Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Elaine's Pov

“It's you…” I murmured, my eyes fixed on Zade who leaned on the door frames, golden rimmed glasses sat right on top of his nose. He hadn't changed, although he was just as handsome, if not even more handsome than he was the last time I saw him.

Zade frowned, his eyes were dark and he had an unreadable expression on his face. Without saying anything, he turned around and left the ward, the only thing I could hear was the rhythmic sounds of his footsteps that echoed in the hallway.

I leaned back on the bed, my head lowered. A myriad of thoughts went on in my head. How did he save me? He went abroad so many years ago and he told me that he would never come back, so why now? How was he able to recognise me? My hands trembled as I raised them to touch my face.

What would I look like now? Zade had always called me beautiful in the past, was I still beautiful to him? Or had the years of abuse gotten to me, did I look like an old hag now? I raised my head to look around, it felt like the walls of the ward were closing in on me, I couldn't breathe. My throat constricted and my eyes were getting blurry.

Why didn't I die? Why did he save me? Why do I always have to be the one to suffer? I had always done everything I could in order to help myself and the people around me? Why did I become like this? Why am I still alive?!

“Elaine! Elaine! Elaine!!”

I gasped as I jolted awake, my lashes trembling as I faced Zade who leaned over me, confusion in his cold eyes.

“What…” I trailed off, horror coming over me as I realised the extent as to which my thoughts travelled to. Zade's eyes remained fixed on me, the intensity sent a wave of discomfort through me. My chest still heaved from the panic, my heart pounded against my ribcage.

“Miss Elaine.” The Doctor called out my name and I raised my head to meet his eyes. Zade shifted back, allowing the doctor to come forward. He held a clipboard in his hands, just like the doctor who had treated me that other time. Come to think of it, they resembled quite a bit, slowly, their faces began to lap over each other.

“Miss Elaine.”

“Oh, yes?” The doctor's voice brought me out of my thoughts.

“Is it possible that… Well…” The doctor rubbed the back of his head sheepishly and from his small gestures, I could see that he wanted to hide some things from me.

“You can tell me whatever it is.” I am used to surprises now. Good or bad.

“Alright. Due to whatever had happened to you, losing your child and the emotional trauma, we believe that it would be hard for you to get pregnant ever again. In the worst cases, you might not get pregnant.” The doctor began and subconsciously, I tensed.

My heart stopped at his words. Everything around me went silent, and for a moment, I couldn't hear anything except for the ringing in my ears.

I couldn't get pregnant… ever again?

I blinked, trying to process what the doctor had just said. He was speaking again, his voice low and careful, but I couldn't focus on his words, all I could think about was the sudden emptiness I felt inside me.

“Elaine.” Zade called out my name again softly, breaking me out of my reverie.

“Miss Elaine, I understand that this is difficult news,” The doctor said gently, his voice almost apologetic, “But with the right mindset, support and care, you can still love a fulfilling life. We will do anything we can to help you heal, both physically and mentally. Then perhaps, you may be able to birth a child again. Not everything is set in stone.”

I nodded numbly, though his words felt empty. What kind of life was he talking about? A life without the possibility of being a mother, without the chance to hold my own child? A child that I had been so happy about when I found out that I was pregnant? I wanted to laugh, but I couldn't. I also wanted to cry, but for some reason, I couldn't. My eyes felt so dry that I wondered if I really was a human.

All the emotions I felt, or lack thereof made me feel like I was a monster. A monster that wasn't capable of crying for what she had lost.

“If you would like to talk to me about anything, or if you're feeling any pain inside, you can call for a nurse to call for me. This man here was the one who saved and brought you here, he said that you both knew each other?” The doctor looked between me and Zade, silently urging me to say if I knew Zade.

“I know him.” I mumbled slowly, not wanting to say anything more than that.

“Alright then.” The doctor nodded. I felt Zade shift beside me, his presence overwhelming. He had always been a silent force in my life, both a comfort and a curse. And now, standing there, he looked down at me with an expression that made me want to scream, to lash out, to push him away for daring to witness me at my most broken.

“I’ll leave you two to talk.” The doctor said, offering a small nod before exiting the room, leaving me alone with Zade. The door clicked shut, and the silence between us became unbearable. I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want to see his pity, or worse, his indifference.

“Why did you come back?” I questioned, the silence was too unbearable for me. And I also wanted to know, “You told me that you would never come back, so why are you back? Why now?”