Chapter 4

She was surprise to see his car in the compound as she drove in, she had gone to the market to stock the house for the month and on her way home, she stopped her son’s school to pick him and got delayed a bit in traffic, she was glad she got some minutes to five and she had not even observe her Salatul Asr.

She parked her car beside her husband and helped her son, he was already dozing and the first thing she did was to take him inside and made him lie on the Sofa, her husband was nowhere in the living room, she made sure he sleep comfortable after which she went back outside to take a sack of tomato, she was about to go in when she met her husband at the door entrance. They exchange teslim as he relieved her of the sack in her hands.

“I was about to come help you with the loads.” He said as soon as he dropped the sack in her large kitchen.

“Have you perform Salah?” he asked her and she shook her head.

He then instructed her to go in and perform her Salah while he takes in the loads into the kitchen. She nodded and went to where her son was sleeping and take her son inside his room before she went to the bedroom to go Observe her Salah, she was so tired and was glad that her husband volunteered to help with the loads. 

She returned to the living room half an hour later and met him sitting on the sofa watching a television program.

“You look stressed.” He said to her and watched her sit and she nodded.

“Alihamdulilah, did anything happened at work? You are home early.” She asked him and he swallowed hard. 

“I was home early too yesterday and the day before, in fact for this whole week.” He said and wondered why she didn’t notice his presence in the house.

“Are you sure everything is okay?” She asked him.

“Yes, I am home, aren’t you happy I am around?” he asked her and she shook her head.

“Perhaps we are so use to you not being at home anymore.” She said to him.

“And now that I am home,..” he said.

“I don’t know what you want me to do, do I start dancing you are home? I didn’t even notice that you are home these days.” She said to him and he sighed.

“Aziza, what exactly did you want me to do?” he asked her and she shrugged.

“When is your ante Natal?” he asked

“And you know you don’t have to be carrying a heavy loads all by yourself at this time.” It was his first time to have bring up her pregnancy issue, they haven’t been able to discuss anything for it seems she didn’t want to talk to him.

“I don’t know you now care about it… anyways thanks, I am fine. Are you not supposed to be preparing for your Nikkah?” she asked half sarcastically and he know the sound of that. 

“You don’t have to pretend that you want to stay at home if you don’t want to.” She said to him

“You don’t have to pretend that you care when you don’t.” She said to him and tears stood in her eyes, then she stood up and walked to the kitchen to prepare dinner. 

“What is for dinner?” he asked after her.

“It’s what we usually eat every Thursday.” She snapped at him.

“Are we going to get pass this?” he asked as he stood at the kitchen entrance while she busied herself in the kitchen.

“I don’t really care.” She said to him.

“I thought we discuss this last week? I already apologize to you, I want another chance please.” He said to her and she swallowed hard.

“And I am trying so hard to make amends.” He said calmly.

“Oh really, of course I can see that, well done on the good job.” She said as she brought the some plates of some cooked dishes from the freezer, he watched her with interest, he remember how much he looked forward to her dishes, she always take great care to cook for him and he know that her cooking is second to none and she had several creative ways of cooking that you can’t get tired of her food... but he did and he knew that hurt her. 

“So what do you want me to do...please Aziza...” he said to her and moved to her.

“Your wedding is in few weeks, ...” he heard her said and he swallowed hard, she love taunting him with that word. He seems to be getting tired of her mood swings, how could he not? Today she will forgive him, tomorrow , she will get angry again and he seem so confused that he didn’t even know how best to handle her.

Could it be because of his intending marriage? Could it be because of all that he had done to her, of course he know he had done a lot of things to hurt her but she had always been forgiving ,so how come she isn’t this time, perhaps he should just keep trying.

“So, does that mean I should not have any contact with my wife anymore.” He said to her and moved closer to where she was cutting the vegetables expertly.

“When are we going to get pass this, Adunni...” he said and called her with her her other name in a loving way and she stopped what she was doing. 

“Fight me if you want to but please don’t just ignore me or give me sarcastic reply. “ he said and moved to her the more and then pulled her closer to him and slowly she rested her head on his chest and broke into tears. 

“You abandon me all these while ...” She said with tears in her eyes and she could not control her tears. 

“I am sorry, let me make amends...I want to.” He said to her.

“It is too late... Your heart is already with another.” She said trying to break free from his grip..

“No, it is not my heart still belongs to you.” He said to her and she swallowed hard.

“I know you are joking.” She said to her and finally break away from him. 

