I grinned before I stride towards the sea of party-people with blurred faces. This was exactly what the real meaning of living this life was all about- to go for it when yourself was telling you not to do it.
"Let's live this life, shall we?" I told myself before giving off a big smile. I tried looking straight to everyone, faking eye-contact even though I could not see their faces.Sweat. Smell of alcohol and cigarettes. Clashing bodies. Banging music. These were the things that greeted me the moment I let myself get drowned by the crowd.I let myself drown in the ocean of rejoicing and free people. I lost all the inhibitions in my body along with the loud screams I let out of my mouth. I jumped when everyone jumped because of the loud music. I danced, swaying my hips from left and right. I felt someone's hands hold my waist and I did not bother to remove them. I let myself be lost to the accompaniment of music and to the never-ending shouts and singing voices.The next thing I knew, the music died out along with the crowd's wild shouts and cheers. A high-frequency sound echoed throughout the whole club as a set of instruments were being set-up by a group of males.I was in complete awe as I stood right in front of the center stage where a band was setting up their instruments.I didn't know a band would perform tonight."Are you ready party-people! Shall we get the party rolling?!" the guy with a mohawk hairdo and holding an electric guitar shouted. The whole crowd responded with a roaring cheer of 'Yes'."Oh yeah! We are the Vulture and join us as we rock tonight!" The man next to him turned to his right where a man with naturally messy hairdo was standing. The man with a mohawk hairdo tapped the latter's shoulder before he left the microphone to him. The vocalist, I guess?"It is so nice to be back again. I am Rupert, the vocalist of Vulture. Join us and let the Vulture rock your night!" The man in the drums raised his drumsticks in the air, tapped the sticks together, and counted, "One, two, three!""We are the Vulture! I hope you enjoy our music!"A shudder ran through my skin because of the hoarse yet sexy voice of the man standing behind the mic stand, whose name was Rupert. I could not see his face clearly even though I was in the front of the audience area. The dancing lights in the bar made it harder for me to see his face.But then, his voice... I like the sound of his speaking voice. It sounded familiar- hoarse and manly.The sound of the electric guitar roared and I suddenly became attentive. I waited in anticipation for the vocalist's voice to fill the whole bar along with the rock music being played by his band.People started shouting when the vocalist's voice rose. The Vulture hyped the crowd and I found myself enjoying the voice I was listening to. His voice was really majestic and he sang so well.| They say before you start a warYou better know what you're fighting for |I found myself with a grin on my lips, tapping my foot on the floor, nodding my head along with the beat and later on, actually singing along with the chorus.Oh, I love The Cab's songs, specifically this one- Angel with a Shotgun.| Don't you know you're everything I have?And I, wanna live, not just survive, tonight |I couldn't agree more. With everything I have been through; after surviving breast cancer- yes, that's what I wanted to do: To live, not just survive.The spectators and listeners started jumping along with the beat when the song's bridge was reached. I must say that was the most hyper part of the song and the vocalist's voice killed every note with such grace and prowess.| And I'm gonna hide, hide, hide my wings tonight |My eyes widened when the vocalist suddenly jumped down from the stage. I was stopped from jumping and screaming when my eyes met the vocalist of Vulture. He was standing in front of me, just an inch closer to me. I had the chance to see his face much clearer in this distance. I could not recognize the features of his eyes, nose or facial shape but... I noticed a shiny thing on his lips. There was something shiny on his bottom lip that caught my gaze.