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Kabanata 19
Last Updated:
2022-05-10 19:46:03
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For the Unloved Kabanata 20
I don’t need someone who will drop everything at a moment’s notice, who will stand by my side and never waver, who will be perfect in every single way, even when life gets messy.I don’t need someone who will promise to always say the right things, who will never make mistakes, who will bite his tongue when weI don’t need an ‘ideal’ love, the ‘relationship goals,’ the kind of connection that you only see in fairy tales. I don’t need something that looks pretty for the rest of the world but lacks substance.When it comes down to it, all I want is someone who’s real.He doesn’t have to be my knight in shining armor. He doesn’t have to be dressed in the finest clothes or adorned with the fancy things. He doesn’t have to look a certain way, or hold a certain job, or be a certain status. He doesn’t have to always speak with caution and care. He doesn’t always have to put me first. He doesn’t need to buy expensive things or take me on lavish dates just to keep my attention.He just has t
Last Updated : 2022-05-10For the Unloved Kabanata 21
How can I even begin to find myself when I didn't realize I was lost in the first place?I believe the most crucial test of all is the one where we have to find the courage and strength to look for ourselves again and again, because we're always changing. Fear is a significant factor in the way we lose ourselves, more so fear of the unknown. By definition, the unknown is not yet known, but we let it control us. Perhaps the question you should ask is, "How can I be okay again?" Seeing as we're humans, we will lose ourselves many times. It's the game of life, the luck of the draw, the "only time will tell" bull that we always hear. "Gusto mo pa bang magmadre?" tanong nito sa aking mas lalong nagpagulo ng sistema ko.Despite the fact that I grew up with sisters and loved them deeply, admired their lifestyles, and thought them to be the happiest people I knew, the prospect of joining the convent made my heart race with fear. Becoming a Catholic nun is a lengthy process that requires bo
Last Updated : 2022-05-10For the Unloved Kabanata 22
"Ramona..." Aquilino called while pulling me close to him, one hand reaching out to caress my chest.I put my arms round him and gave him a quick peck on the lips before leading him inside the room. "God, this is what I really missed..." He said in a bedroom voice and quite panting his breath. My nipples immediately hardened under his expert touch. He bent down to suck my neck, grazing his teeth on my skin in the process. I can feel his need for sex, it was very palpable."You're driving me crazy, Aquilino..." I muttered, my breathless voice giving me away."Fuck it..." said Aquilino starting to undo my blouse buttons. "You're driving me so so crazy too, Ramona."I stood up and demanded for him to get into the bedroom and lay on the bed, naked.He did as I said and I stripped down to nothing but my black lace bra and my already wet matching panties. He caressed me down there. He smirked when he felt my wetness. "You're so excited for me, Ramona. Knowing that makes my buddy get har
Last Updated : 2022-05-10For the Unloved Kabanata 23
I want to slow down the time. It's really fascinating how our perception of typical everyday events can be altered when a new love interest enters our lives.Colors seem crisper. All of our surroundings suddenly seem like the landscape that could inspire an artist to paint his masterpiece.Background noise we tried so hard to muffle out just days before, begins to form a rhythm. We find ourselves humming a little rhythm in accompaniment, and shuffling our feet to the beat.Work seems easier. You have a new confidence. No longer struggling with your own mind, doubting your ideas, and settling with your mediocre place in the world for fear of what ifs. What if doesn't work out. What if I'm wrong? What if I'm not good enough?Suddenly, because of the affection of someone new in your life, you know that you are more than good enough.You walk with a swagger that precedes itself.And yes, everything seems to be happening in slow-motion.If only it lasted forever."Can we stay like this fo
Last Updated : 2022-05-10For the Unloved Kabanata 24
