Her mouth twists. “You’d pay me to marry you?”“I...” when she says it like that it sounds bad. “It would be what we’re already doing. But longer. Better.”She looks down at her coffee, thinking.I wait.“What happens if after a year, we want to extend it?” she asks.My heart leaps. “Then we extend it,” I say, casually. “As long as it’s beneficial for both parties.”Nicole chews her lip. Then she slowly shakes her head. “Nathan, I don’t know if this is a good idea...”Crap. I’m losing her. I asked for a shadow of what I really want, and she’s still turning me down.I imagine my life without Nicole’s color, without her warmth, without her voice, but it all feels gray, cold, quiet.I can’t lose her. I can’t.I pull out the napkin contract and add each of the new terms I’m proposing to our original contract. My normally confident scrawl feels cramped. I’m running out of room on this goddamn napkin.I sign it, date it, and slide it across the kitchen island to Nicole. “Just think about it
Nathan and I have been sleeping together for about a month and a half. Alot.What if ...?No. It can’t be.But what if I’m...?The thought is terrifying and wonderful at the same time.I log out of my workstation and head down to the lobby, in search of a pregnancy test.An hour later,I’m standing over the sink in the work bathroom, staring at a pregnancy test.It’s positive. I’m pregnant.I’m pregnant with Nathan’s kid.I also know, due to some frantic googling while I waited for the test to finish processing, that eating too much grapefruit can interfere with certain types of hormonal birth control.They really should put that on the label.Nathan’s going to laugh when he hears that.At least I hope he’ll laugh.What if he doesn’t want this kid?Because I do. I realize that as I’m staring down at the positive test. With the exception of moving to New York, I’ve always tried to do things in the sensible order.Don’t leave a job, unless you have another one lined up.Don’t start datin
“The thing is Nathan, you might have fallen for her. But she hasn’t fallen for you. And she didn’t know how to get out of such a big mess.” His voice is dripping with fake sympathy. “So I made her a better offer. And told her all she needed to do was tell me the truth. I promised her I’d take care of everything else, including giving you the bad news.” Any pretense at sympathy vanishes. He grins. “If this was chess, you just lost your queen.”I barely hear him. I feel like I’m trying to breathe with a chest full of ice shards.Nicole betrayed me.I pushed for too much, so she stabbed me in the back.Was she really crying? Because she was scared to tell me no?Why the hell didn’t she talk to me? Why the fuckinghelldid she go tohim?I told Nicole everything about my dad. I told her why I hated him, why I’d never trust him, or ever ask him for anything.And then she turned around and sold me out to my dad the instant I asked for more.I don’t want to believe it. But the evidence is scraw
But Nicole doesn’t lie. Of course she doesn’t. She’s never liked lying. I’m the one who forced her into doing it, until like an animal in a trap she had to gnaw off her foot to escape.She just sits there, avoiding eye contact.Her breath is uneven.She’s about to cry, I realize.I need to finish this fast, for both of us. We deserve the mercy of a swift kill.“There is no us,” I say. I reach for a lighter, and our napkin contract.Nicole watches, wide-eyed, as I set it on fire and drop it into my wastebasket.“Leave.” I say. “And don’t come back.”She stands so fast that her chair tips backward, clattering to the ground. “Fuck you, Nathan. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. But you, Nathan, you were the worst.”She pulls off her engagement ring and flings it on my desk. Then storms out of my office.I dump the ring in my desk drawer, hating the sight of it.I go back to preparing for my board meeting. Like Nicole never existed in my life at all.That afternoon the board members gather in t
“Sorry, I just mean, you’ve got pretty good people instincts. Even when you dated assholes before, you always held some part of yourself back.” She looks at me intently. “This time you didn’t. So I’m asking, what if you weren’t wrong? What if he doesn’t know you’re pregnant?”“Oh, so he just fired me for some other imaginary cause,” I snort. “How is that any better?”She sighs. “I guess it’s not.” She slumps down into the couch. “I just wanted a happy ending for you, for once. You deserve it.”I don’t say anything. I think if I do, I’ll start crying again. I’m too worn out for that.“At least you got the money,” Ellie offers, half-heartedly. “There’s more than enough to start your company and cover the costs of having a kid. And when you eventually run out, you can sue his billionaire ass for child support.”I give a broken laugh.“I’m serious,” Ellie says. “You’ve always wanted a kid. And you’ve always wanted to run your own business. Now you have the money to do both.”“I know.” My
From the other side of the door, I hear a muffled voice call, “Go away.”“Please, Nicole. I was wrong to fire you. My dad lied to me, said you’d betrayed me and told him everything about our arrangement.”There’s silence on the other side of the door.I hold my breath.I hear footsteps on the other side of the door, and then she yanks it open. Nicole’s wearing old, stained sweatpants and a mustard yellow sweater. Her hair’s a tangled mess. She’s got dark circles under her eyes, and not a lick of makeup. Objectively, she looks horrible.And yet, the sight of her is such a relief, I grip the side of the doorframe to keep from doing something crazy, like reaching for her, or falling to my knees and begging.“Why would you believe anything your dad said about me?” she demands. “Don’t you know me at all?”When she says it like that, the shame races through me. “I’m sorry. It was the pressure of the board vote. And he had the napkin. He said the thing I feared the most. And I...I believed h
“I take it your conversation didn’t go as hoped,” Lucia says quietly.I give a harsh laugh. “No. I...No. I apologized but...” I keep my voice dry and unemotional. “She said I wasn’t what she needed at this point in her life. It’s done.”Bridget frowns. “At this point in her life? What does that mean?”Lucia coughs quietly. “Nathan, if I could talk to you privately in your office?”“Oh, just say it.” I flop down onto the couch across from Lucia’s desk. “Bridget and Kiera already know Nicole and I weren’t...real.”I think of Nicole’s face, right before she closed the door on me.I need something real now.God, I’m an idiot. I had a woman like Nicole, and I fucked it all up because I was so focused on beating my dad.Lucia raises her eyebrows. “Are you sure?”I wave for her to go ahead.“Nicole’s pregnant. She found out the morning before the board meeting.”“WHAT?” I shoot to my feet. “She can’t be. We...I mean she could but...” My heart’s doing funny, painful things.I’m going to have a
Wait.Mess. That’s it.“Daaaaaad, why did you stop walking?” Kiera says.“I think I know how to fix things,” I say.At least I hope I do. Because if this doesn’t work, I don’t know what will.AMELIAA week after I turned Nathan away for the last time, I’m wrapping up a meeting in a cafe with the web designer I’m working with. I had a meeting with a lawyer this morning, to talk me through the legal side of starting a new company. Tomorrow, I have a meeting with an old colleague who I’m hoping will be able to put me in touch with potential clients.If I just keep moving, I don’t have to think about all the ways I feel woefully unprepared to be a single mom.If I just keep moving, I don’t have to wonder if I made a mistake turning Nathan away.The same doubts have been running through my head and heart since Nathan explained why he fired me.He wanted to get back together. Maybe he would have been happy about the pregnancy. And you’re going to have to tell him at some point anyway.My curr