| If love is what you need, a soldier I will be |He ended the song while looking directly at me. The microphone was the only barrier in between our faces. I found myself memorizing the playful and familiar glint on his brown eyes."Let's start the love tonight!"From Rupert the Vulture's vocalist, I averted my gaze on the people around me. I frowned as everyone started counting out of nowhere."Ten!"What the heck is happening? Why did everyone face each other in pairs?"Nine!"I looked at the man standing in front of me, Rupert.His face was blurred except for his eyes which were looking at me intently.He was in front of me. We were a pair. And this was definitely awkward.Was there anything to say? What's going on?"What the heck-""Eight," the guy named Rupert suddenly said before I felt his arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer. "Seven," he continued counting along with the people."What is this about?" I asked in panic and tried to free myself from his hold. But he held me tighter and his face inched closer. "Are you stupid?!""Just get along," he said before he mouthed the word 'six'.I gasped and immediately pushed his chest to make a bigger gap between our faces."Five!""Get off of me!""Four!"My eyes widened when he chuckled with my guarded reaction instead of letting me go. The crowd cheered for 'Three' and he pulled me even closer until the tip of my nose touched his.I sighed as his fragrant breath touched my face. For a person with prosopagnosia, my other senses were much stronger than my eyesight. This was my way to remember people I met. Instead of their faces, I used my other senses to remember them, like how they smell, sound and feel against my touch.His minty breath stunned me for a while before I felt the comforting warmth coming from his arm around my waist."Two!"I stared at the shiny and sparkling thing on his bottom lip when his free hand cupped my cheek. His rough yet warm palm caressed my skin, sending an unexplainable tingle on my body.Why the heck am I reacting this way?"One!"There was no hesitation when his face leaned closer to mine. At the same time, sudden darkness enveloped the whole surroundings when all the lights suddenly turned off."We met again, woman," the guy named Rupert said before I felt something warm touch my lips.The next moment I knew, my gasp was ended by a warm set of soft lips.In the middle of the darkness, I saw his figure so close to me. His hand held my nape, strong enough to pull my face closer. His other arm around my waist trapped my body.This Rupert guy was kissing me!I felt something cold on his lips- like a metal ring- as he gave me a scorching deep kiss."Uhmnnn..." I moaned when he entered my mouth with his hot tongue.I could not believe I was letting him kiss me like this. I could not believe I was enjoying this!"So sweet," he whispered before claiming my lips again.That was when I wrapped my arms around his neck, while responding to the torrid kiss we shared.Maybe a Rockstar was the guy I was looking for tonight.I caught my breath and my heart was beating fast when Rupert-guy and I finished kissing. He was the one who ended the kiss the moment the blinding lights and the banging music of the bar returned.I was looking at him intently as both of my hands were placed on his chest. The sparkling thing on his bottom lip really caught my attention. I could not take my eyes away from it as I recalled how the cold metal touched my lips in each stroke of his lips against mine.That was really sexy."Lip piercing," he whispered in my ear as both of his arms wrapped around my body.I was so holding on to his shoulders when he started swaying his body, taking me with him. We danced like the people around us. Our bodies were so close to each other. My chest was actually pressed against his and I could feel the thing in between his jeans pants as he grind his hips on my lower body.Everyone was dancing along with the hyper music of the bar. I was amazed at the man I was d
"I'm a virgin."I saw how the emotions in his eyes turned from lust to being stunned. "So honest. I did not expect that," he said before looking at me playfully. "Are you sure you are going to give up your virginity to me?""Are you brave enough to fight and chase for my virginity," I challenged him. We both ended up laughing.I could not believe I was making fun of my virginity right now. Oh gosh. I did not know that this was how to live without thinking about what other people would say and the beliefs of the society I live in. I did not expect to feel so free by being a deviant.So, what if I lose my virginity to a man who was not my husband? As long as I was knowledgeable about safe sex- I could do this. It was not like I was doing something that could hurt other people and the rest of humanity. A woman's worth should not be defined by her being a virgin. Really, virgin or not, a woman was worthy."I'm ready to fight your purity, Meredith," he said while
