Her Secret Desire.

Back when I was nearly eighteen, we didn't have mobile phones or digital cameras or the World Wide Web. But we never got bored. I'd just finished college and I still hung around with the same crew I'd gone to school with. We went to the park and got drunk. We played a game where there were six of us and at least four bottles of strong wine and we'd all drink as much as we could then take turns to spin on the roundabout in the locked park to see who lasted longest without throwing up. Sometimes I won, sometimes I lost. We dared each other to run through the graveyard in the pitch dark and enjoyed freaking each other out. We smoked dope when we could get it. We threw house parties. Not just parties, house parties. Banging music, techno and dance. When we weren't running around together I used to get in pubs easily even though I was just a bit too young. At weekends I used to go to London and hit the clubs. It wasn't about sex. I had my thoughts about sex but back then it wasn't somethin

Those passing years had brought a lot to me and some of it had been bad but some of it had been good. I was no longer the teenager who knew nothing about sex - about what pleased me. I'd had a long term relationship that had stopped being a romance quite a few years before it ended and thanks to that I had branched out and sought excitement and closeness elsewhere. I had taken a lover here and there, not many but the choices I'd made had been good ones - at least good for me sexually if not in any other way. The first had been someone in my circle of friends who had really amazed me with what he could do with his hands (until he told me about his secret love of using moisturiser instead of lube.) No way could he go up my arse with skin cream on his cock! Like the submissive I was becoming I allowed him to try and it hurt like hell - after that I decided I would never have anal sex. But that was then, I knew little about how much I would learn in the future! Then there was the fantasy

The next day I was up early, when I first opened my eyes I was still floating between sleeping and waking for a moment or two and in that time, a thousand pictures slid through my mind of everything that had happened the day before and a big, warm glow radiated through me and the love I felt made me even warmer: After all these years, I was seeing Jonny. And today, I was seeing him again. Today was a special day. He was going to do something to me today. He hadn't told me all the details, just a few. Enough to tease me and excite me, too little to give me the full picture. It was just enough to thrill me, with the added pleasure of not being sure what he would do to me once I was back in that room and the door was locked behind us..I had orders to follow. They started here, at home.I giggled as I got all my toys out and arranged them neatly on the table. Big vibrators, little vibrators, clit toys. Everything was on here and it was quite a nice little display. I took a picture with m

I slept in his shirt that night, feeling wonderful to be constantly wrapped in something that had been close to his skin, surrounding me with the scent of my lover. That was the day I realised I would love him for the rest of my life.I knew not everything in my world was perfect. I knew nothing ever would be. I was happy to love him and be with him but at the back of my mind I kept thinking about what he had said about how he got those bruises. It made me wonder what else he had to face, what other dangers were out there that would one day creep up on me and give me something to really worry about. A hostage situation suggested he must have been armed. He would not have gone into a situation like that without a weapon. So I decided to ask him when I met with him later that evening. I knew he wasn't going to tell me everything about it, but he could at least tell me the truth, even if it didn't exactly put my mind at rest.I'd agreed to meet him at seven in the evening. I had no idea

Knowing nothing, being told nothing, was worse than any kind of bad news Celeste could have given me on the day of the shooting. All I had was memories and uncertainty, other times I'd feel sure he was dead and tell myself I had to accept this before it was confirmed to me because if I held on to any kind of hope it would only make the pain worse when I knew the truth.I would never know another man like Jonny, nor would I ever love anyone else the way I loved him. Sometimes I was angry because he had chosen to live a life that had led to this, other times I thought about the brave man who had lived with so much danger and adversity and I felt proud of him. Either way, I loved him with all of my heart, I had loved him from the day we met and even though I was grateful for the time we had spent together, I had my regrets: Life was short, I wished we had got together sooner. Right now, as I moved, as I walked, my widened hole rubbed together as if my arse had turned into a second vagina