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I don't regret it.
Last Updated:
2024-02-13 17:24:00
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IN THE MIDST OF MY LOVE. No more.
For most of the night, I do my best to remain out of sight, from someone in particular. I settle into the background, being an observer to my surroundings as I wait for the appropriate time, to leave the party. I watch on as William's parents make a short speech, expressing their joy for having their son back home after so many years. Guilt hits me hard at moment. I feel like I am part of the reason he extended his stay. I am the voice of influence for lengthening the distance between family. This does not sit well with me. The guilt made it hard to continue looking at them, as they stood together infront of everyone. It's grip on me bothered me too much. It might have been a hint then from Mrs Myers, but it seems right at this moment. I might have been the problem all along. Looking back to the front, I notice William's eyes moving as if in search of someone. When his gaze meets mine, it lingers a little too long that I break eye contact first. For the rest of the night, h
Last Updated : 2024-02-19IN THE MIDST OF MY LOVE. He's too close.
What? Did I hear correctly? " You did." He answers. 'I spoke out loud, didn't I?' "Yes you did." 'I should stop, seriously.' "Don't, it let's me know what you're thinking." " You don't want to know what I think about you right now." I say, narrowing my eyes at him. " You were thinking about me just like I was thinking about you?" I want to wipe the smirk off his face, seriously. Wait, did he just say------ " You were thinking about me? Why?" 'Why are you asking?' My conscious shoots at me. 'I don't know!' I respond to it. " The last time we saw each other- you're right in front of me, Milla! What do you think?" His voice rises a bit. I feel accused of something I'm not aware of? " Distance, that's what we agreed on." I remind him but he rolls his eyes. " You're the one who came up with this crazy idea, not me." He scoffs. " It wasn't crazy but needed, for my own sanity. Oh and to prevent me from killing you!" I really need to leave this place before I lose it and
Last Updated : 2024-03-06IN THE MIDST OF MY LOVE. I have bad timing.
" Leaving without saying goodbye?" Shoot, I thought I would make it out of here unnoticed. I search with my eyes until I find him. He stands tall and handsome, leaned against a beautiful car. Neil Myers. " I think it's time for me to leave now." " Will this be a habit, even in the future? Should I take note of this?" " What do you mean?" I ask in confusion. I watch him push himself off the car and walk towards me. " Will it take a couple more years to see you again, after tonight?" I open and close my mouth but no words. They have failed me. He does have a point though, because in all honesty, I had declared that tonight would be the last night I ever step foot in this place. My intention was to simply please my mother and possibly cover my tracks, so I would not raise suspicion. " I don't know." I answer honestly. He nods as he looks off to the side. " I was invited tonight." Like that is a good enough excuse. " I also didn't think I would ever return here again, I
Last Updated : 2024-03-08IN THE MIDST OF MY LOVE. Thank you.
" Mom?!" I literally shove the hospital curtain aside, feeling impatient to see her. I sigh out in relief when I finally see her. The sight of her in a better condition than the last time she was here, eases me more. I look her over and am able to conclude that she only had hurt her foot. I can't fathom what I would have done, had she experienced severe damage due to the fall. No heavy injuries means that she can go home soon. The only report I received from Lia was that she carried too many things down the stairs, thus she missed a step, causing the fall. A part of me blames it on her stubbornness. She has refused many times for me to help her with the heavy load, it seriously isn't easy to get my way. Had I been there, she wouldn't have had to do all that work alone. Why did I have to attend that dinner? Well, I simply couldn't refuse my mother's request. " Milla, how are you here?" She asks in surprise, while receiving my embrace. " I'm the one who called her, " Lia explai
Last Updated : 2024-03-08IN THE MIDST OF MY LOVE. The first of many.
' You should have stayed away.' I mumbled to myself as I continually tapped my foot on the floor. I'd been standing in the same spot for some time now, contemplating whether I should go into his hospital room or not. The wait had been torturous but that's all I could do at that very moment, to simply wait. My eyes welled up when the image of an unconscious Liam came to mind. That image had been haunting me on the way to the hospital, and it seemed like it was not done with me yet. I wish I could have done more to warn him. Why did he have to be so stubborn? ' Why Liam, why did you have to be so stubborn?' I felt guilty and sorry. I wished I could tell him right now but I doubt I would be allowed to. 'Ah!' I let out a gasp when I was suddenly jerked around by arm, to face a rather upset Mrs Myers. ' How could you let him risk his life like that Milla? I nearly lost my son because of you!' I wake up with a start, sweating and all. It takes my heart quite a bit of time to calm
Last Updated : 2024-03-09IN THE MIDST OF MY LOVE. Traitorous tears.