Rupert the Rockstar kissed my temple as his fingers played my throbbing and wet core like a guitar against the thin fabric of my underwear. My back arched with the sensation and to prevent myself from moaning, I had to suck the crook of his neck."Argh. You are really making this hard for me to stop, Meredith."Jeez. Why did my name sound so sexy when he said it? Maybe because of his naturally husky voice?I leaned my back on the motor behind me as I hugged Rupert's body closer to mine. I did not want the thing he was doing in between my thighs to get interrupted. A few people passed us by and looked at the two of us so I did everything to hide my face. I buried my face on his neck as I silently moaned because of the pleasure he was making me feel. I licked and kissed his neck but later on stopped and just enjoyed whatever pleasure he was giving me.My breathing was ragged as the savor I was feeling because of Rupert's finger intensified. I was losing my head fro
"Let's not meet again after this. Have sex with me, take my virginity, and then let's forget about tonight. We can move on in each other's life tomorrow," I negotiated with so much certainty. I was too defective to allow other people to love or even care for me. I always avoided the attachment so I can save the people around me from being hurt big time. Let us just say I was a burning flame and any moth who would attempt to come close would surely burn. This was also my way of living this life with lesser pain. I mean, the less people I love, the easier it is for me to get by. Maybe when the time comes that death comes to me, it would be easier to leave. I saw it to my mother already— I know what to do if my prosopagnosia or cancer fuck me up. Aside from Bailey and my parents, I never valued anyone. So, starting something like a flirtatious one-night-stand with this rockstar would not fire back at me, right? I mean, I don't want anything to happen to the two
"Hmnn… Oh gosh! This is… hmm." My back arched, wrapping both of my arms around Rupert’s neck. He was kneeling in front of me as he blessed my womanhood again with his fingers. His two fingers were pumping in and out of my wet and throbbing core. One of his hands gripped my left heel to keep my foot on top of the sofa. Because of my position, my legs were really spread out and my wet femininity was exposed for the Rockstar. "Fuck, do you know how warm it is inside you, Meredith?" He growled, increasing the speed of his finger. My eyes rolled back when he inserted another two fingers, making it three, and really stretching my walls wide. I bit my bottom lip as the mixture of pain and delicious sensations took over my burning body. Rupert was so good at this. He was driving me crazy. "Ohh... F-Faster... Ah ..." My hips bucked upwards to meet his three fingers that were coming in and out of me. I was sighing, moaning and groaning as his fingers got deeper— until
My chest was heaving deep breaths as I felt how my body burns with anticipation and need. I placed my hand on top of his and he pulled me to stand up. There was a small distance between our bodies. I forced myself to disregard the embarrassing feeling of standing in front of Rupert without a single covering but the nipple tapes on my breasts. He kissed the back of my hand before grinning at me. "I like this distance," I pointed out to the very close proximity where our toes were touching. From this distance, I could see his lips and his eyes. I like it. "Hmnn ... Really? I like it too. I could perfectly see how beautiful your naked body is." He intertwined our hands and then gave me that menacing and lustful gaze, totally overruling my remaining control. I gave in. Rupert took me to his room. Blue and silver colors also dominated his big room. There was a study table on the right most corner where a desktop computer was placed, a big closet, a doo
It was very unusual for me to wake up on someone else's bed, with a strong set of arms wrapped around my naked body, possessively. Rupert Santos, the bad rockstar, was all over me. We were sharing the same sheets and his scent was all I could smell, his snoring against my ear was all I could hear, and the heat coming from his nakedness pressed against my back was all I could feel. I gasped before slowly removing his hug from me. He was sleeping like a baby, with that gigantic bulge poking my behind. Even asleep, he was insatiable. Rupert was not even shaken from his deep sleep when the bed sagged as I woke up. I sat on my side of the bed and then looked at the sleeping man beside me. I no longer made an effort to cover my naked body. Everything that happened last night were things I didn't know I would allow someone to do to my body and I would actually like and enjoy. I was blown away by the wind. Did I just admit that I enjoyed everything Rupert made my body ex
