Four: Josh

“I just love your impressing techniques.” Daniel teases me, causing me to shove him off the couch. They’re acting as if I intended to throw the ball at the poor girl,  causing her to fall into the pool and damage her phone.

Taleen is quite intriguing; something about her makes me want to know more about her and I’m not sure what that thing is. Maybe I’m attracted to the way she looks. I can’t describe her as beautiful because then I’d be doing her injustice. There’s something about her plump lips that I’m dying to taste, extremely long dark hair that resembles the beauty of the night, and her breathtaking hazel eyes that make my legs go weak.

I can tell when a girl is feigning being nice or cuteness, but Taleen is nice, cute, beautiful, and attractive without even trying; it’s in her blood. She wasn’t moved by my flirting attempts, she was actually annoyed. Flirting isn’t my way of trying to get her to go on a date with me and honestly, I don’t even know what the way to her is. She doesn’t even date! A masterpiece like her doesn’t date. It feels like my chances are zero per cent.  

“This was a total mistake! I didn’t throw the ball in her direction on purpose!” I defend myself for the millionth time in front of my assholes of friends. “But seriously Owen, she doesn’t date at all?” I ask him. His attention is directed towards the match he’s playing with Chris on the X-box.

“Yes. I have known her since I started dating Lisa and not once have I even seen her express her liking towards a guy,” Owen says, making me huff in annoyance.

“Maybe she’s a lesbian?” Chris suggests and I mentally pray that she just doesn’t like dating, because if she’s a lesbian, I’m doomed.

“No, she isn’t. I asked her once.” Relief makes its way to me on hearing that. “She usually describes her lack of desire in dating as commitment issues.” Owen continues and my eyebrows crease. Commitment issues? I think I can deal with that. I can take it step by step with her or I may be pushing, I honestly don’t know. My brain is paralyzed and I don’t know how to think, but I know that Taleen is dominating my thoughts since I opened the door for her.

Something about her is different. Well, she is different! The girl doesn’t date, for God’s sake! It’s like I’m destined to give up without even trying. I have to work really hard to impress her. I really have to be extra careful with my actions if I want to crack her shell.

“Do you like her or something?” Chris asks, earning a laugh from Daniel.

“Is that even a question?” Daniel speaks as a matter of fact.

“What’s not to like? You’ve seen the girl! She’s a goddess,” I exclaim.  

“Seriously, dude. May the odds be ever in your favour. She’s an expert at turning guys down.” Owen’s words make me grimace, but I brush them off.

“I won’t lose anything from trying.” I shrug as I take a sip of the can of Pepsi I have in my right hand.

“Lisa is going to be so excited to help you! She literally wants the girl to date anyone.” Owen informs me. This is great. I’m going to need all the help I can get. I’ve never had any trouble with impressing a girl before, but I have a feeling that I’m going to have all the troubles I have never faced before combined as I try to impress Taleen. Something tells me that she’s worth the hassle. No, I don’t love her and I’m not a believer in love at first sight. I’m just extremely attracted to her.

We call it a night around midnight and the boys decide to sleepover. It’s not their first time to sleepover at my place. It probably happens twice a week. I have got this place for myself and a nice company is needed from time to time. My mum bought me this place in my first year of college, a gift for making it out of rehab ‘stronger than ever’. If only she knows…

I was once my dad’s favourite child- male child to be exact - but that didn’t last for long. I’m the frowned upon child from his point of view now and honestly, I don’t give a flying fuck about that. I didn’t even bother telling him the truth… I actually didn’t tell my mum. I still don’t know why I’ve been keeping the truth away from them for years; perhaps it’s because I know I was partially at fault, too. I mean, who falls for the shit I’ve fallen into except for stupid people? Perhaps, it’s because I saw my dad not worthy of my attempts to correct his thoughts about the whole matter and I didn’t want to break my mum’s heart.

I enter my room and I take off my clothes, leaving myself in my boxers only. That’s how I sleep. I put on the watch I was wearing today in the first drawer of my dressing table. I may be a guy, but I’m a neat freak. I love organizing everything and putting it in its place. I look at my perfume bottles and I notice that they’re a bit out of place. Taleen must have snooped around my room. If anybody else did that, I’d be really mad, but the fact that she’s the one who did it makes the whole matter trivial to me. 

I wonder which one is her favourite. I’d wear it whenever I see her if I found out. She seems like a Gucci kind of girl. I hope I’m not mistaken.

I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth before going to sleep. It’s a habit of mine that I’m thankful I have. I love keeping my teeth white and clean. I open the cabinet after brushing my teeth. I reach for the small orange bottle I have at the back of the cabinet. At some point in my life, it contained anti-depressant pills. I open its white cap and I take out the tiny plastic bag.

I empty the white substance on the bathroom counter and I take out the small rolled up piece of paper. After adjusting the paper and lining the substance with the card I leave in the cabinet, I bend down and snort the substance, making sure not to leave any traces of it on the counter. The familiar tingling sensation attacks my nostrils and I feel them flaring. I rub my nose as I arc my head back to calm down that sensation.

This is my drug, this is what keeps me going through life. This is the root of evil and what pulls me away from evil. This is the source of my pain and what numbs my pain. This is what keeps my mind awake and what sedates my rapid thoughts. This is everything and its opposite. This is what I hate and what I can’t function without. This is my leash that I wish to get rid of, yet I’m too much of a wimp to let it go.