Chapter five - Jenny

Do you ever have those moments when you realise that you're actually a terrible person?

Mine happened shortly after waking up from the best sleep of my life. 

The light filters in through the edges of the blinds, waking me and normally when I feel this good, I would get up and do something productive or go for a swim, maybe even cook breakfast for all my housemates but Kenji has one arm under my neck and the other draped over my side, as if even in sleep he can't bare to not be touching me. 

It's cosy and comforting and I have no desire to move from his bed yet, so I wriggle around in his arms, getting comfortable enough to fall back to sleep.

He yawns, pulling me tighter against him so his front is plastered against my back, which also makes his morning erection incredibly obvious against my bum. Something about how good last night was has sparked something off inside me and I find myself grinding gently against him, trying to satisfy the ache to have him inside me, without actually doing that and waking him up.

My body is sore in all the right places and I stifle a giggle when he murmurs my name in his sleep, his hips thrusting against me, making it obvious what he's dreaming about. Dane has never stayed the night with me, except that brief camping trip where we pretended not to know one another, because he's too worried about being caught by one of my housemates and then somehow his parents finding out, so it's a new and very pleasant experience to wake up in someone's arms.

My entire body freezes in place with those thoughts, reality well and truly sinking in.

I'm a horrible person. A cheat. A dirty, rotten, disgusting cheat!

I despise cheating, have been very vocal about it in the past, which also makes me a hypocrite. I'm a hypocritical cheater who deserves the worst karma imaginable going forward. I'll be reincarnated as a flea or a dung beetle for what I've done.

"Morning." Kenji whispers huskily, peppering soft, lingering kisses along my shoulders and the action sends tingles through my entire body.

"Morning." I reply, stretching my neck to allow him better access and lifting my leg so I can hook it backwards over his.

His hand slips from my hip moving between my legs, his fingers working to bring me close to orgasm, and then, just as I feel it building he stops, rolling me onto my back and kissing my lips.

I must groan in disappointment, because he laughs while straddling me on hands and knees.

"Don't worry, I'm not finished yet." And with that, he pulls the quilt up over his head, kissing a trail down my body before settling between my legs and bringing me back up again with his tongue and fingers working together.

As the horrible person I now know myself to be, all thoughts of Dane and what I'm doing to him fly out the window the moment Kenji starts touching me, my focus only on me and the man between my legs.

"Kenji… I need… oh god… I need you inside me. Please. Fuck… oh god… Please fuck me. Now." I hear myself begging like some amateur porn star and I can't seem to stop. 

He crawls up the bed, a huge grin on his face and I can feel his erection rubbing between my thighs.

"What do you want, Jenny?" He asks, tracing his fingertips lightly over my nipple and I can't believe I just begged, my cheeks burning tomato red the more he watches me.

"Sorry." I whisper, unable to look at him and wanting the earth to swallow me whole, but he lifts my jaw to force my eyes to his, grinding himself against me gently.

"Don't be. I should be sorry for drawing attention to it, I'm not though, it was really sexy hearing you lose control like that and I want to see the look on your face when it happens." He kisses me again, pinching my nipple firmly and muffling my moan with his mouth. "Now, Miss Kaur, where was I?"

Disappearing beneath the quilt again, he continues where he left off and this time he doesn't stop when I start pleading for him, instead, he takes me crashing over the edge and then crawls up to push himself inside me, both of us panting and moaning with pleasure.

I must have drifted off to sleep afterwards, because I wake up to the most delicious scent of pancakes.

"I did promise you breakfast, but I didn't want to wake you, so I got it delivered, is that ok?" Kenji asks with a small smile. He looks nervous, as though he's genuinely worried I might be upset that he brought me breakfast in bed, when no guy has ever been that thoughtful to me before. I feel like I'm in a fairytale, so even if I do end up as a cockroach in my next life, at this moment, it feels worth it.

We polish off every single pancake Kenji ordered, which was a lot, so I feel bloated and sleepy and it's barely even eleven o'clock yet.

"What do you fancy for lunch?" Kenji jokes beside me. Or at least I assume he's joking, it's hard to tell while I'm in a pancake and syrup stupor.