" You'll do it." I say without holding back. He whips around and we stand facing each other. I've caught him off guard, it's written all over his face. " Milla." He breathes out, now blinking at me. " Whatever it is that you want to set right, you'll do it." " You believe that?" ' Why is he looking at me as if he needs reassurance right now?' " My father would have said this to you, that's why I'm doing it in his place right now." I explain, avoiding eye contact because my face is feeling mighty warm from embarassment. He doesn't say anything but I can feel him staring at me. " I didn't think you'd show up here?" I comment while walking past him. " He's always been uncle Steven to me." ' And you were like a son to him, the son he never once forgot.' " How long were you standing there for?" He asks. " Not long ( I look at him from over my shoulder), and just so you know, I wasn't eaves-dropping on your conversation." " I'll take your word for it," he says. ' In oth
Last Updated : 2024-03-10IN THE MIDST OF MY LOVE. You are part of us.
Your warm hugs are what I cherish most dad. These are words amongst many, that were meant for him to both hear and see, but he never got the chance to. I remember how excited I was years back when the idea, to gift him a personal notebook came to mind. The notebook would be filled with many things, I have wanted to express to him. In my own way, it would be my personal gratitude letter to him. This idea came about at a time where I felt it truly wasn't enough, to simply say how I felt. Sometimes, written words made all the difference. This gift had been prepared for today. Unfortunately, I won't have the opportunity to physically hand it over to him. 'No matter what, he knew how much I appreciated him.' With a heavy heart, I place it aside before taking one of his framed pictures and hold it against my chest. Emotions have got a hold over me in this moment and I wish it were a different time. The reason for this is downstairs. The Myers. ~~~ Flashback~~~ 'Co
Last Updated : 2024-03-11IN THE MIDST OF MY LOVE. 'She's right, I like it here.'
Years back...... 'So, are you going to admit that you're trying to steal my mother?' I said, before digging into my cereal. 'Milla!" Mom scolded me as she placed the plate full of food infront of Liam. I pouted at her. 'I like aunt Silvia's food.' Liam responded as he began eating. " So you admit that you are here for ----" 'Milla Rosaline Nelson, leave my son alone.' I gasped dramatically.' Mom, am I not your only child? What happened to Love?' ' Don't be silly, finish up.' She shook her head, ignoring me. I poked my tongue out at her when she turned her back to us. She continued with what she had been doing. My eyes widened a little when I noticed dad watching. I hadn't even seen him standing at the doorway, watching all of us. He was the one whom opened the door earlier, to discover Liam standing at our doorstep with his pjs on. I swear that I had to blink a couple of times while standing on the stairs, trying to make sure I was seeing right. This is the third time he
Last Updated : 2024-03-12
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IN THE MIDST OF MY LOVE. We are not strangers.
" William?" An expectant look is displayed on Vanessa's face.Gosh, this is not good. Not a good look at all.With the strange look she give us, it's obvious that the wheels are turning in her head. She is trying to assess the situation before her." We are shopping!" I say the first thing that comes to mind.Well this is not entirely a lie." I mean I'm accompanying your brother. He decided to gift shop, that's why we are here." I further explain." Out of all places available, you narrowed it down to this place?" She asks, her brow already raised.Vanessa is making it a point to show us that she is finding all of this hard to believe. I mean it's Vanessa, so I should have expected that she would throw question after question our way. She's pretty predictable.One thing I can't wrap my head around, is the look in her eyes as she interrogates us. It's like we've committed a crime by being here together.We are literally shopping for goodness sake." What's wrong with this place?" Glan
IN THE MIDST OF MY LOVE. Only this once.
We stand facing each other like two people waiting for the other to make the first move. I've caught up to him and instead of something being said, we've let silence between us be the voice. He's standing by his car, his hand resting on the top of the opened door and I, well I'm watching him, still trying to recover from the whiplash I experienced when he started acting crazy. ' Or more like confuse me even more.' " What are you doing right now?" " Waiting for you to get in the car." " Why?"" Isn't it obvious that I want to take you somewhere?" He says it like its obvious.Maybe it is and I'm missing it." I'm not going anywhere with you." I cross my arms, already denying him that." Okay then." He nods. " I want to take my wife out for lunch then she'll accompany me, to get a gift for my mother in law. Oh and one last thing( he holds up his finger), I'll drop her off." " Would you stop mentioning that whole 'wife' and ' in law ' thing, it's creeping me out." I shudder, shaki
IN THE MIDST OF MY LOVE. 'But you meant it.'
One name comes to mind and no other. Mr Shard. But the thing with William is that he isn't very fond of talking about him, so for a split moment I kind of doubt myself. It's not helping that he's gone quiet now, leaving the rest of what he had to say hanging in the air. " If you have something to say, just say it now." " It doesn't matter." He shakes his head, already taking a step back. I quickly grab his arm so he doesn't get too far from me," no, you don't get to do that to me. You won't leave me overthinking, I won't allow it." I say. He wordlessly stares me down, frustrating me just a little. " You're quiet and that's not fair." I complain. " I'm thinking." Liar. I narrow my eyes at him, " you want to keep things from me again?" " If there is something I want to tell You, then I will -------" " Even if you didn't and I wanted to know. Would you still tell me?" " It depends." " On what?" " Timing." " Well this is good timing then." I release h
IN THE MIDST OF MY LOVE. That man.
