Chapter 1

The Apple of his eyes 

“Are you saying you want to marry my daughter?” her father asked him the question which was his main purpose in the house in the first place and he nodded affirmatively.

Of course, he want to marry her. Why will he be there if he didn’t want to?

“Yes sir, I want to do that.” He replied 

“What do you say your name is again?” The man asked him. 

“My name is Musadiq.” He said to his would be father in law and glanced at Sadiqah who was sitting on a sofa listening silently, he could not believe she would be that serious as she was that day, she had never been that serious since they have met. 

“What is your aqeedah?” The man asked him and he remember his first day at Aziza’s house when he had gone to seek for her hand in marriage. 

“He is a Muslim Dad.” Sadiqah chirped in and he watched the man looked at him sharply and told her to leave the room, 

“I will let you know when I need you.” He said to her and without a word, she left and he was left alone with his would be father in law and just like Sadiqah had told him earlier, he looked so strict.

“He is a disciplinarian.” She had told and he could not agree less. 

“Don’t tell him, we have known each other for so long.” She had warned him

“I am listening.” The man voice brought him back to the presence. 

“I am a follower of the Quran and the Sunnah sir.” He replied and the man nodded 

“The last thing I want is to give my daughter to a non follower of the Quran and Sunnah, 

Allah, the Most High said, “it is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allah and his Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have an option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allah and his Messenger he has indeed strayed in plain error.” (Surah Al Azhab, ayat 36). Following Qur’an and Sunnah is obligatory upon all of us and includes things such as leaving off innovations in actions and beliefs, adhering to obligatory duties, staying away from what is haram and striving for righteousness to the best of your ability, so if you are an innovator, I am not going to give my daughter to you.” He said bluntly and Musodiq felt a bitter taste in his mouth. 

“When a man is a man of the Deen and with proper understanding, he will always be conscious of his actions.” The man explained 

“What do you do for a living?” He asked him.

“I have a mechanical shop sir.” He said to the man. 

“You are mechanical engineer?” he asked 

“Yes sir and I currently own my own personal workshop.” He replied and the man nodded. 

“So that means you are financially capable to maintain a wife?, I hope you didn’t forget about what Allah says in the Holy Quran “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…” (Surah Al Nisa, ayat 34). This means that it is a commandment from Allah that a man should provide housing, food, clothing and other necessities for his wife and family. I am not saying that your wife would not help you but know that It is not a woman’s responsibility to care for the family.” The man explained in details and she nodded. 

“Ins sha Allah, I will do my best in that regards.” He promised, he had given her so much gifts in the past and he know he can do more after marriage, no doubt. 

“Are you currently married?” The man asked and he nodded. 

“Yes sir.” He replied and wondered if his daughter had not told him about it before and he remember he is meeting the man for the first time.

“How many did you have?” He asked her .

“One sir.” He replied sincerely.

“Sadiqah had told me about it but I just want to be sure, Allah, said in the Holy Quran “…marry women of your choice, two, three or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal with them justly, then only one…” (Surah Al Nisa, ayat 3). So this explains that Polygamy is indeed Halal and now I will ask you this question? Did you have the means to sustain more than one wife?” He asked him further 

“Yes, ins sha Allah, I am more financially capable with Allah’s Rahama” Musodiq explained 

“And will you be able to manage your home effectively? According to the sunnah?” The man asked him further.

“I am willing to learn sir.” He said 

“Polygamy is more of you being just, you must be ready to spend the same number night with each woman, they must have accommodation and one must not favour one than the other, that is the Sunnah of the Holy Prophet, peace be upon Him. Ibn Qudaamah said: in Al-Mughni, 7/229.

The man does not have the right to make his two wives live together in one house without their consent, whether they are young or old, because that causes them harm due to the enmity and jealousy that exists between them, so making them live together provokes arguments and fighting, and each of them can hear sounds when he is intimate with the other, or she can see that. But if they agree to that then it is permissible, because they have that right but they are also allowed to forego it. Al-Kaasaani said in Badaa’i al-Sanaa’i’, 4/23.If the husband wants her (his wife) to live with her co-wife or her in-laws, such as his mother, sister or daughter from another wife, or with his relatives, and she refuses, then he must accommodate her in a separate house, because they may annoy her or harm her if she lives with them. Her refusal is an indication of that annoyance and harm. Also he needs to be able to have intercourse with her and be intimate with her at any time that suits him, and that is not possible if a third person is present. That is the view of the Ulamaahs.” He explained and Musodiq nodded and he realised that this man of knowledge, of course, he is a lecturer at the college of legal and Islamic studies. 

