Coughs escape my mouth as I bring myself to the surface of the water. I fell in an area that is six feet deep, so that explains why I can’t stand. “Oh shit!” I exclaim with a gasp as I see my phone at the bottom of the pool. I quickly dive down to bring it then I swim back to the edge. My face is throbbing with pain and I find difficulty in focusing on anything except the dead phone in my hand.
“I’m so sorry!” Josh apologizes as he pulls me up, but I couldn’t care less about an apology; it won’t bring my phone back. Couldn’t they be more careful?
“Are you okay? Oh! Your nose is bleeding. The ball smacked you hard.” Lisa bombards me with her worry while Amanda quickly puts a towel around me. Am I shivering? The water was a little bit cold, but I’m not sure of its effect on my body. A stinging sensation attacks my nose and I touch it only to be met with the red liquid on the tips of my fingers.
“I’m okay, but my phone isn’t!” I hiss as I try to turn it on, but of course, my tries are useless. My life is literally on this phone and nothing is backed up except my notes. I’ve probably lost all of the pictures along with my contacts; I can’t remember if I have any of them backed up or not. I want to scream and a part of me even wants to cry, but I don’t want to appear childish in front of a bunch of people I’ve just met today.
“I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to throw the ball in your direction. We were just messing around and Chris foolishly tackled me, making me throw the ball in the wrong direction, and well… this happened.” Josh looks sincere as he rambles, but I’m honestly so mad right now to even offer him a small smile or tell him it’s okay because this isn’t okay at all.
“Yeah, but sorry won’t really fix my phone,” I snap at him and I instantly feel terrible for doing this, but he’s the reason behind this mess. Now I need to buy a new phone which means that I’ll have to take money from what I’ve been saving for the car. Why did I even come today? I press my lips tightly together in an attempt to suppress my irritation and I reach for my nose again only to find it still bleeding.
“I’ll get you a new one, I promise.” He is being so sweet, but my actions and my facial expressions are enough to prove that I’m a total bitch. He really needs to move away because I don’t want to say anything I might regret later.
“No, thanks. Look, I just want to leave,” I mumble, trying my best to control my anger. I don’t want to be rude to anyone, especially that they’re all nice and accidents are bound to happen.
“Not like that! Your clothes are all wet and water is literally dripping off you!” Ella argues. “Listen, I think I’ve extra clothes in my car. Let me bring them to you.” She offers. Not waiting for my response, I see her rushing out of the backyard.
I walk to the bamboo chairs and I sit on one of them while Owen brings me tissues for my nosebleed. It’s not severe, I can feel it and my face doesn’t hurt that much. I press the tissues slightly to my nose and a wince comes out of my mouth. Okay, maybe the smack is stronger than I thought. I’ll probably have a bruised face tomorrow. Maybe I can cover the bruise up with make-up.
“Here.” A voice catches my attention and I look up to find Josh extending his hand with a phone. Okay, that’s quick. “I know it’s older than yours, but it works perfectly fine. I’ll definitely buy you a new one. Just use this until then.” Josh is so freaking nice. He isn’t even giving me a chance to be mad at him.
“Thank you… I’ll just use it until I buy myself a new one. You don’t need to buy me anything. Accidents happen.” I smile at him as I take the iPhone 8plus from him. “I’m really sorry for snapping at you like that, but I love my phone so much.” I blush as I apologize to him. I’m not too fond of the way I talked to him while he was being nothing but nice to me. He didn’t deserve that.
I take the clothes from Ella and Josh guides me to one of the rooms to change. “Take your time. This is my room; you’ll find an attached restroom. Take a shower if you want,” he tells me before opening the door. I can’t help but notice how attractive Josh is. He is so tall, and his chocolate brown hair is smooth; the kind of hair I wouldn’t mind running my fingers through. The blue hue of his eyes is just mesmerizing, I could get lost in them for hours and I honestly won’t mind. His body is so muscular; I bet he trains a lot. His skin is slightly tanned, adding more sexiness to him. As if he needs to be sexier.