"I think I'm dying. I need a skin-zip to loosen my stomach." I run my hand over my stomach and I swear there's visible distension. Groaning, I turn towards Kenji and notice he's lying on his back, holding his stomach in a similar way to me. "I'm going to explode, one more bite of food and that's it, food and body parts will be all over this room. Death by pancakes."

"What a way to go though." Although he's talking to me, his eyes are narrowed at his glass of orange juice on the table beside me.

"What are you doing? Has the drink offended you in some way?" I shift upright a little to see him better and he laughs, holding his hand out towards the glass.

"I'm thirsty, but too full to move, so I'm trying out telekinesis to bring my glass closer." He wiggles his fingers towards the drink and I pass it over to him, laughing when he gives a little fist bump and declares himself now a master of telekinesis. "I got the drink to me without touching it, didn't I?"

"I'm not sure that's how it's meant to work." He makes a face like I'm talking nonsense, then winks as he somehow looks victorious while drinking his orange and I can't stop giggling. I should get home, I've got a checklist of assignments and studying I should be making a start on, but I can't bring myself to leave yet.

"Ok, your turn, try out your magical powers on…" He looks around the room, then points to a small bag on a chair. "That bag there."

"Ken…" I roll my eyes when he grabs my arm, positioning it so I'm reaching towards the bag.

"Concentrate, close your eyes and imagine the bag in your hand." I do what he says, giggling as I feel him move off of the bed. I feel the bed dip again and then a bag drops into my hand.

"You did it." Kenji is grinning at me when I open my eyes and I laugh, putting the bag down on the floor beside the bed. "Wait, are you not going to look at your prize?"

"What?" He leans across me, hooking his finger in the handle of the bag and dropping it gently onto my lap. 

"It's yours." I bite my lip, unsure how I feel about a gift after what we just did. Like it's some weird pay off. Like I'm a prostitute he had for the night.

"I… uh…" I stare at the bag, keeping my hands well and truly away from it but struggling to vocalise anything coherent. In the end he pulls a box from the bag and opens it to show me the absolutely beautiful necklace inside. 

"You like it, right? You were looking at it in the shop the other day, so I got it for you. I wanted to get something for you to thank you for helping me, but also… well, just because I guess. Is that ok?" My throat closes up and I feel tearful, which is so not like me. It's such a sweet and unexpected gesture.

"Thank you. It's beautiful, thank you." I tell him, leaning forward and kissing him gently. He carefully takes the necklace from the box, placing it around my neck and my hand automatically comes up to hold the sparkling tree shaped pendant.

"Yeah, that suits you. Ok, so have you got plans today? Because if not, I would like to keep you a bit longer. We can do whatever you want." He bounces off the bed and onto his feet as though he's ready to do whatever I suggest as soon as I suggest it. I've got school work to do, but when I open my mouth, instead of saying that I end up asking if he wants to go swimming? I don't even know where that idea came from, I don't have my swimsuit and I get to go swimming every single day at home, so why that? It's a mystery.

The hotel actually has a spa included, and thankfully a small shop where you can buy swimsuits, which, even though Kenji tries to pay for, I insist on buying myself.

It's a pretty, black tankini with floaty blue material attached to the bra part that covers your stomach and if I could have designed the best swimsuit, the one to make me feel the most confident and attractive in front of someone I like, I couldn't have done better than this. Further evidenced by the way Kenji's eyes widened when I walked out of the changing room and that he keeps toying with the material whenever we stop for long enough.

Swimming with someone you're attracted to is apparently much more complicated than just with friends, I don't know whether to jump in and just do laps, or to stand there and flirt with him like I can see another couple doing in the jacuzzi.

When I say another couple, I don't mean that Kenji and I are a couple because we're not, I'm with Dane. Except I'm cheating on him and I'm not even really sorry. I'm having to remind myself to feel guilty and somehow that seems all the worse.

"Sauna or steam room?" Kenji asks, breaking into my thoughts and grabbing my hand to tug me towards the two glass doors.

Now, I'm pretty sure everyone has a list of places they fantasize about having sex: the beach, in the sea, generally outdoors, the living room, someone else's bed etc… whether they actually end up doing them or not is beside the point, but mine has always secretly been inside a steam room. So the combination of heading towards it, with a man I've just spent the best part of the last day having sex with, is like a trigger and I can feel my desire growing with each step we take.

