Chapter 01 : Simula

The song ‘Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran started playing. Ang gandang kanta para sa kasal na ito.

In the middle of the music, I went inside the church. The interior of the church was even more beautiful because of the red carpet, colourful flowers, and beautiful bridesmaids.

Exactly one year ago now, noong una ko siya nakita rito. At that moment, I knew that he’s the one. I still remember how our eyes accidentally met, and I felt then I would melt in about three seconds when he looked at me and, when he smiled, my heart beat faster. Ever since I saw him, he has never left my mind.

“Do you take her to be your wife? Do you promise to be faithful to her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her and to honor her all the days of your life?”

“Yes, I do.”

Maari nga ba talaga iyon? Maari nga ba na sa isang tingin mo lamang sa isang tao ay siguradong mamahalin mo siya? For me, yes. Maari iyon dahil nangyari iyon sa akin.

“Do you take him to be your husband? Do you promise to be faithful to him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love him and to honor him all the days of your life?”

“Yes, I do.” Tearful answer of the bride.

I wiped the tears from my cheeks and hurried out of the church. I answered the call of my friend, Gaira. I took a deep breath before I answered it.

“Hello, Gaira.” I tried to smile, even though she couldn’t see me.

“Where are you?” Masigla tanong ni Gaira.

I took another deep breath to calm myself and not cry or not to crack my voice.

“Why?” Utal kong tanong.

“Anong, why ka riyan?! We are looking forward to your return!” It’s no longer Gaira, it’s Jhiezhl and I think the two of them are together now.

“Mrs. Perrine Saplala–Cariaga, where are you now?” This is Gaira again.

Mrs. Perrine Saplala–Cariaga. It’s nice to hear that it already attached my last name is already attached to the last name of the man I love.

“Give me my cell phone. Hey, Perrine! Where are you? We are waiting for you here at our favorite coffee shop.”  This is Gaira again.

Napa-higpit ang hawak ko sa aking cellphone. Naiinis ako. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil nakakaramdam ako ng pagka-inis at galit isa sa mga matalik kong kaibigan na si Gaira, na hindi naman dapat. Ngunit, hindi ko maiwasang magalit sa kaibigan, and I want to slap her right now, pero alam ko wala naman siyang kasalanan.

“Maybe tomorrow. I’m a little bit tired.” Pag-dadahilan ko.

Because right now I can’t face Gaira and maybe I’ll slap her and pour out the annoyance I feel.

“The new Mrs Cariaga is tired on their honeymoon. Mukhang maaga kami magkakaroon ng inaanak ni Gaira.” Jhiezhl’s teasing me.

“Congrats, Perrine!” Masayang wika ni Gaira.

“You are both crazy. Sorry, I have to go. Bye.” I immediately ended the call.

I quickly ran to where my car was parked. When I entered, I slapped the steering wheel for it poured out all the pain I feel now. My anger at my friend Gaira, and my anger at myself.

Pinakasalan nga ako ng lalaking mahal ko pero wala siya katiting na nararamdaman para sa akin, bukod sa galit. Hindi niya ako mahal. At wala siya ibang maha kung hindi ang matalik ko kaibigan na si Gaira.

Huminga ako ng malalim saka pinaandar ang kotse at umuwi sa bagong bahay namin ng asawa ko.

Gabi na ng makauwi ako. Pag-pasok ng bahay nanlumo ako ng datnan ang asawa ko sa sala habang hawak ang isang bote ng alak at ang tatlo pang bote ng alak ay na sa glass table. Mukha lasing na siya.

I sat down next to my Husband. “You’re drunk, let’s go to our room.”

My husband looked at me. His eyes were bulging and his smooth cheeks were red.

I touched both of my husband’s cheeks and he looked at me. “I love you,” I said with all my heart.

My husband smiled at me. Ohmygash! Does this mean that he is gradually accepting me?

“Alam mo bang nagpaka-lasing ako para makalimutan ko pinakasalan ko ang bestfriend ng babae pinakamamahal ko? Alis!” He said and go up.

Pagtaas ng Asawa ko. Huminga ako ng malalim, kasabay nito ang pag-baba ng mga luha sa aking mata. Nag-daan ang ilang minuto bago ako tuluyan tumigil sa pag-iyak.