“And why are you in the house?” she asked 

“You always find ways to make me feel bad. I am in my house because I want to do.” He said angrily and left the kitchen and just like she predicted, he left the house and she could bet he was angry as he drove out of the compound. 

She stopped what she was doing, and broke into tears and she was like that for a long time, she need no soothsayer to tell her that her marriage is over completely with her husband , how best can she see it, how can he just abandon her just like that and expect to come back to her life without her raising her eyebrow. 

He was away when she needed him most, she was always so lonely at home that sometimes she regretted the decisions to get married and become a stay at home mum. Perhaps if she was more busy, she would not be so lonely and angry and just some few words, he could not just stay and pleas the more... And she sighed 

Of course, she know all was just pretence and to make her trust him again before he threw the trust to her face just like he did before 

How can she just forgive him like that when he will abandon again after his marriage . Their marriage was not even three years and she was just getting to know him, their first year was amazing but not with some little issues of disagreement due to their different personality, he is a talker and she likes action the more and she remember how he complained about her being too boring ... too shy and not romantic. 

“I am your husband now, I want to see you in different lights every day.” He said to her one day and she sighed, she didn’t even know how to do anything like that ... She didn’t even know what he was talking about, most times she was always taken aback with the way, he hug her suddenly from the back when she was not looking, and how he tap her bum often when she passes in front of him and his excessive cuddling , all were not what she learnt anywhere and it was strange to her. 

“This is what couples do, you don’t have to be shy with me... “He will tell her and so one day, she made a decision, she was not a fool to know that he was not enjoying her company. It was just eight weeks after their marriage and there was so much tension and she could sense it.

“I am willing to learn.” She said to him and this got him by surprise.

“Learn what?” He asked her. 

“How not to be shy around you ...” she said to him as she made an attempt not to look at his eyes. 

“You are still is...” he said and her heart missed a beat. 

“You can’t even stare at me straight to my eyes.” He said to her and that was when she lifted her eyes up, and with determination, she stared at him for the first time and he was looking at her too with admiration , then slowly he moved closer to her and held her face with his hands and smiled.

“See, I don’t bite.. I am not too scary to look at.” He said and she nodded. 

And she can see that and she was glad that she made that decision and even though it was not so convenient, she learnt to feel comfortable around him, she let him cuddle him all he could and she was glad seeing him smiles at her everyday, anytime they had a disagreement , even if she was not the one at fault. All she ever wanted was for him to be happy. 

She went through a lot of changes for him during their first year despite being pregnant , she make sure she did so much for him, she always put his happiness first, there are days that he would return from work and meet her tired just because she was there cooking for him and due to her state where she get tired easily. 

“You should have prepared something light, you know I will eat anything “ He said to her.

“it will disorganize the food plan.” She will say to him , a week after their marriage, she had made a food plan for a week and further for a month, every week she makes same dishes differently. Every Thursday, she makes rice, the first week might be rice and Sauce and the next week might be rice with vegetables and he know she is always careful when she cook for him ...but she was a professional chef anyways. 

“I can understand, you are carrying our baby and so I will understand.” He will say to her but she never listened and he learnt to appreciate it . She cares so much about his well being, about his health, food and all. 

She washes his clothes and would not let any dry cleaner takes them.

“it is part of my job, you know.” She will tell him and she was so obsessed with taking care of him and their son after delivery that she did not even know her husband was moving far away from her. He stay on phone for too long and she is always busy taking care of the house, she want every where to be perfect, and when he started coming late from work , she thought it was work indeed and she keeps praying for peace of mind. 

Then she noticed he hardly touched her food anymore and she could not help but to ask.

“I think this food is getting too much for me, I just need small portion, sometimes I eat at work aside from the lunch pack you give me.” He said to her one day and thus she agreed and reduced the portion innocently. 

How could she have known he was eating in another woman’s house, she was just three months pregnant with their second baby, unlike Habeebullah’s pregnancy where she had just mild pregnancy symptoms , it was so different for her, she felt depressed easily, she get irritated so easily and the fact that her husband was no where to be found makes the case worse for her.

He comes late daily and sometimes he was insensitive to her cravings, he keep thinking she was over reacting, there are days she will go to bed hungry just because she didn’t want to eat from what she cooked , there are times she will make attempt to do so and end up throwing up.

“You know I come late daily, just take the car and drive to the nearest eatery and get yourself what you need, let me know if you need more money.” He said to her and she didn’t know what to say further. 

