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Whatever I Want To do
Last Updated:
2022-05-03 23:02:43Related chapters
I See You, Rockstar Can I?
“This is my life, Rupert.”Right after I said that, the tears doubled. The next thing I knew, my knees felt weak and I fell on the cold hardwood floor. I cried. My shoulders were shaking. My sobs turned to mourning weeps."I know you think of our relationship as something that only revolves about pleasure and bed, Meredith. Indeed, we're enjoying each other's company. But I'm not a heartless man just like what you thought of me." To my surprise, Rupert suddenly knelt in front of me. He cupped my face and that's when I saw the emotions in his eyes. He smiled and then wiped away my tears. "You only have thirty more minutes to cry. After that, I will punish you for drinking and for putting yourself in a dangerous situation because of alcohol."My mouth dropped open as Rupert kissed my eyes. "Your face is so red. That indicates acidosis, Meredith Kaye." His right hand went down from my cheek down to the side of my left chest. The pad of his thumb caressed the side of my breast, igniting a
Last Updated : 2022-05-03I See You, Rockstar Envy
" Ava ... Ava ..."My head was terribly aching and my body felt so sore but these constraints didn't stop me from waking up. The bed, where I was lying, kept on moving and shaking. As I opened my eyes, my head started spinning because of dizziness. An unfamiliar white ceiling greeted my sight and a heavy thing was weighing my bare stomach, disallowing me to sit up. I could feel the terrible soreness in between my legs and my face turned into a deep frown because of the pungent smell of the alcohol lurking all over me.I didn't remember much of what happened or where I was but I didn't have time to think about it because my gaze went to the arm that was tightly wrapped around my waist."Ava ... Don't ... Please ..."Rupert was beside me, his arm was wrapped around my waist and his face was on the crook of my neck. He was mumbling ... More like groaning ... And having a nightmare.His arms tightened around my waist as I tried to remove his arm. "Ava ..."There he was again. It seems l
Last Updated : 2022-05-04I See You, Rockstar Not meeting in the middle
"Yes. I know. You told me once." Rupert suddenly lifted me from my seat before pushing me slightly forward in the vanity mirror so he could squeeze himself into the bench. He wasn't wearing anything for Pete's sake!I looked at him confused when he sat on the bench and then made me sit on his lap. He immediately wrapped his arms around my waist before leaning his chin on my shoulder. "Ava's birthday was in April," he added before pressing his nose on the crook of my neck.My mouth fell open at what he said. "My birthday was in January, Rupert," I said incredulously again, not comprehending the fact that the earrings were maybe for me?"I bought these earrings last week. And yes, that's for you, Meredith Kaye. Don't ask me why I bought it for you. I'm also not sure why I thought of you when I saw that," he explained, sounding bewildered.I could feel the tickle creeping up my body because Rupert was currently naked and I could feel his hard length against my behind. He was poking me an
Last Updated : 2022-05-04I See You, Rockstar Fears
It was the day of my executive check-up. I didn't attend any of my classes today and Tita Bernadeth would meet me at the hospital. I was wearing a simple button down black crop top and wide-legged pants. My long hair was falling freely behind my shoulders and there was a light pink tint on my lips to hide the paleness.I heaved a deep sigh and cleared my thoughts.Not yet, Meredith Kaye Santiago. Stop overthinking, I told myself, trying to control the depressive mood I was feeling the moment I opened my eyes today.After staring at myself in front of the mirror for a few minutes, I just moved when I heard my phone ring. I took my handbag and scooped it in my shoulder before I picked up the ringing phone from the top of my desk.I smiled when I saw Bailey's name on the caller's ID."Hey," I tried to sound lively but failed miserably. And my best friend seems to have noticed that.She sighed on the other line. | I know you're scared and nervous. Do you want to go with me? We haven't se
Last Updated : 2022-05-05I See You, Rockstar Bad Feeling
I walked after him and tried my hardest to convince him to go to his exam. But when we reached his motorbike, he still didn't follow me.He took a helmet and handed it to me but I didn't take it. "You're not going with me," I said with conviction and then took a step back when he tried to put the helmet on my head. "Attend your exam. I can manage myself. You don’t really have to come with me,” I insisted."Can you?” He heaved a deep sigh before he ran his hand through his naturally-disheveled hair. “Who were you talking to earlier? You even told him you're scared. Is he coming? Is that the reason why you don't want me to come?"I bit my bottom lip before avoiding his gaze. I wanted him to go with me in this check-up and held my hand to comfort me. Lately, he was the only person I confided with all my inner thoughts and hesitations. He was my comfort zone for the past few days.But I was afraid of the consequences of my results today. If it's not going to be okay, it would be better if
Last Updated : 2022-05-05I See You, Rockstar Suffering
I stared at the big and orange setting sun in front of me. The sky was a mixture of pink, purple, and orange colors. I was standing in front of the big window of Dr. Baller's office, wearing my original clothes early this morning while my hair was put in a loose bun. My arms were crossed in front of my chest while watching the sun to slowly bid its goodbye for the day.I was the only person in the office because I had to change clothes from the hospital gown I wore all day. The nurse who assisted me told me, Dr. Baller and my guardian, Auntie Bernadeth and maybe Bailey, would meet me in this office to discuss the results of my tests.The check-up went a bit longer than usual. And by that simple fact, I already knew that some bad news would greet me at the end of this day.I hadn't seen Aunt Bernadeth and Bailey after I was subjected to a mammogram or a breast x-ray. That was maybe after lunch. Then, I underwent a full blood test and some other medical tests to check for my vitals.It
