Chapter 4

Those passing years had brought a lot to me and some of it had been bad but some of it had been good. I was no longer the teenager who knew nothing about sex - about what pleased me. I'd had a long term relationship that had stopped being a romance quite a few years before it ended and thanks to that I had branched out and sought excitement and closeness elsewhere. I had taken a lover here and there, not many but the choices I'd made had been good ones - at least good for me sexually if not in any other way. The first had been someone in my circle of friends who had really amazed me with what he could do with his hands (until he told me about his secret love of using moisturiser instead of lube.) No way could he go up my arse with skin cream on his cock! Like the submissive I was becoming I allowed him to try and it hurt like hell - after that I decided I would never have anal sex. But that was then, I knew little about how much I would learn in the future! Then there was the fantasy man. He really, really opened doors for me that I never wanted to close again. Every scenario I could imagine - if it could be done, he would do it. I asked him to dominate me. He enjoyed telling me what to do and taking me hard, handling me like he was the boss. Then he bought me a solid gold curb chain and told me as long as I wore it I was his property. What I didn't realise was he would be in the habit of grabbing that chain, giving it a twist and yanking me towards him spitefully every time he was pissed off, and he

would say: Are you looking at another man / Shut the fuck up, I'm talking/driving, etc.

I ended that one after a few months because I'd had enough. I knew I wanted to have a degree of domination over me by a partner, but the guys I chose were all wrong for me. Then I met the one I'll call Mr. Kinky. On the surface, he was right for me. On the surface he was a very intuitive lover who liked to command me, to push me to the limit and liked to give me pleasure as well as take his own. He was the one who introduced me not only to anal sex, but the kind of anal sex that had me screaming when I had an orgasm. But this was only him on the surface. Underneath, he was a total nutter. Violent, addicted to everything you can think of and very much in his own world. He also barred me from love and affection, which hurt because I loved him. I left when I could take no more, and considering myself badly burned from that affair, stayed quite alone for the next three years. It wasn't like I didn't have offers - I had plenty. But as much as I liked my own brand of satisfaction, I needed it within a relationship. I had never gone for casual sex with anyone. The thought of it did nothing for me. As far as I was concerned, sex for me was all about being aroused, staying aroused to great heights and then having an amazing orgasm. I could only achieve that if I loved the man I was with. And of course, my urge to be the submissive partner came into play as well - I could not worship or obey a man I felt no emotion for. My lovers had been long term, but all of them selfish. And despite the negative aspects of those relationships, I had learned a great deal sexually and I knew what I wanted the next time around: Too many of my lovers had been thoughtless. They had been men who thought me being the passive lover was a ticket to abusing me and taking their own pleasure and disregarding my needs and wants. In other words, they interpreted 'Dominate Me' as meaning, 'Treat Me Like Shit' - which is not a preference of mine. There was even one incident with my second lover where I'd asked him to slap me. I meant on the arse. He had turned round and whacked me in the face with the back of his hand, so hard that I was sent crashing into the wall and my nose was pouring with blood. Like I said, I'd made bad choices - but in that I now knew what I wanted from a lover: A good lover would understand my limits and boundaries. He would be kind and patient and never hurt me in a bad way. He would dominate me and respect me at the same time. He wouldn't be an impatient man, the kind I'd known before who had stopped pleasing me even though I wanted more just because they wanted to shove it up me and cum. He would wait, and make me wait, too, until he decided he was ready. He would understand that for me sex wasn't all about cock and more cock. He would play me slowly and tease and touch me, spread my legs and lick me and use his fingers on me, make me beg for it. And only when he decided I was ready, would he give it to me. He would enjoy telling me what he was going to do to me, but not everything. That would make me wonder what was going to happen. And he wouldn't need to use chains because his word would be the law. He would know that the best whip he could use on me would be his own belt because for me, there would be no higher honour when it came to spanking than being slapped with something that he had worn. I knew what I wanted; I deserved to have these things. But until I found the right man, I was happy to wait.

