Chapter Four

I turn off the television and make my way to the bedroom. The walls and ceilings of the bedroom are all painted white. And the floor is covered with light brown wood. I lay on the bed covered in light blue sheets. I lay with five pillows in total plus Mallory’s big brown stuffed animal, and which she calls Bear-Bear.

I pull out my mobile phone and play a song on Spotify, All I have To Do is Dream, because lately I have been dreaming. My dreams are not bad though, but somewhat weird. ‘Dream, dream, dream’ ‘When I want you in my arms.’  

I look at the open window in one corner of the room.  And I remember I had this dream about a man who sits beside me. In my dream he gives me small yellow flowers together with a letter. I was reading his letter when the dream came to an end. And when I woke up I could not remember what I read from his letter.  Strange dream, perhaps.

I watch the wind burst through the open window, as it makes the yellow curtain hover gently.

‘When I want you and all your charms’ ‘Whenever I want you, all I have to do is dream, dream, dream.’  Outside the window, the sky turns a little darker and the sun is about to set very soon. When will this lockdown ever end? And what happens before the lockdown, clearly I remember. I close my eyes and vividly recall that day.  

I cross the pedestrian lane and walk past the busy crowd. I was sent early from work due to the implementation of the quarantine.

I work as a writer in a small British outsourced company located in Muntinlupa City. I write reviews about books and movies and also articles based on a variety of subjects requested by the clients. These clients are either from publishing companies or universities.

I wear a tiny yellow dress and white sneakers. I hurried to the nearest supermarket to buy some bread, milk and biscuits. And strange how people do panic buying in fear that soon there will be a short supply of goods because of the lockdown.

I went to the shelf containing medical supplies like alcohol, vitamins, cotton and some other stuff. Unfortunately they run out of stocks of alcohol and vitamin C, quickly as that. You will see shopping carts and baskets loaded with essential goods like bottled water, soaps, tissue and mostly food. I see long ques of shoppers waiting for their turn at the cashier.

I push a shopping cart loaded with goods; from canned goods, cup noodles, breads, cheese and pancake mix to  detergent soaps, bath soaps, shampoos and also boxes of green teas, coffee, brown sugar and creamer and lastly dog food and shampoo.

I walk from cashier 1 to cashier 10 but there are long queues everywhere, including the basket lane. And yes, the line is worse than Christmas shopping.

I stand next to a woman in her fifties, I guess. She wears a blue shirt and white shorts. ‘Ma’am,’ I said, tapping her back where her curly dark brown hair lay on her shoulders. ‘Is it okay if I leave my cart here, I just forget to get something.’ ‘Sure,’ she said, and I think with those chinita eyes of hers she is smiling friendly, although I can’t be sure since she is wearing a face mask, well everyone is wearing a face mask.

As I left my cart next to her I thought to myself; How can I live 3 weeks without facial toner and moisturizer?  A woman like me should always take care of herself, while taking care of her child and making money. A little skin care routine won’t hurt my budget. I stand before the shelf containing different types of facial toners; charcoal, aloe vera, rose petals and lemon. Which one of these? I picked up the toner with aloe vera and right away returned it to the shelf. I made my choice, charcoal.   

‘Michael, thank God you made it.’  I said to an old friend whom I asked a favor. ‘Can you take these 3 boxes of groceries and drop them at my home?’

‘Sure,’ he said. ‘Are you not coming?’

‘I still have somewhere to go,’ I said. ‘Aunt Grace and Mallory are at home.’

 I observe how busy and worried people are surely because of the lockdown. I want to take one more look at the city before things change, or should I say before things get worse. I walk a few blocks away from home.

All I know is that night when the city is very busy and people are worried, I come across a man. He rides a red bicycle. He pedals slowly passing my direction and I see his face without his face mask on. He smiles at me until I watch him go away. It is strange, I think I dream of this moment before it actually happens. He is beautiful, it’s true. But I never see him again.

I listen to the song still playing on my mobile phone until I fall asleep dreaming. ‘I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine, anytime night or day.’  In my dream I could not sleep. I maximize the volume on my mobile phone and I pretend to sleep. And suddenly I feel something appear beside me on my bed. Something motionless with human-like weight. I’m afraid that a thief will break into my room. How could it be?  The thief lays with me on the bed. What if he is a maniac?  

In my mind I count; one, two and three. I collect myself and think of ways to protect myself. Should I run and hide? Or with this close distance should I attack first before I run and hide?  I count again one, two and three before I open my eyes. And when I open my eyes, I am awake from a dream. I look beside me and figure out that the bed is empty. I am positive there is no thief,  it is just me and all these pillows. And it is such a comfort to know it was just a dream.  

I sit on the bed and stretch my arms. I breathe out from my mouth and look outside the open window.  The sun has just risen.  I see a cloud which floats like a huge cotton in the bright blue sky. And yellow sunlight hits and passes through the green trees so dazzlingly.

I step out of the bed and my bare feet hit the wooden floor. I walk to the bathroom and stand in front of the mirror looking at my reflection. My uncombed hair falls lightly on my shoulders.

Out of nowhere my eyes grow big in surprise to see a silhouette of a man who walk pass behind me.  My body automatically turn around with my elbow ready to hit first.  But as soon as I turn around he is gone. I stood there motionless for a few seconds, and I did not see the silhouette of a man again. Maybe it’s just my imagination, hopefully it is.

21^st February 2020, 5:00 PM I sit on a couch near a glass window inside the pantry. From the glass window I watch how the rain pours. Since our office is located on the 16^th floor of the building, I have a very nice view of the rain from here. The rain water drops slowly, and they are white like snow carried by the wind fearlessly. They say it is bad weather, but not for me. I always fall in love with the rain.

