Chapter 3

“Just like you suggested, Sadiqah will be joining the family soon ins sha Allah.” He started that evening, it was so unlike him to come early home, he had not been doing that for the past two years and it felt seeing him that early.

And as soon as those words came out of his mouth, she felt a rush of sadness felt on her, yes, she had known this day will come? At least he had been having a haram relationship with her for more than two years and seems to have abandoned her totally!

She wanted him to be a better man and hence why she suggested that he let her join the family, he is financially responsible to do so and rather than indulge him in a relationship with a non mahram which is the road to the biggest fitnah of all, he should just make her haram and she hope he will be just! Even though she didn’t even know if she is sure he will do that!

She took a deep breath as she try not to cry, of course she want to! She is going to have to share him with the one who seem to have taken over his attention for more than two years, the one who seem to have the control of his heart! The one who had made him forget all his responsibilities in the house… aside from the financial aspect anyways! He still fulfil his financial responsibilities aside from that a few intimate moments they had together, he was not the loving husband she got married five years before!

He had failed woefully and very woefully at that. 

“Humm, ma sha Allah! Sadiqah? I hope she is as truthful as her name… hummm and sound almost like Musadiq.” She said and that made him want to chuckle and then he heard her sniffed in something that sound like a tears and before he could look at her eyes, she turned away from him swiftly.

“Are you….crying?” He asked and moved closer to her, they were some few meters apart on the large sofa that they had sat on and he touched her shoulder but she still had her back at him. 

“What is this now …. Aziza, I thought this is what you wanted… you told me that yourself .” He said to her and wondered if what he had said that moment make sense. 

“Yes, I said that not because I wanted it… “ she said as she turned to face him. 

“It is what you wanted.” She said and cleaned off her tears as she looked at him. 

“You made me look like a bad wife! She barely talk to me all these while, you come home only to sleep… I know you would have slept in her place … or perhaps you…” She said. 

“I didn’t do what you are thinking of… I will never do that and you know…” he said shaking his head. 

“Then what? You made it seem like it is all about her…” she said and realised that she might feel better after the outburst. 

“Now, you are over reacting… you told me to bring her in… you said that yourself.” He said to her.

“Who was the one who would be in seclusion with a woman from closing time late at night?” She fired back at him and he swallowed hard.

“Can you tell me, I am lying? I know you close for work after Asr and you don’t come home until ten every day. When we got married, you don’t go out during the weekend… now you go out seven times a week.” She said.

“That was when got married… sometimes I go to work… “ He said.

“Of course…” she said sarcastically and he swallowed hard, not knowing what to say.

“But must it be every weekend? There are twenty four hours in a day, you leave this house as early as seven in the morning and you don’t return home until ten in the evening, which is you spending fifteen hours outside the home! And that is me getting to see you for just nine hours! And out of which you spend long hours on a phone call…. and the few hours we have left was for sleeping… Tell me, how was I over reacting?” She said to him.

“It’s not that bad.” He said.

“You just think of it… what man of the Deen who understand the Sunnah will be comfortable with having a dealing with a non mahram? I just told you to save you from falling deep into the fitnah not because I wanted it.” she said to him and stood up from the bed. 

“Is she going to be in the next flat?” she asked looking at him and he nodded.

“Toor… no problem…” she said and went into the bedroom.

And he just sat there, 

He could not think clearly, it is painful having to listen to someone recount all you excesses in details without mincing a word and he cannot even defend himself; he was guilty as charged. 

He wiped the sweat forming on his head, his heart was beating faster. 

He stood up from the sofa and walked into the bedroom and it was empty and he realised that he must have been in Abdul Bashir’s room, he changed his clothes slowly and several thoughts came to him and that was when his phone rang from the living room and that moment, he remember that he had dropped it on table as soon as he came home and he realised that all what Aziza had said were all true!

He had abandoned her!

The phone stop ringing and a few minutes later, it started again, he know who the caller is; it was Sadiqah, she must have been waiting for his calls, he promised to call her as soon as he get home but he didn’t ... he forgot. 