I thought Rupert would only surprise me last night but I was even more surprised when I saw him in the kitchen, already preparing breakfast. I just finished taking a shower and I thought I would still see him sleeping on the bed. But when I finished bathing, I found no one in bed sleeping. So I left the room and was immediately greeted by the fresh smell of fried rice being cooked. I followed the scent and that's when I found this guy, busy preparing our breakfast. And I was really stunned to see him in the kitchen. I blinked a few times while leaning on the kitchen door frame, watching Rupert working in the kitchen, oblivious of my presence. He was shirtless and only in his boxers while wearing an apron. From my place, I could perfectly see how his muscles on his shoulders and back contracted in every move he would make. It was pretty obvious that he was so used to working in the kitchen. There was no awkwardness on how he moved around. I, on the other hand, wa
"Rupert?" I was stunned to see Rupert entering our bedroom. My eyebrows went up as soon as he finished closing the door, he next took off his necktie. "Aren't you on duty now in the emergency room, Dr. Santos?" I got up from lying down and sat on the end of the bed. It's already eight PM and my husband is in his second year residency— and he told me he was on duty in the emergency room of their hospital tonight. "I miss you, my dear wife." He then took off his long sleeves and dropped his hands on the button of his pants. "Emergency room isn't busy. Someone relieved me. Can you believe how lucky I am?" I chuckled, realizing how my husband never really wasted any time. I could hear the playfulness in his voice. The way he was walking slowly— very very slowly— towards me as if he was strip-teasing in front of me made me laugh so hard. "We’re too old to do that, Rupert!" I got up from the bed and approached him. I grinned when he cussed under his breath. I immediately knelt down in
"How are you? I hope you're doing fine there. Please, be happy wherever you are." I was standing beside Rupert as he talked to Ava. He was sitting on the grass opposite its tomb. After finding out that he was the same man I called an asshole a year ago, he asked me to stay for a while— because he was supposed to talk to Ava. And so, here we are. I was watching him as he talked to his first love. In my hand, I was holding a bunch of roses. "I want you to meet her." Rupert turned to look at me. I was not sure if he's grinning or what. But when he stood next to me and held my hand tightly, I couldn't help but smile. "She's Meredith Kaye Santiago, the woman I will marry and will spend the rest of my life with. Isn't she beautiful? She's also an inspiring woman and she's a fighter. I'm actually proud of her. I love her so much , Ava. " My mouth dropped open at what Rupert was saying. When he raised my hand and pointed at the ring on my finger as if showing it off to his first love mad
"Loving someone is a manifestation of human's vulnerability; the risk of hurting someone and being hurt by another person." I smiled before my eyes searched for Rupert's seat in the audience area. "We lost, we burned and we got hurt ... But we can't deny the fact that this abstract thing called love is the connection we need as a social being. Without love, this life will be meaningless. Without love, this world will be cruel. Without love, I wouldn't be able to stand on this stage and carry on in this debate. My love for debate is what kept me going and the love of the people around me is what motivated me to not surrender. " Love is being vulnerable. And although many of us get hurt after loving someone, "The important thing is the lessons we learned and the memories we had with the person who made us happy. So, it is still better to love even though you might lose. Because a quitter will never be a winner but a loser can eventually win. Same goes with love, to be brave is the only
Everyone was here. Everyone who was important to me came. My dad, Aunt Bernadeth, Bailey, Eian, Uncle Greg, Gelo and my debate team, my coaches and Rupert’s father. I was wearing a simple white dress reaching just above my knees. My long hair was falling freely behind my back. Rupert was wearing a simple all-white suit and I know he looked good in it. I looked at Rupert who was holding my hand. I smiled at him while tears were welling up in my eyes. I couldn't clearly see his face aside from the shiny metal ring on his lips. It's frustrating and ever since the wedding ceremony started, I keep wishing to see his face on this special moment. "Meredith Kaye Santiago," he slid the wedding ring on my finger, "you're so beautiful." I giggled. He was supposed to say his vow but here he was, complimenting me for the nth time. "Proceed to your vow, Mr. Santos. I'm quite tired," I murmured before winking at him. That's the truth. After the debate, I couldn’t deny how weak I was feeling n
