Chapter three - Jenny

"Good morning, good morning." Luke's voice permeates the room as though he's actually standing beside the bed. I groan, shoving my head under my pillow and try to ignore him.

Cleo is giggling and shushing him, but it only serves to make him louder.

"They love having me serenade them in the mornings." I can practically see the stupid smug grin on his face as he says this. "It's morning, a beautiful morning, get up and greet the day."

"Harrison, shut the fuck up." The sleepy voice comes from directly beside me and it's as if the entire world comes to a standstill.

I hear Cleo telling Luke to stop, but his giggling voice is suddenly right outside my door and with cat-like reflexes, I throw the quilt over Kenji entirely, jump out of bed and am there ready when Luke pushes open my door, his eyes flitting around the room, until they settle on the lump that is Kenji.

"Oh, Jeniliya, you've got a man in your bed, you're so naughty." He squeaks, the widest grin on his face I've ever seen. "You would never have done this in school, we've been a bad influence on you. I'm so proud."

"Luke, leave her be." Cleo tries to push him back out of my room and I hold the door, ready to lock it when he's outside, but he's too strong, wrapping his arms around her and holding her in place while he torments me.

"Now, did you use protection? We've got plenty of condoms of you need them." 

"Luke, fuck off, seriously." My entire face feels like it's on fire and while I'm clinging to the door, I can see Kenji wrestling the quilt off of his head and I know that in just a moment or two, I won't be able to stop the two seeing one another.

"What are you hiding? Maybe there's more than one extra person in her bed, what do you think Cleo?" He teases, enjoying tormenting me far too much.

"I think you should let her have her privac… oh my god, sorry Jenny." Cleo's eyes go wide and because I wasn't expecting her to be the one to stop, she successfully darts past me and into my room. "Oh my god, are you Kenji Ikeda? Oh my god you are, Luke, it's Kenji Ikeda."

"It's Kenji Ikeda." Luke squeals like a fangirl, pushing past me to stand beside his girlfriend and offering out his hand. "Hi Kenji Ikeda, I'm Luke Thomas and this is Cleo Randle, nice to meet you and can I ask why my girlfriend knows your name and is so ridiculously excited to see you?"

"Uh… hi." Kenji shakes his hand and when his eyes dart to me, he looks guilty.

"He's the lead singer of Kokoro, remember they're playing in the SU bar at the end of the week. He's really famous." She's speaking faster than I've ever heard her before and can barely stand still, gripping Luke's hand but still dancing from foot to foot. "Can I get a photo? And your autograph and then we'll leave you alone because we're totally embarrassing Jenny and I never thought I'd be this girl around a celebrity but I just love your voice and you music and I can't believe you're in my house right now."

"Right, calm down darling, you're making me jealous." Luke teases but he steps closer to her, putting himself between her and Kenji as soon as they take the picture. "We better go before you're late."

"Oh, yes, ok. Bye Kenji Ikeda, looking forward to seeing you Friday night." Cleo gushes, following Luke as he leads her from the room by her hand.

"Are you ok? You haven't moved or said anything for about ten minutes." Kenji asks and I realise I'm still standing by my door, staring at him.

"How come you didn't tell me you were famous?" I don't know why this bothers me, but it does. Swinging the door shut with a bang, I grab my phone and G****e his name. He's not just famous, he's stupidly famous, not only has his band got a website but he's got his own personal Wikipedia page as well as a number of other websites talking about him and the other band members, what they're doing, where they're from, who they're dating. There's a few pictures of him with beautiful, model-like girls and my stomach rolls over with jealousy.

Suddenly I don't know how to act around him, I can't believe I vented my stupid little life dramas to a celebrity and then what… did I maybe have a happily ever after dilemma going on last night, where I was possibly consider the prospect of finishing things with Dane because I've never felt as much from one kiss with him than I did when Kenji kissed me last night?

But now it all makes sense, Dane's a nice, normal guy who's so focused on school work he hasn't had time, nor been allowed, to date before, whereas Kenji… I stare at my phone, looking at an array of pictures of him, every single one with a different girl on his arm, fuck I'm stupid, he really got me there, no wonder he kisses like he does, he's clearly has a backlog of experience. Maybe I was more of a challenge than the group of girls throwing themselves at him the other night. Oh my god, those were groupies, the guy in my bed has groupies… and probably diseases… can you catch diseases from kissing? I need to G****e that.

