02 Going on

Three weeks had passed since Richard brought Jenny into the pack, and it was the hardest three weeks of my life. Not only I had to carry on with my life like my heart hadn’t been ripped apart, I also had to smile.

The pack was genuinely happy for Richard to find his fated mate, but most of them were sorry for me. And even though I appreciated their love and support, there was something I couldn’t tolerate. Being pitied.

So I did my best to act like I was totally and completely okay. Which I was not, but hopefully I was a good enough actress. I went on with my duties, and even conducted the preparations for the party to welcome Jenny into our pack.

It turned out she was an orphan and didn’t really have anybody to go home to, so after they sorted things out with Richard, it was a simple decision to move in. Not like Richard would have let her leave, but it certainly made things easier.

On the evening of Jenny’s welcome party, I felt like hitting rock bottom. I just stood at the side and watched them dance and smile at each other, helplessly in love.

There was a time when I desperately wanted this. A mate who would only see me, and loved me no matter what. And there was a time when I thought I had it. Because even a month ago, Richard looked at me with the same loving eyes he watched Jenny now. We always knew we were not fated, but after all these years, I slowly forgot that our love was never meant to last forever.

“Everything went fine. You can relax now,” Josh, our Beta, stepped to me and gave me a glass.

“I’m relaxed,” I lied, sounding grumpy even to myself, and snipped on the champagne. I hated champagne.

“Yeah, sure, and I am your fairy godmother,” he laughed, and hugged me to his side. “You helped them enough. It’s high time you started thinking about yourself,” he whispered in my ear, so no one would hear us.

“It will only make me feel miserable.” I emptied my glass in one go and held out my hand for him. “Dance with me,” I demanded, and he just grinned.

I don’t quite remember how having a few shots and dancing the night away with a good friend led to committing my biggest mistake of my life, but it did.

The next morning, I woke up in a warm embrace under a strong arm. I turned in his hold and studied Josh’s sleeping face. I have known him for as long as I could remember, and he was the best friend anyone could ask for. What have we done?

“Hi beautiful,” he murmured with a sleepy smile and pulled me closer. “You are already thinking so much early in the morning,” he growled into my skin.

“I can’t help it. Josh, what have we done?” I asked, and my voice sounded a little hysterical even to me.

“I didn’t know you were that drunk. What a shame,” he sighed theatrically and pushed himself up on his elbows. “Well, we had a few shots at the party and you made me dance with you until your feet got sore. Then we came up, had some great sex, and fell asleep like this,” he explained, like he was talking about the weather.

“I remember, it’s not what I’m talking about….”

“Honey, don’t overthink it,” he mumbled, holding my face and making me look at him. “We had a pleasurable night together, and I would lie if I said that I would mind some reruns, but we are still the same as we were yesterday. I didn’t fall in love with you, and I know you haven’t either, no matter how hard I tried to fuck your brains out. I am still your friend, with some benefits I am happy to provide. Don’t pain yourself over it.”

“Are you sure?” I looked into his serious eyes, which were so not like him. He was such a cheerful spirit, his eyes always smiling, like he was thinking about some mischief.

“I can do it. Can you?” he asked with a grin, but his eyes remained serious.

“I think I do,” I nodded and hugged him for a minute. “Thank you.”

But even though he claimed he would happily be my friend with benefits, I made it my priority not to get in a situation like that again. He never mentioned it anymore, and I was grateful we could go on as friends we were before.

Even though my days seemed as long as weeks, my nights feeling even longer, time slowly went on, and I fell into some kind of routine.

Richard gave me extra duties to take care of, and I couldn’t help but think he had done it on purpose. He knew me far too well, and he knew I needed the work to keep my mind occupied. I was busier than ever, and I was thankful for it.

I had 2 groups to train, added up to my teens and my own practices, so I spent nearly every morning on the training grounds. It was nice and helped me lose some pounds I hadn’t even realized I would want to get rid of. Next, I usually went to Richard’s office to discuss pack matters, and we played our roles so well I started having doubts that we ever had feelings for each other.

He seemed happy, and deep down in my heart, I was happy for him. But it didn’t make it less hurtful. I have never felt so alone in my whole life. And spending hours helping Jenny with her duties didn’t help it, either. On top of that, at least once a week I had to listen to my mom whining about how I shouldn’t have let that “talentless little pup” take away my rightful place at Richard’s side.

It took some time for the pack to get used to the new situation, too. Even months after Jenny’s Luna ceremony, pack members still found me with things that were her authority. I put on a fake smile, and patiently told them for the thousandth time that they should ask the Luna.

I spent my evenings in the kitchen helping out, and I tried my best to postpone going to my cold and empty bed. Not that I didn’t get proposals to warm it up for me. But I didn’t want empty sex, and having feelings for someone even seemed worse.

~ 

The holidays came and went, and the New Year brought us new problems. Our northern neighbor was a small, old pack at the brink of extinction, but one day in January, we got the news that a new Alpha had overrun them. The border that was always our quietest suddenly became a hot topic.

The new Alpha was widely known by the nickname, the Bloody O’Sullivan, and he had quite a reputation. The rumors were about a rogue who threw over many smaller packs. That’s how he gained power and the reputation of a heartless beast. Our neighbor was the last of his conquests, and it seemed he liked the territory because he was settling down.

According to our informants, he had a quite big pack with a notable number of warriors. It was also said that his men were all born killers, hardened in bloody battles, so they were not a pack one should anger.

Even Richard, who was always ready for a good fight and never shied off, was troubled this time. We were a big pack, with a lot of decent warriors, sure. But a war was something a pack never needed, no matter how strong.

In the end, I managed to convince Richard that we should reach out first and invite Alpha O’Sullivan to try negotiating about peace and alliance.

To our biggest surprise, he accepted.

“At least we are on home track?” Josh tried to cheer us up.

“My head already hurts just to think about it,” Richard sighed, letting his head fall back on his chair.

“It is me who will end up organizing everything, so you just shut up,” I grumbled. I’ve been in charge of every social event of the pack in the last 3 years, and I still had mixed feelings about it. I liked to look after all the details and make sure everything went smoothly, but sometimes, I felt like breaking under the weight of all the responsibility. Especially an event like this, when the future of the pack depended on it.

“Come on, Moira. It is only because you are the best,” Josh tried to woo me, gifting me his most alluring smile.

“Yeah, sure,” I rolled my eyes at him.

This was tricky business. We had to show enough strength to make the Blue Moon a valuable ally in Alpha O’Sullivan’s eyes, but we shouldn’t provoke him. But also, we shouldn’t seem weak, because he might just decide to take us over too.

“I trust you,” Richard said silently, his brown eyes staring into mine. I knew he meant it, and no matter how I cursed it, my heart missed a rhythm as I looked into his eyes.

After all these months, my heart was not aching anymore, and we were finally functioning as the friends we used to be. But at moments like this, he still made me weak, and I hated it. I sighed and stood.

“I don’t want Jenny anywhere near that man, longer than the mandatory politeness requires,” he said before I could move.

“I will bring you a draft of the event tomorrow,” I nodded, and turned to the door to leave.

“And Moira,” he called after me.

“Yes?” I turned back with my hand on the doorknob.

“I want you beside me, along with my best warriors. I count on you,” he said, and I nodded again.

It was nice of him to acknowledge me, as female warriors usually were not in the line at events, but it also freaked me out a little. Goddess, I had so much to do!