"May mga libro ako rito, kapag nabagot ka pwede kang magbasa..." Itinuro niya sa akin ang isang istante na puno ng libro. Abala siya sa pag-aayos ng kaniyang buhok sa harap ng salamin. Kaunting minuto nalang at mahuhuli na siya sa klase. Hindi na siya natulog. Kahit na alam kong pagod at puyat ito ay ang gwapo pa rin. "Uuwi rin ako pagkatapos ng klase. Dito na ako kakain ng tanghalian. Para may kasabay ka." I nodded. I looked at the window and the sun is already up outside. I just stayed lying in his bed. My body hurts a lot as well as my femininity. Ang gusto ko nalang talagang gawin buong araw ay ang humilata at matulog. I'm slowly learning how to be at ease when things fall apart and I have to start over. I'm slowly learning how to trust those new beginnings once more, how to trust in the rebirth of things and people, including myself. I'm slowly learning that with every new beginning, I find another lost piece of myself, and with every new adventure, I fall in love with som
Last Updated : 2022-05-10For the Unloved Kabanata 25
Home for me has never been a place of safety, of calm, of solace and serenity... but I find that in his arms. Being with him is finally like feeling like I am home, and peace is in his presence."I love you so much, Ramona. I will marry you when the time comes..." He said sweetly. I can sense and feel the adoration and romance in his voice.His deep brown eyes, they are intensely bright, strangely like the calm before a storm. A warm embrace of light, his personality embodies the kind of purity that you can only discern with the right kind of person. "I love you so much too, Aquilino..." As he lays down behind me with his arm around my waist, our bodies curled up together, he brushes the side of my face with his fingertips, with the gentlest sensation of care, and I know this is love.How beautiful it is to be able to experience a love this pure, radiant, honest, true, and genuine. One of the most difficult realizations is the knowledge that some people search their entire lives for
Last Updated : 2022-05-10For the Unloved Kabanata 26
"Anong nangyari saiyo, hija? Ano ang problema?" Nag-aalalang tanong nito. Hikbi lang ako ng hikbi. Pagkatapos ng mga nangyari, ngayon nalang din ako nakaapak sa simbahan. Habang pilit pinapakalma ang sistema, nahinto ang tingin ko sa Amang nakapako sa krus sa unahan. Akala ko tuluyan na akong kakalma, akala ko tatahan na ako sa pag-iyak ngunit hindi. Mas lalong napalakas ang pag-iyak ko habang ang mga mata ay nakatuon pa rin doon.Ayokong isipin iyon.Ayokong isiping totoo ang ganoon.Pero ito na ba ang karma ko?Ito na ba ang kabayarang kailangang maranasan ko dahil sa pagtalikod ko sa minsang pinangarap ko kasama ka, Ama?"P-patawad po..." patuloy sa pagkawala ang mga traydor na luha sa aking mga mata. Nasa unahan pa rin ang aking tingin habang iyak ng iyak. Panay ang pagpapatahan sa akin ni Father. "P-patawad... P-patawarin niyo po ako..." Sa wakas ay nabanggit ko rin kahit sobra ang pag-agos ng luha sa mga mata.Sometimes I really suck at all.I'm not a good Christian. I'm sinful
Last Updated : 2022-05-10For the Unloved Kabanata 27
Sa paglipas ng mga araw, nandoon pa rin ang kakarampot na pag-asang babalik siya at dahil ko siya, kahit na umalis siya, tatanggapin ko pa rin siya. Kasi akala ko kaya ko yung lungkot, akala ko makakabalik lang ako kaagad sa dati dahil nakaya ko naman dati eh. Akala ko lang pala ang lahat ng iyon. "Maghapon ka nalang nakahilata diyan, Ramona!" Biglang bumukas ang pinto at bumungad si Sister Si na nakapamaywang. "Namimihasa ka na. Tumulong ka sa mga gawain! Pasalamat ka at kinupkop ka pa nila dito!" Dagdag pa nito.Masakit pa rin ito magsalita. Pero kahit na ganoon, parang normal nalang iyon sa akin. Pasok sa kabilang tenga tapos labas sa isa. Ganon lang. Nakakapagod na kasi. Sa sobrang pagod ko, wala na akong pakialam sa mga nangyayari sa paligid. Napagod na ako makiramdam. Napagod na talaga ako."Nakahanda na ang hapunan. Kumain ka doon! Hinihintay ka ng mga madre!" Bumalikwas ako ng higa at nagtalukbong ng kumot. Bago iyon, nakita ko pa ang pandidiri niya nang tignan ang kabuoan n
Last Updated : 2022-05-10
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For the Unloved Wakas
It's sometimes simpler to harden your heart and chose wrath. It's far easier to block those who have injured you or violated your affection and trust. Sometimes we believe there is no other option; that healing begins with distance and their absence; that in order to live your life, you must expel the toxins and agony they imparted; yet we do so by employing their techniques.We sometimes choose to be angry. We choose to react and get enraged; it is this wrath that we use as an explanation for our actions. We rationalize our retaliatory actions by recalling the actions of our rivals.I can never completely let go as long as I linger on my own misery and self-pity. Who am I to say you don't deserve my forgiveness when it's human to make mistakes? I've made errors in the past that I'd like people to forgive me for. I'm letting go of my ego by forgiving him. It indicates I've accepted the misery you've inflicted on me. It implies I no longer see you as the person who wrecked my life.
