DumbfoundedMaybe it was because of the gentle breeze, or the soothing sound of the little waves that resonates every time they clash with each other, or maybe it was the heart of the sun that hits his skin making it glow like the waters being hit by the rays. I don’t know. And I refuse to acknowledge whatever it is that he’s making me feel. I looked away and gaze at the waves instead, pretending I didn’t hear any of it. Nor did I understood the anger that I saw awhile ago. “This place is beautiful,” I muttered mindlessly. Unti-unting luminaw sa paningin ko ang papalapit na yate. It stopped just a few meters from the shore. “Sa inyo rin ba iyon?” I pointed at the yacht and briefly looked at him. Sinundan niya ng tingin ang itinuturo ko. “Yeah,” tipid niyang sambit. I nodded trying to fathom in my head how freaking rich his family is to own a chopper and a yacht. I’ve read some magazines featuring them a long time ago. Hindi ko lang pinagtuunan ng pansin dahil hindi naman ako inter
Gift“You must have been very surprised, hija. Pasensya na,” she smiled at me.I was too stunned to even react to what was happening in front of me. Kung hindi pa ako hinawakan ni Lideon para ipakilala ay hindi ako babalik sa huwisyo. Mrs. Danice Martin hugged me lightly after the introduction. Habang ako naman ay tila nakalutang pa rin sa hangin habang nangyayari ang lahat ng iyon sa harap ko.We were already seated in their long dining table when she said that. Bahagya pa rin akong nanginginig sa nerbyos sa mga maaaring tanong na pwede kong marinig. And worst, I didn’t know it’s Lideon’s birthday today. Sana lang hindi nila nahalatang wala akong alam tungkol sa bagay na iyon.“It’s fine po,” I smiled lightly.“Why? What happened?” Takang tanong ni Lideon na palipat-lipat ang tingin sa aming dalawa. Pasimple lang akong nag-iwas ng tingin.“It wasn’t anything serious, son. You see, I got so agitated when you said you’re finally introducing someone to us. I couldn’t wait any longer so
PatheticTuluyan lang akong nakahinga nang malalim nang mapag-isa sa kwarto. I must have been crazy to let him hug me like that. I’d like to think I was just carried away by the mood and by guilt for his birthday. When we don’t even get along well until now. O kung matatawag ko nga bang ‘maayos’ ang turingan namin ngayon.I’m still angry with the situation I am in. And I don’t think I would ever get over it. Lalo pa’t habang dumadaan ang mga araw na ginagawa ko ito, pabigat nang pabigat ang guilt na nararamdaman ko.I looked at my phone to see if Jade had left me updates about Francis, pero wala. Hindi ko alam kung mapapanatag ba ako o lalong mag-aalala. Sinabihan ko pa naman sina tita Dehlia na dadalaw ako kapag walang trabaho. I wonder if we would be going home early tomorrow?I just changed into casual clothes. Wala rin naman akong planong maligo dahil malamig na so I didn’t bother packing a swimsuit. Hindi rin naman kami magpapalipas ng gabi roon so I think it’s fine not to bring
ScaredI wanted to laugh out of anger, despair, and hoplessness. Bakit ko nga ba kailangang pagdaanan ang lahat ng ito? Ilang beses ko nang naitanong sa sarili iyan. And just like the previous times, I still couldn’t get an answer. Being happy is a luxury to me. Simple lang naman sana ang gusto at pangarap ko - ang mamuhay nang payapa at tahimik. Pero kahit iyon ay tila kay-ilap at imposible.I kept asking myself ‘why’ as I drown myself. I didn’t mind to struggle even when I don’t know how to swim. And I don’t expect anyone up there to save me either. I just closed my eyes as my back touched the cold floor of the swimming pool. I heard water splashing but I couldn’t care less.The next thing I noticed, I was out of the water and someone is putting pressure on my chest. Noises filled my ears but I couldn’t comprehend a word. Then something cold touched my mouth, blowing air in it. Doon lang tila bumalik ang paghinga ko. I coughed so hard that I almost lost my breath again.“Fuck, I tho
