Chapter 09: Last Night

Chapter 9

"Kumain ka na." Inilapag niya sa harap ko ang plato. Amoy na amoy ko ang niluto niyang tinola. He did know how to cook well, he impressed me again. I didn’t even hear him complaining, it seemed like he loved what he was doing and I am glad that I was able to watch him taking care of me.

Hindi ako umimik at tumango lang. Kinakahiya ko ang sarili. Kahit pa noong pumasok muli kami sa bahay ay walang nagtangkang magsalita, tila pinakikiramdaman namin ang isa't isa. I told him to stay, he did yet the awkwardness we had before returned. The invisible barrier between us just weakened but never shattered. 

"Are you free tomorrow?" he asked. Napaawang ang labi ko. Is this deja vu? I gulped before giving him a nod. "Yes, I guess."

I wanted to ask him why but instead, I chose to shut my mouth. I was afraid I might say something stupid or offending, I was also preventing myself to make embaraasing moments with him. 

Tumikhim siya."Do you have problems with your studies?"

"Wala naman, kaya ko."

It was true. Nitong mga nakaraang araw ay madali na lamang sa'kin na maintindihan ang topic at wala na rin naman akong gagawin dahil sinagutan niya na ang schoolworks ko. Hanggang ngayon ay pilit na umiikot sa isip ko kung bakit gano'n siya kagaling. 

"What are you thinking?" He stared at me with confusion beaming in his eyes. It seemed like he was trying to read me.

"Wala, kumain ka na lang." Tinulak ko papalapit sa kanya ang mangkok.Bigla akong nailang sa  paraan ng pagtitig nito sa akin. I wasn’t used to this. All my life, I was focused on Adiel, I never gave attention to other boys. Perhaps, I feel safe with this man?

"Feed me then." I turned my gaze to him , eyes widened. He was grinning and close to laughing.

Napabuntong hininga ako. Seriously? Hindi ko alam kung nababaliw na siya at papalit-palit ito ng emosyon. O kaya naman ay nag-e-enjoy siyang asarin ako. Nabuburyo ko siyang tinignan. "May kamay ka," I hissed.

"Mood swings, huh?" May sarili itong plato ngunit sa akin siya kumuha ng kanin. Mukhang masaya pa ito na nakikihati ng pagkain at hindi pinapansin ang matatalim kong titig. Mood swings are normal to me since I have an illness, it’s much better if he was referring to himself.

"What?" Napangiwi ako nang magsalita siyang punong-puno ng pagkain ang bibig. Lumobo ang magkabilang pisngi niya at tuloy lang ulit sa pagkain.

"Ang saya mo 'no?" sarkastiko kong sabi. He only chuckled before nodding.

"Ikaw maghugas, ah!" Tinapik ko ang kanyang braso.

"Ginawa mo naman akong katulong mo," untag niya. Mahina akong natawa. Nakanguso ito sa akin at malalim ang tingin.

"You can't do anything but to obey me. This is my house" Taas noo kong sabi, napabuntong hininga lamang ito. Plus, he offered his hand for me, might as well enjoy it to the fullest. 

"Fine, just do me a favor."

Bumalik ang dati nitong ekspresyon. His smile faded and stared at me blankly. Napalunok ako, mahigit kong nahawakan ang pajama. Hindi ko maiwasan na kabahan lalo na't binitin niya ang sinabi.

"What is it?" I asked without breaking our gaze.

"Sasama ka sa'kin bukas." Napabuga ako ng hangin, unti-unting kumalma ang aking sistema.

My forehead creased a bit. "Saan?"

"Don't ask, malalaman mo rin naman bukas."

"Iyon na nga, e! Malalaman ko rin naman, so might as well tell me where we're going." I was keeping myself from raising my voice. 

Ginulo nito ang buhok sa sobrang inis. Umikot naman ang mga mata nito bago magsalita. “Cemetery."

Then it hits me. My eyes widened when I realized what he said. Malakas kong niyugyog ang balikat niya. "For real?" Paninigurado ako. There was excitement dominating my tone. Parang kanina lang ay ayaw niyang pag-usapan ang tungkol sa namayapa niyang girlfriend tapos ngayon siya na mismo ang nagbukas nito para sa akin. Hindi ako makapaniwala na magbabago ang isip nito.

"Remove your hands! Nahihilo ako sa ginagawa mo!" I blinked twice and my mouth formed a circle shape. Peke akong tumawa at saka umayos sa pagkakaupo. "Sorry." Nag-peace sign pa ako sa kanya.

Masama ang tingin nito sa aking umiling. "Just promise me one thing."

"Ano na naman bang just-just na 'yan?"

"After we visit her, you're no longer allowed to say everything about her."

Totoo ngang may puwang pa rin ito sa puso niya. Umiwas ako ng tingin, I felt awkward and I don't know why. Dismayado ako sa isang bagay na hindi ko alam kung ano. Well, he was with for years, of course. It was a struggle for him to move forward. I bet he was not fully healed but no longer loves the person. He was just stuck by her death.

