Chapter Five

What’s Your Name?

I stuck Mallory into the bed and switched off the light. ‘What about the moon mama?’ she said and pointed to her yellow crescent moon lamp on top of the study table near the bed.  ‘Sure baby,’ I turn on the moon nursery light.  ‘Stop calling me baby,’ she said. ‘I am not a baby anymore, Mama.’

The pale yellow light which comes from the moon lamp makes me see Mallory’s face in the dark room. She has small eyes with bigger and darker eyeballs, similar to a doll. Her face is round and a little chubby. And she has a flat nose and thin pink pair of lips. ‘Close your eyes pretty Mallory, I’ll tell you a story.’  I said and lightly pinch her small nose.

‘Once upon a time there were two children named Hansel and Gretel. Their stepmother abandoned them in the forest. But Hansel is a smart kid, he drops pebbles on the ground on their way to the forest…’

‘Mama stop, I already know about Hansel and Gretel.’ she interrupted. ‘I want to hear what it's like when you were a kid, mama.’ she added hugging her teddy bear she calls Bear-Bear.

‘When I was young we didn't have the internet back then. There are no cellphones, no YouTube, no F******k and no WiFi.’ I said. ‘I play outside with my friends during the afternoon.’

‘No WiFi and cell phones?’  

‘Yes, when I was your age I didn't have a cell phone and I didn't even know how to use a computer.’

‘So what do you play then?’

‘We play games outside like hide and seek, block and catch, Chinese garter and  touch ball.’ I said. ‘And most of the time we run.’

‘What is that touch ball?’

‘A ball is being carried and passed by hands between players,’ I said. ‘There are players in the middle who will try to avoid being touched by the ball.’

‘I miss going to school Mama,’ she said. ‘I miss playing with my friends at school.’

‘I know baby, but face to face school will not happen very soon.’ I said. ‘Tomorrow we’ll order a happy meal from Mc Donald's, okay?’

‘Thank you Mama.’

As soon as I put Mallory to sleep I switch the light back on. I pull a sketch book and pencil from the study table. I turned to a blank page of the sketch book. I hold a HB pencil on my right hand. I grip the smooth body of the blue pencil and positioned my fingers with just right distance from the very tip of the pencil. The pencil is stuck between my middle finger at the bottom, index finger at the middle and thumb on top of it. I lightly grasp the pencil and carefully begin to draw a line. I started to sketch a pair of eyebrows with moderate shading followed by the eyes.  

I try hard to remember what his face looks like. I close my eyes and picture a scene from the past. The scene from the past which only lasted for a few minutes comes back to life in my thoughts. I take myself back in time and relive that moment using my imagination. Slowly and more clearly I see movements and everything is happening again in my mind.  

I walk down the busy street and come across a man who rides a red bicycle. He slowly pedals in my direction and smiles at me with those thin pairs of lips. And his deep eyes are looking intently at me. I watched him as he moved away. He is maybe 5’6 feet tall and he has fair skin. I observed how his broad back and shoulders are flaunted in his gray shirt.

I sketched a few lines and created more shadows to draw his sharp nose. Using my ring finger I delicately blend the shadings I created for a smooth look. And then I made a middle line and above it I draw the upper lips and bring more shadings with the lower lips. I observed my work and wrote in the blank space at the bottom; Who are you?

I close my eyes to sleep and begin to dream about him. In my dream he is riding his bicycle. He drives a few blocks away from the house where I reside. I observed him looking for a direction. It appears to me like he is lost.

And then there was an unanticipated changed of the scene . I found myself hovering in one corner of the room near the ceiling, and when I looked down, I saw myself sleeping on the bed with Mallory. Strange how from that ceiling where I float, I watch myself sleep on the bed. Creepy, I thought.

Am I separated from my body?  

In some ways I cannot explain. I am aware that I am dreaming. It is like I stepped into another world with a different reality. Something I know that doesn't exist in the real world. An unknown place and time where part of me longs for.  

And without a clue the scene changed again. He is back in the picture still riding his bicycle. He stopped in front of a house. Where are you?  He looks at the window located on the second floor of the house. And so I looked out the window to see what he was looking at. And from the open window I see a woman. The woman looks so familiar. I think we have a strong resemblance. I looked closely, and realized the woman I see is myself. How come? I look back at him again and he is outside my house. 

And just as shortly, I find him lying on the bed with me. Impossible as it may seem, he lays on the bed with me. I am beside him and my body feels weak. I know deep in myself I don’t want to be elsewhere but here with him.

I heard the rain pouring on the roof outside. The sound of water continuously and graciously  showering on the roof. I listened to the light and calming sound the rain was making.

I opened my eyes and watched him sleep next to me. I am dying to hold him. I wish this moment, this dream will not end too soon. Perhaps when one dreams, nothing is impossible. 

 And then I heard him softly whisper to my ears; Who are you?  I think we are too close. I don’t know how, but there is a very thin line between our faces, where our eyes and lips almost meet. He looks me in the eyes. The way he stares at me is like he’s really into me. Will he kiss me? He is looking at my face. Isn’t it too soon? I don’t even know him.  But there is some kind of force that is drawing me closer to him. Some kind of force I am too weak to fight. And I don’t want to fight it. I just want to give in tonight. Just when I think he is about to kiss me, he begins to speak.

You’re here.

Yes,

You must be real.

I am,

‘Am I dreaming?’

‘I am dreaming.’

What does it mean? I am dreaming and he thinks he is also dreaming. And so I asked, what is your name?

The dream ends. 

Everything seems real when I dream about him.