Till Death Do Us Part

1 year and 1 month later

“I’ve noticed your improvement over these past couple of months. And you’ve been saying that you feel ready to stop. Well, I agree with you, you’ve made so much progress.

“I've spoken to your father, and he said that on your last day of therapy, he wants your opinion on how much your feelings have changed about certain people. Do you mind?”

I sat up on the whirl chair and placed my arms on the armrest. “Of course not.”

“And he said that we should have it all on camera because he wants to watch it. Is that okay with you?”

I shrugged. “Why not?”

I watched Lauren set up the camera on the little round table next to her sofa, attempting to get me in the frame. I was sitting opposite her.

As I waited, I suppressed the urge to sigh or roll my eyes. To avoid doing either, I distracted myself by looking arond at her office. There was not a corner of this room that I didn't know. I always imagined that if they had to blindfold me and ask me where everything was, I would be able to walk to it and grab it without touching anything esle.

The room was spacious, and the furniture always looked spotless. Her carpet, not a speck. Her vases sparkled, and her coffee table, you could eat directly from it.

Even her fake plants were always shining and looked lively, as if they were watered every morning. The temperature in her room was always cool, never too warm, never too cold. And her? She was like a reporter from TV, always looked neat and put together. Too put together in my opinion. Her perfection was the barrier between us.

“Can we start?” She asked me, giving me a smile.

I nodded eagerly, oh I had gotten so good at pretending these past months.

“The first person your father wanted to know how much your feelings have changed towards, is your mother, Leticia.”

I smiled, seeing my mother’s beautiful face pop up in my mind. Her perfect blonde and curly hair styled up on the top of her head with perfect twirls hanging on the sides of her face, not a strand out of place. Her deep blue eyes glimmered as she smiled.

“I love her. I don't think I ever stopped. She has a beautiful heart. Always very sweet and gentle. She has been very supportive and understanding towards me through this difficult time.

“Even at times when it was obvious on the faces of others that they were fed up with me, she was always genuine and supportive. I don’t know what I would do without her. So, yeah… I appreciate her so much. I wouldn’t trade her for the world.”

Lauren smiled. Her smile was very professional, and she never smiled too much or too little. It always looked genuine and organized. The fake kind of genuine, does that make sense? Her neatness sometimes dazzled me, even her hair seemed to have a glow to it. I am sure that if I had to run my finger down her scalp it would squeak!

“And your father, Raphael?” Her voice suddenly brought me back to the room.

“He’s my favourite.” I said, a huge grin stealing over my face. No pretence. “The alpha. He doesn’t only run our business, he runs the entire city. He has dominance written all over him. When he walks into a room, you immediately feel the powerful aura that he walks in with and I’m not talking about the two big bodyguards.”

I laughed, Lauren joined too. We shared a brief laugh. “But underneath all that power and authority, dad, you're a good man, a family man. I love how you love mom, and us, and what's best for us. I think that’s what I love the most about you, you're selfless.”

“And of course, your younger sister, Alice?”

Alice had my mom’s curly blonde hair but she preferred black hair, so that's what she did. On the contrary, I had my dad’s brown straight hair and preferred my mom’s blonde hair so I dyed my hair blonde. I guess as humans, we can never truly be satisfied.

“Alice doesn’t really talk much… about things, I mean…” I wasn’t about to expose Alice. My father had warned me about that. It didn’t matter whether Lauren was my therapist or not, what happens in our house stays there.

“She’s mostly on her own painting or practicing music. I always feel like she has an invisible dome around her, keeping everyone out and I think that's perfectly normal for someone her age.”

“You two are only 2 years apart, yeah? She’s 21. Seeing that she’s your only sibling, people would expect you two to be closer. However, the media labels her as the black sheep of the Roseburg family. In family interviews she doesn’t really look as together as you four, why is that?”

Now Lauren was also sounding like the nosy reporters. That was one thing they all seemed to want to know, why Alice doesn’t look as happy as we do.