"Sauna." I squeak, ducking towards it and pulling him with me. As I sit down on the bench, the material between my legs suddenly feels like it's rubbing me and it's torturous. Thankfully the heat of the sauna gives me an excuse for my red cheeks and I try my best not to squirm.

"Are you ok?" Kenji leans in closer and the scent of the sweat on his skin is so alluring, I want to lick his chest and I have no idea where this desire is coming from.

"It's a bit hot, that's all." I manage to say, casting an eye towards the two strangers sitting on the other side of the small room. They smile and carry on chatting quietly together about whatever meeting they're having to attend on Monday. I eavesdrop on their conversation, the boring talk of charts and finances is enough to distract me from my raging hormones and by the time we get up to leave I feel much more in control of myself.

"Steam room, jacuzzi or pool?" Kenji asks and I'm pleased when I calmly reply that I want to try out the jacuzzi.

"Ok, I need one of these at home." I sigh happily, the jets of water working on blasting the tension right out of my body. "So, where abouts are you going in America?"

We spend the rest of the afternoon chatting non stop, whether we're swimming, in the jacuzzi or even in the steam room where I'm proud to say I kept myself from doing anything inappropriate.

I can't say I behaved once we got back to his room though, but I blame Kenji almost entirely, he followed me into the bathroom to help me with my swimsuit and we ended up having sex on the bathroom floor before showering and getting ready for dinner.

His band mates were nowhere to be seen, which I think was on purpose because I heard Kenji talking to someone while I was getting dressed and there was a lot of laughter before doors shut and the suite was quiet again.

We ordered a takeaway again, but this time we sit out in the communal part of the sweet, a film on the huge TV and it's only now, after approximately twenty-four hours, that my phone rings and my sister's face flashes on the screen.

"Hi Priya." I answer, pacing back and forth behind the sofa while Kenji watches me.

"Where are you? You're not in your room." She says, as though that's the only place I should be on a Saturday night. But in fairness, that's where I have been since we all moved in together and nights out turned into house parties and couples nights.

"I'm out with a friend, I'll be back late." Kenji shakes his head rapidly and I grin at him. "Maybe tomorrow, we're watching a film and I might stay over if it goes on too late."

"What friend? Do I know them? Is it someone from your course?" Kenji walks over, pulling my chin up to kiss me while my sister questions me.

"Pri, I need to go, I'll see you tomorrow." I tell her, my body melting into his.

"No, wait, Laura Windsor is here with her brother Dane. You remember them? She's Elsie's friend and he came camping with us. I think you two got on quite well." I stiffen at her words, breaking off the kiss and Kenji frowns at me in question. "Anyway, we're having a party and I wondered if you wanted to come back for it. Bring your friend."

"Uh…" My mind goes blank and I gape like a fish into the phone.

"Jen? Jenny? Jeniliya are you still there?" Priya calls down the phone but my head is spinning and I feel nauseous.

"Hi there, Priya right? I'm Kenji, Jenny's friend. Sorry, she's having a moment, can I help? Take a message?" He presses my phone to his cheek, glancing back at me as I hear my sister's voice chatting animatedly down the phone about what's happening and how we should go around. "Ok, thanks, yeah… maybe… I'll get Jenny to text you in a mo. Yeah, definitely. Bye bye."

He presses a button and places my phone down between us, the tension in the room is enormous.

"Your secret boyfriend's at your house with your friends. How would that work if you weren't here?" He asks and I can tell he wants to have this conversation about as much as I do.

"We'd pretend we didn't really know one another, then sneak into my room for some private time. Then he'd leave with his sister." I tell him quietly and he sighs.

"Is that what you want to do? I won't stop you if you want to leave." At that moment the room phone rings and he answers it, speaking quickly to whoever is on the other end. "Ok, food's here, if you want to go, I can get my car to take you home. If you want to stay, that's ok too, I can drive you home in the morning. Or later tonight, what you want."

"I think I'd like to… stay." I tell him, as surprised as he is by what comes out of my mouth. "If that's ok with you?"

"Absolutely, get comfy and I'll get the food." He jumps up from the chair, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek as he runs out of the door.

He's only gone for maybe ten minutes, but I spend the time wondering why I made the choice to stay, convincing myself it's only because after he leaves tomorrow, I'll never see him again, so I may as well make the most of it.

Not that I actually want to stay because I like him and am delaying the inevitable, definitely not that at all…