“Thanks,” I murmur as I walk inside. Josh closes the door behind him, leaving me all alone in his room. I look around the place and I silently admire it. As my eyes travel around the place, it hits me that each part of this room is a piece of him. Each part depicts one of his characteristics. My curiosity finally wins, and I find myself snooping around. I know this is wrong, but I can’t contain the curiosity inside of me. My eyes move along the black shelves on the grey wall and I smile a little to myself as I find a huge collection of comic books; the volumes resting on the shelves scream out his deep love for this genre! The vast Marvel collection he owns is enough for me to guess his favourite. It looks like we have a Thor lover because there are four volumes dedicated to him on one of the shelves. I’m not really into comics, but his love for them is kind of pushing me towards this genre of books. I’m not even a fan of reading, I barely read books.
I walk to his dressing table and I find his colognes and perfumes. I must say, he has great taste. He has Burberry, One Million, and Gucci. This guy is most probably rich. I smell each of them and One Million finds its way easily to my heart. I feel sorry for his girlfriend- if he has one. It seems like he’s accustomed to a lavish kind of life and buying him gifts on any occasion would be such a hassle because then she’d have to keep up with that fine and expensive taste of his.
After showering and throwing my hair into a messy bun, I return downstairs. My face doesn’t look that bad. There’s definitely redness around my nose, but I know it won’t take long to heal.
“My clothes look great on you!” Ella admires her clothes on me. Her comment causes the others to look at me and my cheeks heat up a little. Attention makes me nervous and shy and right now, I’m the center of attention.
After three more hours spent dancing, having fun, and basically goofing around, Lisa and I return to our dorm. My eyes are fighting to stay awake as I throw myself on the bed; my eyelids feel so heavy. I can’t even find the energy in me to take off my clothes. I pull my blanket over my aching body and I close my eyes. My head is starting to pound with a strong headache and I squeeze my eyes shut.
“Lisa… you look more alive than me,” I whisper, opening one eye to glance at my friend who seems to have some energy left in her. She has her laptop on her lap, but I’m not sure if she’s just watching Netflix or working on a school paper; it’s Lisa, probably the former.
“What does my injured friend want?” she teases me and I fight the urge to throw a pillow at her, only because I want the comfort of my ostrich-feathered-pillow.
“Advil, Tylenol, any painkiller,” I reply as I rub my temples. Why am I that exhausted? I think the lack of sleep last night is the reason behind this.
I watch Lisa as she reaches for the plastic bottle beside her on the nightstand and I sit up properly to take the pill. She hands me two pills and a glass of water. I quickly gulp them, hoping that they’d start working soon, then I put my head back on my pillow.
“What do you think of my group of friends?” Lisa wonders. My eyes are closed, so I’m not sure if she’s looking in my direction or not.
“They’re cool. I think they’re fun,” I truthfully answer her.
“Any favourites?”
“I like Ella a lot. She’s adorable,” I say, a yawn escaping my lips.
“Goodnight, sleepyhead. We can talk tomorrow,” she tells me. I mumble a quiet ‘goodnight’ and I try to free my mind of any thought.
Here’s the thing about me. No matter how tired I am, I spend at least a half of an hour thinking about everything and anything before going to sleep. I think about my family, my personality, what I hate about myself and what I love. I make up different scenarios in my head and imagine myself in various situations; beautiful ones and even horrendous ones. My dislike for surprises pushes me to think of every situation life may throw me in.
I assume that my tiredness is bigger than I thought, because for the first time in more than a month, I sleep in less than fifteen minutes. If exhaustion is the key to a quick sleep, then I plan on draining my body of energy each day.
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What do you think about the plot so far? Do you like it?