‘Just look at this video I found on F******k,’ Jenny said. She wears black shirt and pants with her signature thick eyeliner. She has black straight hair down to her waist. And she has medium brown skin tone. She sits beside me watching a video from her mobile phone. ‘Is that in the UK?’ I asked. ‘Yeah, I’m not sure though if it’s in Italy or Spain.’ she said and sipped from her cup of coffee.’ We watch a self made video by a guy who is currently experiencing lockdown in a foreign country. ‘Covid 19 is real and it’s here.’ he said. ‘They declare a lockdown and we are not allowed to go out of our houses. The government brings necessities at our door, mostly food, like potatoes and carrots.’ he added. ‘But we cannot leave the house, and I can’t even ask for a single razor.’

21^st February 2020, 1:00 PM I dragged my chair to Jenny’s working station so I could have a small chat with her.

‘Hey I am finished with my 6^th article,’ I said. ‘Hurry up, finish yours so we can talk.’

‘I’m sorry Irina but it is not a good time.’ she said with her eyes fixed on the monitor. ‘I’m having a bad day actually.’

‘What happened?’ I said. ‘Whenever you’re ready to tell me I’m just here.’

I was about to drag my chair back to my workstation when she spoke.

‘I was ghosted.’

‘What?’

‘This guy forced himself into my life.’ she said, turning her head to me. ‘He was kind, and he made me feel like he cares about me.’

‘Then what happened?’

‘I don’t know.’ she said as she tapped her fingers on her table. ‘Everyday he would talk to me until he just stopped. He won’t respond to my chat messages, and he won't even answer my calls.’

‘Oh Jenny,’ I said, tapping her back gently.

‘It would be nice if he’d just give me closure.’ she said. ‘Or at least give me a reason.’

‘At least now you know he is not for you.’ I said, ‘Don’t worry, later let’s go to the 17^th floor for a coffee, just you and I.’

21^st February 2020, 5:30 PM Jenny stopped playing the video from her mobile phone. We both watched the rain pouring outside the glass window of the office pantry. Drops of water stick on the glass for a short while before they slowly slide and disappear. The rain made the glass turn blurry. All I can see is the rain continuously pouring outside.

‘I am an only child.’ she said. ‘And my mom and dad separated when I was very young.’

‘Did you grow up with your mom?’

‘With my grandma,’ she said. ‘My mom, she barely has time for me.’

‘Where is she?’

‘She works abroad and she remarried, as well as my dad.’ she said gently tapping her finger on the table. ‘Don’t you ever leave Mallory, she needs you.’

‘I know.’ I said leaning my head to her shoulder. ‘Thank you.’

I went to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. The walls and ceilings in the kitchen are painted white, and the floor is covered with white tiles. At one corner placed a medium size white fridge next to the sink. There is a black oven beside the sink. And above the sink situated the two built-in cabinets.

I reach for the first cabinet and from it I pull a small black cup. And just like a few steps away there is a round black dining table with two chairs.

I pour water into the tea kettle and turn on the stove. Suddenly the telephone begins to ring. I rush to the living room and pick up the telephone.

‘Hello,’

‘Mama, I will be home tonight.’  Mallory said. ‘I miss you mama.’

‘I miss you too baby,’ I said. ‘See you tonight, I love you.’

‘I love you too, mama.’ she said. ‘Let’s read story book tonight Mama,’

‘Yes baby.’

‘Bye Mama,’

Just when I put down the telephone, I hear the whistle sound of the tea kettle. I quickly return to the kitchen. I pour the boiling water on a cup and make myself a coffee.

I sat at the dining table with a cup of coffee for a while. I stand up and again reach for the cabinet above the sink, where I get an empty glass. I open the next cabinet to get the glass jar of powdered milk.  I pour a spoon full of powdered milk in the glass and fill it with water. I walk toward the living room holding a glass of milk.  

I opened the door and there I found my dog Chi-Chan. He patiently waits for me outside the door every morning. ‘Chi-Chan, here’s your milk.’ I step outside and close the door behind me. Chi-Chan  wiggles his fluffy black tail for me. He is covered with mostly black fur and some parts of him are white. He raises his two feet attempting to reach me as he gently bite my hand. I pour the milk into his food container. I watched him bend down his head and use his tongue to scoop so he could drink the milk.  I gently run my hand on his head covered with soft fur.

‘Mallory will be home tonight,’ I said, ‘So you be a good dog, okay?’

Chi-Chan looked me in the eye as I spoke with him. I truly appreciate how he keeps us company without saying anything. 

I walk back to the house, and reach for the door. As soon as I open the door, again I see a shadow of a man walk past me. This is the second time, and it’s probably not just my imagination. I hurry inside the house and shut the door close. My heart beat fast as I look at the window to check on Chi-Chan, and there I witness how he begins to bark at something we both cannot see. ’I swear a see a man, but where did he go?’

I reached for my mobile phone on top of the center table at the living room. I opened F******k messenger and called my friend Catherine.

‘Catherine, I think I’m seeing ghost inside our the house.’

‘Hey, it’s 2021 don’t tell me you still believe in ghost?’

‘But I encountered him twice already.’

‘Him?’ she said and laughed. ‘See? You need a boyfriend. Even ghost pity you for staying single for so long now.’

‘Cut it off.’

‘What happened between you and Peter?’

‘He is my best friend.’

‘Is he not  asking you on a date?’

‘I asked him but he didn’t want too,’

‘Why?’

‘He said it’s MECQ.’

‘Wait, I can’t help laughing.’ she said. ‘You’re so funny girl.’