He sighed and walked back to the sitting room to receive the call. 

“You promise to call me… it is been one hour and thirty minutes.” He heard her say from the other end.

“I am sorry, something came up…” he said and saw his wife walked back into the room and his heart missed a beat. 

“Can… we talk later…please?” he asked looking at Aziza who had sat down on the sofa staring hard at him and he felt so uncomfortable and the feeling he had that moment was that of someone who was doing something wrong.

“Later ke? What is happening there?” she asked him.

“I will call you as soon as I can ins sha Allah, if you don’t see my calls this night then tomorrow ins sha Allah.” He said to her and without waiting for a reply he hang up He disconnected the phone which was so unusual of him and he started at his wife who was glaring at him. 

“Why are you staring at me?” He asked and she could sense he was feeling uncomfortable.

“You are staring at me too.” She said to him. 

“I am sorry for everything I have done … “ he said and swallowed hard. 

“I didn’t intend to hurt you …” he said 

“Hummm, “ she sighed 

“Would that make you stop that marriage?” She asked him and he looked at her in surprise.

“Yes… but on a second thought, I think you should just go ahead with it because I know you will still continue with … whatever you are having to do together …” she said and stood up to go to her room and he watched her leave, he was stuck on following her or calling back Sadiqah, he know she would surely be fuming that moment but he could not do without not talking to his wife, she looked so sad and made him feel guilty … of course he is guilty , he has not been a good husband to her. 

Without further thought, he switched off his phone and walked into their bedroom to talk to her and met her absence, he went to that restroom and knock to know if she was in but there was no response, and he wondered where she is, he got out of the bedroom and walked into his son bedroom and there she was … lying on the bed beside her son who was sleeping, she was not sleeping, and she looked at him as soon as he entered the bedroom.

“We need to talk.” he said 

“Okay, she said looking at him and he waited for her to stand up but she didn’t 

“Let’s go to the bedroom, please.” He said with a plea and she hesitated before she stood up, the last thing she wanted was to wake up their son and he led her out of their Habeebullah bedroom for theirs. As soon as they entered the bedroom, she was on her feet watching him while he sat down on the bed expected her to do the same but she didn’t.

“I don’t know you are this hurt and please forgive me, can we seat and talk.” He said to her 

“Okay.” She said and sat down a bit far away from him.

Do you remember how we met?” He asked her and there was silence. 

How can she forget?

Aziza was her name and she was the last child of the children of six. She was the most quiet of her siblings and the most loved, as soon as she completed her NYSC, she moved in to the city to stay with her eldest sister who is lawyer and works at the state ministry of Justice.

“Why will anyone want to be a house wife?” her sister would asked her. 

“You don’t even have any wedding proposal yet, I bet that is just too insensitive of you.” Her sister told her when her sister told her that she wanted to go back to Madrasah to learn about Islam and Arabic instead of her getting a job.

“I want to be grounded so as to train my kids properly and that is why I wish to be a stay at mum.” She said to her sister, 

“Do you mean you are not going to work?” Her sister asked. 

“No, I didn’t say that, I said I want to work within the shores of my home.” She said to her sister.

“Humm, life is not easy sis, sometimes what we wish might not happen just like we wanted it and that is why I want you to think about this very well, it takes two earning couple to maintain the home these days.” Her sister said but her mind was made up and thus her sister recommend some few schools for her and thus she started and aside Madrasah she enrolled into a culinary school. 

“Where you see a man who will have this time to appreciate all these?” Her Sister will ask her when she saw the effort her sister was putting in being a great wife and mother. 

She indeed met him two years later, she had just completed her Tahfidh class and could speak Arabiya fairly and aside that, she had become a certified chef. 

Musadiq had visited the city for a short seminar and had stayed at her sister’s house. He was a family friend. There was not love at first sight but they became friends easily.

“Can you connect me to your sister in law?” he called his friend some weeks after he left.

“Are you serious?” His friend asked from the other end. 

“Do you even know what I want to talk to her about?” he asked him.

