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Suffering
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2022-05-06 21:21:47Related chapters
I See You, Rockstar Craving for His Comfort
The cold breeze of the wind and the darkness of the night wrapped around me as I stood at the edge of the rooftop. I held on tightly to the railings that reached high up to my waist. The railing was the only hindrance I had to not take a step foot forward and fall from this tall height.I didn't know how many hours I'd been here on the rooftop of my dorm building, standing and watching the people below me, busy with their lives. As soon as I came from the hospital, I went straight here.From this height, it was easy to see how people tried so hard in living this life. Everything was fast-paced and everyone was trying not to get left behind. That's how normal life works; it's about worrying how to keep up in this fast-paced world.My grip tightened on the rooftop railings at the same time as the anger I was feeling intensified. I was already delayed in my life because of my cancer. The people I was with when I started had left me behind. I had missed too many opportunities because of
Last Updated : 2022-05-07I See You, Rockstar Breakfast
I woke up a bit dazed. The first thing that came to my mind the moment I opened my eyes was about the biopsy results that would come in the next day.I closed my eyes again as I instantly felt sullen. I swore to myself yesterday not to think about the biopsy results and just continue living my life, but here I was, thinking about it, first thing in the morning."Wake up, Sweetie. Time to eat."I was stunned with the voice I heard. The next thing happened, a strong set of arms immediately wrapped around my body. I almost forgot that Rupert stayed the night in my dorm. "So, you really slept here last night?" I asked him,grateful that my voice sounded livelier than my real mood.He kissed my temple before the tip of his nose brushed on my cheeks. He was beside me and his body was slightly hovering over mine. "You don't want me to leave. I was supposed to leave at dawn but you stopped me."My mouth dropped open and I remembered what he was referring to. I thought I was dreaming. "I ten
Last Updated : 2022-05-08I See You, Rockstar Something Vague
“Can you take me from behind, Rupert? You know, me on four while you are taking me from behind.”He swallowed hard at what I said. Then he greedily squeezed my behind. A shudder ran down my spine when he deliberately slipped his hand into my womanhood. He cupped my core before saying, "As you wish." He handed me the plate of food that sat on the small table next to my bed. "Now, eat. Eat more so you don't faint while I fuck you, doggystyle,” he said darkly, igniting my desire and anticipation.I was a bit flustered hearing him say that, doggystyle, but at the same time, I was turned on.I left from sitting on his lap and took a seat next to him. Rupert gave me the plate of food he prepared for my breakfast slash lunch. "Where are you going?" I immediately asked when he stood up when I was ready to eat.I watched him as he moved behind me and sat there. "Rupert?"The next thing I knew, Rupert's fingers delicately wrapped around my hair, taking all of the strands in a grasp. Then I fel
Last Updated : 2022-05-08I See You, Rockstar There's Us
Crowded, loud, and blinding. That's how the bar greeted me the moment I stepped inside. Rupert came here earlier than me because he and his band had to set up the instruments while I finished first the articles I had to read on Rupert’s condo. I also made a draft for our mockup debate with the debate team today so I kinda didn’t notice the time.I was almost two hours late from the time Rupert asked me to come. So I was not surprised when his band was no longer performing."Where is he?" I tried to call him but he was not answering his phone. There were also too many people so it's hard to find where he was. In the end, I decided to go to the bar counter and send another message to Rupert.I waited for his reply or call but after almost thirty minutes of waiting, there's none. I gasped at the thought that they might have left. Maybe he was not able to wait for me because I was too late?I groaned in frustration. Why didn't I become mindful of the time?I asked for a lady's drink fro
Last Updated : 2022-05-10I See You, Rockstar Try Me
"This song is for you, Sweetie. Thank you for coming tonight. Can I say it now? Ah ..." He stopped strumming for a while only to say, "I love you, Meredith Kaye. Please believe me."Rupert continued to strum the guitar he was holding and his beautiful voice soared and embraced everyone in the club.| It's 12 o'clock and I need your attention |My vision became blurry as Rupert serenaded me with the most sincere intention. His voice embraced my racing heart. I could not believe he felt something for me. I really thought this was going to be unrequited. I was happy to hear it from him ... That he loves me and that he was willing to move on from his past to love me. I know it's hard. Ava was only gone for only a year but here he was willing to try it out with me.However, my tears fell and couldn't stop when Rupert's face became clearer— little by little, his face became recognizable. The features of his face became distinct.My mouth dropped open with sobs.| If tonight ever makes a di
Last Updated : 2022-05-11I See You, Rockstar Assurance
The confession we had about each other’s feelings ignited the desire and pleasure. He loves me and I love him too. There's a mutual understanding and feelings between us and I ... I couldn't get any better than now. At some point, I forgot about everything. It's just me and Rupert and our little bubble. When we got to his condo unit, he immediately picked me up. I was cupping his face with my both hands as he carried me straight to his bedroom. I just dropped the bag I was carrying on the floor and I was the one who removed the guitar hanging behind him. I was staring at him and so was he. "Do you really see me now?" His breathing was fast and shallow, intently staring at me. "This is a miracle," I murmured, the pad of my thumb touching the piercing on his soft lips and my gaze memorizing every feature of his face. "I don't know what happened. But I just suddenly saw you. I see you, my Rockstar." I heard the bedroom door click after Rupert closed it. He slowly approached the bed
Last Updated : 2022-05-11I See You, Rockstar What if I don't?
