chapter 1

When I woke up I thought I was alone, but no, she was still there; in my bed. She was not one of those men who used women, but when a person leaves a part of himself in you, it becomes difficult to discard that piece and become you again. 

When Allyson left my world didn't fall apart. Not like those dramatic novels where nothing makes sense and things lose color. She had a reason to fight: Lucas. During that time I did my best to be a good father. I filled him with love and placed my hope in him; I clung to my son like a shipwrecked man to his lifeboat. That worked when things started to get out of hand; for the nights when I wanted to call her, listen to her, or catch a plane to London. 

After a while I went with the flow of the world like a mature man is supposed to. However, she was still in my heart. Overwhelming my senses and cutting off what little peace of mind she had. But the icing on the cake was when my son got sick. He did what I could, but it took time to find a diagnosis and it was too late when they found out he only had months to live. In the blink of an eye, I was met with terrible news, which made me think: why? Why wasn't I allowed to be happy? What wrong had he done to not have peace? 

However, although my life was turned upside down, I did not give up. I struggled to find someone who would give me even the slightest chance. I sought second opinions when no neurosurgeon wanted to operate on him. That's how I came across an article about her. Like a fool I thought it was fate looking for a way to get closer to Allyson. I thought it was a plan from the universe to see her and maybe pick up where we left off in the past. 

Despite everything, I asked my sister about her. She would say things like: "she's in London", "she met a boy"; "Things are serious with him." 

That part hurt but I told myself that it was the process of life. We agreed that we would go ahead; that our differences in what we wanted at the time were invincible. Allyson was in the stage of growing up and forging her own future while I had a son and an empire to run. She managed to move forward and, despite the fact that I was not happy and it hurt me, I recognized that it was for the best.

Then one day my sister confessed to me that Allyson was no longer with the boy, that she came back from London and that she was still single. That led me to believe that it was my chance, not only to save my son, but to find that love that marked my life for thirteen years. 

However, the result was not what I expected: Allyson no longer loved me, I became a bad memory for her and she was in love with a man despite many years without seeing him. I can't even tell you how much that hurt me; Allie was always a good memory for me. The best she had after Lucas. 

I had to let her go a second time. I'm not going to lie, she hurt her like shit, but she wasn't up to me anymore; it was the same universe telling me there was no chance with her. We were never meant to be together. 

The first days I tried to be a mature man of forty-four years. Allyson became an excellent neurosurgeon and operated on my little boy. Lucas pulled through his operation and we returned to Louisiana, to my monotonous and empty life. With no one by my side in the morning. Without a person with whom he could share affinities. Only. 

My son no longer depended on me. He was a thirteen-year-old teenager with his friends and boyish stuff. He no longer needed dad to stand up for him; And that was when loneliness hit me, because when you no longer have anything to hold on to, what do you have left? 

I started dating. However, she wasn't doing it because she wanted to love someone. I went on dates because that was what you did when you were lonely: find company. Go ahead. Forget old loves and try to find your own way. That led me to the blonde lying on my bed. I met her thanks to Tom; a friend of the firm in Louisiana; and she was a friend of Tom's wife.

That was another factor that led me to dates: my friends were married men with children, who complained about the stifling of marriage. Maybe I wanted to feel less pathetic. He had money, he was mature, single, handsome, but alone. I did not accept that my life should end in such a simple way. I was reluctant to turn fifty and eat with my mother every day because I didn't have a woman in my bed. 

-Hey? -I called. 

He was not a child. We didn't have that thing to sleep and wait for love forever. I just wanted a night without thinking about Allyson and my blonde friend did a decent job. However, it was time for a new day and he was eager for her to leave before Lucas got up for school. After months of rest, my son could return to his daily life. He made me promise to take him to class after a long absence. 

"Sorry, what time is it?" the woman asked pursing her lips, looking disoriented. To be fair, she wasn't ugly. She was a very pretty blonde actually. She looked very good for forty. Her problem was that she had just gotten out of a divorce and the last thing she needed was lawsuits with her ex-husbands. 

“Time to go,” I called, not pretending that she was welcome to stay. He didn't want to create expectations in her. 

She opened her mouth into an O, looking indignant. There was drama coming up and Tom was probably going to be mad because I hurt his wife's friend. However, it was his fault. He introduced us. 

"Are you kicking me out?" She — she mumbled, so offended that I felt the need to roll my eyes at such an immature attitude. 

—You were clear. Casual sex. Our time together ends with you getting out of bed.

It wasn't Romeo either. I gave myself a lot of hard time trying to learn how to survive the dreaded next day after a stranger ended up in my bed. I learned the hard way that being chivalrous after casual sex doesn't help. They are adult women, over forty years of age. They're supposed to understand that things at our age boil down to less drama, the better. 

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Apparently, my blonde friend was left in for the drama by letting out an unpleasant grunt, getting awkwardly out of bed kicking the sheets dismissively. She started cursing, saying a number of things that didn't interest me. She wasn't a teenager who was promised undying love by the boy; she was a woman with children and mature, she should have a little more respect for herself. 

I left her ranting alone in the room while looking for her clothes. I thought going into the bathroom would save me from wasting time.

-How rude! she growled as she closed the bathroom door. I sighed and then denied. If you were looking for a stable relationship you should stop having casual sex and just meet someone the conventional way: dating and stuff. 

Dad?

"Yes, champ?" I replied to my son without looking away from the parking lot, waiting for a car to finish leaving the space and hopefully park the car before the end of the world.Seriously, there are people who get their driver's license from the McDonald's happy meal 

"Why was there an old woman coming out of the house?" Her,” she asked in an amused tone, causing me to cough as I choked on my saliva. He smiled as if that was very funny. It's okay, dad, I'm not a boy. You were taking a while to bring women into the house. My friends were betting that you were gay. 

-That? I growled, not finding the comparison amusing. No bias here, I just didn't understand why go to such extremes. 

"You don't date women. I have never met a single date. You eat with your grandmother on weekends… and during the week. And Uncle Gerard looks at you like you're sick with something contagious... yea , with a disgusted face. What did you expect him to think?He shrugged as if coming up with that idea was the most logical thing in the world. 

Finally the person who was driving like a turtle got out of the space and I took advantage of it before someone else stole it from me. I put on the handbrake and turned to my son noticing the similarity to me, although his eyes were leaving the gray to acquire the green of his mother.