“Of course, why will you call me to connect you to a single lady if not to get married to her, she is perfect you know, in fact I wish I have a brother, she is a complete package.” His friend said. 

“Just give me the contract, I will deliver it nicely.” He added and Musadiq laughed from the other end and he could not help laughing too. 

“I am serious man, so what do you say?” He asked him.

“Okay, since you have force the words out of my mouth, let’s do it.” He said to him and he did. The two got married a few months later and just like she had prayed, he appreciate her not working. 

“I am a lucky man.” He said to her and he agreed to pay her monthly, that aside house allowance and some other upkeep and she know she could not wish for a better man in that aspect. 

She sighed and the thought. 

“Yes, I did.” She told him and he nodded. 

“We were happy…” he said to her and she faced him. 

“Yes, we were… so what happened? What did I do wrong? Where did I do wrong?” She asked him and he sighed. 

“I am sorry.” Was all he could say.

“I am not against you getting married to a second wife, I know we never discuss about Polygamy but really I will be pained, hurt but I bet you, I will be fine, it is Halal after all but you just made me pass through a lot of emotional pain with your deeds. What did she have that I don’t?” She asked him and he shook his head. 

“Yes, you spend all your free time with her? All your weekends with her? You are a man of the Deen, I don’t expect you act this at you at all. Are you that scare of me that… what am I even saying, if you are scared of me, you would not disrespect me to my face that way by calling her all the time in the house after spending all your time with her. I have not enjoy the marriage for so long that I cannot even remember how it is to get married anymore.” She said to him and there was tears in his eyes. 

“And I doubt if you are going to be just like Allah had commanded when you cannot even do that before she comes in, that is my greatest fear but I cannot just let you fall more into fitnah than you have already been; so if getting married to her will stop you from all you are doing, then I think it is best I surrender.” She said to him and he swallowed hard. Aziza had always been a quiet woman and he realised that he had pushed her to the wall. 

“So, I think I can just wish you all the best in your second marriage and intensify in my Dua for you.” She said to him. 

“Did you remember how I lost my last pregnancy? I understand that it is Qadar but perhaps if you were home that day or was prompt, perhaps I might not have lost that child. I called you all through for three hours, I was bleeding but you were not here and I was too weak to stand up to go search for help.” She explained with tears in her eyes and he made an attempt to touch her but she stopped him. 

“Please don’t, I am not lying or making anything up, or am I?” she asked him and tears gushed down her eyes. 

“I just decided to forgive that day but can I ever forget?” she asked him

“I am sorry… it was not my wish.” He said to her and she nodded.

“I still cannot forget that mistake that day.” He said, he know he was so stupid to have listened to Sadiqah that day, it is just a few months that they have met and still trying to get to know each other and he seems to be enjoying her company so much.

“Why is she calling you?” she asked him.

“At least she will get to see you at home.” She said and she collected his phone from him and switched it off and that was it, he got home late that night to meet his wife in a pool of blood, almost lifeless with Habeebullah crying beside her and he rushed her to the hospital with his son and the doctor tried so hard to save her life but the baby was dead and was evacuated. That day, he decided to do something about the empty flats in the compound; he put them out for rents and even got a security man, his wife see no reason for a maid, she want and love complete privacy and she even try to get along with tenants. 

“I am sorry,… my love…” he said and moved closer to her.

“Your love? You haven’t call me that in two years.” She said to him as he wrapped his arms around her and she sighed. 

“I am sorry, I really am.” He said to him.

“Is she pretty?” She asked him as she rested her head on his shoulder.

“Yes… but not like you.” He said to her almost in whisper.

“Okay, bring her home.” She said to him.

“Did you wish to meet her before the Nikkah? The Nikkah is in four weeks.?” he asked her and she shook her head.

“No, I don’t.” she said to him and he nodded and he put his hand into hers and there was silence in the room with each with her own thoughts.

“Your phone was switched off. I tried your number countless times.” She said to him and he sighed as he listened to her rant. 

“Calm down Sadiqah, at least I am here now,” he said to her and she looked at him in great fury.

“Now that you are here, should I applaud you when I could not sleep a wink wondering what was happening.” She said to him. 