Last Updated : 2022-05-06I See You, Rockstar Craving for His Comfort
The cold breeze of the wind and the darkness of the night wrapped around me as I stood at the edge of the rooftop. I held on tightly to the railings that reached high up to my waist. The railing was the only hindrance I had to not take a step foot forward and fall from this tall height.I didn't know how many hours I'd been here on the rooftop of my dorm building, standing and watching the people below me, busy with their lives. As soon as I came from the hospital, I went straight here.From this height, it was easy to see how people tried so hard in living this life. Everything was fast-paced and everyone was trying not to get left behind. That's how normal life works; it's about worrying how to keep up in this fast-paced world.My grip tightened on the rooftop railings at the same time as the anger I was feeling intensified. I was already delayed in my life because of my cancer. The people I was with when I started had left me behind. I had missed too many opportunities because of
Last Updated : 2022-05-07I See You, Rockstar Breakfast
I woke up a bit dazed. The first thing that came to my mind the moment I opened my eyes was about the biopsy results that would come in the next day.I closed my eyes again as I instantly felt sullen. I swore to myself yesterday not to think about the biopsy results and just continue living my life, but here I was, thinking about it, first thing in the morning."Wake up, Sweetie. Time to eat."I was stunned with the voice I heard. The next thing happened, a strong set of arms immediately wrapped around my body. I almost forgot that Rupert stayed the night in my dorm. "So, you really slept here last night?" I asked him,grateful that my voice sounded livelier than my real mood.He kissed my temple before the tip of his nose brushed on my cheeks. He was beside me and his body was slightly hovering over mine. "You don't want me to leave. I was supposed to leave at dawn but you stopped me."My mouth dropped open and I remembered what he was referring to. I thought I was dreaming. "I ten
Last Updated : 2022-05-08
Latest chapter
I See You, Rockstar Epilogue
"Rupert?" I was stunned to see Rupert entering our bedroom. My eyebrows went up as soon as he finished closing the door, he next took off his necktie. "Aren't you on duty now in the emergency room, Dr. Santos?" I got up from lying down and sat on the end of the bed. It's already eight PM and my husband is in his second year residency— and he told me he was on duty in the emergency room of their hospital tonight. "I miss you, my dear wife." He then took off his long sleeves and dropped his hands on the button of his pants. "Emergency room isn't busy. Someone relieved me. Can you believe how lucky I am?" I chuckled, realizing how my husband never really wasted any time. I could hear the playfulness in his voice. The way he was walking slowly— very very slowly— towards me as if he was strip-teasing in front of me made me laugh so hard. "We’re too old to do that, Rupert!" I got up from the bed and approached him. I grinned when he cussed under his breath. I immediately knelt down in
I See You, Rockstar Ever After
"How are you? I hope you're doing fine there. Please, be happy wherever you are." I was standing beside Rupert as he talked to Ava. He was sitting on the grass opposite its tomb. After finding out that he was the same man I called an asshole a year ago, he asked me to stay for a while— because he was supposed to talk to Ava. And so, here we are. I was watching him as he talked to his first love. In my hand, I was holding a bunch of roses. "I want you to meet her." Rupert turned to look at me. I was not sure if he's grinning or what. But when he stood next to me and held my hand tightly, I couldn't help but smile. "She's Meredith Kaye Santiago, the woman I will marry and will spend the rest of my life with. Isn't she beautiful? She's also an inspiring woman and she's a fighter. I'm actually proud of her. I love her so much , Ava. " My mouth dropped open at what Rupert was saying. When he raised my hand and pointed at the ring on my finger as if showing it off to his first love mad
I See You, Rockstar Vulnerability of Humans
"Loving someone is a manifestation of human's vulnerability; the risk of hurting someone and being hurt by another person." I smiled before my eyes searched for Rupert's seat in the audience area. "We lost, we burned and we got hurt ... But we can't deny the fact that this abstract thing called love is the connection we need as a social being. Without love, this life will be meaningless. Without love, this world will be cruel. Without love, I wouldn't be able to stand on this stage and carry on in this debate. My love for debate is what kept me going and the love of the people around me is what motivated me to not surrender. " Love is being vulnerable. And although many of us get hurt after loving someone, "The important thing is the lessons we learned and the memories we had with the person who made us happy. So, it is still better to love even though you might lose. Because a quitter will never be a winner but a loser can eventually win. Same goes with love, to be brave is the only
I See You, Rockstar Sleep and Rest