Pagligpit ng mga kinalat ng asawa ko ay ay tumaas na din ako sa kwarto namin. Pag-hawak ko sa door knob ay kumatok ako nang hindi ko ito mabuksan. Nag-daan ang ilang minuto nang hindi pa rin ito buksan ng Asawa ko. Mukha nakatulog na siya sa kalasingan.

Pumunta na lamang ako sa kabilang kwarto, ang guest room namin.

The moment I entered the guest room, I immediately lay down on the soft bed and closed my eyes.

Ikinasal lamang kami ng Asawa ko dahil sa arranged marriage. At first I didn’t want to get married because of the arranged marriage, but when I saw that man I was going to get married, there was no vessel for the joy I felt at that time.

It’s the guy I saw in church. He was more handsome up close. He had black hair, beautiful and thick eyebrows. Pierce his nose and smooth his face. He has a deep voice and a good smell of perfume. The man I dream of is the one I will marry? Is this destiny or what? I only know one. I am happy to marry the man I love.

Until we were about to get married.

Before we got married he told me that our stupid wedding would only stop if I will not go. Hindi ako pumayag. He’s my dream man. I love him. But he told me his reason, the reason that I almost did not attend our wedding.

He told me in my face how much he loved my friend, Gaira. He wanted to end our marriage during those times but he couldn’t let his parents fail him.

I was happy when my Husband told me he couldn’t afford to ruin our marriage, because no matter what happens and for whatever reason, I will never let him go.

Last week is our honeymoon. Everyone knew we were very happy, ang hindi nila alam ay iniwan ako ng Asawa ko at kakauwi ko lamang kanina ng mag-isa.

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko at ngumiti.

I knew at first that my Husband was like this. I know he will also learn to love me. Not like how he loves my best friend, Gaira, but he will accept me too.

   

  

  

********************

“I cook dinner for you.”  I said to my Husband when he entered the house.

“I already ate outside.” My Husband replied coldly then he went up.

I followed him. “Bakit amoy alak ka? Uminom ka ba ulit?”

“So what?”

“S-Sino ang mga kasama mo?”

“Workmates.”

“Mayroon mga babae?” Para mauubusan ako ng boses nang tanungin ko iyon.

“Of course! I have female employees in the office. Use your d*mn common-sense!” My husband answered irritably and slammed the door of our room.

Nanlulumo ako bumaba saka dumiretso sa kusina. Pag-punta sa kusina ay umupo ako at tiningnan ang mga niluto kong pagkain para sa Asawa ko.

Tatlong taon na kaming kasal, pero ni minsan ay hindi ko pa nakakasamang kumain ang Asawa ko sa hapagkainan, maski na makasama siya sa buong mag-hapon ay hindi ko pa nagagawa. Hindi pa rin niya rin matitikman ang mga nilalaro ko para sa kanya. Ah! Isang beses iniinom niya ang timpla ng kape para sa kanya.

Tinakpan ko ang mga pagkain sa mesa, baka sakali kumain ang Asawa ko.

Tumaas ulit ako sa kwarto namin para kunin ang maruming damit at maayos ang labahan ko para bukas.

Natigil ako sa pag-aayos ng marurumi damit ng Asawa ko nang, makita ko ang isang long-sleeve polo niya na mayroong pulang lipstick sa sa kwelyo.

When my husband came out of the bathroom, I approached him. “What is this?” I tearfully ask.

“My blue long sleeve.” He simply answered.

“Mayroong lipstick?”

Agad na kinuha ng aking Asawa ang polong tinutukoy ko.

“This is nothing.” Ani niya at nilagay sa lalagyan ng madumi ang damit.

“Nothing? Niloloko mo ba ako?! Reed, red lipstick iyon na nasa collar ng iyong polo! Mayroon ka ba ibang babae?!”

“Wala.”

“Kung gayon ay,  ano ang ibig sabihin ng lipstick na iyon?!” Nag-umpisa na bumaba ang mga luha sa aking mga mata.

“I said that’s nothing, stop crying like a baby!”

“Bakit ang hirap paniwalaan?”

Pinunasan ko ang mga luha sa pisngi ko nang mayroong mag doorbell. Bumaba ako ara pag-buksan ang nag-doorbell na iyon. Sino naman ang pupunta sa amin ng ganito oras? Maliban na lamang kung...

Bago buksan ang pintuan huminga muna ako ng malalim.

Pag-bukas ko ng pintuan ay isang babae ang hindi ko kilala ang bumungad sa akin. She's wearing a corporate attire pero kitang-kita ang dibdib niya.