"Deal."

"Good, huwag sanang pasmado 'yang bibig mo."

Umirap ako. "Yeah, whatever. Bakit mo nga pala ako isasama papunta ro'n'? I thought you were mad."

"Why do you have so many questions?" angil niya, I snorted. "Susulitin ko na ang pagtatanong ngayon, tonight will be my last chance to ask what I am curious about."

"You really want to know?" Naging mahinahon ang pananalita nito, tumango ako. I have to stay put, sa boses pa lang niya ay nahalata ko nang hindi na ito makapagbibiro pa.

"It's our anniversary tomorrow."

Tila may bumara sa lalamunan ko. He was emotionless, walang sakit, pait o poot man lang. Parang wala lang sa kanya ang lahat. Ako yata ang nasaktan para sa kanya.  "I'm sorry." Iyan na lamang ang nasabi ko.

Nagulat pa ako nang bigla itong tumayo, kinuha niya ang plato at dinala sa kitchen sink. "Sige na. You go ahead and rest, babantayan kita."

Sandali pa itong naghugas ng kamay. Humarap siya sa akin at naglahad ng kamay. Hindi maalis ang tingin ko sa kanya, tahimik lamang akong nagpaalalay sa kanya. Kahit noong paghiga ko'y sa kanya pa rin ako nakatuon. I was silently observing him.

Abala ito sa pag-aayos ng aking kumot nang magsalita ako. "Are you okay?" He must have felt my sharp gazes. Napahinto ito at tumitig lamang ito sa akin. Ilang segundo ang tinagal niya bago umupo malapit sa aking paa.

"How about you? Are you okay?" He fired back my question and it pierced through my chest.

Napaawang ako ng labi. Tumusok ang mga salitang iyon sa dibdib ko at tila binagsakan ako ng langit. I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess?"

"Great then sleep!" Napapitlag ako sa sinabi niya. I almost jumped from the couch. "E? Later, after you answer all my questions."

Humiga ito sa sofa. Ipinatong niya ang ulo sa kabilang dulo nito. Napaungot ako at saka bahagyang tumagilid ng kaunti upang magkasya kami.

"What do you want to ask?"

"Ano ba talagang nangyari? I'm still confused. After she got hit by a truck? What happened?" I hope he won’t mind telling me. I just want to know him  more. Huling gabi na rin naman ito at huling pagkakataon para paulanan siya ng mga tanong. 

"Hmm." Tumikhim ito. "Her brain got a serious injury. Luckily, she managed to survive."

Napaupo ako, nakapikit na ito habang nagsasalita. "And then?"

"After weeks, I got a call. They told me she was rushed to the hospital." The way he speaks, tila hindi niya ito iniinda. Maybe he was used to it?

"Her brain was damaged. and then everything crashed down when they told me that there's no way for her to wake up. She's dead."

I imagined him, crying in front of a hospital bed holding a cold hand. Iniisip ko pa lamang ay nagdudulot na ito ng matinding sakit sa puso ko. "But I was stubborn. Kahit alam kong hindi na siya magigising, I still waited for her to wake up because I was lowkey praying that she will," he chuckled. "Hoping for a miracle to come."

"Mahal na mahal mo talaga," usal ko. He opened his eyes, napaiwas ako ng tingin. Nagkunwari akong hindi niya naabutan ang aking mata.

"Maybe?" Kumunot ang noo ko. "What do you mean?"

"Hindi ko alam kung mahal ko pa ba siya, siguro oo pero hindi na katulad ng dati. Maybe it pained me so much at hindi ko makalimutan kung paano ako nasaktan kaya ganito pa rin ako," he paused for a while.  "Maybe, I'm just afraid to let go of our memories pero ang totoo ay handa na talaga akong magsimula ulit." Ngumiti ito sa akin. "Pero kung tatanungin mo ako kung bakit kailangan ko pa rin siyang bisitahin. Well, she was once a part of my life, there are many things she taught me and those things help me to become a better person. I owe her, a lot."

"You don't have to explain, Xav. I clearly understand what you mean," sabi ko. Though I was still confuse. Hindi ba't kanina lang ay sa akin niya nakikita ang kanyang ex-girlfriend? Why so sudden? Sinasabi niya lang ba 'to para masabing sinisimulan niya na ang pag-mo-move on?

"There's always a person who'll enter our chaotic life, a person who will make us turn into a new version of ourselves. A person who will complete us for another person."

Halos matuliro ako nang bigla itong bumangon. Sa una ay nagtaka pa ako kung ano ang balak niyang gawin, humiga lang ito sa hita ko. Sinalubong ako ng kanyang mata at sa muling pagkakataon ay pakiramdam ko'y tinatawag ako nito.

"Is that so?" Tumango ako. He was smiling at me, amusement was evident in h eyes.

"Then could you be that person for me?"

-

@GrandDandelion