Chapter 2 Used Again

After that night with Hans when I lost my virginity, I locked myself in my bedroom for three days and three nights, bawling to the monsoon rain that continued to afflict the village with their agriculture.

On the morning of the fourth day, my mother and I had an abrupt quarrel.

“I told you that I loved Hans, mother!” I almost raised my voice at her. “Why did you arrange for him and Autumn to be married?”

My mother remained indifferent. I felt that she had always treated me as the black sheep of the family, because of my lack of powers. Both my father and mother had powers of their own. Their powers revolved around fighting evils and protecting Tyi from the probable forces that threatened it.

My mother was a renowned Hunter. My father, who was from the future, possessed guarding powers and hence became a protector of the village. They were both emblems of good. I never felt that I could ever surpass them, due to my lack of powers.

While my brother had slain uncountable evils and gained a name of his own, and my sister, despite her ailment, was able to use shielding abilities to protect the village, I have nothing at all. In my mother's eyes, I was probably useless to her, and a waste of air.

In addition, she also had a tough time giving birth to me. It had taken an extraordinarily long time. I learned that my father had intervened and then the birth had happened smoothly after he sang a sweet song to me while I was in the womb. Then, I was born

After a few moments, my mother finally answered, but with a most useless answer.

“Because she is the eldest daughter. It is a tradition that the eldest son of the family of a Hunter should marry the eldest daughter of a Hunter.”

I couldn’t believe her words. She had to be lying because she never followed any of these traditions when she married my father, who was not a Hunter since he wasn't from her world. Although, their love story was a different story that happened due to some foul magic involved. 

She said nothing more when I shouted. I accused her of playing favourites when my eldest sister was her favourite and never me. She just walked away, despite the fact that I thought I saw a glint of tears in her eyes. 

She must be shedding fake tears again, like I saw her do with the neighbours when their cats died in our garden.

The family was busy with the wedding preparations. As Hans' parents died a long time ago, the marriage would be conducted by praying to the gods, before the altar. 

In our tradition, we performed a strange obeisance. The bride and groom would offer wine before parents and elders during the ceremony. The first to receive the alcohol will be our parents, then followed by my married brother and his wife. As Hans had no relatives, the wine would be offered before the altar instead.

There were two weeks more before Hans and my sister would have their wedding ceremony. Watching her, I couldn't say a word about how I am deeply in love with Hans. She seemed to be over the moon with her impending marriage to Hans. 

She would wrap any gift from him in silk and place them carefully in an ornament box on her dressing table. It made me jealous of how sweet he was with my sister, but not me.

After all, I was the one who was with him first. In addition, I let him take my innocence. I resented my mother for playing favourites and her unfair treatment to me and my sister for using her weakness to appear vulnerable before Hans. And the worst was how he did not have a backbone! In my anger, I smashed every piece of porcelain I could find in my room.

Thinking of every sweet moment between me and Hans, I was driven to tears, and within minutes, my fatigued body drove me to deep sleep.

Three nights had passed in that way when it rained heavily again. Being a light sleeper, I was suddenly awakened by a loud tapping sound on my window, and pulled on it to open it.

“Winter." That most hated voice I did not wish to hear, called out to me.

A myriad of emotions rushed through me. My first thought was to deny him entry, but if I do, he will just wake up the servants. So grudgingly I allowed him into the space of my tiny bedroom.

“What are you doing here, Hans?” I placed my hands on my chest annoyedly, keeping my voice down to prevent anyone from hearing me. Part of me felt excited to see him, but the other part of me was angry with Hans. He knows that whenever I called him by his full name, I was not pleased.

Without answering, he just swooped down on me and tickled me with his lips. In an instant, I didn’t know what got over me, because in no time, I was returning his kisses fervently. His hands sneaked down my undergarments and stroked me from the outside, making me gasp with desire.  

My body betrayed me. I craved his entry, wanting to experience again what I had already savoured that night in the cavern. Despite how it hurt that night when he left, the dampness of my thighs told me that I was ready for him to take me again.

[But wait. Was he going to leave me again after that?] My body stiffened, but his warm fingers rubbing against my bust, left a wild desire rampaging in me. In the heat of the moment, I wanted him to strip me and do whatever beastly stuff he wanted with me.

He tore off my undergarments rather roughly, before scooping me into his arms and carrying me to my bed. The kisses resumed at full force. I couldn't think of anything else other than how I wanted him inside me once again. Without asking, he lifted my legs and thrusted inside me inconsiderately. A hand clamps savagely over my mouth to muffle my painful whimpers.

Yet, my body burned for more from him. He smiled devilishly as he ravaged me over and over again. I could have sworn he was looking wickedly at me, seeing me in my vulnerable state.

Even after he had finished inside me, I found everything hard to believe. We did it a few more times that night.

The shrill cock crowing in the neighborhood awoke me, and I realised it was dawn. I opened my eyes to find him still lying in bed with me. Due to my tiredness, I hadn’t opened my mouth to ask him why he had come. He looked at me rather coldly, then got up to put on his robe.

“Hans, why… last night?” I finally found the strength to ask him, more confused than ever.

“I want to have a secret relationship with you,” his icy answer came. He didn't even sound sincere. It seemed that he was just saying them for the sake of saying them. My chest constricted again from the pain. The truth hurt me.

[Did it mean, he wants to have a tryst with me?] I felt that I was going against my principles. As selfish as I was, it never occurred to me that I should hurt my sister. But at the same time, I told myself they had hurt me first. I was just pursuing what I deserved.

“But my sister,” I muttered, numbed by the aching feeling between my legs. In addition, my back also hurt from doing it for hours.

“She does not know and will never ever know,” Hans said, pulling up his pants without showing the least concern for what he had just said. “By now, you should have known who is in my heart.”

[But if he loved me, why did he not say it out all these years?] I thought silently. When he kissed me for the first time, he had never said those words. 

I embraced him from behind just before he reached my window to make his exit. But he just removed my hands calmly and turned around to face me with an emotionless look.

“Will you still marry my sister?” I questioned him doubtfully. 

“Yes. But I do not love her,” he answered coldly, pulling the window open. “I’ll be back, my secret lover.”

I walked back to my bed and sunk edback under the sheets, looking down at my naked body, as I contemplated the truth behind his words. Then, I bawl as hard as I can. 

[Why me? Why can’t I have a love story like my parents?]

But all that answers me is just the silence of my bedroom. The soft thumps of his footsteps on the ground below translate to his departure.

Again, it happened between us, and I never felt more used than ever.