“Hello, good evening. I’m in a hurry, is your husband there?”

“Ano ang kailangan sa aking asawa?”

The woman took a wrist watch from her bag. The wrist watch she showed me was familiar.

“He left it in my car earlier. Can you give this to your husband?”

My jaw was left in the air. This wrist watch I gave to my Husband on his last birthday and she left it to this woman?

Hindi na ako nakapag-isip pa ng tama sa sobra inis at galit ko. I quickly caught up with the woman in front of me. I pull her long bouncy hair.

“PERRINE!” Dinig kong tawag ng aking asawa habang pababa siya ng hagdanan.

Nabitawan ko ang babae nang hatakin siya ng Asawa ko at ilagay sa likod niya.

“What’s going on here?!” Sigaw sa aking ng Asawa mo

“Your wife suddenly pulled my hair, I just want give you this watch.” Sabi ng babae at ibinigay niya ang wrist watch na hawak niya.

“Thank you, Scarlet. Sorry about this mess. Let’s talk tomorrow.”  Sagot ng Asawa ko sa babae na ang pangalan raw ay Scarlet.

Pag-alis ng babae humarap sa akin ang Asawa ko.

“Ano iyon?! Bakit mo sinabunutan si Scarlet?!”

Ako pa?! Ako pa ngayon ang sinisigawan niya?!

“Ang sabi mo wala kang ibang babae?! Kung gayon sino iyon?! At for the record huh?! Sa dinami-dami mo pwede maiwanan sa sasakyan niya ay iyong pang binigay ko sa iyo?!”

“That’s why you pulled her hair like that?!”

“Gusto kong itanong sa iyo. Pangit ba ako?”

“Why are you asking me like that suddenly?”

“Just answer my question.”

“No.”

“Hindi ba ako sexy? Napapangitan ka ba sa akin? Nagkulang ba ako bilang iyong asawa? Mayroon bang kulang sa akin?”

“No. Nothing.”

“Then, why?! Bakit hindi mo ma-subukang mahalin ako o, kahit na tanggapin lamang ako bilang asawa mo?! Ngayon, mayroon ka pa ibang babae?!”

“How many times do I have to tell you that there’s no other woman, it’s only—”

“Alam ko! Nakatatak na sa isipan ko na si Gaira lamang ang iyong mahal!” Putol ko sa sunod niyang sasabihin. “Iyong, ang kaibigan ko ang mahal mo ay sobrang sakit na iyon sa akin. Pero, ang magkaroon ka pa ng iba babae? Para mo ako pinapatay sa loob ko, eh. Ang sakit dito.” Turo ko sa aking dibdib. “Alam mo bang sa loob ng tatlong taon na pagsasama nating dalawa ay gusto kong marinig sa iyo, kahit napipilitan lamang ang mga salitang ‘I love You, Perrine' . Pero kahit minsan, kahit subok lamang ay hindi mo iyon ginawa. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit sa kabila ng mga ginawa mo sa akin sa loob ng tatlong taon ay sobra pa rin kitang mahal. Pero, alam mo kung ano ang napagtanto ko? Siguro nga. Siguro nga hindi na ako mamahalin ng sarili kong Asawa. O, kaya ay hindi na talaga ako matatanggap ng aking asawa. Kaya ngayon, sinusubukan ko kalimutan ang nararamdaman ko sa aking Asawa. Because, falling in love with you was the tiring I did. Goodbye!”

I took the car key from the drawer and left the house. Dumiretso ako sa aking sasakyan at mabilis na pinaandar ang engine nito. Nang aalis na dapat ako, ay nagulat ako nang bigla kumatok ang Asawa ko sa bintana ng aking sasakyan.

“PERRINE, saan ka pupunta?! Mag-usap tayong dalawa! Nagmamakaawa ako sayo, buksan mo ito at mag-usap tayong dalawa. Wife, nagmamakaawa ako.”

Hindi ko pinakinggan ang sinabi ng Asawa ko at iniwan pa rin siya.

I took a deep breath then let out tears in my eyes.

Tatlong taon.

Reed and I were together for three years, but he did nothing to me but hurt me emotionally. Pitying, kneeling, being a good wife just so my Husband would love or accept me, but one of them he did not pay attention to.

I looked at my phone when my Husband called me again.

I smiled.

I love you so much, Reed Cariaga.

If I don’t get tired of loving you, I will just set you free.

Goodbye.