Smashed burger

After the money I cost him, I figured I owed him an explanation. I wiped the corner of my lip nervously and adjusted the blazer.

“When I left home today, I…someone who I didn’t want in the house was in it.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” I hoped he had deduced himself that the “someone” was Pierce. After-all he was the only touchy subject in my life.

“Just to make sure we’re on the same page, we’re talking about Pierce?”

“Yeah him.”

“Oh.” He went quiet after that. But his face said the things he didn’t want to say.

“You can…ask me about it.” I offered.

“You sure?” He had stopped eating and was studying me like a wounded kitten.

“I’m sure.”

“Okay…why was he at your house?”

“He wanted me to sign some papers.” I grimaced, remembering the amount. “He was trying to alleviate his guilt by buying me off. Such an asshole.” I muttered.

Carter took another bite of his burger and chewed slowly. He had lost interest in the food but was trying to give me a sense of normalcy, so I wouldn’t freak out that his whole attention was on me. I could appreciate kindness like that.

“When you say buy you off, is it about breaking off your engagement?” He asked warily.

“Yeah.” Guilt blossomed in my chest. Not at omitting most of the information from Carter but for omitting my daughter. I put the burger down as my appetite waned quickly.

“I’m sorry about it.”

“I’m not. He was a terrible fiancé.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, why did you get engaged in the first place? You guys were a well hidden secret even with the media thing. But he was still seen about with her.”

I shrugged, “we thought we could make things work? Uhhh…” I swallowed, fighting the guilt of hiding my daughter and the need to let it all out.

“It’s fine, Myra, you don’t have to say more than that.“ he shot me a supportive smile, “You’ve said what you can for now.”

“Thanks.” I muttered and went back to eating my burger. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t summon the zeal, which was a shame because the burger was delicious. I studied Carter as he ate. He took a sip from his drink before I blurted the words that were plaguing me.

“I had a daughter.”

Carter choked, then coughed, his drink coming out of his nose.

“Clearly I’m trying to kill you.” I said, feeling more guilt as I handed him a small napkin. I toyed with the burger as I waited for him to dry off.

Finally he cleared his throat. “You HAD a daughter?”

I nodded, “she’s gone now.”

“How long ago.”

“A month.” I answered casually. I could see the wheels turning in his head.

“You were engaged because of her.”

“Yes. I…” The rest of the words refused to come out. I let out a breath, frustrated and looked at the til of the car, willing my tears to go back down. “I lost her, the day, Pierce was with Tami.”

“Jesus.” He muttered, his hands falling.

“Yeah, with Yvette gone it felt pointless to go through with the engagement. So the document he was getting me to sign isn’t for us separating, it’s so he doesn’t feel guilty about leaving us in the hospital when we needed him.” I sucked in a shaky breath and let it out, placing the burger on my lap.

“I’m surprised Jace didn’t tell you about it.”

“My brother holds your friendship close, Myra. He would never do that to you.” He said quietly. He placed his burger on the box between us and wiped his hands. “How are you feeling? It can’t be easy to lose a child.”

Those simple words did it, and the dam broke. “It sucks. It really does. I wake up in the morning and wonder ‘oh my god, why’s my baby not waking me up with her cries’ and then I remember that she’s gone. I see other women with their babies and I get so angry.

“But I know that I’m not really angry at them, it’s me I’m mad at. At how easy it was for me to just go on with life. I’m back on set, I’m doing stunts. I don’t even look like I carried her, you know? It’s like…I’m letting myself forget her to pretend she doesn’t exist. That’s not fair. She-“

Carter’s hands wrapped around me and I sobbed against his chest letting it all out. He let me. Stroking the top of my hair softly without saying a word. When my crying had tapered into periodic sniffs I shifted uncomfortably, now aware of our awkward position. Carter let me go immediately and shifted back in his seat. Along with my tears, were stains from my makeup on his shirt that was supposed to be white. My eyes widened in horror as I looked down.

I had completely forgotten that he had placed his burger between us. Now his shirt had a big yellow splotch at the bottom. I snorted, eyes wide before clamping my hand over my mouth. Carter glanced down and cursed, then looked at me, a grin spreading on his face.

“You’re laughing at me, look at you.” A matching yellow mark was on the side of my dress too. Carter’s burger was smooched on the table.

Soon we were both laughing at the mess we had made.

“I guess this means I have to share.” I asked between laughter.

“We can do that. But I’m still eating this perfectly good burger.” He picked it up and adjusted the condiments inside. “See, still good, just a little more compact.”

After wiping what we could from our clothes we finished the rest of our food, chatting about random things.

Then we listened to some unhinged pop songs as he drove me home.

When he stopped in my parking lot, I looked up at the apartment nervously. My door was closed at least.

“Do you want me to come up with you?” He asked, concern in his eyes.

I shook my head. “I’ll be fine, he might be gone anyways.”

“Call me if you need help.”

“I will. Thank you. Tonight was better than I expected.”

“Maybe next time we break two bottles of wine, and squash three burgers?”

I giggled. “The less damage the better.”

His car, stayed parked till I went up the stairs, stopped in front of my house and waved him goodbye.

When his car had left, I let out a sigh, bracing myself, before I opened the door.

Nothing could’ve prepared me for the sight.