" Do I really have to?" I bite on my bottom lip while staring at the folded clothes on my bed. " Yes, you do." Lia answers. She has not left my room eversince I told her the truth about Liam and I. Well, half the truth. She is now aware that a reunion between William and I had happened, months before he made his come back. Why I chose to share half the truth and today of all days, was because I couldn't take anymore of her questioning. She was curious, very much so. I blame it on that night, the tension between William and I had been too hard to ignore. It must have been uncomfortable for Lia, not to mention Lola. Even I felt the same for them. Confessing the truth had never been easier. There's something about the way one gets extremely nervous, exposing the hidden. The reception can go in any direction. So I didn't exactly have it in me to bare out the whole truth, it didn't feel like the right time. Nor the right place. My mother was in the next room and I didn't w
IN THE MIDST OF MY LOVE. And you've done the same.
There's purpose in his walk, leaving no doubt about where he is going. He's coming to me. Each step he takes feels deliberate. He gives a brief glance to Kayla, acknowledging her presence, before he looks back to me. A second glance to her and the recognition isn't easy to hide. He remembers her. This seals what I already know. He came looking for me, just like he is doing now. " I'll see you tomorrow, Milla." Kayla says, giving me a side hug. " Hmm." I nod, watching with anticipation for some kind of interaction or acknowledgement as the two walk past each other. She only gives off a nod and I can't help but feel abit disappointed. I needed words but none were heard. William stops infront of me but I don't look at him as of yet, wanting to prepare myself. His heated gaze burns the side of my face, demanding for my attention. I put up resistance while trying to figure out what to say to him. How do I go about looking for answers when I struggle to voice out, exactly what
IN THE MIDST OF MY LOVE. I need a drink.
The call has ended. I could not answer, I wasn't ready. Mr Shard called. Gosh, he contacted me after all this time. What do I do? Will I be ready if he ever calls again? I'm just not ready. " Milla?!" And I'm not ready for this too. I try to compose myself better while watching both William and Lola come my way. They look very nice, with William in dark jeans, white shirt and red blazer jacket. Lola wears a navy blue long jumpsuit with heels, her hair is tied up and make up is on point. For a brief moment the image of them together by the pool comes to mind. They seemed close. ' They seem even more closer now.' I mentally say, watching Lola step even closer to him, her hand wrapped around his arm. The night has shifted for me and my mood is no better. " Night out?" William is the first to speak, when they stand infront of me. " Hmm, you can say that." I answer while watching him glance to the bar. He's probably figured out where I've come from. " Are you here alone?"
IN THE MIDST OF MY LOVE. A distraction.
' You know, I thought I'd be seeing a ring by now.' These were Nicole Smith's words, that have not left my mind. The encounter had been unexpected and unsettled me in some ways. Yes, the last time we interacted, it had been settled that I would return a married woman. The wife to Mr Shard. Her being a connection to the secrets I hid, made seeing her again, feel like my secrets were being exposed at that moment. Similar to William. One thing would be left and it's the appearance of Mr Shard, to bring the ultimate bomb. It had taken only a couple of encounters to sum up that Mr Shard was a private person. So it didn't surprise me that he had a few he considered his people. These were the people who knew a little more about him, unveiling layers of him that made him seem more human to me. It was through such information and discoveries of those parts of him, that changed a bit of my view of him. You see, Mr Shard at first seemed hard to approach. The intimidating and a bit of col
IN THE MIDST OF MY LOVE. I'm still here.
" Liam?" He looks at me. " Are you trying to make me stay here longer?" Silence. I need to ask, he's acting too suspicious. " Yes." He admits, honesty dripping through his voice. " Okay." I nod, continuing to eat. I'm surprised he admitted to that. I feel him looking at me the whole time I'm eating, which is making me feel a little awkward. I sigh and stop eating, leaning back against the couch. " You shouldn't do that." I say, playing with the sleeves of his shirt. " I'm being selfish. Let me." " W-what?" I turn to him now. He throws in a piece of peach in his mouth and I wait for him to finish eating. " I'm taking advantage of this moment." I don't say anything, waiting for him to explain. He turns his body to face me completely, letting his arm rest at the back of the couch. " This is the first time we've actually sat together like this, since I came back." He shrugs in a casual manner despite the seriousness that comes from both his voice and eyes. I can ki
IN THE MIDST OF MY LOVE. Thank You.
" I-I'm cold." I pretty much breathe out the words. " I'll get you something warm." He says, moving back. He looks at me for a moment, before he walks away. I remain unmoving by the door, afraid that I will make the floor more wet if I move around. I watch him for a while as he moves around, as if I'm not there. He disappears for a little bit inside his walk in closet, and I take that time to look around his room. This is the first time I've been to his room. He's changed rooms, I can tell. The last time I was in his previous room, was years ago and it looked a little different. The theme was more boyish with toys, trophies, medals and stuff. Now, this room has more of a mature vibe. It matches the style of a young adult, from the size of the bed to his working space, not to mention the chilling area and colour. William's room is literally an en suite. Its pretty cool. In the past, his colour was blue, now the theme of his room leans more on forest green with a touch of ear