“I don’t think that she’s the black sheep of our family. She just isolates herself because she wants something way different from what our company has to offer. I can understand it. Seeing that I was once a teacher too and my father wasn’t that happy with it.”

My father wasn’t happy with it at all.

“But now you’re working at your father’s company as the human resources manager and helping the empire grow everyday by recruiting the best people. How do you feel about that?”

“Well, you know that I’ve only been working there for a few months now, four months, but with all the help I’m getting from Francis I’m learning every day and yeah, I’m getting better.”

“Speaking of him, your cousin, Francis. How do you feel about him now?”

“Francis is very helpful, he is more like a brother to me. He is actually very different from the person I first met at the village.” I thought for a while and then nodded. “Yeah, I can say today that he is actually an amazing person. He is funny, sarcastic and just has a bright personality.”

“Speaking about the village, well, the man, how do you feel about him now?”

I crossed my leg over the other and leaned my weight on one side of the armrest. I saw Yoké’s face in my head. I saw him smile at me the first time he did. I saw him take my hand and smile as we walked in the dark. I saw him laugh and throw his head back. I saw him go on his knee, touch my tummy and then look up at me and smile. I felt his hands at the base of my spine as he leaned in to kiss me...

“Genesis?” Lauren called.

I shrugged away the memories and shifted in my chair. “Like you tell me all the time, I think of him like a dream I once had and woke up from. All the ‘love’, the moments and whatever happened, that was all part of the dream. But in this real world that I’m living in: Yoké doesn’t exist.”

Lauren looked satisfied. Her hard work finally paid off, she must be thinking, since the very reason for me beginning therapy was to get over the Yoké issue and well… the baby one too.

“Amongst the people your father wanted me to ask you about. He also mentioned… the fetus…”

The 'fetus', like she was some thing. I took a deep breath, counting to five in my head, and then exhaled. I gripped the armrest as tight as I could.

I got up and walked to the window and stood there for a while. I could feel Lauren standing a little distance away from me.

The road was busy, filled with pedestrians and cars that were rushing to be somewhere. Across the road, parked, I could see my ride waiting. A black SUV.

“Well, I will never forget her. The 9 months I carried her in my womb was enough for our bond to last a lifetime. As you know, my baby was my only reason to continue living after I was brought back to Duran. But I was not fortunate enough to hold her in my hands even for a second.

“I still wonder until today, were her eyes hazel brown like mine or were they black like her father’s?” Tears not given permission escaped my eyes, and I wiped them off quickly and then continued with a sturdy voice. “She was the only reason why I agreed to forget about Yoké and everything I knew. She was my only reason to start over. I will never be able to forget about her. I could never. So no, my feelings have not changed, concerning her.”

I am sorry dad.

“I totally understand how you feel, and I don’t suppose your father expects you to just forget about her. Especially that she is your first.”

“I suppose so too.” I crossed my arms and leaned against the window pane.

“Last but definitely not least, your fiancée Nathan.”

I tried a smile, the biggest one I could. “You mean my father’s best friend?”

Lauren chuckled.

“I know everyone thinks we are only together because our parents are close but it’s more than that. Nathan is my strong bone. He is always there for me. He has been so patient with me. I appreciate him in my life. A lot.”

“Have you learnt to love him again like before?”

I looked out of the window, and I could see him in the back seat of my ride reading a newspaper.

“What is love to you, Lauren?” I turned to her. She had the camera in her hands.

“Well, love is a mystery…” She responded. “It’s complex. It’s more of a feeling and not something you can really explain. But if you love someone, you develop a sense of closeness to the person. They become your safe space, your light when everything seems dull.”

I remember feeling that way for Yoké, and I knew very well that that’s not how I felt for Nathan. But, that’s not what my father would want to hear after 4 months of therapy. Right?

“I guess I have learnt to love him again.” I told her.

“More than you loved that man?”

I looked into the camera and prepared to lie to my father.

“Yes. More than I loved Yoké.”