"Stop, no, whatever is going on in your head right now, just stop. This is why I didn't tell you, you're changing right in front of me, I can see it happening. I liked you being normal with me." He snatches the phone from my hand and tosses it on the bed, kneeling in front of me and looking me in the eyes. "I really am sorry, I should have told you. I would have. I was just enjoying being a regular couple."

"We're not a couple." I exclaim, grimacing and lowering my voice when I realise I'm shouting. "I have a boyfriend."

"Yeah, so what was last night then? Because we kissed and I know you felt something. Why else are you so pissed at me?" His truth annoys me so I do the only thing I can think of in that moment, I lie.

"I don't know what you're talking about, I'm pissed off because you lied to me and befriended me under false pretences. I'd like you to leave." I point towards the door and he doesn't move or say anything. For maybe thirty seconds we face off against one another and my pride refuses to allow me to back down.

"Seriously? You want me to go?" He asks softly and I close my eyes, biting my lips to stop me from telling him to stay. "Ok, I'll go. You've got my number, I'm here until Sunday night, call me whenever you want."

I keep my eyes closed and my arm pointing at the door, listening to him move around my room and then I feel his body pause just in front of me.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lie to you. I liked that you seemed to like me for me, not because I'm famous, I'm still me and I like you, I'm hoping you'll tell me you still like me." I hear him leave the room and my anger leaves with him, but I remain standing for a while longer, trying to process everything that's just happened.

My insides ache and I decide to believe it must be from the guilt of cheating on Dane, not because I like Kenji. No, I need to admit what I've done and beg Dane for forgiveness.

Scrambling for my phone, I swipe away the images of him and look for Dane's number, dialling and groaning in frustration when, yet again, it goes straight to his answerphone.

"What's even the point of having a mobile if you never answer it?" I shout at the phone, thumbing out an angry message.

Jenny: Dane, we need to talk, please call asap.

I fall backwards onto my bed, the scent of Kenji's aftershave filling my nose, so in a furious tantrum I throw the pillow he slept on across the room, nearly knocking Priya over as she yawns in my doorway.

"Why are you all angry and shouting at seven in the morning? Is it Luke again or your lecturer? I bet dad would talk to him if it's really bothering you?"

"What? No… No, I'm fine, yeah it's my assignment, but I'll sort it out." She picks up the pillow I just threw and hugs it, flopping down on my bed sleepily. "What are you doing today? We were thinking of heading to the cinema if you fancy it? Also, this pillow smells nice, what soap did you use?"

"I dunno, whatever was in the utility room. Uh… yeah I'll come to the cinema, what are we seeing?" I try to distract her and she yawns again, closing her eyes. 

"Not sure, whatever's on. Can I sleep in here with you for a bit?" She drifts off and I tuck her under the quilt, lying beside her and trying to force myself to think of my upcoming assignments, then looking up films on the internet, anything to stop my mind drifting to dark hair, smouldering eyes and the softest lips I've ever felt.

I must have fallen asleep, because when I wake up Priya is gone and I can hear Luke's voice booming through the floor from downstairs. 

Panic fills me when I hear laughter and I run down to join them, hoping he hasn't mentioned about me having Kenji in my room, but when I get in there I see Alex with a plastic cap on his head, his dark curly being pulled through tiny holes by Rory and the others laughing at the painful noises he makes every time she pushes the tiny metal tool through to grab at his hair.

"Stop moving, it doesn't hurt." She tells him when he hisses again.

"It's not your skull that's being pierced." He tells her, wailing when Kia starts up on the other side.

"Luke, Cleo, can I talk to you?" I whisper, beckoning them to come out into the hallway. "I didn't sleep with him and I won't be seeing him again, but can you not mention to anyone that he was here, please?"

"Of course." Cleo immediately agrees but my whole body tenses when Luke grins at me.

"What's in it for me?" He asks, laughing when Cleo elbows him in the stomach. "Come on, she knows I won't tell anyone, don't you? You little slut you." 

"Thank you." I lean back against the wall in relief, I'll still have to tell Dane, but at least he won't hear it from anyone else before me.

"You're still coming to the SU on Friday to watch him though, aren't you?" Cleo asks and my whole body tenses up again, I'd forgotten we'd all planned to go there then. I was hoping Dane would visit and I could make an excuse to stay home to see him, but the sadistic part of me wants to torture myself by watching his band and the hundreds of girls throwing themselves at him.