“Okay sit, we need to talk.” He said to her and she looked at him wondering what he need to say.

“What is it?” she asked him with her heart beating faster, their nikkah is in four weeks and the last thing she wanted was last minute surprises.

“Alihamdulilah, it been a while that we have known each other and the Nikkah is in four weeks and I can’t wait for the wedding.” He started 

“Same here.” She said her heart still beating very faster as she didn’t know what he wanted to say.

“I am sorry, prior to the time we will get married, I might not be coming her often anymore.” He said to her and she swallowed hard.

“What are you saying, do you want to break up with me?” she asked and he shook his head. 

“Was it because she is pregnant now, I told you how sorry I am because of the last incident, you left me for a while as well because of that, I didn’t see you for three months and you didn’t even pick my calls all through those times until you came back. Is that what you want to do again , I can’t take that.” She said shaking her head. 

“No, the issue last time was something I will continue to live to regret for the rest of my life, but this time, it is different, the Nikkah has already been fixed and we will get married ins sha Allah, I am not a man who would go back on his word.” He explained 

“But I am battling with a lot of issues right now, we have been going through the relationship a wrong way Sadiqah and I want us to at least right the wrong a bit and hope Allah will forgive us. “ He said calmly and she listened trying to be calm as much as she could. 

“Meeting your Dad the first time, changed so many things about me … he was indeed a learned man even more than you imagine, I received a crash course on the day I met him, it was like a hot seat and I panicked so much, I was scared, I might make a lot of mistake and that was even the reason I plead during the second meeting if the nikkah can happen as soon as possible, then I wonder, if I can be scared just because I was in front of a mortal soul, how will that day of reckoning be? You and I know we have not been handling this properly right from the very beginning, I spend time with you more than I do with Aziza and that is wrong, you know.” He said to her and she took a deeper sigh.

“But were only courting, we haven't committed Zina. Have you ever touch me before ? You have never seen me without proper hijab, so what is the sin we are committing?” She asked him and he took a deep breathe. 

“The fact that we keep meeting like this is not right, a man and a woman is not meant to be in seclusion without a third party, it is not only your fault we have been doing this , I am to blame as well , we can only keep asking Allah for forgiveness.” He said to her and she sighed deeply.

“Did my Dad said anything that you didn’t tell me?” she asked 

“Forget about this and so this might be the last time you will see me here … alone , we can the meeting in your store or your father's house.” He said to her and she sighed further . 

“Can I call you …?” She asked him and he nodded . 

“I am always at work from 9a.m- 4pm … you should call me within this time.” He said to her and she sighed further deeper without a word, he looked at her for a while , he know he will surely missed her company but he was determined to do the right thing, he had sleepless all through the night as he keep thinking about all the allegations his wife laid on him and he felt bad thinking about all he had done.

“So, I can’t call you at night, you know I will be busy at the store all through the day, I close early because of you so as to prepare dinner, what am I suppose to do?” She asked him but he realized there was no answer required to her questions, so he just keep quiet. She is use to see him every evening and she just didn’t know what to do or say without him, he had been part of her life, she remember how much she cried to sleep every night when he stopped coming after Aziza lost her pregnancy and how he keep rejecting her call. 

The last message he sent to her before coming was to notify her that his wife lost her pregnancy.

“I had to tend to her until she is fine.” His message read and that was it. She was worried and try so hard to call him but he didn’t pick her calls and his number stopped going two weeks later and that was when she realized that he had block her from calling him, she was deeply hurt, their relationship was barely six months and she was devastated, she cried so much every night that she fell sick after wards for two weeks after which she paid him a visit at work, at least to see him and know if he is okay. 

He was not at work when she got there but the receptionist told her he would come and so she waited for four hours, she was on the verge of leaving when he showed up, he looked shocked to see her, she looked pale and sick. 

“Are you sick?” he asked with concern as soon as he led her to his office. 

“I just got discharged from the hospital.” She said and what she didn’t tell him was that she was sick because of him. 

“So sorry but I hope you are much better now.” He ask.