I'm trying not to show everyone how stressed I am, but I'm so close to losing it and having a meltdown in the middle of class. I was stupid to take so much time off especially after everything thats been going on since I met Kenji. I've missed so much and now trying to catch up it feels like there aren't enough hours in the day. I lied to everyone, my tutor didn't recommend trying to catch up, she thinks that's an impossible tasks, so she suggested I drop out now and repeat the year next year. She tried reassuring me that loads of people do it. But I'm not loads of people, I'm me, and I don't give up. Besides, once I'm caught up, the stress will be over and I'll be able to spend a few weeks of the summer wherever Kenji happens to be, which will also mean getting to explore another part of the world. So it's all going to work out, if I could stop daydreaming about exploring the world that is.I've deliberately not looked at his itinerary, otherwise I know I'll start thinking about and
The guys are really excited about the tour, and I am too, it's what I've dreamt about for as long as I can remember. I would rather Jenny was with me, I'd love to share it all with her, but I know she needs to follow her own dream too and as my Okasan so wisely said, love finds a way and if we're meant to be together, it'll work out. So I'm allowing myself to get fully excited about the trip, where we're going and what we'll be earning, which I hadn't seen before but it's considerably more than we've ever earnt for a tour before! I'm pretty sure if I sat down and worked it out, it's probably more than we've earnt for all our previous tours combined! Akira has already told me when she's visiting, all the cities that are hot and have beaches funnily enough, and I've made a list of places that we'll be during Jenny's uni breaks so she can choose which ones to come for. All of them hopefully but I won't push it. I've done my shopping, with Akira's help, or so she told me. But it's a
The year abroad was the best year of my life, Kenji and his band were amazing, obviously, but the things we did and saw outside of the performances were amazing too. I completely filled up the rest of the scrapbook Priya made, as well as two others and I'm making sure to keep scrapbooking even though I'm back and studying again. Not only does it give me downtime to relax while I'm studying, but it also reminds me to enjoy myself too, so I don't get too caught up in studying all the time. I also got a part time job at a solicitor's, I actually started before I went back to uni so I knew it was definitely what I wanted and it really, really is, I even sat in during a hearing a few weeks ago and it cemented in me that this is my dream career.I feel like a different person, I'm still focused, but more balanced, which is great. Kenji and I are still together, I think I can truthfully say I am completely head over heels in love with him, but I mean who wouldn't be? He made me an office in
"Look Jeniliya, nobody gets top marks on all their assignments." Michael Carpenter, my Employment Law lecturer, gives me a patronising smile which he pretends is sympathetic, but I can see he doesn't care. He just wants me out of here so he can go home.Admittedly it is late, but this is the only time slot he had available and I really need to figure this out now."I do." I can hear the desperation in my voice, but he just sighs heavily, pushing himself out of his chair and walking to his door, his arms gesturing for me to leave. I can't leave now, I haven't settled this satisfactorily so I stay put, swiveling in my chair to face him. "What can I do? Can I try again?""There's no need to do it again. Fifty-eight is a pass, most of the other students would be pleased with that." He presses down on the handle and the door opens, highlighting the silent corridors because no one else would still be in any of the rooms at eight o'clock in the evening. "Go home, go out, whatever you do to r
I find myself smiling as I step out of the car and towards the hotel lobby. The rain's getting harder and a rumble of thunder sounds overhead, followed by a flash of lightning, but it's peaceful and I pause, getting drenched but enjoying it for just a moment longer because I know as soon as I walk through my hotel room door, it's going to be anything but peaceful."Kenny, did you bang her at the pub?" Harrison calls out as soon as the door opens and he sees me walk in alone. He's sitting on the sofa, a half naked girl grinding on his lap and I'm not sure whether it's just a lap dance or they're actually having sex, but there's another girl sitting on the top of the sofa behind him, sucking on his neck and rubbing her hands down his chest. I grab a beer from the table, shaking my head as I pop the top off and he laughs, patting the ass of the girl on his lap."Hey baby, you want to fuck my friend here?" He asks her and she turns to look at me over her shoulder, her hips still making
"Good morning, good morning." Luke's voice permeates the room as though he's actually standing beside the bed. I groan, shoving my head under my pillow and try to ignore him. Cleo is giggling and shushing him, but it only serves to make him louder. "They love having me serenade them in the mornings." I can practically see the stupid smug grin on his face as he says this. "It's morning, a beautiful morning, get up and greet the day." "Harrison, shut the fuck up." The sleepy voice comes from directly beside me and it's as if the entire world comes to a standstill. I hear Cleo telling Luke to stop, but his giggling voice is suddenly right outside my door and with cat-like reflexes, I throw the quilt over Kenji entirely, jump out of bed and am there ready when Luke pushes open my door, his eyes flitting around the room, until they settle on the lump that is Kenji. "Oh, Jeniliya, you've got a man in your bed, you're so naughty." He squeaks, the widest grin on his face I've ever seen. "
The place is packed, the lights dimmed and the stage lit up ready for the first band to take the stage. I shouldn't be able to spot her in this amount of people but it's like a spotlight focuses on her in the darkness and I can watch her without being seen. Like a creep. She's looking across the room at a red headed bloke who doesn't seem to be paying her any attention. What an idiot he is! By the keen way she's watching him, I figure he's the secret boyfriend and I'm filled with jealousy. If he won't tell the world he's with her, he doesn't deserve her.Her friends look like a rowdy bunch, laughing and joking, oblivious to the irritated looks they're getting from the people surrounding them and it reminds me of my friends."Come on bud, we're up." Laurie taps my shoulder with his sticks before walking onto the darkened stage.The sounds of chatter fills the room as we take our places on the stage, but it instantly silences as Jamie plays a few strings on his bass and then he stops,
Do you ever have those moments when you realise that you're actually a terrible person?Mine happened shortly after waking up from the best sleep of my life. The light filters in through the edges of the blinds, waking me and normally when I feel this good, I would get up and do something productive or go for a swim, maybe even cook breakfast for all my housemates but Kenji has one arm under my neck and the other draped over my side, as if even in sleep he can't bare to not be touching me. It's cosy and comforting and I have no desire to move from his bed yet, so I wriggle around in his arms, getting comfortable enough to fall back to sleep.He yawns, pulling me tighter against him so his front is plastered against my back, which also makes his morning erection incredibly obvious against my bum. Something about how good last night was has sparked something off inside me and I find myself grinding gently against him, trying to satisfy the ache to have him inside me, without actually