"Yeah, I think so." I say, just as Billy pops his head out the door, asking what's going on and why we're hanging out in the hallway.

~*~

I stare at the text that Dane sent me an hour ago.

Dane: Hey, friends have asked me to go to this band on tonight at the SU, you want to meet up and chat before that. I can come to yours now?

Three days it took him to reply, three days of trying to call him and getting nowhere. Yet he replies like I haven't been trying at all and expects me to just be available when he says.

The last three days have been excruciating, my phone has decided to work against me, sending me notifications about Kokoro's recent songs and news updates about what the band's up to. Apparently after a short tour locally, they're heading to America next week and will be appearing on the Jonathan Ross show in the next few weeks.

I've blocked so many websites from sending me pop ups, but still the adverts keep coming and I can't help myself from reading it all. Reminding myself how ridiculous it is to be fantasising about him.

So while Dane's behaviour is irritating, I know I'm not as annoyed with him as I am with myself and am taking it out on him. 

Kenji text me once, the day after he left, apologising and asking to see me again before he had to travel to America next week and I've not replied to him either, I don't know what to say. I know I probably overreacted and I will tell him that, but also, what then? We kissed and it was amazing, but I'm with Dane and Kenji clearly travels a lot. Will he even be looking for anything like that? 

My head's a mess so I sit on my bed and make a to do list, first on it is to see Dane, then I can go to this show, have fun with my friends and apologise to Kenji face to face, actually, scratch that, he'll probably be surrounded by groupies, so I'll text him. I could text him now.

I put a line through the item on my list and pick up my phone, tapping the screen to type out, delete and then retype out a message until I find one that looks ok. I deliberate over whether to put a kiss at the end, none seems too formal, one is definitely something a friend sends, sometimes my friends send me loads depending on their mood, but I've known them for ages.

Jenny: Hi Kenji, it's me, Jenny. I'm really sorry about the other day, I overreacted and I get it. Good luck tonight, we'll be in the crowd watching. xxx

"Hey." Dane appears in my doorway, making me jump and my thumb hits the send button, with three kisses at the end. That's far more than friendly and I'm fairly certain it's going to be taken as that too. 

Fuck! What do I do?

"Hey, what's up?" I lock my phone as Dane's arms slip around my waist, his lips trailing down my jaw and somehow he kicks the door shut behind him. "I don't have to be there for an hour, you want to have some fun?"

"Dane wait… I need to tell you something." 

"Later, we haven't got much time." I give in to his kisses, ashamed of myself for being a coward and we fall onto my bed, making the most of the time we have.

I enjoy myself as much as I can, trying to tell myself it was one kiss, one kiss means nothing, even though I know I wouldn't think that if it was the other way around.

We lie side by side afterwards until he gets up and starts getting dressed.

"I've got to get going, I'll see you later though, yeah?" He says, pulling his jeans on and slipping out of my room.

It's no different to his normal visits and I know it's so we don't get caught, but for some reason this time I feel a little disappointed, comparing it to how nice it felt falling asleep with Kenji earlier in the week.

"Hey Jen, are you ready to go?" Priya calls through while I'm in the shower after Dane left and she's sitting on my bed waiting when I get out. "Are you excited? It's going to be so fun tonight."

Luke and Cleo sidle up to me as we make our way into the SU bar, giving me meaningful looks as we get drinks and find somewhere good to sit.

I can see Dane sitting with his friends across the bar but he doesn't look my way at all and once the lights dip and the music starts I lose sight of him.

The support bands are good, but once Kokoro take to the stage the atmosphere changes entirely and I get why Cleo reacted the way she did. Kenji looks like a superstar, strumming his guitar and once he opens his mouth it's hypnotic.

He looks around the room and winks at me, his mouth turning up into a little smile that feels private, but then a dozen or so girls in front of me start screaming so they must feel the same way. 

It's only when they take their first break and I find myself checking my phone, just to see if he's messaged me that I realise I've not thought about Dane since I saw Kenji. I look around to see a group of girls sitting at the table with Dane and his friends and confusingly it bothers me a lot less than the mass of girls squealing and crowding the doorway to Kenji's dressing room.

Kenji: You want to go for a drink after?

The message comes through when they announce the band is going to return to the stage in five minutes and I don't hesitate to reply saying yes, not even considering that Dane might want to see me and it's that realisation that makes me feel worse about myself, because I'm fairly certain I'm going to cheat on him tonight. Again.