“Of course you weren’t,” Nathan says dryly. He meets my gaze.His mom definitely has our number. But unlike his dad, she doesn’t seem to mind the deception.She spends the dinner asking me about myself. Where I went to school, whether I’m close with my family, whether I’ve been married before. Her questions are so briskly confident, I answer them automatically, even the nosy ones.Nathan barely has a chance to get a word in edgewise. Not that he’s trying very hard. He’s spent the meal with his hand on my thigh, twisting and toying with the fabric of my skirt. The casually possessive gesture is comforting and arousing at the same time.We’re halfway through the dessert course a rich chocolate mousse I could swoon over when Jackie finally runs out of questions for me.She watches me and Nathan with a wistful smile. “You really are quite lovely, my dear. He’s finally met someone ambitious enough for him.”“Thank you,” I say, unsure why she seems sad about that.Jackie shifts her focus to
Mine, the gesture says. It’s the same thing I’m saying with the custom jewelry in her ears.But it’s as much a fantasy as the ring on her finger.“Tell me about your favorite painting here,” I say, wanting to hear her talk.“My favorite? It’s this one.” She nods to a small pale-yellow square. At first that’s all I can see, but the longer I look at it, the more different shades I see. The yellow is so pale in some places, it’s almost white. In other places it’s rich and warm like honey. The diagonal slants of yellow fall across a deep, dark green background. Or maybe black? The paint on the dark green part is layered so thick, it’s like I want to reach out and touch it.“What’s it about?” I ask.She leans back into me. “Check the title.”I do. “Arden. What’s that mean?”“It’s the forest in a Shakespeare play.”I look at the abstract painting again. Now I can see it, the way the yellow looks like sunlight, slanting through a deep, dark, old forest.Nicole’s voice is soft and content. “I
She half rises, leaning forward and squinting until she can read the writing. “On loan from the collection of Hart Coleman. Oh.Oh.”She looks at me, guilt flashing across her face. “Is it bad if I still love it?”I laugh. “Not at all.” I capture her hand and tug her toward me, so we’re sitting facing each other, legs tangled, faces close enough to kiss. I raise the back of her hand to my lips and kiss her softly. “If this painting brought you to New York” brought you to me“I could even love it too.”Something hesitant fills her brown eyes. “Nathan. Can I ask you something?”“Anything.”Still, she hesitates. I wait.“Why do you hate your dad,” Nicole asks.I sigh. “It’s not one thing. It’s just him. Who he is.”Now it’s Nicole’s turn to wait. I realize I owe her more.“You know he’s got a gambling problem?”“I heard rumors,” Nicole says. “No specifics.”I nod. I feel like I’m dragging the words out of a deep pit inside me. “He gambled off and on my whole childhood. It was embarrassing,
“Oh, Nathan.” Nicole lets go of my hands to adjust the jacket, which has started slipping off her shoulders. “What happened to your friend?”I let out a sigh. “He lost his scholarship, lost his student visa, and got sent back home. But he was smart, and without us all dragging him down, he ended up graduating early from a top university back home. He fell in love, founded a nonprofit. He’s ok.”Nicole raises an eyebrow. “If he wasn’t ok, I’m sure you would have done something about it as soon as you could. How much do you donate to his nonprofit?”“ How did you know?“I see the new grown Nathan” She said. I smile hapilly.Her instincts are right, not that I’ll admit it. I stand up, restless. “Anyway. I swore then that I’d never ask my dad for anything ever, ever again.” I look down at her. “Now you have the whole dirty, messy story.”Some part of me is holding my breath, waiting for her to call me out for selfishly ruining my friend’s life, or naive for thinking I could trust my dad i
“I don’t give a damn if it’s ok. I need you, Nicole.”He says it like that’s the end of the discussion. And maybe for Nathan, it is. He needs me, so he’ll have me, society be damned.Fuck, why is that so hot?Nathan kisses his way down my neck, lingering in a spot that has me squirming and panting. Then his mouth is moving again, feathering over my collar bone, the curve of my breast, then my nipple. He sucks and nibbles, until my hands are buried in his hair, urging him on.“Fuck, Nathan, that’s...” I moan.I notice one of his hands fisted in my skirts. I tighten my hand in his hair, and he groans in pleasure. There’s something about knowing how much he loves this part that turns me wet and needy.I remember what he said the first time we had sex.Touching you like this, making you come? That’s not for you. That’s for me.As hot as it still is to think of those words, I don’t think they’re true anymore. What he’s doing is for him but it’s also for me. It turns him on to take care of m
Then he says it.“I think I’m falling in love with you, Nicole.”I seize around his cock, coming so hard I wonder if I heard those words or imagined them.Then his fraying control snaps, and he’s a demon, taking his pleasure out on me. When he comes, the expression that flashes across his face is sinfully transcendent. Like a fallen angel.He collapses on me, breathing hard. A man once more.Dimly, I realize I can still hear the muffled music of the gala downstairs. So we haven’t been up here for hours. It just feels like it.I think I’m falling in love with you, Nicole.Did he mean that?Do I want him to?I stroke his hair, hardly breathing, waiting for Nathan to say it again.He doesn’t. Not as our heartbeats return to normal. Not as we clean ourselves up. Not as we slip out the back and head home to his apartment.Not as we’re falling asleep together, curled up in his bed.I watch the moon, brilliant and untouchable outside of his window.And that’s when I know. I want Nathan to ha
Her mouth twists. “You’d pay me to marry you?”“I...” when she says it like that it sounds bad. “It would be what we’re already doing. But longer. Better.”She looks down at her coffee, thinking.I wait.“What happens if after a year, we want to extend it?” she asks.My heart leaps. “Then we extend it,” I say, casually. “As long as it’s beneficial for both parties.”Nicole chews her lip. Then she slowly shakes her head. “Nathan, I don’t know if this is a good idea...”Crap. I’m losing her. I asked for a shadow of what I really want, and she’s still turning me down.I imagine my life without Nicole’s color, without her warmth, without her voice, but it all feels gray, cold, quiet.I can’t lose her. I can’t.I pull out the napkin contract and add each of the new terms I’m proposing to our original contract. My normally confident scrawl feels cramped. I’m running out of room on this goddamn napkin.I sign it, date it, and slide it across the kitchen island to Nicole. “Just think about it
Nathan and I have been sleeping together for about a month and a half. Alot.What if ...?No. It can’t be.But what if I’m...?The thought is terrifying and wonderful at the same time.I log out of my workstation and head down to the lobby, in search of a pregnancy test.An hour later,I’m standing over the sink in the work bathroom, staring at a pregnancy test.It’s positive. I’m pregnant.I’m pregnant with Nathan’s kid.I also know, due to some frantic googling while I waited for the test to finish processing, that eating too much grapefruit can interfere with certain types of hormonal birth control.They really should put that on the label.Nathan’s going to laugh when he hears that.At least I hope he’ll laugh.What if he doesn’t want this kid?Because I do. I realize that as I’m staring down at the positive test. With the exception of moving to New York, I’ve always tried to do things in the sensible order.Don’t leave a job, unless you have another one lined up.Don’t start datin