For the Unloved Kabanata 49
Bumalik ulit ang kaba sa aking dibdib. Pagkapasok namin sa loob ay hindi ko makita si Aquilino dahil pinapalibutan ito ng mga katulad ng nasa labas, ay mga businessman din. Dito ko talaga nakita at napaghalintulad na mga circle of friends niya ay mga negosyante na din na katulad niya.Sabay-sabay silang napatingin sa pagpasok naming dalawa ni Akihiro. Nakahawak ng mahigpit ang anak ko sa aking kamay. Parang pusang naninibago sa lugar at nangingilala pa ng paligid.Gumilid ang mga nakapalibot na lalaki sa amin para mabigyang daan at tuluyan nang masulyapan si Aquilino. Halos maiyak ako nang makita ko siyang nakaupo sa kama, humihinga, mayroon nang malay. Hindi na katulad noong mga nakaraang araw na hindi man lang gumalaw ang kamay nito!Blangko at hindi ko mabasa ang itsura niya. Bago pa man ako tuluyang makapagbigay ng reaksyon ay tumakbo nang mabilis ang anak ko papunta sa kama ng Papa Aquilino niya. Gulat na gulat pa rin sa mga nangyayari, ang mga nakapaligid ay napanganga nang matu
For the Unloved Kabanata 48
Siyempre, hindi ako mag-isang pumunta sa ospital. Dahil ilang araw ding hindi nagkita ang mag-ama ay nagpumilit talaga si Akihiro na sumama. Umiiyak na ito nang papaalis na ako ng mansion. Hindi ko sana pasasamahin dahil natatakot akong makakuha ito ng sakit dahil ospital ang pupuntahan namin. Mahina pa naman ang resistensya nito. Pero dahil nagpupumilit ito at hindi na matigil sa kakaiyak, isinama ko nalang para wala nang masyadong iisipin. Hindi kasi makontrol at kahit na mga katulong na sa mansion ay hindi siya mapatahan. Gustong-gusto niya daw makita ang Papa niya. "I really miss my Papa..." saad nito nang nasa sasakyan na kami patungo sa ospital na kung saan nandoon ang Papa niya. Fifteen minutes away lang ito sa village. "Ako rin, anak." saad ko dito. Ngayong ganito ang nangyari, napagtanto hindi talaga permanente ang ating buhay dito sa mundo. Hindi natin alam kung kailan ang huli, hindi natin alam kung ano ang mangyayari bukas, dapat, ipakita at iparamdam natin sa mga ta
For the Unloved Kabanata 47
Everything has gone swimmingly for the past several weeks that we have been in Manila with Aquilino's parents. Aquilino became preoccupied with his work, and Akihiro seldom cries when he had to leave the house for work. He also attends a neighborhood kindergarten school. Every Monday to Wednesday, I attend a review center nearby to Aquilino's workplace. Everything is going well. Now, I only have a month to review for my board examination."Love," Aquilino peek out the door as it opened slightly. I'm scanning my review book. Kanina pa ako ditong abala at tuwing kakain lang ako lalabas. Araw ng linggo, walang trabaho si Aquilino. Unti-unti na ring nakakabalik sa normal ang estado ng kumpaniya nila at kapag ganitong araw, palagi dapat silang may Papa and Akihiro time. Hinahayaan ko lang ang mag-ama sa kung ano ang gustong gawin ng mga ito. Kapag weekdays kasi ay maaga umaalis si Aquilino at kapag uuwi naman ay medyo late na. Marami kasing inaasikaso sa kumpaniya nila. Bumabawi naman
For the Unloved Kabanata 46
"Let us go to our room so we can start making Akihiro's sibling, Ramona."That's what Aquilino stated as soon as he stood up from his seat. We had just finished our meal. I quickly glared at him. His parents laughed at his naughtiness. Hindi na talaga matigil ang panghaharot nito sa akin! Mas nakakabuwelo pa ito at mas lalo pa talaga akong inaasar. Hindi pa kami nakakaisang araw dito ganito na itong si Aquilino. Baka kapag talagang natuluyan at hindi na ako nakapagtimpi at baka naman umuwi ako sa probinsyang buntis na naman!Ayoko ng ganoon! Hindi pa talaga kami tuluyang naaayos, may problema pang kinakaharap si Aquilino, hindi pa tuluyang bumabalik ang ala-ala niya... masyadong kumplikado pa ang lahat. "Just slow down, son. You've just returned from a trip!" his Daddy commented. Napahilot nalang ako sa aking sintido. Hindi pa rin tumatayo sa kinauupuan. Nahihiya na ako sa mga magulang nito. "I'm just kidding, Dad." he answered to his Father. He was looking at me and waiting for me