EngagementI barely moved from where I was standing. Halos mabingi ako sa katahimikan nang magpatuloy si tita Dehlia sa paglapit. I can sense her anger and I couldn’t look at her straight.“Ano’ng ginagawa mo rito?” Malamig niyang tanong.I closed my fist tight as I weave the words inside my head. I didn’t know what to say but judging from her coldness towards me, even if I explain myself right now, it wouldn’t help. Pero gusto kong magbakasakali, na sana maging bukas ang isipan nila sa paliwanag ko.“Gusto ko pong makita si Francis,” pigil ang emosyon kong sambit.“Alam mo parang anak na ang turing ko sa iyo. Masaya akong nakikitang masaya ang anak ko dahil sa iyo, dahil iyon lang naman ang gusto ko. Ang makita silang masaya. At nakikita ko ring mahal mo ang anak ko, kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit mo nagawa sa kanya ito,” nanginginig ang boses na aniya.Para akong sinaksak ng ilang beses sa narinig. Marahas kong pinalis ang luhang naglandas sa pisngi ko pero lalo lang lumala a
Hurt“Nababaliw ka na ba?”I couldn’t believe it. I just can’t. Hindi pa nga ako tuluyang nakakamove-on sa pamilya ni Francis tapos ito naman? Can’t anyone give me a break even for one second?“I’m afraid I’m being serious here, Miss Villareal.” His business-like tone came back which had me wondering. Pati na rin ang malamig niyang titig.And yet here I am actually hoping, slightly hoping, he had stopped being hostile with me as we spent time together. Gusto kong matawa nang maalalang, oo nga pala, kailangan naming magpanggap sa harap ng lahat. What was I thinking? It was foolish of me to think that somehow, he had softened towards me.I held in my tears, even my anger. He remained serious and unfazed. Maya-maya lang ay unti-unti akong nanghina, nawawalan ng lakas manlaban at pumalag. All these days I have been trying to struggle my way out. And now I am totally drained. I wiped the remnants of tears on my cheek. Matapang ko siyang tinitigan at tumango.“Whatever you say,” I said out
DevastatinglyLideon got me dolled up for the interview. Sa hotel room pa lang kung saan ako naghanda ay hindi na ako mapakali at panay ang lakad ko kung saan-saan. I can’t go out too in fear that one of the reporters would see me. Sinabihan na rin ako ni Lideon na huwag nang pumunta kung saan-saan.I looked at my reflection in the mirror once again to straighten up my face. Halos hindi ko nakilala ang sarili matapos akong ayusan kani-kanina lang. The make-up artist managed to highlight my natural look with light touches. At mula sa nakasanayang ponytail at bun ay inilugay ang light brown at maalon kong buhok. I don’t usually wear this hairstyle because I thought it’s messy to look at. Bumagay rin sa maputla kong balat ang maroon at tube-type na dress. Ang sabi ng stylist na nag-ayos sa akin kanina ay si Lideon mismo ang pumili niyon, pati na rin ang heels at accessories na suot-suot ko ngayon.I haven’t seen him after he picked me up early this morning. Halos kagigising ko lang niyon
GoneHis parents met my father just like what they wanted. Ramdam ko ang kaba ni Papa at halata iyon sa mga galaw niya. Noon pa mang sinabi ko sa kanya ang tungkol sa gustong mangyari ng parents ni Lideon, halos hindi na siya mapakali. Bukod sa aming dalawa ni Lideon, alam niya ring palabas lang ang lahat ng ito kaya naiintindihan kong hindi siya komportableng makaharap ang mga magulang ni Lideon. And just like me, he couldn’t do anything about it.Lideon’s parents are too nice that guilt is eating me up. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin maintindihan kung papaanong nagagawa niyang magsinungaling sa parents niya nang ganito. He could’ve told them he didn’t want to settle down just yet, kung iyon naman talaga ang totoong nararamdaman niya. Mga mayayaman nga naman.They started talking about the date of the wedding and all that. Lalo lang akong kinabahan. My mind is cloudy and I still couldn’t believe this is really happening.“Naku kung hindi mo pa sinabi sa amin noong nakaraang araw, we