"Why?" I asked Rupert.I heard him sigh and then his arms wrapped around my waist. He made me sit on his lap and then kissed my chin.I bit my bottom lip, trying my hardest not to cry out of my frustrations and disappointments. I lifted both my hands to cup his face. "I thought I will forever see you, Rupert." My hands caressed both of his cheeks. I leaned my face closer to see his eyes. "I saw you last night. I can't be wrong, Rupert."My fingertips touched his eyes down to the tip of his nose and then to the cold metal ring on his lips. I clearly remembered what he looked like. But then, I woke up today only to see his blurred face again. My heart ached."Rupert," I sobbed. I could no longer hold back the tears. I was so happy last night— and now, it turned out, it was just for a while. "N-Not again ... I-I can’t see you again. W-Why?"All my life, I thought I was okay with myself not seeing people's faces. I got used to it. I was so used to it that it became part of my system; to
Last Updated : 2022-05-12I See You, Rockstar Trying to be Okay
Prosopagnosia had no cure. It was a permanent neuro-degenerative disease affecting my facial recognition system. I had this when I was a kid— my neurologist diagnosed me as being born with it. It's a genetically-induced condition, for my case."That's already a miracle, Meredith. People born with prosopagnosia tend to have the least chance to see anyone's face. Most people, throughout their lives, haven't had a chance to see the faces of people important to them."I stared at Dr. Gregorio Baller, Aunt Bernadeth's second husband. He had been my neurologist since I was a kid. He knew my prosopagnosia like the back of his hand.After I told him what happened last night, he told me it was a miracle. I was stunned. The anger I felt earlier subsided."You already experienced a miracle for a prosopagnosia patient, Meredith. The fact that you can still see people's facial features at some point when you move your face closer to them was a miracle already." Greg held my hand and tapped it as a
Last Updated : 2022-05-14
Latest chapter
I See You, Rockstar Epilogue
"Rupert?" I was stunned to see Rupert entering our bedroom. My eyebrows went up as soon as he finished closing the door, he next took off his necktie. "Aren't you on duty now in the emergency room, Dr. Santos?" I got up from lying down and sat on the end of the bed. It's already eight PM and my husband is in his second year residency— and he told me he was on duty in the emergency room of their hospital tonight. "I miss you, my dear wife." He then took off his long sleeves and dropped his hands on the button of his pants. "Emergency room isn't busy. Someone relieved me. Can you believe how lucky I am?" I chuckled, realizing how my husband never really wasted any time. I could hear the playfulness in his voice. The way he was walking slowly— very very slowly— towards me as if he was strip-teasing in front of me made me laugh so hard. "We’re too old to do that, Rupert!" I got up from the bed and approached him. I grinned when he cussed under his breath. I immediately knelt down in
I See You, Rockstar Ever After
"How are you? I hope you're doing fine there. Please, be happy wherever you are." I was standing beside Rupert as he talked to Ava. He was sitting on the grass opposite its tomb. After finding out that he was the same man I called an asshole a year ago, he asked me to stay for a while— because he was supposed to talk to Ava. And so, here we are. I was watching him as he talked to his first love. In my hand, I was holding a bunch of roses. "I want you to meet her." Rupert turned to look at me. I was not sure if he's grinning or what. But when he stood next to me and held my hand tightly, I couldn't help but smile. "She's Meredith Kaye Santiago, the woman I will marry and will spend the rest of my life with. Isn't she beautiful? She's also an inspiring woman and she's a fighter. I'm actually proud of her. I love her so much , Ava. " My mouth dropped open at what Rupert was saying. When he raised my hand and pointed at the ring on my finger as if showing it off to his first love mad
I See You, Rockstar Vulnerability of Humans
"Loving someone is a manifestation of human's vulnerability; the risk of hurting someone and being hurt by another person." I smiled before my eyes searched for Rupert's seat in the audience area. "We lost, we burned and we got hurt ... But we can't deny the fact that this abstract thing called love is the connection we need as a social being. Without love, this life will be meaningless. Without love, this world will be cruel. Without love, I wouldn't be able to stand on this stage and carry on in this debate. My love for debate is what kept me going and the love of the people around me is what motivated me to not surrender. " Love is being vulnerable. And although many of us get hurt after loving someone, "The important thing is the lessons we learned and the memories we had with the person who made us happy. So, it is still better to love even though you might lose. Because a quitter will never be a winner but a loser can eventually win. Same goes with love, to be brave is the only
I See You, Rockstar Sleep and Rest
