Begin Again

Raina

With each passing minute, my anxiety and fear grew. I should be feeling positive, but I don't. Rounding around the sacred fire every promise we uttered to hold each other in sickness, cherish each other, love each other, bring happiness into our lives, to be faithful to each other. Filled trepidation in my veins.

Every promise let out from his mouth was filled with confidence and sincerity. Not once did his voice shake. And here I am every vow I took with nervousness, my voice trembling with apprehension.

I stood there with my now husband touching elders' feet and taking blessings to have a blissful married life. Not many people were invited. Only family and some of the family friends. My wedding is an intimate ceremony. Not that I am complaining.

"Raina will you come with me for a minute". I look at Trupti my eldest sister. And nodded. I glanced at my husband who was busy , talking to his aunt. I sighed, he wouldn't even notice if I would go away forever.

"What"? I ask. My sister who looks exactly like mama smiled at me. Her dark brown eyes glistened with tears. "Mummy was right you are the most beautiful bride in this world Raina, you look so pretty in this maroon lehenga". She says through tears and tried to grab my hands.

I jerked my hands off her hold and glared at her. I don't care if she is my eldest sister because right now I am angry and hurt. I thought at least she would help me to convince mama and dad to stop this marriage but she didn't.

"Ray, please for how long you will be angry with me? I am sorry but it is for your own good. You know about mummy's condition..." I held my hand in front of her stopping her to say anything further.

She looks at me shaking her head, tears rolling down from her cheeks. I gritted my teeth and walked out. My heart hurts seeing her cry and I know I am being dramatic but at this point, I don't even care. Because no one is with me. Everyone is adamant to throw me out.

I walked toward the main hall of our home and saw my husband sitting there alone doing something on his phone. I slowly made my way toward him and sat beside him.

I rolled my head to look at him, to admire him from close because he is looking so, so good today. I know I shouldn't say this but I could see Krishna in him. His smooth clean shaved face, that damn pointed nose, and chiseled jaw. And this maroon sherwani makes him look like a king. My king.

"Done staring at me wife, if yes then maybe we should depart". My breath hitched as he looks at me with an intense gaze. His eyes traveled from my face to my body and I swear I saw the glint of appreciation in his eyes.

He got up from the sofa and walked away. My cheeks heat up, he caught me staring at him. But no one can help when a man like him becomes your husband.

It's the first time he has talked or said something to me in two years other than vows. But I think it's a good sign. I know I never wanted to marry and marrying Raghav will bring so many consequences.

But I am ready, I will not let him down again. No matter what was the reason for our marriage, but I am determined to make it work.

I watched the interaction between my family and Agastya and his family. Thank God his brother is not here. Only his mother and father and aunt are here. My wedding could be the most intimate Indian wedding which was held in our home. With barely thirty people.

But hey, it's not done yet, we still have our reception which is scheduled after three days from today. And that will be a big ceremony.

I sighed and rested my head on the sofa. I feel tired. There is no excitement in me. "Raina, it's time to go". I narrowed my eyes at my mother. "Where?" I ask.

She bit her lips and intake a deep breath. "Your new home". She whispers, her voice choked as if she is about to cry. My heart thumped in my chest loudly, my new home.

"What are you saying mama?" anxiety kicked in my body with a force. My hands start to tremble. "Raina, you are married now, you have to...your husband is waiting," she says in a hard voice.

Tears gathered in my eyes, I tried to blink them back but those damn traitors couldn't even wait for some time before spilling out. I close my eyes and heaved a sigh.

"Prepare, for the Farewell mama, I need to get out of here, before you all throw me out". I gritted out getting up from the sofa and walked away from her.

This was the right way, it has to be done someday. They couldn't bear my burden their whole life.

I look into my dad's eyes same as mine. He patted my shoulder but didn't pull me to his chest like he always does. He is the man I love the most, my protector. He loves me more than anything and anyone even more than he loves mom. But today his cold behavior shattered me. But I understand him and his reluctance towards me.

I glance at my family, and none of them had tears, oh, how can I forget they are eager to send me away?

A loud sob escaped from my throat as my mother wrapped me in her warm embrace.

"You are going to rock, my baby girl". She says and kissed my temple. I look into her eyes, she was smiling through her tears. She cupped my cheeks. Neither of us, wanted to let go. We pulled away and just like every other bride I left the home where I grew up. Which has seen my first steps to my teenage years.

Summer breeze whipped on my face as I stared out the window. Enormous buildings, billboards, and flats of the Richest colony of Chicago went past us.

There was an eerie silence that lingered in the car. My husband didn't even talk to me. He is so distant and I feel so lonely. I don't know how will I make things better between us.

My wedding has to be the weirdest in the world , after leaving my ' parents home' we directly went to my in-law's home where my mother-in-law performed all the rituals. And now I and my husband is going to our home because according to him he has a job to do. He doesn't like being away from his home on working days.

So, here we are driving to our home. Things are changed now. I am no more Raina Aaron, I am Raina Murad now. Wife of Dr. Agastya Murad. Oh , sorry Mr. Grumpy Murad.

I have to change my way of living. I have to repair my broken wings so as like a real butterfly I can spread colors in my new home and bring only happiness in our lives. I am ready to Begin Again with him.