“I just love your impressing techniques.” Daniel teases me, causing me to shove him off the couch. They’re acting as if I intended to throw the ball at the poor girl, causing her to fall into the pool and damage her phone. Taleen is quite intriguing; something about her makes me want to know more about her and I’m not sure what that thing is. Maybe I’m attracted to the way she looks. I can’t describe her as beautiful because then I’d be doing her injustice
The fact that I enjoy studying biology is making this paper a lot easier for me to write. I’m supposed to submit it in three days and I’m almost done with it. It’s been two days since the barbecue party and luckily, my face isn’t bruised. I take a sip of my coffee and crack my fingers while making a circular motion with my head to relieve my neck a bit before returning to my paper. Mondays aren’t my favourite, to be honest. I have lectures from nine to three then I have a f
I know it’s not a date, I know that I have a long way to go, but this is progress. I’m over the moon and I feel like dancing. She agreed to go out with me and honestly, it wasn’t even hard to convince her, which is something that gives me hope to an extent. I don’t know her well, but I’d like to believe that she at least tolerates me. I don’t think she was annoyed by my companionship today. If she didn’t like being around me, she wouldn’t have agreed to go to the gallery with me, right? &nbs
“For the last time, this isn’t a date! Better help me find an outfit or shut up!” I roll my eyes as I throw myself on the bed after turning my closet upside down. I’m not sure why I care so much about the art gallery outing with Josh. This is going to be my first time going to an art gallery, so I’m definitely excited. I asked Josh yesterday what I should wear and he told me I should go for something formal yet cute; not really the easiest thing to find in my closet, but I’m sure I’ve something that would do. &nbs
I’ve never seen a piece of art admiring a piece of art before, yet here I am witnessing a once in a lifetime phenomenon. She looks fascinated by the colours and how they are intertwined, yet I’m fascinated by her. The paintings are great, I have to admit that, but she is more beautiful than all of them combined. The way her plump lips are parted, and her eyes are locked on the paintings is bewitching. She is amazed by everything around her in the gallery; however, I’m amazed by her and her beauty.
It’s been five days since the art gallery outing with Josh and I have to say, I really had fun. I enjoyed every single second of that day. I love hanging out with him; he brings out a joyful side in me. He makes me enjoy doing things that usually make me uncomfortable. Lisa was smiling from ear to ear when I came back from my outing with him. She didn’t let me go to sleep until I told her everything. Although she didn’t make any direct implications that my hangout wi
Currently, I’m in a lecture and I feel like my brain is fried. I’m mentally exhausted and I’m in terrible need of coffee and I just want to stretch my aching bones, but all that I can do is do half twists in my seat because I’m definitely not going to work out in the middle of the lectures. The way I keep rubbing my temples is adequate proof for the headache I suffer from.I look at my phone once it buzzes and I see a text from Josh, making the serotonin increase in my brain. We have been textin
“Are you sure you’re fine?” A frown appears on Lisa's face as she studies mine. I try to nod quickly, but it’s not a really smart move because I end up intensifying the pain on myself.“I’ll just ask Josh if he has any painkillers,” I mumble as I move my neck slowly in a circular motion, hoping that I could relieve the pain a bit. The pain in my muscles is unbearable and my head is throbbing with a killer headache. I should’ve stayed in the dorm room, but I told Josh I was coming and the last time I saw him, I cried like a baby. I want to make it up to him for being a cry baby.“Yeah, do that.” Lisa agrees with me and we both get out of her car. I’m buying my own car next week. I really can’t wait until I drive myself around and even give Lisa a few lifts here and there as a payback; she has been driving me around without complaining and she doesn’t even accept when I offer to fuel her car. &
It’s funny how one small thing can change your whole life and turn it upside down. As for me, what changed my life was nowhere near small. Dating Josh changed me a lot. It changed the way I now see life and how I deal with people. It’s been ten years since I last saw Josh— well, face to face. I have seen him on TV and the news. I can’t be any prouder of him. Yes, we haven’t been in touch, but I know that he has come so far. He is now in charge of Dahlberg’s enterprise, and he has achieved nothing but success. He has also founded a charity foundation for helping addicts. He has been open about his addiction and how it has affected his life. I love how he is not ashamed of his past and how open he is about his journey with drugs. He has been clean for nine years and every time I hear him talking about it on a tv show or in an interview, my heart swells with pride and love. Yes, I still love Josh. Romantically. I dated only one person after him and w
In our lives, we make decisions that may, later on, be thought of as nothing but mistakes. They may be considered our biggest regrets, what we wish to erase from our memories. They may be our main source of disappointment, the thing that pains us once it crosses our minds. Some may think allowing Josh into my life is one of the decisions I certainly regret, but this isn't the truth. I would never regret a single moment I spent with Josh because even if he brought me pain at some point, I can never deny the joy he brought me. I can never deny the happy moments we spent together. I can never forget all that he taught me.