Everyone was here. Everyone who was important to me came. My dad, Aunt Bernadeth, Bailey, Eian, Uncle Greg, Gelo and my debate team, my coaches and Rupert’s father. I was wearing a simple white dress reaching just above my knees. My long hair was falling freely behind my back. Rupert was wearing a simple all-white suit and I know he looked good in it. I looked at Rupert who was holding my hand. I smiled at him while tears were welling up in my eyes. I couldn't clearly see his face aside from the shiny metal ring on his lips. It's frustrating and ever since the wedding ceremony started, I keep wishing to see his face on this special moment. "Meredith Kaye Santiago," he slid the wedding ring on my finger, "you're so beautiful." I giggled. He was supposed to say his vow but here he was, complimenting me for the nth time. "Proceed to your vow, Mr. Santos. I'm quite tired," I murmured before winking at him. That's the truth. After the debate, I couldn’t deny how weak I was feeling n
I See You, Rockstar Choosing to Live
I looked at Rupert who was sitting on the front seat of the audience area. Next to him were Bailey, Sir Romeo and Ma'am Juliet. On his lap was a large handbag full of my things; my lunch, some extra t-shirts, and medicines. He was in an unusually clean casual today— neat white polo with casual jeans and rubber shoes. His curly brown hair was put in a fixed brush up style.So I was no longer surprised that every woman we met entering the venue was attracted to him."Are you ready, Meredith?" Cherry asked me, holding my right arm to assist me.I chuckled before I freed myself from her hold. "I'm okay, Che. You don't have to worry.""But you had a nose bleed earlier. If you don't want Cherry to support you, let me," Minzy argued.I immediately shook my head. "Please don't treat me like a weak patient. I don't want to remember my condition on this important day."Cherry and Minzy were stunned. David put his arm around Minzy and ruffled her hair. "Let's focus on the competition. We have to
I See You, Rockstar One Year Ago
One year ago …"Congrats, Edith. A year has passed. I don't think you should worry anymore. Everything is going to be okay from here.”I looked at Bailey because of what she said. I nudged her side before getting off of the car's passenger seat. I turned around at the driver's seat and then peeked at the window. "Five years, Bailey. Eian said— I mean Dr. Baller, I have to be healthy for five years straight to say I don't really have cancer anymore," I reminded her before sighing a deep breath."One year was still a long time," she replied to me before patting my forehead. "It's not because the standards are five years to say you're cancer free, you're invalidating the one year you're healthy. You should be thankful for that."I frowned at her before playfully swatting her hand away which was patting me like a kid. "One year is only twenty percent of the five years. A lot more can happen. I still can't figure it out. My cancer can still come back.""Stop your negativity. You're ruining
I See You, Rockstar Plot twist
"I have to undergo chemo and then surgery to remove my tumor. Then, I have to undergo radiotherapy after the surgery." "I will hold your hand throughout those treatments, Meredith. I will always be waiting for you outside the therapy room and the surgery room," he said, making me immediately smile even more. He interlaced our fingers together and then kissed the back of my hand. "After your treatment, we will have our church wedding." I took a deep breath. I needed to tell him. "My doctor suggested mastectomy." He stiffened. And that scared me. "My doctor said I am susceptible to the recurrence of my cancer because of my genes. He thinks mastectomy can be a help to free myself from the curse of cancer. Both of my breasts will be removed," I said without even blinking an eye. He was silent and the bitter feeling instantly caved in. He removed his head from leaning on my shoulder and he also let go of my hand. My eyes immediately stung. When he faced me, I was quick to lower my
I See You, Rockstar Sacrifices
"This is more emotionally and mentally difficult than what I thought. I cried a lot last night. It's hard to accept it. It's hard to believe it." I chuckled, placing my hand on top of the white marble. I traced her etched name on the surface as if I was touching her face. "Mom, do you think I can handle it again? Can I survive for the second time around? I am hurting Papa again."I sighed before a small smile returned to my lips. I was sitting on the grass, across from my mother’s grave. Yesterday, my biopsy result revealed that my cancer came back and I had to deal with it again. Rupert was there with me to receive the bad news. But I asked him to leave and give me my 'me' time to process everything."I met a guy, Ma. His name is Rupert. I've done a lot of crazy things with him and I'm sure you're going to scold me big time if you’re still here," I laughed at my own story. The first day I met Rupert came back. He was my definition of living freely back then. I took the risk with him
I See You, Rockstar Acceptance
I slowly walked into the hospital church. I expected it but it still hurts. My biopsy results stated it was malignant and the stage of my cancer was in grade two or three. Further tests would be conducted to assess my cancer's grade. Eian suggested mastectomy again as my only way to free myself from the curse of cancer. I think that's what bugs me the most. Wasn’t it enough that I would go through the fight against cancer again? Why did I even have to remove my breasts? When I was in the first row of seats, my cellphone in my pocket vibrated. I checked it and my heart ached to see my Dad's name on the caller ID. "I'm sorry, Pa." I turned off my phone. Right now, I wanted to be alone first. I wanted to deal with the turmoil in my mind and the heavy pain in my heart by my own. I just wanted a time to accept my biopsy results. I sat on the empty pew in the second row and turned my gaze at the big cross in the middle of the church's altar. The hands on my lap turned into fists whi
