Prologue

IF DEATH were the subject, then she’d be very much alive.

Moving stealthily, leaning against a dirty white wall, a woman whose identity is unknown crouches just below a dusty window.

As someone who is unwilling to accept her fate and tragedy that she faced three years ago, she moves behind shadows to search for proof to incarcerate and penalize the real culprit.

Her heartbeat escalating, she takes a glimpse of what is behind the walls. Inside, a frantic man garbed in a blue asylum gown crawls over a scruffy bed.

Like a drained human being, he stares into space with thoughts that can’t be penetrated. 

The woman holds tight to her chest in agony. Her heart squeezes, causing her body to feel weak, at the very sight of the man she longs for for several years.

She has spent three years of her life in hiding and plotting for her big comeback. However, now, she hankers to sit beside the sick man, to comfort him. 

He’s alone like a dark spot on a white paper, so she hopes to speak to him. But it looks like he’s waiting for the doctor for hours now.

Her eyes scan the office room even when it’s almost imperceivable. Thanks to the tied curtain, it made peeking inside easy.

At the left corner across the bed, there lies a stack of thick books on a long mahogany table. But that was all she noticed, plus a deep and pitiful voice.

"Shanta …" the man wailed in grief. "Shanta! Where in the world are you? Get me out of here now! I’m… scared." He bites his fingernails with his hands shaking and eyes rolling uncontrollably.

Shanta.

The name whose owner is thought to be dead is her. He was searching for her. He was also longing for her warmth. The woman who is reclining against the white wall is Shanta.

But even when she wanted to come out of the dark and unconceal herself, she couldn't just break a window to get in, for the noise would surely sabotage her plans.

Silence.

That is what she wants. 

Silence. 

For if it was nonexistent, it’d be her existence that would break the silence. 

Not only for the situation she’s in. But any sane person couldn't ever be more suspicious of anyone except for a woman who is constantly hiding and is in a position she shouldn’t be in. Wearing a black cap, a black handkerchief around her cheeks, and black sunglasses that hid the deepest scar in her eyes, she can cause panic to anyone who'd find her.

“Shanta... I am sure, it was you!” He cries in despair. “It's you that I saw. I’m not… crazy.” He pulls his hair and batters his head like it was a drum. “What they are saying is impossible. You're alive!” He screams dejectedly.

Shanta's ears ring. His lamentations were enough for her to hear. 

After all the bitter winters and healing autumns that life has brought to them, their sufferings have not ever sprouted. So the day has come for her. The most doleful day that she is only alive, being hugged and kissed, in the most cherished memories of the people who remembers her. But in reality, she is no longer… 

Shanta has already been erased from the world and from the minds of these people who once became a part of her life. Because three years ago, she was declared dead. And now, she wanders like a restless soul.

“Kagan…” she whispers that only she can hear.

She wanted to approach him and lock him in her arms. She wanted to make him feel her warm caresses, the caresses that once mended her broken heart.

A tear cascades down her cheek. Kagan, the mad man in a blue patient gown, is now covering both his ears, like he's being tormented by the echoing whispers of the demons inside his head.

And now that she's gone, her caresses are also gone. Feeling depressed, she leans back against the hard wall as a strong gust of wind etches through her skin.

It was raining autumn leaves. The sun seemed to be hiding behind the dark clouds. Afar, there was a black towering gate.

It was a humongous gate for the prisoners of their own minds. The letters attached at the top edge were upside down, forming the name of the hospital.

ERAC LATNEM EGDILOOC

And because she's inside it, every corner in the facility unlocks the worst part of her memories, and the smell of her mournings still lingers every bit of it.

She turns back and observes that Kagan has already sat up. By this time, he's more calm than he was minutes ago. The noise of his wailing was gone. Shanta finds this a good opportunity to approach him. 

She knocks on the window and calls out, "Kagan…"

His head immediately rises up. She smiles. He drifts his gaze on his surroundings before finding the source of the sound.

And it was the perfect moment. The angels sang songs and blew trumpets in heaven as their eyes, at last, met. 

The most awaited moments that had long been denied had finally come to an end. 

This is it. She will soon have him. But it didn't take too long for her to feel the warmth of his palm on her cheeks and the heat of his muscular arms curling up around her thin body.

"Shanta ..." he gasps in disbelief as a reluctant smile displays on his lips. "You came back?" He wants to make sure.

"I… did." She nods while not being able to contain the uncontrollable happiness within her system. "I came back…"

For a moment, the fear disappears from his eyes and by the time he opens the window, they both feel the freshness of autumn air.

'I will always... come back.' She sticks it in her mind like a mantra.

She lifts her body up and sits on the window sill. Shanta clings to his neck as he slides his hand around her thin waist.

"Shanta..." he calls her, never been happier. "I thought, you…"

He takes off her cap and gently pulls down the handkerchief and sunglasses, revealing her scarred face. Shanta can't explain the tremble in her heartbeats when his sensual eyes land on her lips.

"Kagan..."

"I was so worried sick when you left me on the island," he laments, cupping her cheeks. The shape of his eyes display torture and years of desire.

Instead of replying, she just stares at the beauty of this man. His dark orbs and perfectly sculpted nose resemble a god in the mountains hiding behind a series of sparkling clouds. She leans her forehead on his chin, making him thirst for her lavender scent.

There was a brief silence that was immediately replaced by grunts and moans. 

Shanta gets devoured by the hunger of his kisses as she almost falls over at the speed of it.

"I miss you so damn, damn much ..." Kage whispers and she responds to his hot, damp kisses.

She feels his tongue enter her mouth and seems to be completely lost in a paradise, as if she had grown wings, flying endlessly in the salty air and being pulled up by the red sky.

It is a profound kiss. It is a yearning that time has led them to separate ways and reunite. It is the longingness of two people parted apart by circumstance. As she lets him conquer her, she hopes to bring back his old smile as well as to reclaim his wholeness.

"Kagan…"

She's delirious of where his kisses are wandering and she looks up to feel his tongue lick her neck. 

"Kage..." she begs.

"You aren't leaving me again. You understand that, hmm?" She nods willingly, ceasing to his glory. He naughtily caresses her curved waist as he tries to prevent her from falling.

Yet in the midst of the throbbing pleasure comes a sudden pang of sadness. Three loud knocks from the door and in a flash, all their connections are cut off.