I’ve done a lot of unforgivable things in my life, but I have decided to commit the most sinful act today. I chose to die in front of her because I wanted her face to be the last thing my eyes could ever witness before I’m taken to hell. There’s no way somebody like me would go to heaven. My sins outweigh my good deeds, so hell is my eternal destiny, but before going there I made up my mind that I want to steal a little bit of heaven.In that terrible state, I have driven and I am not sure how I have made it here, but here I am, in front of her apartment building. I can barely see. I have takendrugs,I have alcohol in my system and I have even swallowed some pills. I’m tired of living. I&rsquo
Ten more days have passed and I like to believe that I am used to his absence in my life. My family now knows I’m not with Josh anymore. I think it was a shock to them, just as much as it’s a shock to me. I think a part of me thought that Josh and I would be back together soon despite the breakup because we simply cannot stay away from one another.Maybe we have finally learned how to do that; however, I don’t think I have mastered that lesson yet. I still don’t know what I’m going to do if I see him before my eyes. I don’t know how I’m going to feel if he and I are invited to the same event. There are a lot of things I’m not ready for and I’m not sure when I am going to be ready.
Meaningless. That’s how my life is without her. I still can’t wrap my head around what happened between us. She left. She packed her stuff and walked out of that door. I expected that to happen and to be honest, she took so long to leave, but why does it feel like she made that decision so early? I haven’t had enough of her yet.I long for her. I long for the warmth she brings whenever I take her in my arms when we both go to sleep. I long for the way she puts her head on my shoulder when we watch tv. I long for our cooking dates. I long for her presence.
“Come on! You need to get out! This isn’t healthy for you.” Lisa tries to get me to leave the apartment, but I won’t budge.“My muscles hurt,” I lie, pulling my fuzzy grey blanket over me. It’s a lie I have been using a lot to escape from any outing. I’m curled on my dark blue couch, having my tv on and doing nothing. For the past week, I have enjoyed doing nothing except for going to work and college. I think I have memorized every single detail about this apartment. The more I stare at the walls, the more I realize they’re actually ivory white and not cream-coloured,if there’s even a difference.
Not again. He promised. He told me he wouldn’t approach drugs this month. He lied. I’m fed up and tired. I’m drained. I have given him my all and I don’t think there’s something left in me to give.Because of him, I have gone against my morals, against every single thing I believe in. I lied to myself, doing my best to convince every cell in my body that he can get through this ordeal. There’s nobody to blame but me. This is my fault. I believed him when he said he didn’t need anybody else but me. I have to admit, I have always beensceptical, but I brushed off every doubt, feeding myself lies, so I would push myself to continue this journey.
Almost two months have passed. Taleen didn’t leave. She refused to give up on me even though she should have done that a long time ago. I wish I could say I got better, but I keep on relapsing. I keep fucking up no matter what she does and I don’t know why she hasn’t left until now. I’m stressing her out. I’m giving her a hard time. I’m holding her back from living her life and she’s still here. She shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t be with me. She should leave my sorry ass. College started a week ago an
We reach the hall where the event is held. Avery is not with us. She said that she was tired and she would be in a terrible mood if she came. It’s one of the Dahlberg’s hotels, of course. It’s amazing. The walls are high and they’re painted in rich grey. There are hints of gold here and there, placed artistically to make the placemore classythan it already is.I glance at my reflection in one of the mirrors as we pass and I realize how close I am to Josh. In fact, our arms are linked together. I look at him and I see how handsome he looks despite his relapse. I fight the urge in me to kiss his cheek because I don’t want to earn weird looks from anyone and I still want him to know that I