Everyone was here. Everyone who was important to me came. My dad, Aunt Bernadeth, Bailey, Eian, Uncle Greg, Gelo and my debate team, my coaches and Rupert’s father. I was wearing a simple white dress reaching just above my knees. My long hair was falling freely behind my back. Rupert was wearing a simple all-white suit and I know he looked good in it. I looked at Rupert who was holding my hand. I smiled at him while tears were welling up in my eyes. I couldn't clearly see his face aside from the shiny metal ring on his lips. It's frustrating and ever since the wedding ceremony started, I keep wishing to see his face on this special moment. "Meredith Kaye Santiago," he slid the wedding ring on my finger, "you're so beautiful." I giggled. He was supposed to say his vow but here he was, complimenting me for the nth time. "Proceed to your vow, Mr. Santos. I'm quite tired," I murmured before winking at him. That's the truth. After the debate, I couldn’t deny how weak I was feeling n
I See You, Rockstar Choosing to Live
I looked at Rupert who was sitting on the front seat of the audience area. Next to him were Bailey, Sir Romeo and Ma'am Juliet. On his lap was a large handbag full of my things; my lunch, some extra t-shirts, and medicines. He was in an unusually clean casual today— neat white polo with casual jeans and rubber shoes. His curly brown hair was put in a fixed brush up style.So I was no longer surprised that every woman we met entering the venue was attracted to him."Are you ready, Meredith?" Cherry asked me, holding my right arm to assist me.I chuckled before I freed myself from her hold. "I'm okay, Che. You don't have to worry.""But you had a nose bleed earlier. If you don't want Cherry to support you, let me," Minzy argued.I immediately shook my head. "Please don't treat me like a weak patient. I don't want to remember my condition on this important day."Cherry and Minzy were stunned. David put his arm around Minzy and ruffled her hair. "Let's focus on the competition. We have to
I See You, Rockstar One Year Ago
One year ago …"Congrats, Edith. A year has passed. I don't think you should worry anymore. Everything is going to be okay from here.”I looked at Bailey because of what she said. I nudged her side before getting off of the car's passenger seat. I turned around at the driver's seat and then peeked at the window. "Five years, Bailey. Eian said— I mean Dr. Baller, I have to be healthy for five years straight to say I don't really have cancer anymore," I reminded her before sighing a deep breath."One year was still a long time," she replied to me before patting my forehead. "It's not because the standards are five years to say you're cancer free, you're invalidating the one year you're healthy. You should be thankful for that."I frowned at her before playfully swatting her hand away which was patting me like a kid. "One year is only twenty percent of the five years. A lot more can happen. I still can't figure it out. My cancer can still come back.""Stop your negativity. You're ruining
I See You, Rockstar Plot twist
"I have to undergo chemo and then surgery to remove my tumor. Then, I have to undergo radiotherapy after the surgery." "I will hold your hand throughout those treatments, Meredith. I will always be waiting for you outside the therapy room and the surgery room," he said, making me immediately smile even more. He interlaced our fingers together and then kissed the back of my hand. "After your treatment, we will have our church wedding." I took a deep breath. I needed to tell him. "My doctor suggested mastectomy." He stiffened. And that scared me. "My doctor said I am susceptible to the recurrence of my cancer because of my genes. He thinks mastectomy can be a help to free myself from the curse of cancer. Both of my breasts will be removed," I said without even blinking an eye. He was silent and the bitter feeling instantly caved in. He removed his head from leaning on my shoulder and he also let go of my hand. My eyes immediately stung. When he faced me, I was quick to lower my
I See You, Rockstar Sacrifices
"This is more emotionally and mentally difficult than what I thought. I cried a lot last night. It's hard to accept it. It's hard to believe it." I chuckled, placing my hand on top of the white marble. I traced her etched name on the surface as if I was touching her face. "Mom, do you think I can handle it again? Can I survive for the second time around? I am hurting Papa again."I sighed before a small smile returned to my lips. I was sitting on the grass, across from my mother’s grave. Yesterday, my biopsy result revealed that my cancer came back and I had to deal with it again. Rupert was there with me to receive the bad news. But I asked him to leave and give me my 'me' time to process everything."I met a guy, Ma. His name is Rupert. I've done a lot of crazy things with him and I'm sure you're going to scold me big time if you’re still here," I laughed at my own story. The first day I met Rupert came back. He was my definition of living freely back then. I took the risk with him
I See You, Rockstar Acceptance
I slowly walked into the hospital church. I expected it but it still hurts. My biopsy results stated it was malignant and the stage of my cancer was in grade two or three. Further tests would be conducted to assess my cancer's grade. Eian suggested mastectomy again as my only way to free myself from the curse of cancer. I think that's what bugs me the most. Wasn’t it enough that I would go through the fight against cancer again? Why did I even have to remove my breasts? When I was in the first row of seats, my cellphone in my pocket vibrated. I checked it and my heart ached to see my Dad's name on the caller ID. "I'm sorry, Pa." I turned off my phone. Right now, I wanted to be alone first. I wanted to deal with the turmoil in my mind and the heavy pain in my heart by my own. I just wanted a time to accept my biopsy results. I sat on the empty pew in the second row and turned my gaze at the big cross in the middle of the church's altar. The hands on my lap turned into fists whi