For the Unloved Kabanata 45
Leaving.Just hearing that term makes me want to cry. Just thinking that I will leave them tomorrow tears stream down my cheeks. They are neither happy nor sad tears. They are tears from every emotion I've ever felt or created in this place. They're tears of regret for not being able to remain. I'm wishing I didn't have to go. I wish I had more alternatives."Bakit hindi ka pa natutulog at pumapasok sa loob, Ramona?" nagulat ako nang biglang nagsalita mula sa aking likod si Sr. Si. Natawa siya nang makitang nagimbal ang katawan ko sa pagkakagulat nang dumating at nagsalita siya. "Kape pa more," natatawang sabi nito nang maupo ito sa tabi ko. Parehas kaming napatingin sa kawalan. "Bukas na ang alis niyo, no? Nakapaghanda na ba kayo ng mga dadalhin niyo?""Tapos na po..." sagot ko rito. Kahapon pa kami nag-impake nila Aquilino. Hindi naman marami ang dinala namin. Kailangan na kasi talaga naming makaalis. Hindi na raw maganda ang lagay ng kumpaniya nila. Lumalaki na raw ang nawawalang
For the Unloved Kabanata 44
Kinaumagahan, dahan-dahan akong bumangon sa kama. Mga bandang alaso tres na ako nakatulog nang itulak ko nang dahan-dahan si Aquilino para doon naman yumakap kay Akihiro. Hindi kasi ako mapakali na hindi ito abot-kamay, kung hindi naman ay may nakaagapay sa gilid na pwede niyang yakapin.Baka mahulog ito. Nangangamba ako na baka kapag nahulog ito ay makatama ang ulo niya sa sahig. Nagkatrauma na ako dail noong baby pa ito, muntik itong mahulog sa kama. Dala na rin ng post-partum, noong unang dalawang buwan kasi ni Akihiro ay hindi ko ito pinapansin at ayaw na ayaw ko itong nakikita. Mabuti nalang at mabilis na nakarespondedang mga madre. Kaunti nalang daw ay mahuhulog na ito. Kung hindi siguro naagapa, walang malaming na Akihiro ngayon. Kung hindi din iyon nangyari, baka hanggang ngayon, malayo ang loob ko sa anak ko.Iyon ang nagbukas ng isip ko para pahalagahan si Akihiro dahil ito lang ang pamilya mayroon ako.Magkayakap ang mag-ama nang iwan ko. Inayos ko pa ang kumot nilang dal
For the Unloved Kabanata 43
One of the most challenging difficulties we might face in life is realizing how little time we frequently have to spend in some of life's greatest moments. It's at times like this that you wish your train was delayed, or that his grin might last just a little longer, or that he would reconsider going after all.We cannot keep people for longer than we are meant to have them. Maybe they are ours for years or maybe we were only lucky enough to know them for just a few, quick moments. Whatever the case and whoever they are, just know that the length of a moment does not dictate its value in your life. You can meet someone once and remember them forever, or you can spend years with someone who will eventually become nothing more than a distant, foggy memory.Love will often come to you in the unlikeliest of times, and if you spend that time dreaming of what it could be, you will miss out on all that you already have.But if we never tried, we would have never experienced all of the beauti
For the Unloved Kabanata 42
"This is my school, Papa!" iminuwestra ni Akihiro ang kanilang paaralan sa kaniyang Papa. Pagkababa namin ng kotse ay agad na hinagilap ni Akihiro ang kamay ng kaniyang Papa at naunang maglakad. Tinginan kaagad ang mga tao nang bumaba kami sa sasakyan. Hindi ko iyon pinansin. "We play there with my friends every break time and PE time, Papa!" tinuro pa ni Akihiro sa Papa niya ang playground na madalas nga nilang paglaruan ng mga kaibigan niya. Tuwing susunduin ko ito at wala sa classroom nito ay madalas ko siyang matagpuan doon."Alam mo na kung saan hahanapin ang anak mo kapag susunduin mo ito," natatawa kong sabi kay Aquilino. "Iyon kung hindi ka pa babalik sa Maynila para sa trabaho mo." dagdag ko pa. Pila ang mga estudyante at mga magulang sa may gate. Nasa huli kami bago tuluyang makapasok sa may mismong gate ng paaralan. Dahil nasa unahan ang mag-ama at nasa likod nila ako, nilingon ako ni Aquilino nang nakanguso. Hindi nagustuhan ang huling sinabi ko. "Ayan ka na naman s
