11. Second chance

,,So, ... it's not a date? I guess, I never asked you officially on a date. So ... want to make this our second date?"

It was noticeable that he avoided eye contact, which was unusual for him. That I wanted to talk about something must have totally put him on edge.

,,You know, I don't get you. You seem to be interested in me, you went on the first date with me, but rejected me when I asked you out or when we talk about feelings at all. And on the other hand you're sometimes so seductive, like being all cute and vulnerable and all. After the bathroom incident, I understood that you had some seperation anxiety, because of your bad experiences. That time I just hoped that we could stay friends, because I really want to  stay in contact. When you said that you had something to say, I feared it was a rejection of some kind again. And then you start with asking me for a date? What's all that supposed to mean? I don't understand anything anymore."

Austin looked totally confused and lost, his eyes  glittered as if he was near to tears.

This is what you get for being a nonecaring asshole. You really hurt him, I thought to myself.

,,Yeah, I guess that you need some explaining. I'm sorry, honestly, I didn't think about how hard it must have been for you this whole time. All this time I just thought about how much I was hurt and drowned in self-pity. To tell you my side of the story: When you asked me for that first date you took me by surprise. I didn't expected someone to come on to me that strong. And with my experiences your behaviour was a bad sign for me. So I was taken aback and tried to put some distance. But I'm also just human and can't shut all my feelings off, so it ended into a back and forth for me. I'm really sorry you ended up into this mess. I didn't wanted to play with your emotions." After my speech I had to take a deep breath. ,,And, to put your mind at ease, I didn't asked you to spend together because I wanted to turn you down. I wanted to get to know you better, because I wanted to put you in a good mood when I had to deliver the bad news. My moving out day is set this weekend, so before that, I wanted to check if I would put my heart on the line and stay in contact with you."

All the time since we arrived at the park, Austin just looked nervous and didn't smiled, but after I finished talking he brought out some sandwiches he must have gotten for lunch.

And I was indeed hungry, so I won't be told that twice.

Quietly we ate our food, so I almost didn't recognised that Austin was deep in thought.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Hmm?", I asked, still having some food in my mouth.

"What I got from your speech ... And what I understood was ... So, you do love me?"

He shocked me, so that I choked on the sandwich.

"Why ... why do you ask? Why would this be important right now? I told you, I'm being gone this weekend and I don't want a long distance relationship. The date today was just to make you feel better about the loss."

"Your chickening out again. Before, you just told me, that you felt something towards me. Don't just ignore me, give me an answer, hun. Are those feelings your talking about friendly feelings or are you having any romantic feelings towards me?"

Austin wanted to be taken serious, to finally hear the answer he waited a long time to hear.

And seriously, the way he sit next to me on the bench, the sun making his brown hair look like molten amber and his pretty green eyes looking directly into mine, making me almost forgetting the cold. Into my heart, searching for the answer I took a long time to say.

"The day when you hit me with the ball, when you leaned over me, the sun putting a spotlight on you and how you were so genuinely worried about me. Or even before that, how you were having fun with your team at soccer training and looking so hot. Do you really think a gay guy wouldn't fall for that?"

The look he gave me was priceless, because his eyes were wide open, processing everything I just told him.

To be honest, I still wasn't sure, if it was a good choice to tell him about my feelings. But Gab was right, I didn't wanted to be the coward who missed his chance to find true happines. And I just decided in front of Austin that I would move on from my bad memories, so I didn't wanted to break my big decision a second time already.

 "Are ... you serious? You liked me for that long? And I didn't even know that you saw me before our first meeting. That means ... technically you fell in love with me first!" Austin was freaking out, he was so happy.

Slowly the shame of my confession was getting to me, that I couldn't look him in the eye anymore.

The little sticks and stones on the ground were now much more interesting and I collected some in my hand.

While Austin was still a bit freaking out next to me.

Till I suddenly felt a hand touching mine. First it just laid on top of my hand, almost asking. Slowly intertwining our fingers till he held my hand completly. And the more he held my hand the quieter he got.

The flesh of skin our hands touched was burning. Not just because of the cold breeze, but because of our raw emotions set free.

Bashfuly and carefully our eyes wandered towards each other, till they met.

And none of us could deny that there were sparks flying.

"Do you want to go out with me?"