 “Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: With regard to fairness in spending and clothing, this is also Sunnah, following the example of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), He used to spend equally on his wives, and also used to divide his time equally among them (Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 32/269.)” The man quoted 

“ Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to treat them equally as regards staying the night, spending time with them and spending on them.

“ In Zaad al-Ma’aad, 1/151 said and I quote With regard to other things, it does not matter if he does not treat them equally, such as giving a gift to one of them, or being more inclined towards one of them in his heart, or giving her more clothing than he is obliged to, or having intercourse with one of them more than another, without intending to harm the other. But if he treats them all equally that is better. Ibn Qudaamah said: He does not have to treat his wives equally in spending and clothing if he does what he is required for each of them. 

Ahmad said – concerning a man who had two wives – he has the right to give one more than the other with regard to spending, desire and clothing, if the other has enough, and he may buy a finer garment for her, so long as the other has enough.  

This is because it is too difficult to treat them equally with regard to all these matters, and if it were made obligatory he would not be able to do it, except with great difficulty. This is why it is not obligatory, such as treating them equally with regard to intercourse, that is in Al-Mughni, 7/232. 

Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar said: If he gives each of them her rights with regard to clothing, spending and spending time with them, then it does not matter if his heart is inclined more towards one or if he gives one a gift… that is in Fath al-Baari, 9/391. 

Al-Nawawi said: Our companions said: If he treats them equally (in the matters where that is required), he does not have to treat them equally with regard to intercourse, rather he should stay overnight with all of them but he does not have to have intercourse with each of them. He may have intercourse with some of them when it is their turn for him to stay with them and not others. But it is mustahabb for him not to neglect intimacy with some of them and to treat them all equally in this matter that is in Sharh Muslim, 10/46. 

Ibn Qudaamah said: We do not know of any dispute among the scholars regarding the fact that it is not obligatory to treat one's wives equally as regards intercourse, which is the view of Maalik and al-Shaafa’i, because intercourse has to do with desire and inclination, and there is no way to treat them equally in this regard. A man's heart may incline more to one of them than the other. Allaah says,,: “You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire” [al-Nisa’ 4:129]

‘Ubaydah al-Salmaani said concerning love and intercourse: If you are able to treat them equally with regard to intercourse, that is better, because it is more fair and just… But it is not obligatory to treat them equally with regard to intimacy that is less than intercourse, kissing, touching, etc, because if it is not essential to treat them equally with regard to intercourse, then that applies even more to the things that lead to it. This is in Al-Mughni, 7/234, 235.” He said and Musodiq nodded. 

“That is just a tip of the ice berg, are you ready to go into polygamy?” The man asked and he nodded. 

“Is your wife at home aware or how did you intend to let her know.” He asked 

“She has no problem with Sadiqah, Alihamdulilah.” He replied. 

“How did you intend to share their accommodation, do they agree to stay together or you want them to live differently?” He asked and Musadiq replied Sadiqah had no problem with the accommodation arrangement which was that they will share the same compound but the same building and the man nodded in satisfaction and Musodiq heart was beating faster at the questions. 

“Would you like her to stay at home or work, she has her stall.” The man asked and Musodiq replied that she can still continue with her business. Aziza is a stay at home wife.

“What is your relationship like with your parents?” The man asked for he know that Allah says And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy and say: ‘My Lord, Bestow upon them your mercy, as they did bring me up when I was small.’” (Surah Al Isra, ayat 24). And also 

“And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years- give thanks to Me and to your parents – unto Me is the final destination.” (Surah Luqman, ayat 14) he would want a man who is kind to his parents. 

“I have a very good relationship with them, infact they are both aware of my visit here today, Alihamdulilah.” He explained and the man nodded repeatedly.