I looked at Rupert who was sitting on the front seat of the audience area. Next to him were Bailey, Sir Romeo and Ma'am Juliet. On his lap was a large handbag full of my things; my lunch, some extra t-shirts, and medicines. He was in an unusually clean casual today— neat white polo with casual jeans and rubber shoes. His curly brown hair was put in a fixed brush up style.So I was no longer surprised that every woman we met entering the venue was attracted to him."Are you ready, Meredith?" Cherry asked me, holding my right arm to assist me.I chuckled before I freed myself from her hold. "I'm okay, Che. You don't have to worry.""But you had a nose bleed earlier. If you don't want Cherry to support you, let me," Minzy argued.I immediately shook my head. "Please don't treat me like a weak patient. I don't want to remember my condition on this important day."Cherry and Minzy were stunned. David put his arm around Minzy and ruffled her hair. "Let's focus on the competition. We have to
One year ago …"Congrats, Edith. A year has passed. I don't think you should worry anymore. Everything is going to be okay from here.”I looked at Bailey because of what she said. I nudged her side before getting off of the car's passenger seat. I turned around at the driver's seat and then peeked at the window. "Five years, Bailey. Eian said— I mean Dr. Baller, I have to be healthy for five years straight to say I don't really have cancer anymore," I reminded her before sighing a deep breath."One year was still a long time," she replied to me before patting my forehead. "It's not because the standards are five years to say you're cancer free, you're invalidating the one year you're healthy. You should be thankful for that."I frowned at her before playfully swatting her hand away which was patting me like a kid. "One year is only twenty percent of the five years. A lot more can happen. I still can't figure it out. My cancer can still come back.""Stop your negativity. You're ruining
"I have to undergo chemo and then surgery to remove my tumor. Then, I have to undergo radiotherapy after the surgery." "I will hold your hand throughout those treatments, Meredith. I will always be waiting for you outside the therapy room and the surgery room," he said, making me immediately smile even more. He interlaced our fingers together and then kissed the back of my hand. "After your treatment, we will have our church wedding." I took a deep breath. I needed to tell him. "My doctor suggested mastectomy." He stiffened. And that scared me. "My doctor said I am susceptible to the recurrence of my cancer because of my genes. He thinks mastectomy can be a help to free myself from the curse of cancer. Both of my breasts will be removed," I said without even blinking an eye. He was silent and the bitter feeling instantly caved in. He removed his head from leaning on my shoulder and he also let go of my hand. My eyes immediately stung. When he faced me, I was quick to lower my
"This is more emotionally and mentally difficult than what I thought. I cried a lot last night. It's hard to accept it. It's hard to believe it." I chuckled, placing my hand on top of the white marble. I traced her etched name on the surface as if I was touching her face. "Mom, do you think I can handle it again? Can I survive for the second time around? I am hurting Papa again."I sighed before a small smile returned to my lips. I was sitting on the grass, across from my mother’s grave. Yesterday, my biopsy result revealed that my cancer came back and I had to deal with it again. Rupert was there with me to receive the bad news. But I asked him to leave and give me my 'me' time to process everything."I met a guy, Ma. His name is Rupert. I've done a lot of crazy things with him and I'm sure you're going to scold me big time if you’re still here," I laughed at my own story. The first day I met Rupert came back. He was my definition of living freely back then. I took the risk with him
I slowly walked into the hospital church. I expected it but it still hurts. My biopsy results stated it was malignant and the stage of my cancer was in grade two or three. Further tests would be conducted to assess my cancer's grade. Eian suggested mastectomy again as my only way to free myself from the curse of cancer. I think that's what bugs me the most. Wasn’t it enough that I would go through the fight against cancer again? Why did I even have to remove my breasts? When I was in the first row of seats, my cellphone in my pocket vibrated. I checked it and my heart ached to see my Dad's name on the caller ID. "I'm sorry, Pa." I turned off my phone. Right now, I wanted to be alone first. I wanted to deal with the turmoil in my mind and the heavy pain in my heart by my own. I just wanted a time to accept my biopsy results. I sat on the empty pew in the second row and turned my gaze at the big cross in the middle of the church's altar. The hands on my lap turned into fists whi