But I didn't go without. I had sex toys. I had vibrators of different shapes and sizes, mostly though I used them on my clit. My favourite was a mini vibrator bullet that had a jelly sleeve; I could tease myself for a long time with it, delaying the orgasm so I got maximum pleasure. I had a g-spot vibrator as well, I'd discovered my g-spot finally after many years of wondering if I had one, then one day, I was fingering myself and I found the most incredible place in my body, after that I spent quite a while feeling pleased that I had one - even though it wasn't really that hard to find ( towards the front, just above the pelvic bone, hard pressure on the band of tissue and I was there

it had been there all the long, I didn't need a sat nav to find it but I'd just never touched it properly before!). I also had a big, silver vibrator its main good point was that it was heavy, with hard vibrations that made me cum quick when I slid the tip up and down my clit. I also had a clit pump. When I first discovered the pump, I thought all my dreams had come true - it wasn't powerful enough to suck it hard, but it did suck and tease it and make me ever so sensitive and this was the next best thing to being given oral sex. I also had love balls - heavy, steel balls that were small but felt strange inside me, I didn't use them often because my g-spot was undecided about how to respond to them. I had a mini vibe with a steel ball in the tip that was good for keeping me nicely aroused and I had a hard, long, jewel-studded seven inch multi speed vibrator that had a powerful buzz that went so hard it made my hand go numb while I was using it. But my favourite was the monster in my collection, it was eight inches long and two inches wide with a soft jelly covering, but it looked nasty. It was black and white with hundreds of raised spikes. I knew I would need a lot of lube to take even half of it and until now I'd only teased my clit with it. It was the kind of toy best enjoyed when being used on me by another person. So until someone special came into my life, I used it only as a clit toy. But I wouldn't have to wait much longer to enjoy pleasure with another person for much longer; I'd been without a lover for three years when out of the blue, someone walked back into my life, and not just anyone, someone special: I met Jonny again.

It was a warm spring morning and I had decided to spend part of it round the back of the town centre at a pub/hotel, not because I wanted to drink (me and booze had been over and finished years ago), but because the place had a large beer garden that over looked a lake, the lake was filled with swans and ducks and it was so peaceful and a perfect place to sit on a warm day. Plus the pub had just opened at eleven so the garden would be empty. It was somewhere I liked to go and after the long, grey winter I wanted to make the most of warm, bright days like this. I walked into the empty bar, ordered a drink and then I walked through the bar and into the beer garden. I crossed a small bridge and chose a table that overlooked the lake. I was just sitting there taking in the peace and quiet and then, all of a sudden, someone spoke my name.

As I looked up it took me a few seconds to realise I wasn't dreaming. It was Johnny, after all these years and although he was older he still looked amazing. He hadn't changed a bit. As my eyes met with his I felt my heart give that same jump it had given the first time we met and I was sure my face was burning up. One split second had turned me into a teenager in love all over again.

I couldn't speak for a moment, so I just stood up and gave him a hug.

"I thought it was you, Eve!”He exclaimed, “I took one look at you and I thought, I know that girl!"

And he sat down at the table with me.

I was looking at him, thinking so many things at one they flashed before my eyes like a billion secret dreams all scattered in the pictures held only by my mind's eye. He simply had no idea how much I adored him...

"Still working in security?” I asked him, silently wishing a sudden breeze would blow up if only to cool down the flushing to my cheeks.

"Yes and no,” He replied, "Still in the same line of work but I got in a bit of trouble recently and I got suspended for a while. Long story."

"I think you said that to me once before. You'll have to tell me all about this long story one day."

And I caught a look in his eyes that got me wondering. There was something mysterious about him, something I hadn't noticed back then, but now, older, I could tell right away: this man has a secret.

And I was right.

"What kind of work do you do?"

He just came out with it and didn't seem concerned about sharing it with me.

"Basically, I started my career in the army. From there I moved to a specialist elite taskforce and after that I was offered the job I have now. It's pretty high up and very confidential. I'd tell you more, but the less you know the better. It's quite a dangerous job and I'm not allowed to tell anyone the details."

I couldn't help but smile, knowing he lived such a dangerous life only excited me even more.

"It's so good to see you again.” I said, and the warmth in my voice hid nothing as our eyes met.

He leaned over the table and put his hand over mine.

"I'm glad we've met again.” He told me, "And I have to say, I recognised you straight away, you haven't changed much, but now you're older you look stunning."

I felt myself blushing again. These days, I thought no one had the power to do that to me - but he still could, over and over again, he could also make my heart race but that was another secret he did not know.

I suddenly felt seventeen again. I wanted to get up and hug him again. But it was enough to look into his eyes. He was looking at me in a way that told me he knew me, the real me, and I need not hide anything from him. This was a man who I could be myself with and I knew he would accept me the way that I am and no harm would come of that.

