I saw Eric waiting for me.

I let out a sigh and then I took him to a café. He looked so guilty that hurt me, a little. Before he could speak anything, I said “You don’t have to feel guilty about it. I understand you, Eric. You know… that situation kind of helped me. It made me realize my true feelings.”

“And, what are your true feelings?” he questioned me.

I pressed my hands together, feeling a little nervous. Taking a deep breath, I spoke “I used to have a crush on you when we were in high school…”

He looked at me confused. He didn’t know it. I could see the sadness on his face.

“Don’t feel sorry for me.” I gritted. “It was just a normal crush, nothing more. When you came here, I thought I could have a chance with you but the more I spent my time with you, the more I realized we are better as friends. However, you started to confuse me with your behavior. When I was so confused about everything, your relationship got revealed and I got the clarification that we don’t suit each other.”

He narrowed his eyebrows. “Does it mean you are not angry about my relationship?”

“I was angry because you fooled me. I felt frustrated that you chose me as your second option. If not Lia then it’s me.” I fisted my palm, controlling my anger. “It hurt me, Eric.”

“I’m sorry.” He apologized. “I am sorry. I was so selfish. I thought Lia wouldn’t come into my life ever again so I tried to move on but suddenly, she appeared again and we realized we couldn’t stay away from each other.”

“We cannot change what happened so let’s forget it and be like usual.” I smiled. Then he nodded and thanked me.

Getting into any relationship is hard but ending it is harder. Either it could be love or friendship. One could not end it easily and the same goes for me. Despite how angry and frustrated I felt, I couldn’t end my relationship with him. After all, he was my best friend and my first crush whom I could not easily forget.