By the sixth month of her pregnancy, she tried to blend in and do as he suggested. 

And that was what she did that day she lost her pregnancy. It was just like every other day . She had prepared dinner and she was so tired, she knew she would not be able to eat that food, she just cannot and thus as soon as she packed the food securely into the food pack, she held her son by the hand and took him out, she was feeling so dizzy but she just have to do it ... She need to get herself some food from the eatery, she was thirty weeks gone by then and thus she drove with her son to the eatery, she managed to get herself some food and drove back home despite feeling dizzy, she knew she was so tired. 

As soon as she got back home, she put up a call to get husband. 

“Can we talk later please.” He said as soon as the call got connected. 

She sat down on the sofa and then try to call him again, she keep calling and he didn’t pick up until the phone was not accessible again, and thus she stood up and decided to go to the hospital and that was when she felt black out, she fell , the only thing she saw was darkness all around..

She woke up some hours later... 

“We lost the baby.” Her husband told her on the hospital bed. 

“We could have save her, ... She said with tears.

“I am sorry, I am sorry, I didn’t know the call was about that.” He said and she could see how sorry he was and she just could not bear to see him pain and she swallowed up her accusation.

Perhaps, they should just forgive and she did , she was so Ill for so many weeks and he was there for all her all through. He made a lot of changes , he rented out the four flats in the compound , he know the case might have been different if they had neighbours, he got the service of a gate man , he abandoned everything to care for her and she was glad things were back to normal, but she was mistaken, few weeks after her discharged from the hospital, he started again and this time, it was different, he come home very late , sometimes as late as past ten, she realized the only time she can reach him via call was during the day time, he would not pick her call after maghreb and he would not even come back home on time, he sometimes don’t eat her food at all, she didn’t know what to think, she was confused and devastated. She could not even talk to him, he come home late daily and he would be on call all through the night until she would fall asleep while waiting for him. 

Then suddenly, she started to notice some changes in him, he cares after his looks never like before, and several thoughts keep coming to his mind, could it be that he have some person who now care about his looks outside the home?

Who could that be?

Then she keep watching his gestures, his dressing, the calls he makes and his absence even during the weekend and then everything seem to be making so much sense to him. 

She was not stupid but she know she had been for not thinking towards that direction for that while. 

Of course, only a woman would do that to him and instead of fighting, she keep watching, thinking things would be better, but it never did. 

Until she realised that perhaps it might be better that they have that discussion.

“Bring her home.” She said to him and as if that was what he had been waiting for, he just announce to her just few days later.

“She will be joining the family?”

Of course, that was what he had been waiting for, she had thought he would have a rethink, she told him how he had abandoned the rulings of sharia and he didn’t even care. 

Their marriage was barely five years and she barely enjoy him for two years!

Subuana llah!

She wiped the sweat forming on her forehead as she starred the pot of vegetable on the gas cooker absently minded. She was confused on how best to think. 

She was hurt!

She felt bad!

She was angry!

She had placed his happiness over hers and he didn’t even appreciate her.

Yes, she had the right to be angry, he made her a bitter woman and he didn’t even care. 

She blinked her eyelid together and tears fell down her eyes and she was in that state before she later clean off her tears with the back of her hands and continued with the cooking, 

After she was done, she tidied up the kitchen and went to her son’s room to check if he was awake, the boy opened his eyes as soon as she entered the room. 

She glanced at the wall clock and smiled at her son. 

“It’s time for Tahfidh class.” She said to him and he nodded, she looked at him fondly as the young boy sat up properly.

She started the Tahfidh class with him the year before and he is already on the tenth juzz, it is one of her pride as mum. 

She had always wanted children to become a hafidh before the age of ten and Habeebullah is a very smart boy and she is glad, she wonder why her husband would not even appreciate all what she was doing for the family. 

“I know with you by my side, our family will be a very wonderful one ins sha Allah.” He do tell her when they just got married and this had been her motivation as she thought they both have the same wish. 

How could he even think of getting another wife when they had not even get to know each other properly?

And the fear of him being just is what baffled and scared her. 

Of course, she need to be scared.

He could not even handle his home properly while he was not even married! How could he do that when he got married, without being told, she had already known his preference and she need no one to tell her anything different. She didn’t even want to hear or listen to anything contrary. 

“Ummy, can we start now?” Habeebullah asked.

“Na’am.” She said nodding and that was when she realised that her son was already standing in front of her and ready for the recitation and she sighed as she listened.