"You look pretty good yourself, Jonny."

He laughed.

"I'm a lot older than the last time we met. That was nearly twenty years ago."

"It makes no difference, I think you look great - you always have."

"I'm staying here at the hotel for a few days,” He told me, "I have to go back to my room and get my phone, actually - I think I may have missed a few calls and I need to ring someone. You can come with me if you want to."

I tried not to openly jump for joy. He had not said he wanted me but I felt a spark between us and after all these years of hoping and longing I had to stay optimistic. I got up and followed him with a big smile on my face.

When we got inside the hotel room he closed the door and went straight over to the table beside the bed and picked up his phone.

"I definitely have to call someone,” He said, noticing he had four missed calls.

He then said something about it being work and he wouldn't take long, but I was rather distracted by the big, soft double bed I was sitting on. I ran my hand across the cover and envied those sheets because they had caressed his naked body while he slept and that was something I'd dreamed of doing for so long, at least, I assumed he slept naked - he did in my imagination, and I could picture him now, with the moonlight shining on him. I longed to run my hands over him so much that I had to stop picturing it before I envied the moonlight, too, because at some point, it must have shone down on him and seen more than I ever had!

He put his hand on my shoulder and a bolt of desire shot through me as I looked up at him. He saw the longing in my eyes but didn't know I was helplessly aroused, my cunt was hot and swollen and I was leaking so much juice it had gone right through my knickers and my thighs were slippery. Soon it would leak onto the flimsy material of my short, white dress and it would certainly leave a stain. I'd always worn knickers alone but as I felt more juice run out of me I decided, if Jonny was going to be a lover to me I'd have to break that habit and start wearing panty liners before I ruined all my clothes. "I have to call someone.” He told me, "Then we can spend some time together - I think we both want that, I'm right, aren't I?"

I nodded, opening my legs slightly. But then he turned away and walked to the window to make his call. My cunt was so swollen my lips were apart, clit swollen up and aching to come. I wanted him to put his fingers inside me, to spread my legs and lick me till all that need exploded within me.

I was so turned on I was surprised I even heard his conversation even though we were in the same room.

"Yes, "He said, "I got all of your messages. And I'm not obliged to contact you while I'm off work."

Then he listened. Suddenly, things turned heated.

"No,” He said sharply, "I do not agree with your decision. I was fully aware that you ordered me to wait for back up. And I was fully aware that had I followed that order the hostage would have been dead in a matter of minutes! Thanks to my actions one of our people are still alive. And because I went in, to quote your phrase, 'like something out of the wild west', I ended that situation. It wasn't easy and I got my arse kicked in the process but I don't need you to kick my arse as well. Don't you even try it! I've had enough experience with these things to know when there's no time to wait. I won't apologise to you for doing something I've learned to trust in all my years in the service - listening to my own instinct. I'm going now; I have a lot to think about - like if I want to spend the rest of my career laying my life on the line for people who don't appreciate what it's like in the field!"

With that he ended the call and switched off the phone.

To my surprise he spoke more openly with me now.

"That was my boss.” He said, still sounding stressed, "She hasn't been in the job long and she doesn't understand what it's like. I had a choice between attempting to end a hostage situation or wait for back up. I went in when I was told to stand down and it got rough but I contained the situation. I've still got bruises from disarming one of the gunmen. And all she wants to do is give me a lecture about not listening to her. And she's suspended me for three months with no pay. She's a snappy cow who likes to think she's right all the time and this time she was very wrong. If I'd followed her orders that day one of our men would have been dead. But she won't accept that."

I was surprised by his honesty about the situation after saying that secrecy was important, but at the same time I could still feel desire building up in me, and it only made the love I'd felt for him so long ago grow even more, he was a true hero and my admiration for him had just increased.

He sat down on the bed and gave a sigh. Then he lightened up.

"Sorry about that, my jobs stressful at the best of times, I just don't need attitudes like that from my own side."

"You got hurt?"

He shrugged it off.

"There was a bit of a fight; I got a few bruises, a couple of cracked ribs, nothing major."

As he spoke he touched his right side and I instinctively reached out and touched him gently.

"Show me."

He smiled. And I saw the look in his eyes that told me all my fantasies were about to come home, to become flesh. He wanted me and this was the real deal, no fantasies, not me with my eyes shut rubbing my clit or fucking myself with a sex toy - he was here, this was real and the man of my dreams was ready for me…