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This was the first time I saw Jacob and his first love from the perspective of an outsider.

From meeting, falling in love, passionate love, arguing, crying, and separating.

In those five years, they loved each other miserably and kept breaking up and getting back together.

Through countless such repeated mistakes, they finally regretfully found that they could not go back, leaving a deep and unforgettable wound in their hearts.

Jacob's writing is very good, which maximizes the expression of the lingering and helpless pain between the two people with words.

As if in front of the vivid emergence of a romantic but regrettable youth drama.

At this moment, I feel like I'm the third person in their relationship.

I close my eyes, and all I can think about is Jacob, who loves his first love so carefully and so desperately. The sour feeling explodes in my mouth.

It turned out that he knew that the girl was angry to coax, there were contradictions to solve, and the quarrel could not be overnight.

He knows better than anyone how to love someone.

But in the past two years with me, he allowed the conflict to ferment, did not respond, and let me ebb and flow in the swamp of emotional abuse…

At 10 p.m., Jacob finally came back.

I was sitting on the couch in the living room at the time.

But wherever he inclined his head to look at me, he was sure to see my haggard face and swollen eyes from crying.

But no, not even a glance.

Tissues to wipe his nose were thrown on the floor, and he stepped over them as if he hadn't seen them.

As usual, during the cold war, he went to the second bedroom to play video games and then came out of the shower to watch TikTok and eat takeout.

The whole time he didn't share a single look with me.

Even though we shared the same room, I felt distant at this moment.

I took a deep breath and walked over to sit next to him then said,

"Jacob, we need to talk."

Jacob stalled in his eating, then without a word he stood up, pushed his takeout to the other side, and turned around to eat again himself.

Accompanied by the sound of a short video messing around, he laughed out softly in pleasure.

I sat still in embarrassment.

It was obvious that he hadn't even touched me with a single finger, but I felt a fiery pain on my face.

I went back to my room took out Jacob's computer, opened the document, and placed it in front of him.

He was silent for a few moments, then frowned at me and said,

"Chloe, this is all in the past, and I haven't spoken to her in over three years, isn't that enough? What are you being unreasonable about?"

When he said this, his usual calm brow rose with heavy impatience.

At this moment, I suddenly felt that the person in front of me was unfamiliar.

Two years ago, Jacob and I met at a matchmaking bureau set up by our parents.

We fell in love with each other later on and then it was a natural progression.

I always knew that he had a first love that he had been talking about for five years, but I didn't care.

As Jacob is so nice to me, he is gentle and romantic and has a deep sense of detail.

This simply fulfills all my fantasies about boyfriends and love.

But shortly after we got together, I realized that there was something fishy about Jacob.

Usually, it's fine if we don't fight, but once we have a disagreement, no matter how aggravated I am, hysterical, and trying to communicate, he just gets cold feet and says,

"Chloe, you leave me alone."

This leave, as little as a day or two, more like a week and a half months.

Then he came back as if nothing had happened, as always kind to me.

I want to break up in pain and collapse, but again and again in his tenderness in the collapse.

Emotional abuse is something that doesn't have any substantial wounds.

Like a tree rotting from the roots, it is still vibrant and flourishing on the outside, but no matter how much water you give it and how much fertilizer you apply to it, it can only wither away day by day.

Every bit of your effort is in vain.

But on the contrary, you think it's your fault, that you didn't try hard enough.

For two years, I've been convinced that Jacob loves me. It's just that he can't communicate.

It wasn't until I saw "Love of My Life" that I realized how ridiculous I had been for two years.

It's not that he can't love, it's just that he doesn't want to love me.

I mentioned the breakup with Jacob.

He opened his mouth and ultimately did not say a single word.

The helplessness in his eyes was like looking at an unreasonable child.

Until I packed my suitcase and pulled open the door, Jacob grabbed my wrist,

"Chloe, stop it, okay? Who doesn't have a bit of a past, why do you have to hold on to it like this?"

I raised my head to look directly into his eyes.

I don't know if it's a psychological effect, in the past, I liked the way he looked at me, but now I feel that there is only indifference that can't be melted.

I tried to break away from his hand, but Jacob's grip got tighter and tighter.

Stalemate for a long time.

I looked down at my wrist, and there was already a large area of red.

"Jacob, if it were her, would you still ignore her pain and keep grabbing it regardless?"

Jacob stiffened at his words and let go in a panic. He rubbed his brow with a hopeless look,

"Chloe, even if you have to leave, wait until morning."

My heart was gripped by a large hand gasping for air, I avoided his gaze and took a deep breath to ease the choking sensation.

"I can't."

I didn't want to stay in this place tainted with his scent for even a moment.

I grabbed my suitcase and dug into the night.

The late fall night was cold, and the chilly wind dug into my coat in a pervasive way.

I couldn't help but think of Jacob's first love.

Five years ago, a girl named Lily ran away from home in the middle of the night after a fight with her boyfriend.

She turned off her cell phone in anger, walked along the street and cried, and finally walked to where she could not figure it out.

With only four dollars on her, she took that money to buy a hamburger.

In the cold night wind, she hugged the hamburger and chewed it heartlessly.

However, before the hamburger was finished, she was embraced in a warm and generous embrace.

She was pleasantly surprised,

"Jacob, how did you find me?"

Jacob took his coat off and wrapped it tightly around her, his voice shaking a little,

"Lily, I promise this won't happen again."

Later, he quarreled with her and never argued again.

That night, as recorded in the document, a boy ran halfway across the city in a pair of thin slippers to find his Lily.

Same night.

Same boyfriend.

Different situation.

My two years of righteousness are ultimately worthless compared to the five years of first love.

The tears stuck to my face and then the wind blew, it was bone-chillingly cold.

I reached out to wipe, but the more I wiped more and more.

It's not that I have nowhere to go, but I'm just drifting down the street like a self-mutilator.

"Chloe, come home with me."

I was surprised,

"What brings you here?"